Princess in PinkMeg Cabot
The Princess Diaries, Volume V
Princess in Pink
For Abigail McAden,
who always looks
pretty in pink
“Onct I see a princess… she was pink all over— gownd an’ cloak an’ flowers an’ all.”
A LITTLE PRINCESS
Frances Hodgson Burnett
About the Author
Books by Meg Cabot
About the Publisher
The Official Student-Run Newspaper of Albert Einstein High School
Take Pride in the AEHS Lions
Week of May 5
Volume 45/Issue 17
Science Fair Winners Announced
by Rafael Menendez
Science students entered 21 projects in the Albert Einstein High School Science Fair. Several projects advanced to the New York City regional competition, which will be held next month. Senior Judith Gershner received the grand prize, for slicing a human genome. Earning special honors were senior Michael Moscovitz for his computer program modeling the death of a dwarf star, and freshman Kenneth Showalter for his experiments in gender transfiguration in newts.
Lacrosse Teams Win
by Ai-Lin Hong
Both the varsity and junior varsity lacrosse teams beat their competitors this past weekend. Senior Josh Richter led the varsity team to a stunning defeat of the Dwight School, 7–6 in overtime. The JV defeated Dwight by a score of 8–0. The exciting games were marred by a peculiarly aggressive Central Park squirrel that continuously darted out onto the field. Eventually it was chased away by Principal Gupta.
AEHS’s Princess Spends Spring Break Building Homes for Appalachian Poor
by Melanie Greenbaum
Spring break was a working holiday for AEHS freshman Mia Thermopolis. Mia, who, it was revealed last fall, is actually the sole heir to the throne of the principality of Genovia, spent her five-day vacation helping build homes for Housing for the Hopeful. Said the princess of her sojourn in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains, building two-bedroom homes for the underprivileged: “It was okay. Except for the whole no-bathroom thing. And the part where I kept hitting myself in the thumb with my hammer.”
by Josh Richter, senior class president
The week of May 5–May 10 is Senior Week. This is the time to honor this year’s AEHS graduating class, who have worked so hard to show you leadership throughout the year. The Senior Week Events Calendar goes like this:
Senior Awards Banquet
Senior Sports Banquet
Senior Skit Nite
Senior Skip Day
A Note from Your Principal:
Senior Skip Day is not an event sanctioned by school administration. All students are required to attend classes Friday, May 9. In addition, the request made by certain members of the freshman class to lift the sanction against under-classmen attending the prom unless invited by upperclassmen is denied.
Notice to all Students:
It has come to the attention of the administration that many pupils do not seem to know the proper words to the AEHS School Song. They are as follows:
Einstein Lions, we’re for you
Come on, be bold, come on,
be bold, come on, be bold
Einstein Lions, we’re for you
Blue and gold, blue and gold,
blue and gold
Einstein Lions, we’re for you
We’ve got a team no one else can
Einstein Lions, we’re for you
Let’s win this game!
Please note that at this year’s graduation ceremony, any student caught singing alternative (particularly explicit and/or suggestive) words to the AEHS School Song will be removed from the premises. Complaints that the AEHS School Song is too militaristic must be submitted in writing to the AEHS administrative office, not scrawled on bathroom door stalls or discussed on any student’s public access television program.
Letters to the Editor:
To Whom It May Concern:
Melanie Greenbaum’s article in last week’s issue of The Atom on the strides the women’s movement has made in the past three decades was laughably facile. Sexism is still alive and well, not only around the world, but in our own country. In Utah, for instance, polygamous marriages involving brides as young as 11 years of age are thriving, practiced by fundamentalist Mormons who continue to live by traditions their ancestors brought west in the mid-1800s. The number of people in polygamous families in Utah is estimated by human rights groups at perhaps as many as 50,000, despite the fact polygamy is not tolerated by the mainstream Mormon church, and the enactment of tough penalties in the case of underage brides that can sentence a polygamous husband or church leader arranging such a marriage to up to 15 years in prison.
I am not telling other cultures how to live, or anything. I am just saying take off the rose-colored glasses, Ms. Greenbaum, and write an article about some of the real problems that affect half the population of this planet. The staff of The Atom might well consider giving some of their other writers a chance to report on these issues, instead of relegating them to the cafeteria beat. —Lilly Moscovitz
Take out your own personal ad! Available to AEHS students at 50 cents/line
Happy Birthday, Reggie!
Sweet Sixteen At Last!
Go to the prom with me, CF?
Please say yes. GD
Happy Birthday in advance, MT!
Love, Your Loyal Subjects
Personal to MK from MW:
My love for you
Like a flower grows
Where it will stop
No one knows.
Shop at Ho’s Deli for all your school supply needs! New this week: ERASERS, STAPLES, NOTEBOOKS, PENS. Also Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards/Slimfast in strawberry.
For Sale: one Fender precision bass, baby blue, never been played. With amp, how-to videos. $300. Locker #345
Looking for Love: female Frosh, loves romance/reading, wants older boy who enjoys same. Must be taller than 5' 8", no mean people, nonsmokers only. NO METAL-HEADS.
E-mail: [email protected]
Found: one pair glasses, wire frames, the Gifted and Talented classroom. Describe to claim. See Mrs. Hill.
Lost: spiral notebook in caf, on or about 4/27. Read and DIE! Reward for safe return. Locker #510
AEHS Food Court Menu
compiled by Mia Thermopolis
Potato Bar, Fr. Bread Pizza, Fish Fingers, Meatball Sub, Spicy Chix
Soup & Sand, Chicken Patty, Tuna in Pita, Indiv. Pizza, Nachos Deluxe
Taco Salad Bar, Burrito, Corndog/Pickle, Deli Bar, Italian Beef
Asian Bar, Chicken Parm, Corn/FF, Pasta Bar, Fish Stix
Bean Bar, Grilled Cheese, Curly Fries, Buffalo Bites, Soft Pretzel
Wednesday, April 30, Bio
Mia, did you see the latest issue of the Atom?—Shameeka
I know, I just got my copy. I wish Lilly would stop mentioning me in her letters to the editor. I mean, as the only freshman on the newspaper staff, I have to pay my dues. Leslie Cho, the editor-in-chief, got her start on the cafeteria beat. I am TOTALLY FINE with covering the lunch menu every week.
Well, I think Lilly just feels if your goal really is to be a writer someday, you aren’t going to get there writing about Buffalo Bites!
That is not true. I have made some very important innovations in the lunch column. For instance, it was my idea to capitalize the I in Individual Pizza.
Lilly is only looking out for your best interests.
Whatever. Melanie Greenbaum is on the girls’ basketball team. She could fully slam dunk me if she wanted to. I don’t think Lilly antagonizing her is in my best interests.
So has he asked you yet?????
Has who asked me what?
HAS MICHAEL ASKED YOU TO THE PROM???????
Mia, the prom is in less than TWO WEEKS! Jeff asked me a MONTH ago. How are you going to get your dress in time if you don’t find out soon whether or not you’re going? Plus you have to make an appointment to get your hair and nails done, and get the boutonniere, and he has to rent the limo and his tux and make dinner reservations. This is not pizza at Bowlmor Lanes, you know. It’s dinner and dancing at Maxim’s! It’s serious!
I’m sure Michael is going to ask me soon. He has a lot on his mind, what with the new band and college in the fall and all.
Well, you better light a fire under him. Because you don’t want to end up having him ask at the last minute. Because then if you say yes it’ll be like you were waiting around for him to ask.
Hello, Michael and I are going out. It’s not like I’m going to go with somebody else. As if anybody else would ask me. I mean, I’m not YOU, Shameeka. I don’t have all these senior guys lined up at my locker, just waiting for a chance to ask me out. Not that I would. Go out with another guy, I mean. If one asked. Because I love Michael with every fiber of my being.
Well, I hope he asks you soon, because I don’t want to be the only freshman girl at the prom! Who will I hang with in the ladies’ room?
Don’t worry. I’ll be there. Oops. What was that about ice worms?
They differ from earthworms in that they _____________
THE ICE WORM
by Mia Thermopolis
Everyone knows about the endangered habitat of the polar bear, penguin, arctic fox, and seal: glaciers. But contrary to popular opinion, glaciers do not just support life above and below the ice, but also within the ice.
Recently, scientists discovered the existence of centipede-like worms that live inside glacial ice and other chunks of ice—even mounds of methane ice on the floor of the Gulf of Mexico. These creatures, called ice worms, are one to two inches long and live off the chemosynthetic bacteria that grow on the methane, or are otherwise living symbiotically with them….*
Only 97 words. 153 to go.
HOW CAN I THINK ABOUT ICE WORMS WHEN MY BOYFRIEND HASN’T ASKED ME TO THE PROM???????
Wednesday, April 30, Health and Safety
M, why do you look like you just swallowed a sock?—L
The Bio sub caught Shameeka and me passing notes and assigned us both a 250-word paper on ice worms.
So? You should look at it as an artistic challenge. Besides, 250 words is nothing for an ace journalist like yourself. You should be able to knock that out in half an hour.
Lilly, has your brother mentioned the prom to you?
Prom. You know. Senior prom. The one they are holding at Maxim’s a week from this Saturday. Has he mentioned to you whether or not he’s, um, planning on asking anyone?
ANYONE? Just who do you mean by ANYONE? His DOG?
You know what I mean.
Michael does not discuss things like the prom with me, Mia. Mainly what Michael discusses with me is whether or not it is my turn to empty the dishwasher, set the table, or take the wadded up tissues down the hall to the incinerator chute after Mom and Dad’s Adult Survivors of Childhood Alien Abduction group-therapy meetings.
Oh. Well, I was just wondering.
Don’t worry, Mia. If Michael’s going to ask anyone to the prom, it will be you.
What do you mean IF Michael’s going to ask anyone to the prom?
I meant WHEN, okay, what is WITH you?
Nothing. Only that Michael is my one true love and he’s graduating and so if we don’t go to the prom this year I’ll never get to go. Unless we go when I’M a senior, but that won’t be for THREE YEARS!!!!!!!!!! And besides, by that time Michael might be in graduate school. He might have a beard or something!!!!! You can’t go to the prom with someone who has a BEARD.
I can see that you’re very emotional about this. Are you premenstrual or something?
NO!!!!!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE PROM WITH MY BOYFRIEND BEFORE HE GRADUATES AND/OR GROWS EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF FACIAL HAIR!!!!!!!!! IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT??????
Whoa. You fully need to take a Midol. And rather than asking me whether or not I think my brother is going to ask you to the prom, I think you should ask YOURSELF something, and that’s why a completely outdated, pagan dance ritual is so important to you.
It’s just important to me, okay????
Is this because of that time your mom wouldn’t buy you the Prom Queen Glamour Gown for your Barbie, and you had to make your own out of toilet paper?
HELLO!!!! Lilly, I would think that you might have noticed that the prom plays a key role in the socialization process of the adolescent. I mean, look at all the movies that have been made about it:
MOVIES THAT FEATURE THE PROM
AS PROMINENT PLOT DEVICE
by Mia Thermopolis
Pretty in Pink: Will Molly Ringwald go to the prom with the cute rich boy or the poor weird boy? Whichever one she goes with, does she really think he’s going to like that hideous pink potato sack of a dress she makes?
10 Things I Hate About You: Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger. Was there ever a more perfect couple? I think not. It just takes the prom to prove it to them.
Valley Girl: Nicolas Cage’s first starring role in a movie ever, and he plays a punk rocker who crashes a suburban mall rat’s prom. Who will she ride home with in the limo: the guy with the Members Only jacket, or the guy with the Mohawk? What happens at the prom will decide it.
Footloose: Who can forget Kevin Bacon in the immortal role of Ren, convincing the kids in the town with the No Dancing ordinance to rent a place outside the city limits so they can assert their independence by tripping the light fantastique to Kenny Loggins?
She’s All That: Rachael Leigh Cook has to go to the prom in order to prove that she is not as big a nerd as everyone thinks she is. And then it turns out she actually is, but— and this is the best part of the whole thing—Freddie Prinze Jr. loves her anyway!!!!!
Never Been Kissed: Girl reporter Drew Barrymore goes undercover to crash a masquerade prom! Her friends dress as a strand of DNA, but Drew knows better and wins the heart of the teacher she loves by dressing as— what else—a princess (oh, okay, Rosalind. But it looks like a princess costume).
And last but not least:
Back to the Future: If Michael J. Fox doesn’t get his parents together by the prom, he might not ever be BORN!!!!!!!!! Proving the importance of the prom from both a societal as well as a BIOLOGICAL point of view!
What about Carrie? Or do you not count buckets of pig blood as essential to the adolescent socialization process?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!!!!!!
Okay, okay, calm down, I get your point.
You’re just jealous because Boris can’t ask you because he’s still just a freshman like us!
I am making sure you get some protein at lunch because I think your vegetarianism has finally short-circuited your brain cells. You need meat, now.
Why are you minimalizing my pain? I have a legitimate concern here, and I think you need to consider the fact that it has nothing to do with my diet or menstrual cycle.
I seriously think you need to lie down with your feet above your head to get the blood flowing back into your brain, because you are suffering from severe cognitive impair
Lilly, SHUT UP! I am way stressed right now! I mean, tomorrow is my fifteenth birthday, and I am still nowhere close to becoming self-actualized. Nothing is going right in my life: My father is insisting that I spend July and August with him in Genovia; my home life is completely unsatisfactory, what with my pregnant mother’s incessant references to her bladder and her insistence on giving birth to my future brother or sister at home, in the LOFT, with only a midwife—a midwife!— in attendance; my boyfriend is graduating from high school and starting college, where he will constantly be thrust into the presence of large-busted coeds in black turtlenecks who like to talk about Kant; and my best friend doesn’t seem to understand why the prom is important to me!!!!!!!!!!!
You forgot to complain about your grandmother.
No, I didn’t. Grandmère has been in Palm Springs having a chemical face peel. She won’t be back until tonight.