Fit In or Fit Out
Pamela Nicole
FIT IN OR FIT OUT
HOW THE NECESSITY TO FIT IN NEGATIVELY AFFECTS TEENAGERS
By Pamela Nicole
Copyright 2014 Pamela Nicole
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Table of Contents
Outline
Essay
Works Cited
Author Notes
Sample-Ignite
Outline
Trying to fit in affects teenagers in a negative way by causing self-esteem issues, the creation of labels, and loss of identity.
I.Introduction
A.Background
B.Thesis Statement
II.Self-Esteem Issues
A.Low Self-Esteem
B.Too High Self-Esteem
III.Creation of Labels
A.Bullying
B.Exclusive Groups
IV.Loss of Identity
A.Peer Pressure
B.Conformity
V.Conclusion
Essay
“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?” (Wallace, Ian)
Fitting in, is an issue that goes back a long way. Today, it’s present in the professional, social, familiar, and academic field like a microscopic parasite that most people seem to be unaware of. Some think it’s a matter of joining in and being more ‘extroverted’, others, that it’s in the genes; that it can’t be changed but, are those really the causes? Sociologists, psychologists and other specialists have addressed this subject several times but still there is no apparent solution. They all, however, agree in one thing: Teenagers are the most susceptible population to be affected by the strong need to have a group of friends around and that long to be accepted. The fact is that in their rush to be accepted for who they are, they end up changing entirely in order to please others. Humans are social beings that, as has been scientifically proven, deem interaction with other people very important. That’s how groups are created. People seek people who share interests, dislikes, religious beliefs, political thinking, social status, etc. It’s nice and even healthy to form these groups, but when this happens during the high school years, it tends to cause problems. The necessity to fit in affects teenagers in a negative way by causing self-esteem issues, the creation of labels and loss of identity.
Self- Esteem issues. Everybody has them at one point of their lives. One could even say it’s normal, but that’s the lie number one. It’s not normal to think of oneself as inferior, or superior to the rest in anything. According to the Self-Esteem Institute, low self-esteem is a thinking disorder in which an individual views him/herself as inadequate, unworthy, unlovable, and/or incompetent. Once formed, this negative view of self permeates every thought, producing faulty assumptions and ongoing self-defeating behavior; which is a pretty accurate definition.
“Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.” (Warren, Rick)
When a teenager wishes to join a group, say, the group where the ‘cool’ kids are, that know a lot of people, and seem to always be happy and have everything together; the first thing he/she does is subconsciously analyze how this people behave, and the more he/she gets involved with this group, the more the teenager will try to copy this behavior. There are cases where, unable to act like someone else, the teenager ends up messing it up, and this causes him to think he’s not good enough, that the reason why he couldn’t make it is because there’s something missing in him, that there is something essentially wrong with who he is. This is when low self-esteem thoughts attack, turning the individual against himself, trying to convince him that, indeed, to be ‘right’, ‘normal’, he can’t continue being how he is. But he can’t change it. But he has to. It’s a vicious cycle.
7 in 10 girls believe that they are not good enough or don’t measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members.38 percent of boys in middle school and high school reported using protein supplements and nearly 6 percent admitted to experimenting with steroids.
The main reason why this happens is because of external influence. How do you know the way you’re supposed to look like, who you’re supposed to be, without a model to follow? It’s very easy now because society gives us all kinds. Low self-esteem in teenagers is not a psychological problem within the individual, it doesn’t come from him. The low self-esteem is forced upon him in order to make others gain confidence and give them a sense of righteousness.
So, as harmful as it is to make oneself smaller, it’s also, perhaps even worst to think too high of oneself. Because confidence and self-esteem work both ways. There can’t be ‘inferior’ people if there aren’t ‘superior’ ones in charge of keeping the system going.
Teenagers that think they are the best are also the cancer of society. (Thank my friend Paul, for reaching this conclusion). Most of these are the ones who succeeded at joining the elite group they wished to belong to. In consequence, their ego grows to the point they can’t see beyond their own needs and social circles. Another reason why teenagers become this way is their upbringing. Parents play a crucial role in the development of the child, thus, if the kid is spoiled and told from a very early age that he/she is the best, or if it’s neglected and isn’t guided at all, he’ll most likely turn into someone with a lot of too high self-esteem issues.
“People are too complicated to have simple labels.” (Pullman, Philip. The Amber Spyglass.)
It is estimated that 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students. School grounds are the place where the two aforementioned classifications meet. The gap between the introverted, reclusive students and the more outgoing, abusive kind gets bigger each year. While teenagers are slowly getting back on their feet, and there are several organizations that support them, ‘bullies’ get even more cocky and arrogant. There are four distinct types of bullying: Physical, verbal, Indirect, and Cyber bullying. Bullying is caused by the creation of labels, which is also a reason why trying to fit in is not recommendable. People feel the need to label others in order to state what they’re not. If they call a ‘Straight As’ kid, a nerd, it’s because they want to make it very clear that they’re not nerds. Suicide rates among 10 to 14-year-olds have grown more than 50 percent over the last three decades. “Teenagers should learn to solve their own problems at school to learn how to survive out there in the world” This is a lie too. Parents and teachers are there to help, that’s their job.
Let’s not forget about the groups. In high school, we have the three basic divisions: ‘popular’ kids, ‘no one’s and complete pariahs. The popular people tend to hang out in one big group that is formed by small friendships. ‘No one’s or, regular folks, branch out to geeks, nerds, jocks, normal people who just do what they have to do and live their life without caring about the system, and loners. We have also the pariahs or outcasts. These are typically the bullied ones, since most of the time there’s no one they can rely on that can stand up to the bullies for them. So, why is the formation of groups negative for teenagers? Why is it bad if it allows them to interact with others who share the same interests and won’t judge them? Here is why: When we graduate, we’ll meet all kinds of people, of all races, religions and sexual orientations. We won’t be able to choose who we’ll have to talk to in order to keep advancing in life. We won’t always like them, and they will most likely not like us back either, so it’s wrong to confine ourselves in our o
wn little worlds when there’s plenty of it outside to explore. One of the best traits of our planet is that it’s so diverse and we should learn to embrace that diversity. A group with a normal guy, a singer, an emo, an outgoing guy, a half-dead one, a nerd, a popular and a geek girl? Success.
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter; and those who matter don’t mind.” (Baruch, Bernard M.)
Who hasn’t heard about the classical girl leaves her best friend because she wants to be popular? Sadly, it’s something that actually happens, and not just in movies and books, but in real life. And this is where we start losing our identity. Our family, our friends, our likes and dislikes are what make us who we are, and if we ditch all that in order to please others, then it’s a waste. When teenagers want to belong and fit in, they tend to change themselves, not always physically, but yes mentally. I’ve always wondered if they do realize what they’re doing, or just don’t notice. People around them sure do.
So why does this happen? Because people let it happen. That’s what conformity is about. We assume that just because something is done by many people, many times, it makes it right, or cool. And that isn’t necessarily true. The system tells us that it can’t be helped that some students are naturally born to be leaders at school, and that is part of the experience to be bullied or be a bully. And what is the system? It’s a very ambiguous concept, but technically, it’s the invisible set of standards that rules our lives. One can better grasp the definition by asking oneself these simple questions: Why do we go to school? Because our parents tell us to. And why do they feel like we have to go? Because it’s what’s been done since the educational system was created. It’s because it’s in the law that parents should give their children education, and since most parents send their kids to school instead of choosing home-schooling, then the rest do the same. It’s the system. It divides the world in continents and countries. It sets governments and each government has its own system. In the same way, schools have their system. They have hierarchies, and nobody stands up to them because it’s been like that for so long that we are afraid of venturing out and exploring the option of schools free of discrimination and teenagers making themselves small because they don’t live up to the expectations of others.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” (Wilde, Oscar.)
We were born different from one another; even twins are not completely identical. It’s been proven that there are details that tell them apart. So, if God had wanted us to be the same, then he wouldn’t have made us so different. I've always wondered if it's in the genes whether you'll be a loner, a reader, a jock, the clown, a cheerleader... We fall under these labels that cage us, as if we can't hope to be more than just that. We're told how we should dance. They give us the moves and we follow through the motions. And why do we do this? Why do bullies exist? Why do we let things like friends abandoning us, happen? Why do we abandon our friends? It’s because we choose the easy way. We don't fight. We think the world hates us when, in fact, it loves us. It wants us to love it back. Fitting in, forming groups and following the rules can be great, but normally, it causes more harm than anything; because if we don’t fit in, we’re attacked, and that’s not cool.
We’re all responsible for what happens to the world at this point. I don’t believe we’re doomed. There’re plenty of people out there fighting for making this, a better place. Their work is greatly underestimated.
Parents, teachers, relatives, friends, all should bear in mind that if we are to achieve the ultimate goal of a better future, then we ought to let each person to develop the skills to do it. We can’t expect to have a generation solely of business people, or politicians. For a society to work, it’s necessary a wide range of people. And that’s exactly what we have.
People, and especially teenagers, should learn to appreciate the differences and the uniqueness in each one of us, without trying to change ourselves to play a particular role that’s just not ours to play.
