Lingus

  Lingus

  By Mariana Zapata

  Copyright © 2012 by Mariana Zapata

  http://www.marianazapata.com

  ISBN: 9781620951903

  Lingus is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, business establishments or locales is entirely coincidental. This author holds all rights to this work. It is illegal to reproduce this novel without written expressed consent from the author herself.

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Epilogue

  Chapter 1

  "I don't want to go in there," I snapped, trying to dig my heel into the concrete floor beneath me.

  "You can't back out now!" Nicole, my best friend, hissed. She wrapped her fingers around my elbow and pulled me in the direction of the glass doors ahead of us. "Come on, bitch!"

  This was a horrible idea. I had known it from the moment she brought it up, more than two months ago. When she mentioned coming to the convention, she had winked a sneaky eye at me and said, "We're going to the convention and you're cumming! Get it?" Yes, I did get it. Un-fucking-fortunately. Now there we were, right outside the convention hall with our passes around our necks, and I wanted to vomit and die, in no specific order.

  "Nikki, I really don't want to go in there. Please," I begged.

  She just rolled her eyes and sighed in annoyance. "I don't give a shit. I got you a pass and we're going in. Do you know how hard it was to snag these bad boys?" she asked, pointing at the laminates around each of our necks. "It was a bitch. So, you and I are gonna go in there whether you want to or not."

  My eyes immediately went left to right, watching the varied groups of people milling around the outside. There were men and women of every age, few dressed in casual jeans and t-shirts, others not so much. Tiny skirts, platform heels, leather pants, and lingerie were also staples in the fashion that the people wore. I sucked in a breath and tried to ignore the bursting heat that I was sure was swallowing my cheeks whole. No one seemed to be paying any attention to us; we were both dressed pretty conservatively compared to the other people here.

  For once, I felt out of place with my clothes. My skinny jeans, blue blouse, and flats seemed so out of place here I felt like I was starring in Alice in Wonderland. "Nikki..." I whined like a little kid.

  "Shut up. You'll thank me for this later," she huffed and pulled at my elbow again.

  I knew there was no point fighting with her. Nicole Jonasson always got her way. Always. It was one of the things that I loved most about her; she was fearless and strong. Despite her current attitude and shit-talking, Nikki was one of the nicest people on the face of the planet. You just had to get to know her. When I met her for the first time in English Lit, she had just finished tearing a guy a new asshole for not holding the door open for a handicapped student in our class. She was tall, sandy-haired, hazel-eyed, and just absolutely kick-ass.

  I fell in love with her after she looked at the student, with violence in her eyes, and muttered a frustrated, "I'm going to break into your room when you're sleeping at night and take a shit on your face if you ever forget to hold the door open for another person again." Needless to say, we ran into him a few years later and caught him holding the door open for at least a good minute for the person trailing behind him.

  She was everything I wanted to be in life— strong and confident. There was nothing that Nicole, or Nikki as I usually called her, couldn't overcome.

  Including me.

  "Oh my God," I moaned as she pulled me behind her through the glass doors.

  The two security guards at the doors checked our credentials before allowing us into the convention. A huge picture of a pretty redhead with jizz all over her face hung by the entrance, and I tried my best not to balk at her look of feigned pleasure. A big goop of it was stuck to her eyelashes, and I couldn't help but wonder to myself how much her eye stung after that.

  "C'mon, Kat," Nicole called after me, making a beeline for the first booth right off to the entrance to the exhibit hall.

  I slowly walked after her, eyeing the really random people that were walking all over the place, crowding over and into booths like kids in a candy store. Well, I guess this was like a large candy or toy store— for adults. Ha.

  "Kat! Look at this!" my best friend squealed, turning around, holding a huge glass dildo in her hand.

  Oh my God. How did I ever let her drag me to a fucking porn convention?

  Chapter 2

  Nicole's warm, hazel eyes narrowed at the appalled look I was sure covered my face. I couldn't help it, I swear. I liked dildos. They'd become some of my best friends over the last, let's say, three years, but who was counting? The idea of having everyone and their mamas know I liked them, though, kind of creeped me out.

  Okay, well, it creeped me out a lot.

  Nikki returned the massive, glass artifact to its place on the table. She was right in front of me, her pretty face pinched into a scowl. "Kat? You better wipe that look off your damn face before I slap it off."

  My back stiffened instantly. The thing about Nicole was that she didn't make empty threats. If she said she'd run over your dog if it took a shit on her yard, she would. I wasn't kidding, and she loved dogs. She also loved me. So, I knew she'd slap me in the face.

  "Fine," I grumbled, looking down at the floor like a scolded child. "I just feel so awkward..."

  "Katherine Berger?" She grabbed my chin and pushed my face up to look her in the eye. "Repeat after me: My name is Kat Berger, and I love porn. There is nothing wrong with enjoying watching two people fuck."

  "My name is Kat Berger," I groaned out, clenching my teeth after every syllable. "I like porn. There is nothing wrong with enjoying watching two people fuck."

  Nicole dropped my chin and gave me one of her huge, perfect smiles. "Good job, baby. Now let's have some fun!" she cheered and dragged me back to the table where she'd been standing seconds ago.

  I felt like everyone was looking at us, but really no one was paying attention to me and Goldilocks right next to me. My nerves were getting the best of me, and my hands were sweating like crazy, so I'm sure my armpits weren
't too far behind. God, I felt like an idiot here. Nicole cleared her throat in a way I recognized as a warning for me to snap out of it before she slapped me out of my funk.

  A nice looking, older man was standing behind the table, his arms behind his back and a big smile plastered on his face, while Nikki picked up pretty much every goddamn dildo in her hand and examined it right in front of her face like she does when we're buying fruit. She was asking him things like, "Would it be okay if I froze it? How long will it last? Do I need to use any specific cleaning product for it?" This bitch was even crazier than I thought. I swear my vagina clenched at the thought of sticking something frozen in it. Part of me hoped the man would tell her that she could use Windex on it, but he didn't.

  "You might as well put it in your mouth," I snickered when she held a pretty clear one with a nice pink swirl an inch away from her face, inspecting the design.

  Nicole snorted in amusement and put it back down, telling the nice man that she'd be back later on. Her arm was slung through mine as we made our way down the first row of booths. There were so many people here that I didn't know what to think. I wasn't really sure what I was expecting from the porn convention, but so far all the bystanders seemed like your average Joes. I even spotted a few Crocs along the way and shuddered, remembering that my doctor wore Crocs and I would really, really hate to see him here.

  "Nikki, what should I do if I see someone I know?" I asked.

  I knew I shouldn't care what people thought. I usually didn't, but there was something about the idea of being caught at a porn convention by, let's say, my neighbor, my mom's friend, my mailman, my boss, or just about freaking anyone I knew, that made me feel uber uncomfortable. Nicole and I had this discussion at least once every six months. We blamed society for making sex seem so dirty and wrong.

  There was nothing wrong with sex. There was nothing wrong with masturbation, blow jobs, anal, or whatever. There was nothing wrong with anything sex related, honestly, besides bestiality, which I refused to even think about. But I was still embarrassed to be seen here and that made me feel shitty. I wanted to feel secure and nonchalant like Nicole did.

  "Well, there is something you could do. It's called, get this, saying hi. Have you heard of that before?"

  I just laughed at her as we paused in front of another booth with a wide assortment of glittery, jelly-looking toys, and I knew I let out a tiny squeal of excitement. I looked from one side to the other to make sure my kindergarten teacher wasn't standing right there before leaning over the table to inspect the treasures laid out on the blue velvet.

  After the saleswoman, another nice looking middle aged lady in an "I heart NY" t-shirt and denim shorts, showed me a particularly fantastic looking red hummingbird and sold me on its finer attributes, my wallet was thirty dollars lighter. Luckily, I came prepared and stashed my new little friend in my gigantic purse while Nikki laughed and started shoveling out her own thirty dollars.

  "Those are pretty nice," a particularly nasally voice said into my ear.

  "Uh," I stuttered, turning around to look at the owner of such a creepy ass voice. A short, stocky man with glasses that rested precariously on the bridge of his nose stood there with a weird smirk on his face.

  "When you put it on the fourth level of vibration, it's unbelievable," he practically groaned out, eyes rolling and everything like he was reliving some fond memory in his head.

  How the hell did this man know what the fourth level of vibration felt like?

  I grabbed Nicole's forearm and dragged her away from the booth as quickly as I fucking could before the man came back to his senses. That was the kind of person I was expecting at a porn convention. An uncomfortable feeling of ick crawled across my skin as I tried to mentally bleach out the roll of his eyes.

  "Hold on," Nikki hissed as she thrust her little package into her purse. "What the hell was that about?"

  "Level four vibration," I said simply and she grimaced, nodding.

  "Disgusting," she agreed and started thumbing through what looked like a pamphlet of some sort. She nodded solemnly, finding something on the page that she was looking for and winked. "Okay, here's what we're going to do. We need to take advantage of our time. I want to see that fucking sex beast, Calum Burro," she said in a sultry, Spanish accent. She could never say his name with a straight face, and I couldn't hear it with a straight face either. Calum Burro was her absolute favorite porn star. Yes, we had favorites. What's funny was that obviously Burro wasn't his last name, you know, but I was fluent in Spanish. I knew burro meant donkey. Seriously though, I could see why he chose Burro as his porn stage name. That man was hung like a horse. Yes, I knew a donkey wasn't a horse, but I got his drift.

  "He has an autograph signing in an hour, so we should head over there and then do whatever," she continued.

  I snatched the pamphlet out of her hand and started looking through it quickly. If I was here, and I was, I was going to take advantage of this shit, I guessed. I wanted to screech in excitement when I saw the name I'd been looking for on the list of people signing autographs. Thank you, Lord Jesus, I said in my head. I really didn't feel comfortable being here, and if this was the one and only time I came to a porn convention in my life, well damn it, I was going to tap into my inner Nicole and take advantage of it even if it was only for a minute.

  "I don't give a shit what we do. We're going to Andrew Wood's booth if I have to get through my old minister to get there," I stated with as much conviction as I could muster.

  Chapter 3

  I had never seen Nicole this excited before.

  I've seen her excited, but never this excited. She got excited about the little things in life: sales at Macy's, getting the perfect seat at the movie theater, when I'd buy her a white chocolate mocha from Starbucks, firing her employees when they messed up— things of that nature, however, her reaction right then was unheard of. I had always doubted that shaking in excitement was a part of her DNA. I had no idea her pretty, almost golden eyes could glitter like a kid's at Disney World. I also, sure as hell, didn't know that she started yapping a mile a minute when she got really ecstatic.

  Jeez, why?

  Any other person would assume that she was on crack by the way she was acting in line. Her big, flaxen mane was flapping from side to side as she looked down the walkway between the booths trying to spy "the love of her life." Nikki was the most amazing looking girl I had ever seen in my entire life; paired up with a loyalty to her loved ones that rivaled a German Shepherd's and her passion for standing up for others, she was a force of nature. She was the real deal inside and out. She also knew exactly what she wanted from life, which only heightened her larger-than-life personality. Right then, what she wanted was to get on Calum Burro's radar. There was no doubt in my mind that the half man-half horse wasn't going to have any idea what hit him.

  "Kat, is my make up okay? I don't have runny eyeliner or anything, right? Do my boobs look good?" she ranted.

  I tried my best not to roll my eyes, because really, this was pretty freaking cute despite the fact that her giddiness was borderline annoying. I loved it when Nikki was happy though. "Your face is perfect as always my dear, and your gigantic boobs look motorboat-able." I winked at her and she grinned.

  In few words, she wanted Calum to motorboat her tits. I laughed my ass off for a solid thirty minutes when she admitted that to me a few months before. He could totally do it, I'd seen those 34D's in person more times than I could count, and those puppies were immaculate.

  "Shit, I need to go pee. Will you hold my spot for me?" she asked, I nodded.

  He wasn't scheduled to come out and do autographs for another ten or fifteen minutes, but there were already eight people ahead of us and at least another ten behind. The eight bitches in front were all dressed up like trashy versions of country girls in microscopic cut-off jean shorts. If that wasn't bad enough, the old geezers behind us were wearing enough make up to supply Sephora for at least six months. It was pretty weir
d to think that all of these people around me had masturbated to Calum Burro at one point or another. The mental image of the woman behind me, who was old enough to be my great-grandmother and wore something renaissance slash gothic inspired, enjoying some solo time made me want to gag a little.

  I was trying to keep my head down as much as possible. The nervousness that bubbled through my veins at getting caught seeing someone I knew was absolutely overwhelming. I thought I'd crap my pants if I recognized someone.

  Oh, lord.

  "I'm back, biatch." Nicole greeted me a couple minutes later, saddling up next to me.

  Suddenly, I realized that Nikki wasn't holding a video or a magazine for him to sign when it was her turn, like all the other women in line. "What is he signing?" I asked her suspiciously.

  "My ass, Kat. What else?" she replied, like I was an idiot who should have known the answer. Out of nowhere, she tugged down one side of her jeans to a patch of tan skin right to the side of her ass crack.

  "Classy."

  Vivaciously, a guy with frosted tips and a ton of gel appeared behind the signing table, waving his hands. "Ladies! Calum will be here in one minute to begin his autograph session! Thank you for being patient!" he yelled into the crowd.