Finallywestoodatthedoorto9D,whichwasalsoaward.
There were eight beds. Four on the left and four on the right. Half of the patientsintheroomlookedliketheydidn’thaveverylongtoliveatall.
ThenwesawMissApplebaum.
She had a bed by a window. It wasn’t a picture window. It was a small, ordinary window that looked out onto an air shaft and a wall of soot-covered bricks.Therewasnopark.Therewasnosun.Therewasnothingbeautiful.
We walked slowly toward Miss Applebaum carrying our offerings, which
now seemed painfully out of place. Miss Applebaum saw us coming. She was sitting up in bed, wearing a stark white hospital gown, and there was a small bandageontheleftsideofherneck.
“Theycutme,”shesaidtous.“Theycutme.”
Then,ourbelovedteacherburstintotears.
It was then we knew we should just have let things be the way they were.
Whatwehaddonewasnotgoingtohelpatall.
12
HenryandIdidn’tknowwhattodoorsay.WestoodsilentnexttoMiss
Applebaum’sbeduntilshefinishedcrying.
Finally,Henrysaid,“We’llgetyououtofhere.”
MissApplebaumstoppedcrying.Shedriedhereyeswithatissuefromaplain
browndispenseronherbedstand.
“Ihavetostay,”MissApplebaumsaidsimply,lookingdirectlyintooureyes.
Forthefirsttime,itseemedMissApplebaumwascompletelyinreality.
“Maybethiswillhelpme,”shesaid.
“Youneedabetterroom,”Henrysaid,andthenspunonhisheels.
“We’ll be right back,” I assured Miss Applebaum and ran after Henry. I caught up with him just as he reached the nurses’ station. He started yelling.
“MissApplebaumneedsaroomliketheyhaveonthe19thfloor.Whydidyou
cut her? What are you doing to her? She’s not staying here!” Henry just kept bombarding the nurses with one angry statement after the other. What was strange was none of the nurses looked like they were disturbed about being attacked.Infact,neitherdidanyoftheaidesandorderlieslooksurprisedatthe wayHenrywasbehaving.Itwasliketheyhadseenthescenehundredsoftimes
beforeandknewthebestwaytohandlesomeonewithHenry’sanguishwasto
lethimgetitallout.Bythetimehehadgotteneverythingoffhischest,ayoung maninawhitejacketandwithastethoscopearoundhisneckeasedintoposition
infrontofHenryandmeandtoldushisnamewasDr.Markham.Dr.Markham
looked like he was barely out of college. He was short and thin, but sounded extremelyconcernedandintelligent.Hetoldushewasthephysicianincharge
of the ninth floor and that he understood how we felt. What he did was use psychologyonus,butinthebestsenseoftheword.Infact,hesatdownwithus
onarowofchairsneartheelevatorsandtoldusthingsweneededtoknowabout
ParkviewHospital.Heletusknowinthenicestwayhecouldthatthekindsof
rooms like 19D were so expensive they required not only health plan benefit payments,butdepositsuptotwentythousandbeforeanyonewasevenadmitted
to them. He assured us that the Admissions Office had gone over with Miss Applebaumallthechoicesshehad,andthatsheherselfmusthaveapprovedof
her room and type of treatment. The more he talked, the more Henry and I realizedhewasjustdoinghisjob.Everyoneatthehospitalseemedtobedoing
their jobs. It was only that Henry and I wanted so much more for Miss Applebaum. We had hoped for so much! Dr. Markham ended up being very
helpful and told us our concern for our grandmother was understandable, and HenryandIwerefinallyconvincedthemedicalcareMissApplebaumwouldbe
gettingwasgoingtobeofveryhighquality.Theresimplywouldbenofrills.
We went back to Miss Applebaum’s bedside. We felt much better with the initial shock gone, and even Miss Applebaum now looked comfortable and
hopeful.Wehelpedherunwrapthegifts.Andthewholewardseemedtobenot
asfrightening.Mostofthebedsstillhadfemalepatientsinthemwholookedlike theywereterminal,butsomehow,afterwemanagedtofocusinontheirfaces,
they seemed to be very nice and very brave human beings. Miss Applebaum immediatelyaskedustopassoutherchocolatestoeveryone.Theotherpatients
saidthingstoHenryandmelike“Thankyou,”and“Whatlovelyhairyouhave,
young lady,” and “I have a grandson just like you, young man.” They actually spoke like normal people regardless of what they were going through. Dr.
takenabiopsyofoneoftheglandsonherneck.Hedidn’tpromiseanyinstant
cures about anything, but he very carefully explained that it was necessary to examine tissue samples from Miss Applebaum in order to decide on precisely therighttreatment.Thenallsortsofpeoplebegantoshowup.Anicelydressed
oldladyvolunteercamebywithacartoffreecandybarsandcupcakestopass
out.Andanoldmanvolunteerpushedanothercartwithbooksandnewspapers
thatthepatientscouldcheckoutorbuyiftheywanted.Byfouro’clock,alotof candystriperhighschoolgirlsshoweduptopuffuppillowsandsayhellotothe
patients, and before we knew it, the dinner carts loaded with trays of food arrived.IknewitwouldbetimeforHenryandmetoleave.
“We’llseeyoutomorrow,”IsaidtoMissApplebaum.
“Makesureyougotoschool,”shesaid.
“We’llseeyou after school,”Henrypromised.
Miss Applebaum leaned forward, reaching one hand out to us. Finally, she foundthewordsshewantedtosay.“Wouldyoubringmesomethingsfrommy
apartment.Wouldyoumind?”MissApplebaumasked.Then,shehandedmean
envelope. “I made a list of things and where they are. And would you mind wateringtheplants?Pleasewatermyplants!”
“Ofcourse,”Isaid.
“We’ll take good care of everything,” Henry promised, examining the
contentsoftheenvelope.Besidesthelistofnotionsandthings,itcontainedMiss Applebaum’skeysandherChaseManhattanautomatictellercard.
“I’vewrittendownthebankcardcodeforyou,”MissApplebaumsaid.“You
justputthecardintothemachine,pressthecodenumbers,andthemachinewill
give you three hundred dollars maximum per day. Take out all you can every day.We’regoingtoneedit.We’llneeditverymuch,”shepleaded.
“Wecan’ttakeyourmoney,”Isaid.
“Take it for me. I’ll want you to use it,” Miss Applebaum urged. “I want Helen to have coffee and donuts. I want all my friends in the park to have as much as you can give them. Roast beef sandwiches. Salamis. Bagels with lox.
Milk! Please give them as much as you can before Bernice finds out. Please.
She’dusethemoneyherownway.”
Bernice.
WehadforgottenaboutBernice.
Now, it isn’t necessary to know everything that happened during the next forty-six days that Miss Applebaum was in ward 9D. A few general facts will revealallthathastobeknown.
HenryandIsaidwewouldtelleverythingimportant,sowehavetorecordthe
veryterriblefactthatattheendofforty-sixdays,MissApplebaumdi
dn’thave
manyhourslefttolive.Thefirstweek,HenryandIwentcrazyrunningaround
ParkviewHospitalandbargingintoDr.Silver’sofficepracticallyeveryday.The
reason we couldn’t express any of our real sorrow to Dr. Markham and the nurses on the ninth floor was because Dr. Markham had been transferred soon after to another floor. In fact, all the nurses, except for one tough head nurse calledMissRuthPerez,weretransferredeveryweek.Itbecamecleartheentire
ninth floor of Parkview Hospital was devoted to terminal patients, and that the ordealofhavingtoworkwiththemwassoupsettingthatthehospitalmadeita
policythatnoneoftheworkersbeexposedtosuchsadnessformorethanaweek
atatime.WhatoutragedHenryandmewasthattherewasnocontinuityexcept
forMissPerez.PracticallyeverytimeHenryandIhadestablishedarapportwith
a nurse or doctor and felt confident that Miss Applebaum was getting the best treatment possible, that nurse or doctor would be transferred. And Dr. Silver madeitclearfromeventheseconddayshewassimplygoingtomonitorMiss
Applebaum’s progress, which she did about once a week. Even with her fancy address, she soon didn’t pretend there was any hope. She didn’t believe very muchinmiracles.WewantedtotakeMissApplebaumhomethen,butDr.Silver
saidtheywouldkeephermorecomfortablethere.ThebiggestfightHenryandI
hadwiththestaffduringthiswholetimewaswhenweheardMissPerezbeing
rudetothepatients.She’dsaythingslike“Stopbellyaching”or“Itoldyou,I’ll giveyoutheshotatfiveP.M.,andthat’swhenyou’llgetit!”or“Ifyoudon’tlike yourdinner,don’teatit.”Wethoughtshewasthecruelestpersononearth,and
wedecidedtotellheroff.Henrygotheroutbythenurses’stationonenightand called her everything in the book, but sturdy Miss Perez didn’t blink an eye.
WhatshedidwasletHenryfinishbellowing,andthenshepulledusasideand
spoke very gently to us. “The patients need someone like me to fight with or they give up their will to live,” she let us know. “If you give in to their every wish,theylosetheirlifeforce.Lifeisa struggle,andIhavetoprovideabitof that struggle. I have to play the bad cop,” she said sadly, vulnerably. And she actuallymadesensetosomedegree.IthinkthatwastheonlytimeMissPerezlet
usseethroughhertoughact,andevenifwedidn’tcompletelyagreewithit,we
hadtoadmitshewasn’tasterribleaswehadfirstthought.
Another fact Henry and I had overlooked was that Miss Applebaum wasn’t
suddenly dying in the space of forty-six days. Her niece had filed Miss Applebaum’s retirement papers for her in the spring, which meant that Miss Applebaumhadbeensickforoversixmonths.Bythetimewehadevenbrought
herthebegoniaplant,shewasfarintoherillness,butwedidn’trealizehowfar.
Allweknewnowwaseverydaywhenwewenttoseeher,shewascontinuously
losingweightandherbreathingwasbecomingincreasinglydifficult,regardless
of how much fluid they removed from her chest. I’ve repressed almost
everythingthathappenedduringthewholeforty-sixdaysexceptforthreeevents.
Atleastforme,itwasthreeevents.ThefirsteventwaswhenHenryandIfirst
went to Miss Applebaum’s apartment and let ourselves in with the key. The second event was a dream I had. And the third event was a horrible encounter withBernice.IthinkIcanonlytellaboutmydream,whichIhadinthemiddle
ofthenightonNovember3rd.
MyDream
Thereisastagewithablood-redcurtain,andthecurtainliftstobegin
a play. I see two very sad children walking through a black, cold
forest.Oneisaboywitharmorlockedoverhisheart,andtheotherisa
frightened girl with a single long braid. The children are lost and terrified of the forest. They walk by giant shadowy trees and dark,
undulating ferns as white vapors of a fog drift through the forest.
Slowly,itisnolongeraplayinatheaterbutaveryrealeventthatis
happening.Thereareotherfrightenedpeopleintheforest,andlikethe
childrentheyarealllookingforawaytoescape.Thechildrenbeginto
cry, and walk on alone. They come out of the mist and see a strange
old lady sitting on a chair. The lady seems happy, and she’s dressed
likeawizard.Thisladywizardisfeedinghundredsoffantastic,huge
ravens. The lady holds a large basket brimming with bread, and she
breakspiecesofthebreadintocrumbsthatshethrowsintotheairso
they fall like snow. The birds feast, as the old woman turns and sees the sad children. She waves to them, slowly, smiling. She calls to
them,andthechildrengotoher.Theysitwithheraroundalawntable.
Thechildrenknowthattheoldwomanismagical.Theyknowsheisa
good witch. And the girl tells the lady that she has found a great
treasureandwouldliketotakethemallaway.Shewantstotreatthem
all to a magnificent journey, and buy them everything they’ve ever
wanted. She wants to take the lady with them onto an airplane and
bringthemtograndanddistantlands.Shetellstheoldladythatshe’d
like to take them on the glorious excursion of a lifetime. The boy
answers first, smiling at the little girl. He tells the girl that he would verymuchlovetogowithher.Hethinksthathedeservessuchatrip
becausehe’sbeenawonderfulfriendtothegirl.Hewouldlovetofly
withheranywhereandtravelasfarasshewouldliketogo.Hewould
liketoseetheSevenWondersoftheWorld,androyalpalacesinIndia,
and the great shining rivers of the universe. But the lady wizard
doesn’tspeak.Aftersometime,thegirlagaininvitestheoldwoman.
Sheasksthewomanoverandoveragainifshe’llcomewiththemon
this fantastic voyage. Finally, the woman does answer. She says that
shecan’tgo.Thelittlegirlstillasksherwhynot?Whycan’tshego?
And this time as she asks, the great ravens surround the lady’s chair.
Still,thewomansmiles.
“Pleasecome,”thegirlbegged.
“Ican’t,”theoldwomanrepeated.
“Butwhy?Whycan’tyoucome?”
“BecauseIamdead.”
13
Idon’tblameZeldaforhavingtoskiparoundalittleinrecordingtheevents
thathappened.AslongasI’mabletofillinthegaps,we’llmanagetogetall
thetruthdown.It’lljustbealittlerearrangedaccordingtowhatourbrainswill letustalkabout.
It was almost dark the first night Zelda and I left Miss Applebaum at the hospital,sowetookacab.
“ChaseManhattan,onthecornerof64thandBroadway,”Iorderedthedriver,
wholookedlikeoneofthoseNewYorktaxidriverswhohaveametalplatein
theirheads.
“We’regoinghome!”Zeldasaid,practicallypunchingmeinthearm.
“No,we’renot!”
I insisted on getting to the bank right away to see if Miss Applebaum’s automatictellercardreallyworked.Itwasn’tthatIwantedtogetmyhandson
anyofherlootformy
self,butMissApplebaumsaidshedidn’twantBerniceto
getit.
“It’sourduty,”ItoldZelda.
“Itisnot.”
“Itis so.”
Wegotoutofthecabrightinfrontofthebank.Bythistimethemainoffices
ofthebankwereclosed,butwithanautomatictellercardyoucanstickitintoa slot and it opens a door that lets you into the front lobby, where the money machines are. Naturally, you have to look both ways to make certain muggers don’trushthedoorwhileyou’regoinginsideandputaguntoyourheadtohelp
influenceyourfinancialtransactions.ButZeldaandImadeitjustfine,andwhen I put Miss Applebaum’s card into the machine, I was able to press a button to check the balance in her savings account. Zelda almost fainted when she saw Miss Applebaum had over ninety thousand eight hundred dollars. No wonder Bernicedidn’twantusaround.Rightoffthebat,Iknewwecouldtakeoutthree
hundred a day for a lot of days, although I didn’t know precisely what Miss Applebaumwantedustodowithsomuchmoney.Togetthethreehundredthat
night,Ihadtopunchinthecodenumberfirstandthenthedollaramount,anda sign came up on the screen that asked me to lift open a metal drawer below it andremovemycash.Youcouldactuallyhearthemachinecountingoutthebills,
anditwasaverystimulatingsound.Itookthemoney,themachineprintedouta
receiptandamessagesaying,“THANKYOUFORUSINGCHASEMANHATTAN.
PLEASEREMOVEYOURCARD.”Itwasreallyaverycompetentandcourteous
machine.
“WhatareyougoingtodowithMissApplebaum’smoney?”Zeldainsistedon
knowing.
“LeaveforBrazil,”Itoldher.
She didn’t like my little joke. Actually, what we did was go straight over to Miss Applebaum’s apartment. Zelda wanted to get all the things Miss
Applebaum needed that she had written down. What they were were two
nightgowns, her Py-co-pay toothbrush, Colgate toothpaste, slippers, Listerine, her pair of reading glasses, a yellow legal-size pad, a Piggyback pen, her Max Factor lipstick, an eyebrow pencil, Evening in Paris perfume, Chanel dusting powder, and a few other items that would be the envy of any participant in a scavenger hunt. Anyway, Zelda had her work cut out for her, and she wasn’t particularlyhappyaboutgoingupagaininthecreakingelevator.