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Shards of My Heart, Page 8

Moore, Nicole Andrews


  Lily: You could go be with Julia now.

  me: No. She’s out of town at a conference I was supposed to attend. Crap. I forgot. I have to cancel that now, too. Would you believe I was supposed to speak? You know, because I’m so wildly successful.

  A hollow laugh escaped my lips. Before we could speak further, my phone began to ring bringing a slight smile to my face. What would I do without my daily check in from Jules?

  me: Morning, sunshine.

  The words were spoken even as I recognized how sad they sounded.

  Julia: So what happened?

  me: He’s in jail. I can’t believe it, but he is.

  Julia: So what are you going to do? You can’t go back there. You can’t stay there.

  me: I know. I don’t plan to stay, but I do have to get some things...things Kylie needs, things I need, and those that I plan to sell fast to get some cash.

  Julia: I don’t like it.

  me: What are my options?

  Julia: He could get out any time.

  me: His bond hearing is at 9am. He won’t make it back to the jail until after noon. Then he’ll have to find someone to bail him out. I have time. Not a lot, but enough.

  Julia: I think you need to call Victim’s Assistance and the DA to make sure they know what’s going on. Do it fast. It’s already after 8am.

  me: Okay. Consider it done. I’ll call you when I’m driving back to the house to let you know what’s going on.

  Julia: I love you.

  me: Love you back.

  Once our call ended and I phoned Victim’s Assistance first. It made sense to me, since I knew what to say to them and they could tell me what I should say to the DA.

  me: Is Paula in? It’s Nina Powers. We spoke Tuesday.

  receptionist: No, she’s headed to court this morning.

  me: Okay. Is there anyone I can speak with? I was granted an Order of Protection yesterday. My husband already violated it within an hour of being served. He’s currently in jail awaiting a bond hearing this morning. I just...well, I don’t know what to do.

  receptionist: Oh, just a minute. You are lucky. She just walked back in the office. Let me tell her you are on the line.

  Moments later, a voice I recognized as Paula’s spoke to me.

  Paula: Nina, what happened?

  It only took a moment for me to brief her on the events of the previous evening.

  me: So what should I do?

  Paula: Let me look him up.

  There was the clicking sound of her fingers keying in Shane’s information before she spoke again.

  Paula: The look on his face...it’s defiance. Nina, you are married to the most dangerous kind of abuser there is. I’ve seen it before. He will just keep coming. Don’t go back. Don’t stay in that house. You take that baby and you go far away until the court hearing. Then after the hearing, you will definitely get the year long Order of Protection. Go wherever you want. Start fresh. Just stay safe, you and that precious child of yours.

  My heart sank as she spoke. Though it should have meant hope, and happiness...the promise of a bright new future, I was in mourning for the dreams that had shattered, the plans that would never come to fruition, the life that had changed forever. I was silent for a moment before I spoke. Even then, my words were barely more than a whisper.

  me: I have to get some supplies from the house while he’s still in jail. I wish there was a way to know if he was released. I can’t keep checking every five minutes. This is no way to live.

  Paula: Now, the website updates instantly, but there is the Vine system. You should register for that right away. The phone number is on the purple card the police gave you. They will let you know if he is released. It isn’t as fast, sometimes it takes a good twenty minutes, but it’s better than sitting in front of your computer all day. Now..hurry.

  me: Okay, I understand. Thank you for everything. Apparently, I need to go get everything taken care of before he is released.

  Paula: In a year, you are going to be in a much different place. Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Take care.

  The call ended and I turned my attention to finding the number for the DA. The closer it was to 9am, the less likely that I would reach anyone. They would all be in court. Sure enough, when I finally was connected, I was told to leave a message for the DA. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I simply spoke from my heart.

  me: Hello, I’m calling regarding Shane Powers. He’s currently in jail for breaking an Order of Protection.

  It took me a moment to read off the lengthy case number and share his jail ID number.

  me: I’m concerned, not for me, but for him. This isn’t the man I married. I asked that he have a mental health evaluation. Can that be done, please? And I’d like to make sure he’s getting his medication.

  After leaving my return phone number, I ended the call. Picking up the purple card, I made my next phone call. The automated system walked me through the Vine registration process and even updated me on his current status.

  This was all I could do at the moment, besides getting ready and packing up to vacate Lily’s home. When she and Lyle walked out with Isaac, ready to head their separate directions to work, we spoke.

  me: I guess I’ll meet you at the house. I need to be there as soon as possible.

  Lily: Have you decided where you are going from here?

  me: Oh, shoot! I forgot to contact Grace. I better do that right away.

  As soon as they walked out the door, I called Grace. It occurred to me that I was actually sick of my phone. Really. I was a prime candidate for a brain tumor just from my phone time this week alone.

  Grace: Hey, I’m working from home today. What’s up?

  me: Oh...ummm. My time is limited. So, let me cut to the chase. Any chance I can spend a week with you...maybe less?

  Grace: What’s going on?

  me: Oh, Shane lost it. I had to call the police. I’ve been staying with Lily. I have custody of Kylie and the vehicle...not to mention a house I can’t stay in because he already broke the Order of Protection and is currently in jail. Of course, he could make bail any time and I was advised to go far far away until the hearing on the 24th. So...can I stay with you?

  Grace: Well, you know I would love to have you. Let me just make sure it’s okay with Henry. I’m sure it will be, but we always check with each other. You know how it is…

  Her voice trailed off. I knew why. Two marriages and I still didn’t know what that was like. My plan, no matter what happened, was to never date again. Clearly, my judgment in that area could not be trusted. It was rather ironic, since one of my freelance jobs was working as a relationship and dating expert for Yahoo!. See...great advice for others, but I can’t take care of myself.

  Grace: I’ll call you back as soon as we talk. When would you get here?

  me: Oh...sometime after dinner tonight, so don’t worry about feeding me.

  Grace: Do you need money, Nina? You know I’m more than happy to help.

  me: Nope. I’m good. I’ve learned to live within my means.

  Grace: Okay. You let me know if you change your mind. And we’ll talk soon.

  With that, I worked on feeding Kylie while I packed and piled to stay organized. My little one was being so good. As long as she had mommy and Sprout TV, she was happy. As soon as her feed finished, I dressed her and brought her into the bathroom. Originally, I planned to take a shower. That was my thing...daily showers. I did some of my best thinking in the shower. Yet today, as I saw how close it was to 10am, I realized how much time had already passed. Considering how much I had to accomplish, I decided it’d be wise to forgo that shower.

  Instead, I opted for the last resort whore bath. Come on, we’ve all taken them...just cleaned our smelly bits, thrown our hair in a ponytail. Yup, I was all kinds of shabby chic, but only because that sounds better than grunge. I’m classy like that.

  Just as I was about to load the vehicle, I remembered that Kylie would need meds refilled befo
re we left the area. Time to call the hospital pharmacy. Tamara, the head pharmacist, answered the phone.

  me: Hey, Tamara. I know we aren’t quite due for refills, but Kylie and I have to leave town.

  There was something about spreading my business around...I really didn’t want to do it. I also loathe lying. Good thing I had a valid excuse that didn’t involve being a victim of domestic violence.

  me: My mom had a stroke in Florida.

  Tamara: I can have them ready about 4pm. Will that work?

  me: I’ll make it work. Thank you.

  The meds Kylie needed could only be made at a compounding pharmacy. That meant that the meds were not simply dispensed by the pharmacist but made by him or her, as well. Every time I needed a refill, I had to run to uptown Charlotte, at least thirty minutes away. With that accomplished, I started to move items into the Edge.

  It took another thirty minutes before we were all loaded up in the car and on our way. We couldn’t have been more than halfway home before Grace called back.

  Grace: It’s fine. Henry looks forward to meeting Kylie. Just one question...he won’t be able to find you, will he?

  I answered quickly, without giving it a moment’s consideration.

  me: No. He won’t. I’ve been in town, staying with Lily and he hasn’t ventured over here.

  Grace: Just wanted to be sure.

  me: No worries.

  Still, after we hung up, I might have worried...just a little. It was time to protect Kylie and myself. Time to think it through. If he was determined to have some sort of revenge, given that he was certain to blame me for his incarceration, would he come looking for me. And if he did, how could I keep him from finding us.

  Well, he didn’t know Grace’s address. We hadn’t been there to visit in about two years. He wouldn’t have the address in his phone or his GPS. I don’t have it recorded anywhere. She hasn’t written me a letter since last Christmas. Just to be safe, I would unfriend Shane and change my privacy settings on Facebook...as soon as I landed somewhere with Wi-Fi. That should cover everything.

  When I pulled into the neighborhood, I could see that between Shane’s truck and his work trailer, the driveway was completely blocked. Instead, I parked in Pilar’s driveway. Kylie was asleep in her car seat and I knew it would be easier to pack if she wasn’t with me...plus...what if he returned?

  Pilar met me at the door.

  Pilar: Oh! You’re back!

  me: No. Just packing. Could Kylie stay with you? She’s asleep.

  Pilar: Of course! I only have an hour though before I have to leave.

  me: No worries, I’ll be quick as I can. Thank you.

  With that, I brought her in, laid her on the couch and headed outside and over to the house that just four days before had been my home. It felt so foreign to me, being there, the circumstances. I couldn’t imagine living there again.

  The front door was unlocked, all the lights in the house were on, and nothing under the sun could have caused me to linger. As I glanced around the house, trying to get the lay of the land, so to speak, I took note of any changes. First, he had taken the time to sweep. The glass had been mostly picked up. The offending wedding frame from Grace was in the garage with a pile of garbage that included the broken IV pole and the box of broken glass. None of the holes had been repaired. Funny, because I vividly recall that some of his angry mumblings while the officers were present the last time in the house included claims that the walls would be fixed the very next day in five minutes...or less. I knew enough about the business to know that wasn’t the case.

  The more I moved about the house, the more I realized that I was sad. It was more than that, though. Discomfort had taken hold and maybe even a healthy amount of fear. I had watched enough television to know that someone could just snap. As far as I was concerned, Shane had snapped days ago. I couldn’t imagine what he would be like after a night in jail and I sure as hell didn’t want to find out.

  So, I grabbed some of the empty diaper boxes we had set aside to store and pack away Kylie’s clothes as she outgrew them. Now they would come in handy as I emptied the cupboards of all the foods that Shane wouldn’t eat, but I would. The bathroom was emptied of all my toiletries. Blankets and comforters that I had purchased or brought into the relationship were folded and piled. The last of my bags were filled with all kinds of random possessions. It didn’t take long.

  Lily hadn’t arrived yet, but I needed to send Lola a message at work. She had once offered to let me store things in her spare room if I needed. Sure, it was years ago, but she tended to be rather easy going. It didn’t take her long to reply.

  Lola: The kid is home sick from school. I called her and she knows to let you in. Just stack everything near the front door and I’ll get it in put away for you.

  me: Thank you!

  With that settled, I decided I needed to at least get everything out of the house. So, I started piling the bags and boxes out in the driveway just as Lily pulled up.

  Lily: Hey, Isaac is sleeping. Should I bring him in or is it safer for him to stay out there? Do you think we’ll be long?

  me: This is what I have to either fit in the car, or bring over to Lola’s. Shouldn’t take too long. The next stop will be Once Upon a Child so I can sell some of Kylie’s things.

  Looking her over, I realized that she was mentally tallying the time.

  me: Ready? Let’s go.

  It took a decent amount of time to complete the tasks. I didn’t realize how many necessities we really had...both those for the long term and those that were for our immediate needs. We loaded and re-loaded. My planning and ability to make everything fit, to see a way to cram in more, earned me the title of Tetris Master from Lily.

  Because it took longer than anticipated, I had to reclaim Kylie from Pilar. That had added even more time to the process. Since it was nearly 1pm by then, I also needed to check on Shane while I still had Wi-Fi. My hands were shaking as I refreshed the page on my phone. My fear was that he would be out of jail and here before I even knew he had been released. In my mind, I saw him standing in the doorway, glaring at me while I worked to move out of our home. According to the website, he was still in jail. The one change to his information was that bail had been set for $1000.

  Heaving a sigh of relief, we headed to Once Upon a Child. That little errand took just shy of forever. I had hoped we could drop everything off and then I could come back alone after lunch to collect the money. Of course, that would have been too simple.

  Instead we had to wait for them to check in each item and make an offer. They wouldn’t take my BOB stroller because the tires needed air...by their determination. So, I had to reload that into the Edge, something I had not counted on. Looked like it was coming to Raleigh with me.

  Finally, after 2pm, we headed out to get lunch. Normally, I would have been crazed, but honestly, all the fear and constant movement had kind of dulled that sense. I just wanted to be happy, feel safe, with Kylie.

  We hit the Cookout, which I will admit has become my crack. I love a good barbecue sandwich. There, it’s perfect, topped with coleslaw and Texas Pete. All of this sounds strangely gross to those who haven’t experienced it. Those that have, will completely agree with me. This was one of the few Cookouts with an inside dining room. Most only had a drive thru and outdoor seating. It figured that my favorite restaurant would open around the corner when I was moving away.

  Isaac slept through lunch, too, but Kylie was awake, alert, and eager to get into mischief. She played with a straw, then moved on to a plastic fork, and finally made her mama super proud when she attempted to eat some French fries. Lily was still eating while I was using the Wi-Fi to map out directions to Grace’s home. Then, I looked on the website to see if Shane was still in jail. I had been assured that the website posted changes immediately. That gave me some degree of comfort when I discovered he was still there. It was too early to feel completely relieved. When she finished, I knew it was time to start the
next leg of the journey.

  me: Ready for a new adventure, Kylie?

  She just smiled at me. God, I love that baby...so sweet, so easy to be with.

  There was much hugging as we loaded the kids into the car. I wasn’t sure when or if I’d see Lily again.

  me: Thank you so much for letting us stay with you.

  Lily: Call me to let me know you made it there safely.

  me: I will. Call me if you find out anything about Shane.

  Lily: You know I will.

  That last hug, seemed a little tighter than normal. Once again, I was reminded how blessed I was. As I glanced at the clock, I sighed. It was time to get up to the hospital to get Kylie’s meds before the pharmacy closed.

  While driving, I received a message from Brynn. She had accidentally stuck some papers she needed in Kylie’s diaper bag when she had her the day before, so I called her.

  me: Do you need me to drop them off on my way through?

  Brynn: Where are you headed?

  me: Cary. Visiting Grace.

  Brynn: So you will be passing right by then. Yes, please!

  me: Okay. See you soon.

  After a stop at the pharmacy, then another to drop off papers for Brynn, followed by a stop for gas, and a run through a drive thru, it was getting later and later. The route seemed longer than I remembered. Because of that, Grace had already called once, worried. What should have been a two and a half hour drive was now close to double that.

  Grace: Are you still coming?

  me: Oh yes. On my way.

  Grace: What’s the next city?

  me: I don’t know. I don’t have data right now and I don’t have a GPS prediction of my arrival time.

  Grace: Okay, well, I’ll be up, waiting.

  me: Thank you.

  It was after 9pm when we finally arrived. Somehow with all the stops and the rain during the drive, we had ended up arriving much later than I ever could have predicted. Kylie had been so well behaved, I couldn’t complain.

  Henry rushed out to the vehicle as I pulled in. He was playing bellhop, quickly grabbing our suitcases. Since I was planning on staying a week, it wouldn’t make sense to run out to the vehicle for clothes on a daily basis. I brought in an entire case of Kylie’s food, her box of diapers, and reached for the bag of pump bags that would hold her food as it was pumped into her belly. They weren’t there. After the drive and the day I’d had, I was too tired to be alarmed. It was late and dark. In the morning I’d come back out to look. I had been sure that they had made it into the pile meant to go in the vehicle. Somehow during our game of Tetris, it had just been misplaced.