First Impressions, Page 20

  distaste for several years. I involved myself in the company to the point of obsession, while she began to take lovers. I wanted her out of my life more than I wanted anything. Then, when she was dead, I had to live with the knowledge that I’d wished her dead countless times.”

  “Oh, Vance,” Shane murmured.

  “That was over two years ago,” he continued. “I buried myself in work … and bitterness. I’d come to a point where I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. That’s why I bought the house and took a leave of absence. I needed to separate myself from what I’d become, try to find out if that was all there was to me.” He dragged an agitated hand through his hair. “I brought the bitterness with me, so that when you popped up and started haunting my mind, I wanted nothing more than to be rid of you. I looked … I searched,” he corrected, turning to her again, “for flaws in you. I was afraid to believe you could really be so … generous. The truth was, I didn’t want you to be because I’d never be able to resist the woman you are.” His eyes were suddenly very dark, and very direct on hers. “I didn’t want you, Shane, and I wanted you so badly I ached. I loved you, I think, from the very first minute.”

  On a long breath, he moved away again to stare at the flickering lights of the tree. “I could have told you—should have—but at first I had a need for you to love me without knowing. Unforgivably selfish.”

  She remembered the secrets she had seen in his eyes. Remembered too, telling herself they were his until he shared them with her. Still, she felt the hurt of not being trusted. “Did you really think any of it would have mattered to me?”

  Vance shook his head. “No.”

  “Then why did you hide it all from me?” Confused, she lifted her hands palms up.

  “I never intended to. Circumstances—” He broke off, no longer sure he could make her understand. “The first night we were together, I was going to tell you, but I didn’t want any past that night. I told myself it wasn’t too much to ask, and that I’d explain things to you the next day. God, Shane, I swear to you I would have.” He took a step toward her, then stopped himself. “You were so lost, so vulnerable after Anne had left, I couldn’t. How could I have dumped all this on you when you already had that to deal with?”

  She remained silent, but he knew she listened very carefully. He didn’t know she was remembering very clearly the things he had said to her their first night together, the tension in him, the hints of things yet to be told. And she remembered too his compassion the next evening.

  “You needed my support that night, not my problems,” Vance went on. “From the very first, you gave everything to me. You brought me back, Shane, and I knew that I took much more than I gave. Until that night, you’d never asked me for anything.”

  She gave him a puzzled look. “I never gave you anything.”

  “Nothing?” he countered with a baffled shake of his head. “Trust, understanding. You made me laugh at myself again. Maybe you don’t see just how important that is because you’ve never lost it. If I could give you nothing else, I thought that for a few days I could give you some peace of mind. I tried to tell you again when we argued about that damned dining-room set.” Pausing, he sent her a narrowed look. “I bought it anyway.”

  “You—”

  “There’s not a thing you can do about it,” he stated, cutting off her astonished exclamation. “It’s done.”

  She met the angry challenge in his eyes. “I see.”

  “Do you?” He let out a quick, rough laugh. “Do you really? The only thing you see when you lift your chin up like that is your own pride.” He watched her mouth open, then close again. “It’s just as well,” he murmured. “It would be difficult if you were perfect.” He moved to her then but was careful not to touch her. “I never set out to deceive you, but I deceived you nonetheless. And now I have to ask you to forgive me, even if you can’t accept who and what I am.”

  Shane lowered her eyes to her hands a moment. “It’s not accepting so much as understanding,” she said quietly. “I don’t know anything about the president of Riverton. I knew the man who bought the old Farley place, you see.” She lifted her eyes again. “He was rude, and nasty, with a streak of kindness he did his best to overcome. I loved him.”

  “God knows why,” Vance replied, thinking over her description. “If that’s who you want, I can promise I’m still rude and nasty.”

  With a small laugh, she turned away. “Vance, it’s all hit me, you see. Maybe if I had time to get used to it, to think it through … I don’t know. When I thought you were just …” She made an uncharacteristically helpless gesture with her hands. “It all seemed so easy.”

  “Did you only love me because you thought I was out of work?”

  “No!” Frustrated, she tried to explain herself. “I haven’t changed though,” she added thoughtfully. “I’m still exactly what I seem. What would the president of Riverton do with me? I can’t even drink martinis.”

  “Don’t be absurd.”

  “It’s not absurd,” she corrected. “Be honest. I don’t fit in. I’d never be elegant if I had years to practice.”

  “What the hell’s wrong with you?” Suddenly angry, he spun her around. “Elegant! In the name of God, Shane, what kind of nonsense is that? I had my share of elegance the way you mean. I’ll be damned if you’re going to put me off because you’ve got some twisted view of the life I lead. If you can’t accept it, fine. I’ll resign.”

  “W-what?”

  “I said I’ll resign.”

  She studied him with wide, astonished eyes. “You mean it,” she said wonderingly. “You really do.”

  He gave her an impatient shake. “Yes, I mean it. Can you really believe the company means more to me than you do? God, you’re an idiot!” Furious, he gave her an unloverlike shove and strode away. “You don’t yell at me for anything I’ve done. You don’t demand to hear all the filthy details of my first marriage. You don’t make me crawl as I was damn well ready to do. You start spouting nonsense about martinis and elegance.” After swearing rudely, he stared out the window.

  Shane swallowed a sudden urge to laugh. “Vance, I—”

  “Shut up,” he ordered. “You drive me crazy.” With a quick jerk, he pulled his coat from the chair. Shane opened her mouth, afraid he was about to storm out, but he only pulled an envelope out of the pocket before he flung the coat down again. “Here.” He stuck it out to her.

  “Vance,” she tried again, but he took her hand and slapped the envelope into her palm.

  “Open it.”

  Deciding a temporary retreat was advisable, Shane obeyed. She stared in silent astonishment at two round-trip tickets to Fiji.

  “Someone told me it was a good place for a honeymoon,” Vance stated with a bit more control. “I thought she might still think so.”

  Shane looked up at him with her heart in her eyes. Vance needed nothing more to pull her into his arms, crushing the envelope and its contents between them as he found her mouth.

  Shane’s answer was wild and unrestricted. She clung to him even as she demanded, yielded even as she aroused. She couldn’t get enough of him, so that the desperate kisses incited only more urgent needs. “Oh, I’ve missed you,” she murmured. “Make love to me, Vance. Come upstairs and make love to me.”

  He buried his face against her neck. “Uh-uh. You haven’t said you’re taking me to Fiji yet.” But his hands were already searching under her sweater. As his fingers skimmed over her warm, soft skin, he groaned, pulling her to the floor.

  “Oh, Vance, your suit!” Laughing breathlessly, Shane struggled against him. “Wait until we go upstairs.”

  “Shut up,” he suggested, then assured himself of her obedience by crushing his mouth on hers. It only took a moment to realize her trembling came from laughter, not from passion. Lifting his head, Vance studied her amused eyes. “Damn you, Shane,” he said in exasperation. “I’m trying to make love to you.”

  “Well, then at least take o
ff that tie,” she suggested, then buried her face against his shoulder and laughed helplessly. “I’m sorry, Vance, but it just seems so funny. I mean, there you are asking if I’ll take you to Fiji before I’ve even gotten around to asking you to marry me, and—”

  “You asking me?” he demanded, eyeing her closely.

  “Yes,” she continued blithely. “I’ve been meaning to, though I thought I’d have to overcome some silly ego thing. You know, I thought you were out of work.”

  “Ego thing,” he repeated.

  “Yes, and of course, now that I know you’re such an important person … Oh, this tie is silk!” she exclaimed after she had begun to struggle with the knot.

  “Yes.” He allowed her to finger it curiously. “And now that you know I’m such an important person?” he prompted.

  “I’d better snap you up quick.”

  “Snap me up?” He bit her ear painfully.

  Shane only giggled and linked her arms around his neck. “And even if I refuse to drink martinis or be elegant, I’ll make an extremely good wife for a …” She paused a moment, lifting a brow. “What are you?”

  “Insane.”

  “A corporate president,” Shane decided with a nod. “No, I don’t suppose you could do any better. You’re making a pretty good deal now that I think about it.” She gave him a noisy kiss. “When do we leave for Fiji?”

  “Day after tomorrow,” he informed her before he rose and dumped her over his shoulder.

  “Vance, what are you doing?”

  “I’m taking you upstairs to make love with you.”

  “Vance,” she began with a half laugh. “I told you before I won’t be carted around this way. This is no way for the fiancée of the president of Riverton to be treated.”

  “You haven’t seen anything yet,” he promised her.

  Exasperated, Shane gave him a hearty thump on the back. “Vance, I mean it, put me down!”

  “Am I fired?”

  He heard the telltale choke of laughter. “Yes!”

  “Good.” He tucked his arm firmly around her knees and carried her up the stairs.

  * * * * *