Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy. It requires courage and faith. It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand alone for a while.
Let go of fear. Understand that change is an important part of recovery. Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.
We are never starting over. In recovery, we are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons. We will find ourselves with certain people—in love, family, friendships, and work—when we need to be with them. When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on. We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.
Page 377
No, the lessons are not all painful. We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.
Our needs will get met.
Today, I will accept where I am in my relationships, even if that place is awkward and uncomfortable. If I am in the midst of endings, I will face and accept my grief. God, help me trust that the path I am on has been perfectly and lovingly planned for me. Help me believe that my relationships are teaching me important lessons. Help me accept and be grateful for middles, endings, and new beginnings.
December 30
Laying the Foundation
The groundwork has been laid.
Do you not see that?
Don't you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose?
There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release.
You have been prepared. The same way a builder must first tear down and dig out the old to make way for the new, your Higher Power has been cleaning out the foundation in your life.
Have you ever watched a builder at construction? When he begins his work, it looks worse than before he began. What is old and decayed must be removed. What is insufficient or too weak to support the new structure must be removed, replaced, or reinforced. No builder who cares about his or her work would put a new surface over an insufficient support system. The foundation would give way. It would not last.
If the finished product is to be what is desired, the work must be done thoroughly from the bottom up. As the work progresses it often appears to be an upheaval.
Often, it does
Page 378
not seem to make sense. It may appear to be wasted time and effort, because we cannot see the final product yet.
But it is so important that the foundation be laid properly if the fun work, the finishing touches, is to be all that we want it to be.
This long, hard time in your life has been for laying of groundwork. It was not without purpose, although at times the purpose may not have been evident or apparent.
Now, the foundation has been laid. The structure is solid.
Now, it is time for the finishing touches, the completion.
It is time to move the furniture in and enjoy the fruits of the labor.
Congratulations. You have had the patience to endure the hard parts. You have trusted, surrendered, and allowed your Higher Power and the Universe to heal and prepare you.
Now, you shall enjoy the good that has been planned.
Now, you shall see the purpose.
Now, it shall all come together and make sense.
Enjoy.
Today, I will surrender to the laying of the foundation—the groundwork—in my life. If it is time to enjoy the placement of the finishing touches, I will surrender to that, and enjoy that too. I will remember to be grateful for a Higher Power that is a Master Builder and only has my best interests in mind, creating and constructing my life. I will be grateful for my Higher Power's care and attention to details in laying the foundation—even though I become impatient at times. I will stand in awe at the beauty of God's finished product.
Page 379
December 31
Affirming the Good
Fun becomes fun, love becomes love, life becomes worth living. And we become grateful.
—Beyond Codependency
Wait, and expect good things—for yourself and your loved ones.
When you wonder what is coming, tell yourself the best is coming, the very best life and love have to offer, the best God and His universe have to send. Then open your hands to receive it. Claim it, and it is yours.
See the best in your mind; envision what it will look like, what it will feel like. Focus, until you can see it clearly. Let your whole being, body and soul, enter into and hold onto the image for a moment.
Then, let it go. Come back into today, the present moment. Do not obsess. Do not become fearful. Become excited. Live today fully, expressing gratitude for all you have been, all you are, and all you will become.
Wait, and expect good things.
Today, when I think about the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.
Page 381
Index
A
Acceptance—Feb. 17, Apr. 3, Oct. 29
Accepting Change—Apr. 19, June 30
Accepting Help—Jan. 5
Accepting Imperfection—Feb. 25
Accepting Our Best—Aug. 30
Accepting Ourselves—Mar. 3
Acting As If—Jan. 17
Affirmations—Dec. 11
Affirming the Good—Dec. 31
Afterburn—Mar. 27
Amends, Making—Aug. 26
Amends, Willing to Make—Aug. 25
Anger—Nov. 4
Anger at Family Members—Apr. 28
Anger, Accepting—Jan. 14
Anger, Letting Out—Nov. 14
Apologies—Sept. 19
Appreciating Our Past—Jan. 22
Appreciating Ourselves—Mar. 24
Asking for What We Need—Jan. 31, Aug. 9
Awareness—Nov. 25
B
Balance—Mar. 28, Apr. 30, Dec. 21
Balance, Finding—Jan. 12
Be Who You Are—Mar. 5, Oct. 1
Being Honest with Ourselves—Oct. 16
Being Is Enough—July 21
Being Right—Feb. 18
Beliefs About Money—Nov. 10
Page 382
Boundaries—May 17
Boundaries, Flack from Setting—Mar. 23
Bring Any Request to God—July 11
C
Celebrate—July 4
Charity—June 3
Clarity—Oct. 26
Clarity and Direction—Mar. 13
Clear Thinking—Dec. 14
Clearing the Slate—Jan. 24
Commitment—May 30
Commitment, Considering—Mar. 21
Communication—Apr. 15
Compulsive Disorders, Freedom from—May 4
Conflict and Detachment—Sept. 11
Conflicts, Negotiating—Apr. 4
Control—Feb. 15, May 5
Controlling Versus Trust—Oct. 14
Coping with Stress—Apr. 22
D
Deadlines—Apr. 20
Detaching in Love—Apr. 5
Detaching in Relationships—Aug. 21
Detaching with Love—Oct. 20
Detaching with Love with Children—Sept. 2
Detachment—Feb. 16, June 24, Nov. 30
Detachment, Conflict and—Sept. 11
Difficult People—Dec. 5
Directness—June 1, July 3, Aug. 12
Discipline—Nov. 11
Divinely Led—Feb. 11
Page 383
E
Empowerment—Mar. 17, Dec. 10
Enjoying Life—Nov. 6
Enjoying Recovery—Feb. 4
Enjoying the Good Days—May 10
Enjoyment—Apr. 13, May 23
Expectations of Others—Dec. 20
Experiment—Mar. 30
F
Facing Our Darker Side—A
pr. 2
Faith and Money—Oct. 4
Families, Coping with—Oct. 2
Families, Living with—Mar. 10
Family Buttons—July 15
Family Issues, Separating from—Jan. 4
Family Members, Responsibility for—Aug. 22
Fear—Jan. 10, July 28
Feeling Good—May 6, June 16
Feelings—Dec. 15
Feelings, Accepting Our—Nov. 19
Feelings, Dealing with Painful—Jan. 7
Feelings, Good—Jan. 13
Feelings, Leaving Room for—Aug. 15
Feelings, On the Job—Mar. 2
Feelings, Recognizing—Feb. 24
Feelings, Staying Open to Our—Dec. 18
Feelings, Those OldTime—Apr. 7
Finances—Mar. 31
Financial Fears—Nov. 21
Financial Goals—Apr. 11
Financial Responsibility—Feb. 5, Oct. 21
Finding Direction—Sept. 4
Page 384
Friends—Aug. 13
Fulfillment—Mar. 7
Fun—June 8
Fun, Have Some—July 29
G
Getting It All Out—July 7
Getting Needs Met—Mar. 29, May 21
Getting Through Discomfort—Oct. 3
Getting Through Hard Times—Sept. 15
Gifts, Not Burdens—Mar. 26
Giving—Apr. 9, Dec. 13
Giving Ourselves What We Deserve—May 8
God As We Understand God—July 13
God's Will—June 29, Dec. 12
Going Easy—Apr. 1
Going with the Flow—July 8
Good Feelings—June 21
Good Points, Our—Oct. 19
Good Things Coming—Dec. 22
Gossip—May 26
Gratitude—Jan. 18, Aug. 1
Gratitude and Acceptance, the Magic of—Nov. 22
Grief and Action—Nov. 17
Grief Process, The—Nov. 2, Dec. 6
Grief, Being Gentle with Ourselves During Times of Oct. 12
Grief, Transformation Through—Nov. 1
Growth—Dec. 26
H
Harmony, Achieving—June 27
Healing—Aug. 11, Sept. 12
Healing Thoughts—Aug. 17
Healthy Limits—Jan. 2
Page 385
Healthy Tolerance, Developing—Dec. 3
Help, Asking for—Dec. 9
Higher Power as a Source—Mar. 4
Higher Power, Our—May 2
Holding Your Own—Oct. 22
Holiday Triggers—Dec. 23
Holidays, Getting Through the—Dec. 24
Holidays, The—Dec. 25
Honesty—May 14
Honesty in Relationships—Aug. 20
I
InBetween—Aug. 2
Insisting on the Best—July 16
Intimacy—May 12
Into Orbit—June 7
J
Job, Taking Care of Ourselves on the—Aug. 28
K
Keep at It—July 25
Knowledge—Oct. 5
L
Learning New Behaviors—May 9
Learning to Trust Again—July 22
Learning to Wait—Oct. 8
Lessons on the Job—Apr. 24
Let's Make a Deal—Nov. 5
Letting Go—Jan. 4, July 27, Dec. 4
Letting Go in Love—Feb. 9
Letting Go of Anger—Mar. 1
Letting Go of Being a Victim—Mar. 22
Letting Go of Chaos—Oct. 15
Page 386
Letting Go of Confusion—Mar. 11
Letting Go of Denial—Feb. 28
Letting Go of Fear—Apr. 12, May 7
Letting Go of Fear of Abandonment—July 12
Letting Go of Guilt—Jan. 11, Feb. 8
Letting Go of Naiveté—Oct. 7
Letting Go of Need to Control—Apr. 27
Letting Go of Old Beliefs—June 23
Letting Go of Perfection—Aug. 10
Letting Go of Resistance—July 20
Letting Go of Sadness—Feb. 10
Letting Go of SelfCriticism—Aug. 16, Nov. 26
Letting Go of SelfDoubt—May 28
Letting Go of Shame—Aug. 19, Dec. 6
Letting Go of the Past—Oct. 25
Letting Go of Those Not in Recovery—Feb. 12
Letting Go of Timing—June 14
Letting Go of Urgency—Sept. 21
Letting Go of What We Want—July 31
Letting Go of Worry—Mar. 25
Letting People Be There for Us—Dec. 1
Letting the Cycles Flow—May 24
Letting the Good Stuff Happen—Sept. 18
Letting Things Happen—Apr. 16
Life, Putting Ours on Hold—Dec. 2
Living in the Present—Feb. 21
Living Our Lives—May 18
Love, Accepting—Nov. 9
Love, in Words and Actions—July 17
Love, Opening Ourselves to—Apr. 23, Oct. 24
Loving Ourselves Unconditionally—May 25
M
Making It Happen—July 23
Making Life Easier—June 19
Page 387
Martyrs, Competition Between—June 15
Meditation and Prayer—Oct. 28
Meetings, Going to—Jan. 29
Middle, Staying Out of the—Mar. 19
Money, Attitudes Toward—Aug. 5
Money, The Importance of—Sept. 29
Morning Cues—Oct. 23
Moving Forward—June 11
Moving On—Dec. 29
N
Near the Top—Dec. 27
Needing People—Jan. 27
Needs, All Our—Oct. 31
Needy, Allowing Ourselves to Be—Sept. 24
New Beginnings—Jan. 20
New Energy Coming—Jan. 23
New Relationship Behaviors—Sept. 17
New Year, The—Jan. 1
Nurtured, Allowing Ourselves to Be—Nov. 18
Nurturing Ourselves—Dec. 17
Nurturing SelfCare—Jan. 3
O
Off the Hook—Jan. 26
Our Path—Feb. 19
Overspending and Underspending—July 9
Owning Our Energy—Aug. 29
P
Pain, Stopping Our—Sept. 8
Pain, Using Others to Stop Our—Apr. 10
Panic—June 9, Dec. 28
Past, Peace with the—Sept. 25
Patience—Apr. 6, Sept. 1
Page 388
Payoffs from Destructive Relationships—Oct. 10
Peace—Mar. 6
PeoplePleasers—Feb. 27
Perfection—May 11
Perfection, Letting Go of—Aug. 10
Perfectionism—Apr. 14
Perspective—Sept. 9
Positive Energy—Mar. 16
Power, Owning Our—Jan. 19, Feb. 7, June 2, July 26, Aug. 14
Power, Owning in Relationships—Aug. 3
Powerless over Others—Sept. 7
Powerlessness, Accepting—July 30
Powerlessness and Unmanageability—May 29
Prayer—Jan. 16, Sept. 28
Procrastination—Aug. 27
Property Lines—May 13
Protected, Feeling—Sept. 26
Proving It to Ourselves—July 19
R
Readiness, The Gift of—June 6
Receiving—July 1
Recognizing Choices—May 27
Recovery—Oct. 11
Recovery, Benefits of—Nov. 15
Recovery, Enjoying—Feb. 4
Recovery Prayer—May 1
Relationship Martyrs—June 20
Relationships—Jan. 6, Nov. 7
Relationships, Detaching in—Aug. 21
Relationships, Ending—July 10
Relationships, Hanging on to Old—June 13
Relationships, Honesty in—Aug. 20
Relationships, Initiating—Apr. 29
Releasing—Mar. 20
Page 389
Religious Freedom—Jan. 30
Removing the Victim—Mar. 15
Reprogramming, Times of—May 22, Sept. 13
Rescuing Ourselves—Aug. 16
Resisting Negativity—Apr. 26
Responsibility—June 10
Responsibility for Ourselves—Jan. 9
Revenge—Sept. 16
Risks, Take—May 15
S
Sadness—May 20
Safety—Mar. 18
Saying No—Aug. 7
Saying Yes—Aug. 8
SelfApproval—Sept. 10
SelfCare—Apr. 8, Aug. 23
SelfDisclosure—Oct. 9
SelfLove—May 16
SelfSeeking, Freedom from—May 3
SelfValue—Oct. 30
Setbacks, Temporary—Sept. 27
Setting Our Own Course—Feb. 20
Sexuality, Healthy—Nov. 23
Shame, Combating—June 5
Shame, Rejecting—Feb. 3
Solving Problems—Feb. 22, May 19, Aug. 6
Spontaneity—Sept. 20
Spontaneity and Fun—June 12
Standing Up for Ourselves—Jan. 15
Staying in the Present Moment—Jan. 28
Step Eight—Aug. 24
Step Eleven—Oct. 27
Step One—Jan. 25
Step Seven—July 6
Page 390
Step Ten—Sept. 5
Step Ten, The Good in—Sept. 6
Step Twelve—Nov. 29
Step Two—Feb. 1
Steps, Back to the—Nov. 28
Strength—Feb. 23
Substance over Form—Oct. 13
Surrender—Mar. 8, June 17, Nov. 24
Surrender, Feelings and—Oct. 17
Surviving Slumps—June 26
Survivor Guilt—July 5
T
Taking Care of Ourselves—Mar. 9, Apr. 17, Oct. 6, Nov. 13
Taking Care of Ourselves Emotionally—Dec. 16
Throwing Out the Rule Book—Oct. 18
Time to Get Angry—July 18
Time, When It's Right—Dec. 7
Timing—Mar. 12, Nov. 12
Tolerance—Sept. 23, Dec. 3
True to Ourselves—Nov. 8
Trusting God—June 4
Trusting Our Higher Power—Feb. 2
Trusting Ourselves—Feb. 13, Mar. 14 Sept. 22, Nov. 27
Truth, Finding Our Own—Apr. 25
Twelve Step Programs—Feb. 26
V
Valentine's Day—Feb. 14
Valuing Our Needs—Dec. 8
Valuing this Moment—Aug. 18
Victim, Not a—Sept. 30
Victim Trap, The—Nov. 16
Page 391
Victimization, Stopping—Feb. 6
Vulnerability—Jan. 8, Aug. 4
Vulnerable—June 18