4 Go to Dumdumland, Page 2

The only thing Mia recognises is Dad’s chair lying on the ground, with a dirty mark on the seat. And she just knows she is going to get the blame for it. Being the eldest she gets the blame for EVERYTHING. Or that’s how it seems to her.

  Who got the blame for Claudie gutsing herself at Mathew’s birthday party and throwing up over the cake just as he is about to blow out the candles? Who got the blame when Freddie decided to leave home and become a Pirate? Who got the blame when Sami jumped from the back of the couch in her fairy wings and found out she couldn’t fly? When something goes wrong, Mia always hears the same thing: “Mia, you’re the eldest, you should know better than let them do it”. Now she’s going to be in more trouble.

  And she doesn’t even know where they are. Wherever it is, it looks like something out a fairy story, with funny little cottages, all higgledy-piggledy along a curving street. The four kids glance about them.

  “Awesome!” says Mia, dumping her misgivings for a moment. “It’s so old looking.”

  “Maybe there’s Pirates!” says Freddie, sensing a new career ahead of him.

  “Or Fairies,” says Sami, thinking she might get some tips on staying airborne.

  Little Claudie just stares and says nothing. Mia wonders if she’s scared, so reaches down to hold her hand – and finds herself clutching a half-eaten sweet. Yuck!

  Claudie starts to cry. “I want my Lollie. I want my -.”

  “Think I want it? “ cuts in Mia, picking the furry-covered blob from her hand and giving it back. Claudie pops it into her mouth. Yum!

  “Look” says Sami, pointing to a large sign they hadn’t seen before.

  Welkum to Dumdumland. Populashun – who noze? Nobuddy can count over ten.

  “Oh Em Gee!” says Mia, “There is a place called Dumdumland!”

  “Maybe it’s a dream,” says Sami.

  “No,” says Mia, “if it was a dream I’d be a pop star.” She wiggles herself into her favourite pop star pose while looking around for a shop window or something to see herself in. But there’s nothing. Poo! A cool pose wasted!

  And nobody is watching her, anyway. They are more interested in two men in Olden Day clothes, skipping along the road towards them. The Mayor is in his official red robes and gold chain with an ice cream cone stuck to his forehead.

  The Clerk – a weasely looking specimen – is more somberly dressed, with his underpants on his head and a hat on his bum.

  “It’s just like we said!” says Sami giggling.

  Seeing the kids staring at them, the two men stop, amazed. They peer at Mia in her long skinny jeans and skivvy. At Sami’s short skirt and t-shirt. At Freddie’s Pirate pants and dinosaur t-shirt. And Claudie’s little sleeveless frock.

  “You look so funny” says the Mayor in a voice as dopey as he looks, and bursts into laughter.

  “So funny,” says his Clerk. And laughs along with his boss.

  Mia can’t believe it. “We look funny,” she says. “What about you? You’ve got an ice cream stuck to your forehead.”

  “Dear me, dear me,” says the Mayor. “I keep forgetting where my mouth is.” And he pulls the ice cream from above his nose and sticks it in his ear.

  “I want ice cream,” says Claudie.

  “Can you tell us where can we get some?” says Mia to the Mayor.

  “Where else?” he says, “at the Fish and Chip shop. They’ve got some scrumptious flavours. My favourite is Cucumber and Porridge.”

  “Yuck,” says the kids as one.

  And with that the two men link arms and skip around the kids, rapping as they go. “We’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, dumb, dumb. From the top of our head to our bum, bum, bum.”

  And they tap their bum when they say head and tap their head when they say bum. “When it comes to brains, well, nobody’s got ‘em. Our most brainy part is in our bottom. We’ve got nobody Bright or Smart or Clever. We’ve got Dolts and Dopes and Dimwits for ever.”

  Mia and Sami can’t resist and join in the song, tapping their head as they say bum and tapping their bum as – well, you get the idea. Freddie and Claudie – who always copy their big sisters – copy their big sisters. “We’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, dumb, dumb. From the top of our head to our bum, bum, bum.”

  The Mayor and his Clerk link arms and carry on their way, rapping. “We’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, dumb, dumb. From the top of our head to our bum, bum, bum.”

  Mia and Sami fall on each other laughing. As they recover they realise something. Freddie and Claudie aren’t with them any more.

  Like two little shadows, they are bouncing along behind the Mayor and his Clerk, singing and aping their every move. And getting further and further away.

  “Come back,” shouts Mia. But they take no notice. “You’ll get lost.”

  And Sami says something they both know so it doesn’t need saying, but she says it anyway. You know little sisters.

  “We’re already lost.”

  And it is about to get worse. The Mayor and his Clerk turn a corner and disappear. And the little figures of Freddie and Claudie follow.

  “Come on,” says Mia. And takes off down the road with Sami beside her. They skid round the corner the others have taken and find themselves in the town square. It is full of very odd people. And not a sign of Freddie and Claudie.

  Mia just knows she is going to get the blame for this. As always.

  CHAPTER THREE: Meet the Dumdumians