The Betrayed, Page 3

  “You had that option, once. By the looks of that letter Jameson sent before we left, it was very nearly offered to you again. Would you go back to that if you could?”

  “No,” I answered quickly. “But I wasn’t going to be sovereign. You would.”

  She shrugged. “People might back me, but it’s certainly not a given, the way it was with Silas.”

  A shiver ran through me. “So he knew, then? That people supported him?”

  She swallowed. “We started making a plan once, maybe four months before we came to Coroa. If you can imagine, Mother and Uncle Reid were plotting even more than they are now. Even though we didn’t have the proof we needed, we thought we could make the move because of the people. They’re ready . . . but they’re also terrified. But then all these rumors about Silas planning to storm the palace got out ahead of us. We couldn’t stop it once it started. He wasn’t ready, none of us were. There was talk at court, warning glances . . . we had a sense that, even though nothing had happened, the rumors alone had doomed Silas. So he begged Mother and Father to run, to save the family. They hoped we’d come back someday, and I think Silas would have loved to see Quinten brought to justice, but he wanted what we all wanted: a chance at life. He swore he’d never return. And then he met you. He had every reason to stay in Coroa.”

  I wasn’t sure when I’d started crying, but I could taste the tears now. “And it didn’t matter,” I said. “He lost his life anyway. Quinten wasn’t content to let him leave.”

  “No,” she answered. “He takes and takes and takes. Maybe it should make us stop. But for me, it just makes me want to make him pay.”

  I was shaking as I lay back down. I kept thinking of Silas, so confident and funny and clever. I thought of him embracing me even though so many of his countrymen detested mine. I thought of him trying to make peace in whatever way he could.

  He would have been a marvelous king.

  But he didn’t want that. He wanted other titles. Husband. Father. Friend. And he was denied all of those at Quinten’s threatened hand.

  “How do we make this right, Scarlet? How do we make him pay?”

  “There’s only one way I can think of to make sure it never happens again,” she said plainly.

  “Murder him?” I asked, hating to even think it. I didn’t think the answer to death was more death.

  “And Hadrian. And probably Valentina for good measure. We’d have to remove the entire family.”

  I could hardly breathe thinking about it. “I couldn’t lift a hand to Valentina. I still consider her a friend.”

  Scarlet stared at the ceiling, looking as if she was carefully thinking over her words. “I’m not sure there’s a way to uncouple her from the royal family. She’s the queen.”

  “I . . . Scarlet, I can’t.”

  After a pause, she rolled to face me. “Can I ask you something completely unrelated to the topic?” she ventured.

  “Yes, please.”

  “Do you think you’ll ever remarry?”

  I lifted my hand up and touched my chest. The ring Mother had given me was still proudly on my right hand, a sign of allegiance to my new family, but my rings from Silas were on a chain, and I kept them near my heart. These were the only pieces of jewelry I cared about anymore.

  Sometimes I wondered if I should have kept my father’s ring, the one that was handed down through the lines of old Coroan aristocracy. Seeing as I wasn’t sure which of the charred rings we’d found in the remnants of the fire had been his, it probably never would have felt right.

  “I don’t know. Silas left a mark. I don’t know if I want someone else to. No matter how much time passes, I don’t think I’ll ever forget what he did to me, for me. It probably doesn’t seem like it right now, but I’ll always feel like he rescued me.”

  She was quiet for a while. “I think he’d be happy to know that’s how you felt, even after everything that’s happened. I think he’d be happy to know you don’t want to hurt anyone, too. He was like that.”

  I smiled. “I know.” I still had a lifetime’s worth of things to learn about Silas, but I knew his character, and I would carry that with me. I swallowed, unsure if I could speak about him more just now. “What about you? Do you want to get married?”

  “I don’t know if I can. Not anymore,” she confessed. “I feel like there might always be a wall around me.”

  “That’s a good way to put it. It’s hard to think of letting anyone as close as I let Silas. . . . Before we left, I went by his grave. I told him I felt like I was going to have to let him go in a way so I could keep living.”

  “That’s sort of how it works,” Scarlet said plainly.

  I looked over at her. “How many people have you lost?”

  “Enough that I have learned I must let them be a landmark, not an anchor.”

  I reached out and grabbed her hand. “Please don’t leave me, Scarlet.”

  “I have no plans to. I intend to be still standing at the end of this. Free.”

  “Good. I want to see that.”

  I was suddenly quite exhausted. Tired of hiding, tired of running, tired of trying to be so many things. I reached over, leaving my hand where Scarlet could hold it if she wanted to. She carefully laced her fingers through mine, and I finally felt safe enough to sleep.

  In the morning, I woke to the sound of songbirds and realized Scarlet and I were lying back to back, the warmth of another person taking away the bite of the cold air of sunrise. It was the most content I’d been in ages, and I had no desire to leave my bed.

  As if reading my thoughts, Scarlet mumbled, “We have to go and eat now, don’t we?”

  “I brought some of my money from Jameson,” I offered. “We could steal horses and become gypsies.”

  “I could pretend to read tea leaves and tell fortunes.”

  “If I can do an almain, surely I could learn to dance like they do.”

  “Absolutely,” she affirmed. “You’re a very gifted dancer.”

  “So are you. We’d really be quite the spectacle.”

  “We would.” She paused. “But aren’t there laws against travelers?”

  “Probably. . . . So, then, it’s prison or breakfast.”

  She sighed. “Do you think they feed you well in prison?”

  I considered this. “Well, if it’s between breakfast with Etan and prison, I’ll take whatever they’re serving.”

  Four

  AS I BENT MY ARMS in funny positions to lace up my dress, I remembered a season when it was a privilege to help me into my clothes. I did the best I could, but I was going to need Scarlet to finish doing up my sleeves.

  I’d spent so many years waking up at Keresken Castle, but then I’d adjusted to waking up at Abicrest. And then, when it was gone, I got used to waking up at Varinger Hall. And today, here I was at Pearfield, waking up in yet another new place with new rules and rhythms. Before anything had even begun, I felt out of step.

  I walked out of my room, hoping Scarlet would be waiting. She wasn’t there yet, so I paced our very short corridor, letting my gaze wander around the hallway. I didn’t want to critique the architecture, but it felt very plain. Sturdy, but plain. Why not carve into the support beams? Why not paint designs on the walls? There was so much space.

  I tried to rein in my critical thoughts. Maybe there was something beautiful about the potential being left there, like the endless temptation of a blank page.

  Ruining my quiet thoughts, Etan walked out of his room, adjusting his cuffs. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me, eyes narrowing as he looked me over. They were so cold, those eyes, a gray-blue color that reminded me of the sky when a storm was coming. And his stubble was growing out, making him look a little messy or crazy or angry . . . I couldn’t find the word, but it wasn’t positive.

  “Your sleeves are untied,” he commented.

  “I know. I need another pair of hands, and I don’t have a maid.”

  He crossed his arms. “You could
send for one.”

  I wasn’t sure I should mention that I’d sent for water yesterday to clean off, and it never showed. And, after no one came to prepare my room for the night, I’d built my own fire before bed. Very poorly, but still. “I did earlier, but so far, no one has come.”

  “Can’t blame them. You certainly couldn’t pay me enough.” He walked closer, stopping in front of me. “What’s your secret? I’ll figure it out either way, but it would save us all some time if you told me now.”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I know who you are, and I know how you were raised, and I know that your loyalty to Coroa is far deeper than it is to Isolte. So, why are you here? What’s the real reason?”

  I stared at him, shocked. “My parents are dead. My husband is dead. This is the only family I have. That’s why I’m here.”

  He shook his head. “I saw the way Jameson Barclay looked at you. If you walked back into that castle, you’d be welcomed with open arms.”

  “His arms have been filled by another. I have no place in Jameson’s court anymore.”

  He stood there, sizing me up. “I doubt that.”

  I lifted my hands in surrender. “I don’t know what you’re getting at, Etan. Silas was the last secret I had. So, whatever you think is happening here, you’re wrong.”

  “I’m watching you,” he warned.

  “I’ve noticed,” I countered.

  Just then, Scarlet came from her room, and I saw her eyebrows rise at just how close he was to me. He glared at me in frustration and headed down the stairs as I held out my sleeves to Scarlet. She didn’t need me to ask.

  “What was that about?” she wondered, tying the tiny bows.

  “Etan is watching me,” I said. “I can’t stand him.”

  She sighed. “Etan can be . . . passionate.”

  “Passionate? Is that the word you’re going with?”

  “But he can also be very kind, and even funny, once you get to know him.”

  I dropped my chin and scoffed. “Kind? Funny?”

  “I know it doesn’t seem like it now. We all deal with our pain in different ways. Etan lashes out. He just doesn’t realize he’s placing his efforts on the wrong target.”

  I considered this. “Am I just to wait until he figures that out?”

  She nodded. “You’re going to have to. He’ll come around once he sees you like we do, and, quite frankly, you two are the least of my concerns right now.”

  The tension was getting to her, and I saw that her chest was rising and falling quickly, and that her hands were shaky as she tied the last bow. She wasn’t here anymore; she was back in Abicrest, in the middle of the attack. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She shook her head. “Not yet.”

  “Well, if you ever decide you’re ready . . .”

  “I would tell you before anyone else. The others wouldn’t understand, and Mother couldn’t take it. Only not yet.”

  I took her hands, steadying them in my own. “That’s fine. We’ll make this right, Scarlet. Somehow, we’ll figure this out.”

  She nodded, taking a few steadying breaths. She couldn’t hide everything, but she wasn’t prepared to show just how deeply this was hurting her, either. I felt privileged in a way, that she lowered her shields to me.

  “I’m ready now,” she said. “Let’s go.” We headed downstairs, arms laced. “I was thinking I might want to move to the country, in the north, far away from everything.”

  “I don’t blame you. After the bustle of court life, something quiet might be nice. You know, once we overthrow a kingdom and dole out justice and all,” I teased.

  She smirked. “I’ll find a house and keep a room especially for you, just in case you do get married and want somewhere to run when your husband is a pain.”

  I giggled and held her arm a little tighter. “Perhaps we’ll just grow into old maids.”

  “With lots of goats,” she suggested.

  “I like goats.”

  “Then it’s settled.”

  By the time we got to the dining room, Mother was already seated, as was Lord Northcott. They had been speaking in whispers, but looked up and smiled brightly when they saw us come in.

  “Good morning, girls,” Lord Northcott greeted us happily. “You look well rested.”

  “Then we have you fooled,” Scarlet joked.

  I’d expected Etan to already be there, but he must have had errands or something, because he walked into the room seconds after us.

  He greeted his father and took the seat across from me, refusing to give me any space at all.

  Pottage, cheeses, and bread were on the table. After Scarlet began spooning some onto her plate, I did the same. A maid poured some ale into Etan’s and Scarlet’s cups. I held mine up so I could get some as well. I couldn’t tell if she didn’t see me or ignored me.

  I set my cup back down. Etan watched the whole thing unfold, and for some reason, him seeing me being snubbed was worse than the actual event itself, and I could feel myself blushing. I lowered my eyes and ate in silence.

  “Ah! What a joy to see a full table!” Lady Northcott swung into the room, injecting the atmosphere with infectious bliss. I watched as she walked around the table to kiss her husband on his cheek and her son on his forehead. Etan didn’t pull away or look irritated as he usually did but seemed to be thankful for the brief touch. I couldn’t help but smile, aching a bit that my mother never did such a thing for me.

  I wished we’d had more time.

  “So, Hollis, I think you need a tour of the grounds today,” she said, taking her seat and turning to me.

  I sat up straighter. “I’d love one, Lady Northcott.”

  “Good. And I’ve been thinking,” she started, picking up her spoon. “Hollis is part of the family now.”

  “Absolutely,” Lord Northcott agreed. “Integral.”

  “So, we ought to drop the formalities. Hollis, can we simply be Aunt Jovana and Uncle Reid to you? As we are to Scarlet?”

  All eyes fell on me, and I could see the hope in them. It was such a sweet and generous offer that, even if I’d felt a little uncomfortable, I couldn’t say no.

  “If it would please you,” I eked out.

  My new aunt Jovana smiled with such brilliance, but I couldn’t appreciate it. All I could see was the look of disdain on the maid’s face and the look of pure disappointment on Etan’s. It wasn’t his typical angry mask but something more painful. Like I’d infiltrated something that was his and claimed it as my own.

  “We are so happy to have you, Hollis.” She settled her napkin across her lap. “It’s such a wonderful change. We’re so used to losing people—my sweet nephews, my two girls—” I swallowed hard at her words, realizing now just where her sorrow stemmed from. “Finally, we’ve added someone!”

  “Hear, hear,” Mother agreed.

  Uncle Reid was smiling, and even Scarlet looked peaceful. But I couldn’t shake the coldness rolling off Etan in sharp and heavy waves. If I thought I’d crossed a line before, it was nothing compared to this.

  Five

  “THESE TREES WERE PLANTED BY the first Northcotts at Pearfield,” Aunt Jovana claimed, pointing to the row of trees along the back of the property. “We’re lucky to have such strong ones. They protect the house during the windiest seasons and allow for some natural privacy.”

  “I can’t help but notice they missed a spot,” I joked, pointing to the space in the line that had the path worn into it.

  She laughed. “We took that one out ourselves about twenty years ago now. That path gives us easy access to those who work our land, which extends out from that line. You’ll see the importance firsthand tomorrow; it’s a bread day.”

  I didn’t know what a bread day was, but I supposed I’d learn in the morning. Scarlet squeezed the hand she was holding, drawing my attention to her. She smiled, and I could see she was trying to soothe my nerves; Etan was a few steps behind us.

  He certainly didn’t
need a tour of his own grounds, but it appeared I wasn’t allowed to wander them without his watchful eye on me. Did he think I was going to take an axe to the manor or something? Lift a curtain and produce an army? I sighed, trying unsuccessfully to ignore him.

  “And as we come around the side of the house, you’ll have an excellent view of our garden. You see, we place large shrubs around the edges to help with the wind, and it allows the blossoming plants to fare better. They’ve all come in so nicely this year.”

  I looked longingly at the flowers. Oh, how I missed the garden at Keresken; it had been my hiding place.

  “Perhaps we should go pick some? For the dinner table?” Aunt Jovana suggested, noting the desire in my eyes.

  “Could we?”

  “Of course!”

  I looked up at her thick hair. “I have a better idea.” I took her arm and pulled her into the heart of the garden, hunting for a bench. “All right, Scarlet. You find the prettiest blossoms and bring them to me.”

  “Aye, aye, captain,” she joked, heading into the high walls of greenery. Etan planted himself by the edge of the garden, his back against a tall shrub. He crossed his arms, watching over everything intently.

  I got Aunt Jovana to sit, and I started to pull the pins from her hair.

  “What in the world are you doing?” she asked with a chuckle.

  “Making a masterpiece,” I assured her. “Now sit still.”

  I pulled up pieces of her hair, braiding it the way I used to braid Delia Grace’s. I wondered who took care of her now. I wondered if she missed me at all, or if Nora did. The ache of losing my family and Silas had pushed my friends from my thoughts for so long, but now that they were there, I wished I could embrace them both, even if only for a moment.

  Scarlet brought back flowers as blue as the Isolten flag, and I placed them in the crown of a braid I’d woven in Aunt Jovana’s hair as she sat there laughing. After we’d filled up her hair, I put the flowers in Scarlet’s and my own, and then I set some aside for Mother.

  If we were going to fight, then we needed something to fight for. For the freedom of choosing our own dinner or riding as far as we dreamed. For the hope of tomorrow or flowers in our hair. The grand and the small; it all mattered.