Barf the Barbarian in Red Nail (The Chronicles of Barf the Barbarian Book 2), Page 2

  He stopped suddenly as through the thicket before them was thrust the head of a creature that was the stuff of nightmares. Huge, grinning jaws inset with bared rows of dripping yellow tusks and above the yawning mouth wrinkled a saurian like snout. Huge eyes, like those of a python magnified a thousand times stared without blinking at the petrified humans clinging to the beginning of the crag before it. Blood smeared the scaly, flabby lips and dripped from the huge mouth.

  The head was extended on a long scaled neck on which stood a row of large, serrated spikes, and after it, crushing effortlessly the briars and saplings, heaved the body of a titan; a gigantic, barrel-bellied torso on short but strong looking legs. The whitish belly almost raked the ground, while the serrated backbone rose higher than both Barf and Valerie combined could reach on tiptoe. A long spiked tail, similar to that of a gargantuan scorpion covered in scales and spikes trailed out behind the creature. It looked at them idly, as if assessing their potential threat and then lazily it opened it’s mouth even wider, revealing its monstrous rows of teeth.

  “BURP!” it said and a fetid smell of recently digested horse wafted over them, making both of their eyes water.

  “Back up the crag, quick!” snapped Barf, wafting the smell away with his hand, thrusting Valerie behind him so she could flee from the creature first. “I am hoping it can’t climb the steep rock, though it can no doubt stand on its hind legs to reach us!”

  With a snapping and tearing of the brush and saplings the beast came hurtling towards them through the thickets, and they raced up the crag as fast as they could. As Valerie reached the veil of leaves a backward glance saw the titan rearing up against the rocky crag fearsomely on its hind legs just as Barf had predicted. The sight of the creature sent panic charging through her veins. As it reared, the beast seemed more gigantic than ever, his snouted head towering amongst the trees. They forged their way upwards though, and soon they emerged from the blanket of leaves into the sunshine again. From below them the creature began to bellow and moan, it's loud cries of rage and frustration seeming to fill the entire forest with a cacophony of sound. The creature below threw itself at the crag and as it fell forward with its front feet crashing into the rock of the crag the collision made the rock itself vibrate underfoot so powerful was the impact.

  Below them the huge head crashed through the trees, and they looked down for a horrifying instant as the nightmare visage of its face was framed in amongst the foliage, eyes flaming, jaws gaping. Then the giant tusks clashed together in vain and the head was withdrawn, vanishing from their sight as if the creature had sunk into a pool; waiting. They peered down through the now broken branches and saw it squatting on its haunches at the foot of the crag, staring without blinking up at them hungrily, malevolence shining in its huge eyes. Valerie shuddered.

  “I think poor old Moonshine has had his last rosy apple.” said Humdinger and Barf scowled as Valerie began to sob. He played a conciliatory hand on her shoulder but she snarled and shook it off.

  “Well at least she’s not waving that sword around.” said the sword, “Just what is that thing’s beef? Major anger issues if you ask me.”

  “Nobody’s asking you.” growled Barf and sheathed his sword, quickly closing the small brown leather pouch shut. From within the pouch came a flurry of loud but muffled protests. “Sorry about the sword.” he said. “Phalian magic. Can rub people up the wrong way.” Valerie simply nodded as the sword finally fell silent.

  ‘How long do you think it will stay crouched down there?” she said, watching as Barf found the skeleton on the floor and kicked at it with his foot. He looked down the hill and then back at the bleached bones on the ground before him once again.

  “I think our slightly skeletal friend here must also have clambered up here to escape that creature, or one like him. I think he must have died of starvation. There are no bones broken that I can see. I suspect it is a very patient creature. If so, it won’t leave here until we are both dead.”

  “Surely it must eat - or drink.” she said eventually.

  “I think he does not have to stray far to either, and he has just seen off two horse’s worth of food. Perhaps, like a snake, he can go for quite some time before he has to do either again. He can’t climb this crag by the look of it, and that is why our bony friend is still here. I think the lizard has patience in abundance when it comes to potential food.”

  “Could we not get into the trees and uses the branches to escape, crossing the forest floor far below like great apes?” she asked desperately. Barf shook his head.

  “I thought of that, but I would suggest that the tree branches are far too thin at the top to hold our weight, and the further down we go the tree the more likely it is that the beast will be able to reach us. Apart from all of that this creature would be able to uproot any tree hereabouts that it may find us in I would have thought. No. That is not the answer.”

  “So we just sit here and wait until we starve?” she spat furiously. Suddenly the lumpy beds and awful food of the circus seem not so bad after all. In a temper, she sat down sullenly on the ground and began to tear at the tight tufts of grass that jutted from the rock in small sporadic clumps. They sat in silence for a while and looked about them, trying to formulate a plan out of nothing.

  “At least we need not go hungry.” she said, pointing at the tree tops, “There is food that we can eat. It will be within reach.” Barf looked to where she pointed and then began to laugh as he saw the swollen dark green fruits that hung from the branches there.

  “We cannot eat those.” he said, “They are what the people of Hush call, “The Apples of Temazepam.” Valerie looked at him in confusion and so he continued. “Temazepam is their God of the dead. Eat even just a little of the flesh or the juice of one of those fruits and you would be almost instantly blinded and then after that you would be dead before your body could tumble to the floor of this crag.”

  “Oh.” she said despondently. There did not seem to be any way of escape, and if Barf was formulating any plan to escape then he certainly did not show it. Suddenly she remembered what she had seen when she had climbed the stone spire that they both now stood around. “If you climb this spire you may see something that will surprise you.”

  Barf threw her a questioning look and then with a shrug of his shoulders climbed up the stone spire, his broad frame rising up the finger of stone easily. Clinging to the spire he looked out over the roof of the forest. He looked in all directions, but when he looked to the south he froze momentarily and his jaw dropped a little.

  “By Crump’s left foot!” he exclaimed earnestly, “A walled city. A large one too. Was it there you were headed when you fled the circus?”

  “I had no prior knowledge that it was there other than by finding it in exactly the same way that you have just done.” she sniffed.

  “Who would have thought to find such a city here?” He wondered aloud. “It is certainly on no map.” he peered into the distance, changing his grip on the spike of stone as he did so. “Yet I see no herds on the plains about the city, no signs of crops in the fields, or cultivation of any kind.” He fell silent for another moment, staring southwards across the roof of the forest to the city but a mile in the distance. “I see no people anywhere either. None outside the city or on its walls, The city gates are I see closed.”

  “How can you possibly hope to seal (see?) that from this distance?” she said and he slid down to the crag again and shrugged his shoulders.

  “It matters little. People of the city or no. They cannot help us now. Not that they may in any case. The people of hereabouts are rough tribes, quick to anger. They may just stick us both full of spears as soon as they see us. Or worse.”

  “Yes.” she said angrily, “The dragon below has us trapped.”

  “Dragon?” he asked, one eyebrow rising.

  “Yes.” she said, “Dragon.”

  “That’s not a dragon.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “It is
not.”

  “It is.” Barf frowned deeply as he continued. He looked as if he could not quite believe what she was saying, an incredulous look on his face.

  “Listen. it’s not a dragon. believe you me. I know my way around dragons, and that is not one of them. A big, angry looking lizard perhaps, but a dragon? No. Never.”

  “Mumph Mumph!” they both heard from Barf’s sword belt and he flicked open the pouch on his belt, allowing Humdinger to be heard.

  “Generally speaking.” said the sword indignantly, “A dragon breathes flame. Any flames so far?”

  Both Barf and Valerie shook their heads.

  “Check. No fire breathing. They also have wings and tend to be quite prone to flying around generally making nuisances of themselves, do dragons. Any of that going on at all?”

  “Not at all.” said Barf, “If it could then we would be toast already.”

  “I see.” said Humdinger sarcastically, “So it’s not a dragon. A lizard, perhaps.”

  “Well whatever you call it, it has us trapped.” she said angrily, “What with that or the possibility of being stuck full of spears by the locals means I am not having a terribly good day!” Both Barf and Valerie fell silent, Barf chewing something over that he knew was important but he could not quite put his finger on.

  “Spears!” he said suddenly as he remembered, “Why did I not think of that before?”

  “What are you talking about?” she said sharply and without answering her question Barf snapped the pouch on his belt shut and descended to the belt of leaves and looked through them.

  The giant lizard still squatted below, watching his every move with amazing patience. Barf cursed the creature and began to gather branches, reaching down as far as he could with his sword and severing and gathering them together. The movement and noise from him made the monster below restless and it rose upon its haunches and lashed out with its long, thick tail, the hideous scaled hide splintering trees and saplings, sending them flying about the forest floor as the lizard lashed out in anger. Barf watched the creature warily, but continued to assess and cut branches until he had three of them cut, all about seven feet in length. He had also gathered several strands of tough, thick vines.

  “The branches are not strong or thick enough to hold our weight.” Barf explained as he threw the three long branches to the floor along with the vines and kneeled down before them, looking over them carefully. “Yet there is strength in unity.”

  “What has that got to do with those sticks?” she asked and he winked.

  “Wait and see.” he said, “Give me your dirk.” Valerie frowned but removed the small knife from her belt and passed it to him carefully, leaving her only with her sword secured on the other side of her belt. He gathered the branches into a tight bundle and wedged the dirk between the three of them and used the vines to bind them all together. The rest of the vines he used to secure the wooden branches at both the middle and the end. Once done he stood and picked the bound branches up. To Valerie’s surprise she could now see that he had created a long spear of no small strength, with a sturdily tied shaft that was about seven feet in length.

  “What good will that do?” she asked, “No blade will pierce that foul creature’s scales. “

  “He hasn’t got scales all over him.” he said, “There is more than one way to skin a panther. You will see.”

  Moving down to the edge of the leaves Barf hefted the spear and carefully pierced the blade through one the fruits that hung above. The dark purple drops that leached from the Temazepam fruit fell onto the blade. Presently he withdrew the spear and showed her that the blade of her dirk was now stained a dull purple colour.

  “I have no way of knowing if that is sufficient poison there to stop it.” he said, examining the spear. “There is certainly enough to stop an elephant, but - well, we shall see.” Hefting the spear before him he began to move down into the barrier of leaves. The moment that the creature saw him and with sudden and appalling quickness it reared up on its might hind legs and stretched out its neck and body in a furious attempt to try and reach him. Barf however had judged the distance between himself and the monster below with precision. Barely five feet below him the mighty head crashed futilely through the leaves. As the monstrous mouth gaped before him like that of a giant snake, Barf drove his spear down into the red angle of the jawbone hinge and into the creature's wide open mouth. He drove with down with all his strength, using both arms driving the tied branches and the poison soaked blade down to the hilt in flesh, sinew and bone.

  Instantly the jaws snapped convulsively together, snapping the branches of the spear and almost dragging Barf from the ground where he stood thrusting the improvised spear into the flesh of the creature’s mouth. Down on the ground the giant creature thrashed and wallowed on the floor, its tail lashing out convulsively and sending smashed trees and bushes flying across the forest floor. As they watched the beast pawed at its mouth with its short front legs, but it was all in vain. Already the brown and green spikes along its spine were turning a purply red colour and the creature screamed long and loud, the sound of its anger and pain echoing out across the forest. Barf and Valerie placed their hands across their ears in an attempt to mask the noises the creature was making, but it hardly helped at all.

  Yet the giant lizard was not done for yet. Gathering its strength and with a loud, grating roar it hurled itself at the crag upon which they stood. Again, and again its mighty head crashed upward through the branches, snapping at them without coming close to them at all. The weight of the creature’s assault on the rock made it tremble and shake, but the rock held firm. The exhibition of primordial fury chilled the blood in Valerie’s veins, but Barf looked almost distracted, looking up at the path of the sun as if he was tired of waiting.

  “The poison is taking hold.” he said eventually, his eyes upon the creature still.

  “How can you tell?” She sat down beside him, her eyes glancing at the giant creature which still raged below.

  “It’s voice has changed.” he said, “First it was angry at the spear in its mouth, but there is pain in its voice now. Look! It staggers. It will be blind soon!”

  She stared and below saw the creature lurch and stagger and then suddenly make off heading in the direction of the pool.

  “Is it running away?” she asked as it disappeared towards the forest floor, though the sound of its passage could be clearly heard.

  “He is making for the pool!” Barf said. Standing suddenly and grasping at her hand, dragging her to the edge of the crag. “The poison makes it thirsty. Come! He will be blind in a few moments, but he can smell his way back to the base of the crag, and if our scent is still here when he returns then he will sit here until he dies. There is also the chance that others of its kind may come at the sound of its cries. We must flee!”

  “Flee where?” she said, shaking off his hand.

  “We will make for the city! They may cut off our heads there, but it's our only chance. Staying here will ensure only a certain death! If we wait until he dies we may have a dozen more to deal with. Come now! Hurry!”

  They descended the crag through the veil of leaves at a hurry, then down though the branches until they slid to the forest floor silently. A noisy, gurgling lapping sound beyond the dense thicket indicated that the monster was drinking at the pool.

  “As soon as his thirst is slaked he will return.” whispered Barf into her ear, “It may take hours for the poison to kill him - if indeed it kills him at all!”

  Somewhere beyond the forest the sun was inking to the horizon. The forest was a misty twilight of shadow and root and branch. Taking Valerie by the hand again they glided slowly away from the foot of the crag. They both made hardly any noise at all, but Valerie felt as if every footstep was betraying their flight to the wounded creature and to all the forest.

  “I wouldn’t have thought it could follow a trail.” whispered Barf as they continued to tiptoe away, “But if a wind blew our body sc
ent to it then it could smell us out easily.”

  “May the Gods grant that the wind blows not!” whispered Valerie. She had drawn her sword now, but she could not remember having done so. They were still some way before where they thought the forest ended when they heard a snapping and a crashing sound behind them. Valerie bit her lip to stop herself from crying out.

  “It is on our trail!” she hissed. Barf shook his head.

  “He cannot smell us at the rock and now it is blundering around trying to pick up our scent. As long as the wind does not change we can make the city I am sure! Come!”

  They increased their speed as ahead the trees began to thin out. Behind them the forest was an impenetrable cloak of darkness. The ominous smashing of trees continued behind them as the beast continued in its erratic course, attempting to find them.

  “There is the plain ahead!” breathed Valerie. “A little more and we shall…”

  “Crump!” exclaimed Barf.

  “Oh no.” whispered Valerie.

  Out of the south a wind had sprung up.

  It blew directly over them and into the forest behind from where they had just come. Instantly a terrible roar shook the woods and the aimless erratic snapping of trees became instead a sustained crashing as the beast came like a hurricane straight toward the spot where the wind had wafted the scent of Barf and Valerie.

  “Run!” shouted Barf, “It is all we can do!”

  They raced from the forest onto the open plain, and behind them the crashing gave way to a sound like that of rolling thunder as the creature burst out of the line of thickets of the forest and into the more open ground. Valerie glanced over her shoulder to see the beast racing across the little of the plain that they had crossed, charging towards them like a juggernaut. She sighed wearily and stopped, bending double and placing her hands on her knees to get her breath back. Ahead of her Barf raced on, but suddenly aware that he was alone he too stopped.

  “Run!” he screamed. Pulling Humdinger from his hilt. She had her back to the rapidly approaching lizard, but Barf was looking over her shoulder at it, his face reflecting the fear that he felt at the ferocity of its advance towards them.