I Wish You Knew, Page 2

  *Present time*

  “Mika!” I heard being shouted from somewhere very close beside me.

  “Go’way…” I mumbled incoherently before rolling over in my bed and going back to sleep.

  Sleep never got a chance to return to me though. Someone by the name of James decided it was time for me to get out of bed. I never did appreciate his methods. Today, I was roughly shoved onto the floor and then sat on.

  “Getting up yet?” He asked innocently. Kind of like he hadn’t done anything wrong, at all.

  “Geddof before I hurtchu…” I mumbled. I was never a morning person. I couldn’t speak so well nor could I function at school properly in the mornings.

  “Oh Mika, but you have to get up. I have a surprise for you today.” James said with a smile evident in his voice.

  “If I get up…will you get off?” I asked from underneath him…and a pile of blankets.

  “Yep!” He jumped off and pulled me up so I was standing.

  I managed to get all the blankets off my before turning to glare at my very annoying friend. He was grinning like a mad hatter at the fact that he had successfully gotten me out of bed. His copper hair was allowed free roam of his face and chose to settle in front of his gorgeous green eyes. I blinked to clear my thoughts of the love for him I had hidden for four years.

  He was undoubtedly gorgeous though. Slim, yet toned body; average height, though sadly that made him much taller than me, perfectly messy copper hair; nnd stunningly bright green eyes. All of that mixed together with a soft, yet somewhat lustful voice, and you get the only person I had ever loved. James was everything to me, but I knew I was nothing more than a friend to him. I was horrible in the looks department, and besides, I knew he was straighter then a doornail.

  I headed to the bathroom attached to my room once I had retrieved clothes I was going to wear that day. I showered, brushed my teeth, then tried to sort out my horribly messy hair. It was nearly jet black and never liked doing what I wanted it to. After my hair, I caked black eyeliner on around my chocolate brown eyes, and settled for doing nothing else to make my easier on the eyes. Lastly, I checked my weight on the electronic scale I stashed in the cupboard under the sink. I waited patiently while it worked to figure out my weight. Great. I’ve gained more unneeded weight. I thought to myself. Finally it showed my the results.

  98

  Still not enough. I’m not going to eat again today. I thought bitterly towards the insulting device. I shoved it back into the cupboard and exited the bathroom. James was sitting on my bed waiting impatiently for me.

  “Done now?” He asked.

  I nodded and led the way out of my room. I never stopped to get breakfast, no snack, nothing. I couldn’t gain any more weight. James gave me a questioning look, but said nothing. Once we got outside, he blindfolded me and helped me into his car. We drove for what felt like a long time, when really I think it was only ten minutes.

  He helped me back out of his car and led me away to somewhere that seemed like a field. We walked for a little more before he got me to sit. He sat beside me in the grass and leaned over to take the blindfold off. I looked around and felt suddenly confused with what I saw. We were at the small lake just on the edge of town. It was a beautiful place, but why did he take me here?

  “Mika?” He questioned.

  “Yes?” I responded in an offhand sort of way. I was more curious about our location than anything else.

  “Do you know where we are?” He asked me, amused.

  “Yeah, but why are we here?” I asked him in return.

  “You don’t remember?” He looked downhearted at my response.

  “I honestly don’t.”

  James sighed and looked around. “You ran here after our first day back at school after that party. You were crying because everyone had bullied you about kissing me. They called you all sorts of names and hurt you. I followed you here, I comforted you. I fell in love with you.” He explained while staring out across the water of the lake.

  I looked at him, confused. He fell for me? James, of all people, fell for me? How? I was surprised to say the least. I hadn’t known. It should have been obvious, what with him being the only one who stayed by me, but it wasn’t. But how could he fall for me? I’m hideous!

  “Mika…say something, please.” James broke my train of thought when he spoke.

  I looked at him and he was staring at me. His eyes seemed so sad. But why? “Why James? Why me?”

  “Well that’s just it. I don’t know.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked away from me again. “That kiss…and then when you had run off from school four years ago…I don’t know…I just fell for you.”

  “No!” I shook my head furiously. “You lie. You can’t love me. I’m hideous. I’m fat. You’re just saying that to trick me.”

  “No I’m not Mika.” He grabbed for my hands but I pulled them away.

  I started crying as I stood up. “You’re just playing on my emotions. You somehow know that I love you and now you’re using it against me!” as soon as the words left my lips I regretted it. I had just told him my biggest secret.

  I started crying even harder. Now he would just torment me even more. But I was surprised when I felt him wrap his arms around me and bring me close. He said nothing, just let me cry into his chest while he held me.

  Finally, when I had calmed down slightly he pulled back a little and looked at me. “You love me?” He asked softly.

  I nodded slightly and wiped a few tears away from my eyes. “But you could never love me back. I’m not pretty, I’m not skinny…nothing. I’m nothing.”

  “No you’re not Mika. You’re beautiful. Even with you makeup running all down your cheeks, you’re still the most beautiful person alive. And as for the weight, you’re too skinny. It’s scary Mika. You could get seriously sick.”

  He cared for me. Like really cared for me. He may not have out right said it. But I heard it in his voice. Maybe there was hope, but even then, it wouldn’t work. The kids at school would pick on him too, and I couldn’t have that happen.

  “No James. You can’t care for me. You just can’t. If everyone at school found out, you’d be just as bad off as I am. I can’t have that. I’m sorry.” I pulled myself out of his grasp and turned to walk away. But he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back into him so my back was pressed to his chest.

  “Does it seem like I care?” I shook my head at him. “Exactly. I love you Mika, I want you to be mine.” He whispered in my ear.

  I shivered as his breath hit my ear and I felt him smile. He did it again, purposely and caused me to shiver again. I let out a hardly audible moan as he pressed himself closer to me and nibbled on my neck slightly.

  I knew that what was soon to happen was wrong, that it was sluttish, but I had wanted him for four years, and now I had him, so I didn’t care. I twisted my head slightly so I could place a hard, yet soft kiss to his lips. He responded eagerly and spun me around so that we were facing each other and our bodies were sill pressed together.

  I ran my hand through his hair as we kissed and pulled his hair slightly. He groaned and rubbed his growing manhood against mine. Things progressed much farther, and yet I still didn’t care. We didn’t have sex , it wasn’t the right time. We did end up naked in the back of his care making out and cuddling though.

  In my opinion, that was better than sex. I was just ecstatic that James loved me, and that he was now mine. I’m still not exactly popular at school but things smoothed out for me from then on. James took care of anyone who picked on me. Sure, he wasn’t much, but he had a nasty temper when it decided to come out.

  Three years later, and I’ve grown up a lot. I’m still getting over my past bullying experiences. But I remain the same boy who had a secret love. Only now, my love is no longer a secret. My love is reciprocated and that made me happier than anything. I no longer lay awake at night wishing to have James as my own. I’m no longer ashamed to look in the mirror tha
nks to James, but only because he taught me to love myself again. He is no longer my secret love, he’s now my fiance and that was what truly mattered to me. I loved him. He loved me. Hell, I have all I need in life now, and that was just fine with me.