The Right Side of Forever (The Perfect Duet Book 2), Page 2

  “Who said anything about a relationship? Have a little fun. You deserve it, plus it will give you an excuse as to why you’re not hanging out with Colby as much.”

  Ugh.

  She’s the devil. Leah is the reincarnation of the devil, because that reasoning right there makes me want to say yes. The word is on the tip of my tongue, ready to jump head first into Tyler’s friend’s arms. It would be so easy. Have some fun, have some much-needed sex, and get lost in a man while trying to forget about the one who owns my heart. It would be so easy to revert back to old ways, to give into the temptation of getting lost in another crappy relationship. But I’m trying to be better, I’m trying to improve my self-love and going out with Tyler’s friend is not the way to do that.

  And also, for some annoying reason, I think about Colby and what he might think. What he’s told me time and time again. I deserve more. I deserve someone who treats me right. Who knows, maybe Donovan is that person, but I don’t think I’m ready to take that chance, especially with how fragile I feel right now.

  Coming to a decision, I shake my head. “No, I’m fine. I’ll think of something.”

  “Are you sure?” No.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  Leah pats my leg and stands, clearing the dinner table. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

  Chapter Three

  RYAN

  The metal table beneath my hand shakes, my coffee rocking ever so slightly as my leg bounces up and down out of pure nerves.

  Three unanswered phone calls, countless texts, and one angry voicemail has led me to this point, where I’m sitting outside a little coffee shop waiting for Colby and Sage to show up for a little “catch-up.”

  I still don’t know what I’m going to say to them. What does one really say to someone they’re in love with, someone they’ve been avoiding? Sorry, I can’t get you out of my mind, and my cold, black soul is splintering with every thought of you? Not so much.

  It’s why I’ve tried to avoid this gathering, but there were only so many times I could miss a text or phone call before Colby came charging to my apartment looking for me.

  And it’s why I’m sitting at this table, waiting for them, a freaking engagement present at my side, and the fakest smile I can muster plastered on my face.

  I’m happy for them.

  They are perfect for each other.

  You don’t love him.

  I repeat my new mantra over and over in my head, trying to convince myself that yes, I do believe everything I’m saying.

  But when I look up, my mantra is thrown out the window the moment my eyes land on Colby, walking toward me in a pair of perfectly fit jeans, a tight white T-shirt that clings to every corded muscle in his chest and stomach, and a pair of aviators that cover those deep mysterious eyes of his, the eyes I used to be able to stare into without crying.

  His stride is purposeful as he makes his way toward me, his shoulders tight and crisp with his walk, a watch on his left wrist, chunky and thick, adding to his breathtaking fighter-pilot appeal. Everything about him screams alpha, from the freshly shaven, carved jaw, to the rugged air surrounding him. One look at him and people know not to mess with him, and yet, he is gentle, sweet, and thoughtful. A lethal combination that has consumed my entire soul.

  When he reaches the table, he removes his sunglasses and casts those dark eyes on me, angry and relieved.

  “Are you just going to sit there? Give me a fucking hug.”

  Abruptly, I stand and circle my arms around Colby, taking in his masculine scent and the way his arms protectively shield me from everything around us. I shouldn’t take such pleasure in this hug, or the way being near him again ignites a fire deep within me, but being the sadist I am, I spend a few extra seconds pressing my cheek to his chest and soaking in every single second in his arms.

  His large hand cups the back of my head as he presses a sweet kiss to the top of my hair, mumbling, “I’ve missed you, Ryan.” I’ve missed you more than you’ll ever know.

  I squeeze my eyes shut and will back the tears. Not here. Not now.

  Deep breaths.

  You can do this.

  Letting the air flow through my lungs, allowing a few breaths to pass, I finally say, “I’ve missed you too.”

  When he pulls back, my heart seizes, constricts. At the loss of his arms, it almost feels like I’m having a heart attack, short breaths, sharp pains . . . the wish for one more second. He takes a seat and I do as well, straightening my oversize, off-the-shoulder shirt, trying to gather my strength before looking at him again. When I’m finally brave enough, I’m hit with his penetrating gaze.

  “You’ve lost weight.” It isn’t a question, it’s a statement. I tried to wear something a little looser so he wouldn’t notice, but apparently I didn’t do a good enough job.

  “Really?” I ask, stupidly. It’s obvious I’ve lost weight, and no matter how much I’ve tried to feed myself, I haven’t been hungry. My stomach has felt too sick to take any food. It’s like I am having the post-breakup blues without experiencing the breakup. Although to my heart . . . it’s the worst breakup I’ve ever endured.

  “Yeah, you have. What’s going on, Ryan? Why are you avoiding me?”

  Because I’m desperately in love with you, and I can’t stand that you’re going to marry someone else.

  Not answering him, because honestly, I don’t know what to say, I look around and say, “Where’s Sage? I thought she was coming too.”

  “She’s running a little late. Now answer my question. Why are you avoiding me?” His glare is so serious I can feel myself melting in my seat.

  I have to lie, but I don’t know what to use as an excuse other than . . .

  “I, uh, took the engagement hard.” His face softens. “As you know, I don’t have the best of luck when it comes to men. Rory recently married and now you, so it was just hard on me.” The lie falls off my tongue a little easier than expected. Possibly because a lot of that is true. “It makes me a shitty friend, and I’m sorry.”

  “I thought that’s what it might have been.” Oh Colby, if you only knew. “I’m sorry. I should have realized that before including you with everything. I know it can’t be easy on you.”

  “No, I’m glad I was a part of it. I just had to be a grown-up about it, that’s all. Sorry it took me so long.”

  “Don’t apologize. I’m just glad you’re back.” He pauses. “You’re back, right? No more avoiding me?”

  I swallow hard, keeping my eyes trained on him. “No more avoiding you.”

  A sense of relief washes over him as he takes my hand in his. “Good, because I’ve missed your sassy mouth and our burrito lunches.” I’ve missed everything. Seeing you, knowing you were available for me, knowing you were my best friend.

  “You’re not mad at me?”

  “Mad? Maybe for a while, but not now though. Now I know why you weren’t talking to me. You have to be honest with me, Ryan.” He looks me up and down. “And you have to fucking eat.”

  Self-consciously I pull on my shirt. “Yeah, don’t worry about that. I’ll go eat a donut after this.”

  “What about pancakes? I don’t have anything—”

  “Ugh, I’m so sorry,” Sage says, jogging up to us in black heels, her hair in a high ponytail swishing back and forth in such a cute Sage-like way. Damn her. She quickly greets Colby with a press to his arm and a kiss to his cheek before turning toward me and pulling me into a giant hug. “Ah, I’m so happy to finally see you. We’ve missed you, Ryan.” We’ve missed you, Ryan. They’re totally a we now.

  I circle her little body and hug her back, wanting to hate her, but I physically can’t. God, she’s so nice.

  Once she lets go of me, she takes a seat and gestures for me to sit as well. Setting her purse on the ground, she folds her hands and looks me in the eyes. “How have you been?” There is just plain, genuine curiosity coming from her. Of course, if she were a condescending woman, she would
have asked that with pity in her voice.

  But not Sage.

  She’s the real deal, and I know that’s why Colby loves her so much.

  “I’ve been all right. You know, working and such. Just caught up with Colby a little bit.”

  “She’s done avoiding us.” He winks at me jokingly, and even though I know he’s bringing humor to the situation, I can’t help but feel embarrassed that they talked about me together. I know that’s what couples do, but it makes me feel self-conscious. What else have they talked about when it comes to me?

  Sage, the nicest person ever, nudges Colby in the side with her elbow, reprimanding him. “Don’t make her feel like a dick. If she wanted some time away from us, mainly you, that’s her choice.” She conspiratorially leans toward me and says, “Believe me, I wish I could take a break from this guy on occasion too.”

  Hell, if that doesn’t make me want to punch her square in the nose. Does she not realize how lucky she is? How much I would immediately trade places with her?

  Okay, maybe Sage has one check in the bad column. Just one . . . for now.

  “I’m just teasing her. We’re cool, right, Ryan?”

  I nod. “Yup.” I look between the two of them, feeling awkward, so I reach down and grab the little present I got them. “Here, I got you guys an engagement present.”

  Colby’s eyebrows lift, the corner of his lips tilting up once the shock wears off, a sweet smile caressing his lips. “You got us a gift?”

  “It’s nothing too special. Just a little congratulations,” I reply, feeling beyond shy right now, especially with the way Colby is looking at me.

  “You’re so sweet.” Sage takes the gift and starts to open it. I watch her, the entire time feeling Colby’s eyes on me, my body heating up from his stare. “Oh my God, I love it. Look, Colby, it’s little Mrs. and Mr. pint glasses. They’re so cute. Thank you, Ryan.”

  “You’re welcome. Figured since I couldn’t make it to the engagement party, I’d make it up to you guys somehow. I am also offering coupons for free counseling when planning gets tough.”

  Why the hell did I just say that?

  Oh God, I’m overcompensating for feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I need to keep my mouth shut, because the last thing I want to do is help with planning this wedding. That would be an absolute nightmare. Not only am I in love with the groom, but helping the bride plan the damn wedding? There is something completely wrong with that.

  No, thank you.

  I’m staying as far away from that shit as possible.

  “That means so much to us,” Sage says, taking my hand on hers. “Which reminds me, I have something to ask you.” Her eyes shine bright, a nervous smile plays at her lips.

  Uh-oh, I don’t like that look.

  I take a quick glance toward Colby, who seems to have the same hopeful look. I really don’t like the look on his face either.

  “I was talking with Colby and I asked his permission. I didn’t want to steal his best friend from him, but since I really don’t have any girlfriends here, I was hoping you’d possibly be my maid of honor?”

  Fuuuuuuck.

  Yup, I knew I wasn’t going to like where this is going.

  Before I can answer, Colby cuts in. “With me going on TDY soon for three months and Sage having no one but Balboa, who couldn’t give a shit about planning a wedding, we were kind of hoping you would be her right-hand man. That’s if you’re comfortable with it. I know you were feeling a little—”

  “I’m fine,” I tell him quickly before he can elaborate, not wanting to get into my “feelings” with Sage right here. “I’ll be fine.”

  “So you’ll do it?” Sage asks, looking so excited that it about kills me.

  Be her maid of honor? Sit there and watch her try on dresses? Throw her a bachelorette party? Stand next to her at the altar and watch someone so precious to me give his heart to another woman?

  I don’t think I’m strong enough to get through that, to make it through the entire process unscathed with a happy and healthy heart.

  No, it’s bound to destroy me.

  But when I glance at Colby, see pleading in his expression, I know right then and there that even though getting through this will be soul-destroying, I’ll do it, because it’s what he wants.

  I’ll do it for him.

  Taking a deep breath, I turn back to Sage and nod my head. “I would be honored,” I choke out before she pulls me into a hug.

  “Ryan, you seriously just made my day. Thank you so, so much. And I promise I won’t be that annoying bride. I want to keep this small-ish, and we’re going to make it happen quickly, so I won’t be dragging you along with all my plans. We plan on getting married this winter.

  “This winter?” I just about choke on my own saliva. “You mean in like a few months?”

  Sage nods her head. “Colby will be coming up for reassignment soon, and we want to make sure we’re married before that happens, because his next station will be overseas.”

  “What?” I whip my head toward Colby. “You’re moving overseas?”

  “It’s not definite yet, but it’s a great possibility since my last two stations were here in the States.”

  Married and moving across the world? What is happening to my life right now? Moving overseas . . . I’ll never see him. I’ll probably barely hear from him with his already crazy schedule and the time difference. What would that mean for our friendship?

  Would we even have one?

  Or would he soon forget me as he lives his dream-filled life with his beautiful and sweet bride?

  She’ll be his best friend, Ryan.

  There will be no place for you.

  Time to accept that.

  Basically it’s like the universe is sending me a signal, tearing us apart in every which way, and even though I’m not ready to accept it, I need to realize that Colby is a fictitious possibility in my head. There was never a chance where he would be mine, and this news is the nail in the coffin.

  I need to move on.

  “Wow, I had no clue. I guess I forget sometimes that you’re in the military and your life is unpredictable.”

  “Yeah, I’m at the mercy of the Air Force.”

  “But it will be okay,” Sage says, linking her fingers with Colby. “We will have each other and it will be an amazing journey.”

  Someone hit me upside with a baseball bat. Please. Anybody!

  I look at my phone and wince. “Uh, I should go. I have to get ready for work tonight.” I stand from my chair. “But it was great catching up with you guys. I’ve missed you.” And that’s the truth. I have. I’ve missed Sage’s friendship, even though I’m a jealous monster where she’s concerned and Colby, hell, it almost feels impossible to breathe, that’s how much I miss him.

  Not wanting to linger, I give them both a quick hug and start to walk backward while saying bye.

  “I’ll text you. Does that work?” Sage asks.

  “Works great.” I twiddle my fingers. “I’ll talk to you guys later.”

  Before I can fully turn around, Colby says, “Thank you, Ryan, for everything. And don’t fucking ignore me again.”

  I chuckle. “I won’t.”

  “Holding you to that.” He gives me a wink and then turns back toward Sage where he presses a quick kiss to her cheek.

  I focus my attention straight ahead. It’s time to move on, move forward. I think back to Leah’s question and have my answer.

  “Do you honestly, in your heart, think you can do something about this? That Colby could be yours?”

  No. Colby is moving overseas with his wife.

  I didn’t think there was much life still in my heart, but that has obliterated any semblance of hope. He’s happy. He’s leaving. There is absolutely nothing I can do about this.

  So, it’s time to rebuild the façade of indifference and be lighthearted Ryan Collier again. I look at the tattoo on my wrist, wishing I didn’t have it as a reminder of . . . of what will never
be.

  I have a phone call to make.

  Chapter Four

  RYAN

  “Are you nervous?”

  “Of course I’m nervous,” I answer, fixing my dress and running my tongue over the front of my teeth.

  Leah gives me a once-over. “Well, you look hot as sin. How come you didn’t lose any weight in your boobs? That’s really annoying.”

  “No idea, but I feel like they’re maybe a little too out there for tonight. It’s a first date; should I really be almost showing nipple?”

  “Donovan will love it, as he’s a tits man. You’re his type.”

  That’s not the first time Leah’s mentioned I’m Donovan’s type. She’s been trying to get me to go out with this guy for weeks now, and I’ve never wanted to say yes, but after my little gathering with Sage and Colby, I knew I had to do something, even if it’s getting lost in someone else until I have to make it through the wedding.

  Donovan seems like the perfect escape.

  “Oh, there they are.” Leah fluffs her hair and walks up to Tyler, who not-so subtly grabs her ass in one big handful and brings her close to his impeccably dressed self. I’ve met Tyler a couple times, and not only is he smart, good-looking, and can charm the pants off of anyone, but he has an incredible fashion sense. Loves to dress Leah up, reminds me of Kim and Kanye. Leah is Tyler’s own personal Barbie doll, who apparently fucks well, something Leah has also told me a few times.

  If Donovan is anything like his friend, I’ll be grateful for the much-needed distraction.

  Speaking of Donovan, I tear my eyes away from the very blatant public display of affection and take in the man standing near them, staring intently, one hand in his pocket, the other scratching the side of his jaw as he studies me. Tan skin, dark, wavy hair, hazel eyes, and a scruff on his jaw that looks like it could do some decadent damage to my inner thighs.