know what you’re going to miss out on. When I was away at that boarding
school, I had so much time to reflect. When I was recovering from the fire,
I had so much time to plan out my life.
“You’re all too young to just throw your life away. How do you know
you even love me anymore? How can you all just show back up in my life,
and try and pick everything up where we left off? We barely even dated
before we weren’t anymore. We were just kids. There’s no way that
whatever we had back then is enough to build a life on.”
I rub circles into her back as I pull her close, waiting until her breathing
slows down and matches mine before I try and unpack any of that crazy.
“Amelia Poppy.”
She turns her face closer to my neck, her sweet lips resting on my skin
and inhaling me.
“Are you done being dramatic?”
She pops back up, trying to look incredulous. Constantine snorts and
grabs her, pulling her onto his lap and wrapping his arms around her.
“What do you think, boys? Would any of you say we dated Amelia when
we were teenagers? And baby, really? I thought we already had this
meltdown. But if you want to do it with more of an audience, let’s get their
opinion. Boys?”
I know exactly where Constantine is going with this question, I don’t
know how many times while she was gone that we sat in that damn tree and
tried to define exactly what it was we had with Amelia Poppy.
“You can’t date the other half of your soul, Amelia. You possess it, you
make love to it, you nourish it, but you can’t date it. You act like the fact it
took nine years for us to be interested in girls and notice you meant that that
was when we started living our lives with you.
“Five years old. Best friends first, but you were never quite on the level
of being the girl we were dating. Dating is what you do with someone you
don’t know, something you do to get to know someone. Whether you’re 15,
18, or 21, we know you. Maybe we need some time to learn how you’ve
grown, to find out what new things make you happy or what you’ve lost
interest in, but the core of who you are hasn’t changed.
“That’s why we can just pick us up where we left off. We’re adults now,
we’ve gone way too damn long without kissing you and holding you to try
and act like we need to start at square one.”
I expect her to need to let Constantine’s words sink in for a few minutes
before trying to argue, but she’s ready with more armor, more attempts to
deflect what she deserves, and what we all need.
“I slept with Theo.”
Her blush is so fucking adorable. I see Alex squirm a little bit, but it’s not
because he’s uncomfortable. No, I imagine he’s squirming because the
thought of any of us being able to put our dick in Amelia makes him hard as
hell.
“Did you…enjoy…it?”
Alex groans.
“What?”
“Did he take care of you? Did you enjoy yourself?”
Constantine nuzzles into her hair, his hands flexing on her hips. Theo is
smirking like the smug bastard we all want to be, lounging back in the seat
he’s in with his hands propped on top of his man bun.
“Amelia, if you’re trying to scare us off by flaunting your relationship
with Theo, it won’t work. We have an agreement, and all you’re doing is
making us think about you being naked, in bed, writhing around. Plus, we
all know you let Constantine finger you in his Mom’s backyard. Stop trying
to push us away.”
To illustrate his point that we don’t care that she slept with Theo, I feel
Constantine’s hips lift a little off the sofa, a small moan escaping her lips as
she feels what I’m assuming is a hard-on pushing against the seam of her
legs.
“That’s it? My points are invalid because you already know me, we
didn’t date because we belong together and we’re past that, and you aren’t
mad I slept with someone else because you’ve already agreed he’s allowed
to touch me?”
“That’s it. Oh, but I think Alex was apologizing still.”
“He was. I…was. Can I hold you?”
She holds her hands out and he drags her across all our laps, definitely
getting more intel on how my body reacts to her when she passes over me.
“I’m so scared that you’re going to throw us back because we don’t
deserve you. I hate myself for being with her when she was the reason you
got hurt. I can’t stop thinking about all the times we…”
He shudders, wrapping her up and burying his head against her chest.
“You’ve always been too good for me, Amelia Poppy. Now it’s even
worse. You’re like this perfect angel, and nothing I do will ever redeem me
enough to deserve you. I’ve failed you so many times. I’m sorry I got so
pushy, I just thought I saw a way to absolve me of some of this guilt I’m
carrying. I didn’t realize it until after you hung up on me I wasn’t really
listening to you, my own insecurities were too loud.”
“I don’t want you to feel guilty, Alex. I don’t want any of you to.”
“How can I not? When I wasn’t there to hold you and help you when you
needed me most? I should have tried harder to find answers.”
“If we live in the past, we can’t ever move forward. You guys are
claiming I’m part of your soul? Well then that has to go both ways. You
have to accept that how I view you, and how you view yourself, might be
different.”
“Funny, weren’t you just telling us that you viewed yourself as unworthy
to be a partner to us? If we can accept that you don’t want us to carry guilt,
then you need to stop all this low self esteem when it comes to us, and
accept that we know our own minds and view you as being everything we
want.” Ha. She could dole out the self-help, but she was going to get it
turned back around on her if she did.
Amelia pauses, running the conversation back to herself and figuring out
how that just backfired. Double standards for sure. Presumably finding the
logic she was searching for, or deciding to just give up the fight, she kisses
him, and I can almost see the way that kiss starts to heal Alex. I watch his
body start to relax underneath her, and I can feel the way they connect from
where I’m sitting.
“I love you Amelia Poppy, I’m so fucking sorry. And not just for earlier
today. I’m here, okay? Unless you flat out tell me you don’t want me
anymore, I’m going to keep being here. Even then, you’re going to have a
hard time getting rid of me because I know we fucking belong together.”
Constantine
Watching Alex finally figure his shit out makes all of us more
comfortable. He needed to feel that she wanted him, will probably always
need reminders that she still wants him, because he’s insecure about her.
Then again, she’s almost too perfect for any of us to believe she’d choose us
without doling out constant reminders.
When she finally settles into him, I get her attention by running a hand
over the ankle that she has resting over my lap.
“I broug
ht you something, baby.”
She does that quick blinking thing, like she forgot how to speak. I eat that
shit up, because seeing how she reacts to my voice will never get old. I will
never take for granted that we get to be together.
As much as I just want to carry her everywhere, I know she needs to feel
independent as well, so I put her back in her chair and tell her to go out to
the back garden. We all follow her, because she’s pretty.
I push her to the new plant in the corner, dramatic bluish-purple blooms
sitting there and begging Amelia to notice them. Kind of like me.
“Wisteria.”
“I saw them and thought, you didn’t have any. I remember how it used to
smell when it bloomed around your house, how you’d always pause and
smell the air. I also thought, the brightness of it might be something pretty
for you to look for.”
She gets closer, inhaling deep and then turns her head to search for the
inkiness of my hair against the azure of the cloudless southern sky.
“What? What’s wrong?”
Amelia gently lifts one of the blooms, rubbing it in-between her fingers
as she seems to get lost in a memory.
“Do you remember my eighth birthday party? My mother had me in that
awful yellow dress that pinched my waist and I got through almost the
whole party before I felt like I was going to burst if I didn’t start running
around.
“I was chasing one of you, but I remember the way the Wisteria climbed
up into that ponderosa pine, and it was such an unexpected color to see
amidst all the pine needles that I had to climb the tree and see it closer.
“I made it to all the way down but one of the branches snagged my dress
and put a hole in the hemline. Mother was furious. She definitely blamed
you boys, insisting that boys weren’t allowed at my parties anymore. Of
course, we ignored that.”
I smile, because I can almost taste that overly-sweet banana cake she
always had to have at her birthday.
“That dress really was awful, but you still looked beautiful in it. We were
always getting you in trouble, weren’t we?”
She shrugs, searching our blurry faces until Theo steps forward and puts
a hand on her shoulder, making sure she knew he was still there, still
engaged even though these memories happened before him.
She reaches up to touch his hand, but her hand gets snagged in her hair
and she freezes, bringing her hand up to within an inch of her eyes so she
can stare at the ring we slipped on her. Of course, we talked to Theo about it
as well, we all chipped in to get her something obnoxious. If she was going
to be with four men, she needed a giant exclamation point on her hand, so
that it was more than obvious that she was taken.
“What the hell is this and how long have I been wearing it?”
“You don’t remember us proposing?”
She nearly chokes on her inhale. “What? No, no no no no. I…what?”
Theo gets down in front of her on both knees so he can lean into her. She
automatically puts her hands on either side of his face, combing through his
facial hair and tracing his eyebrows, his smile, kissing him like she needed
to know he was tactile and real.
“What’s going on, Theo?”
“We have an agreement, they told you that.”
“This isn’t an agreement, it’s a diamond. A ridiculous one.”
“The agreement is, that they accept I can’t live without you, and I accept
that being with you includes them. They already reminded you, but now
that you know I’m part of the group, what did they carve in that tree?
Because that’s what the diamond is for.”
Damnit. We made her cry. She tries to take the ring off, shaking her head
back and forth as she shoves it into Theo’s hand.
“You guys can’t just put a ring on me. You don’t know what you’re
asking.”
Theo uncurls her hand, dropping kisses on it, and puts the damn ring
right back on.
“It’s a done deal, Amelia. You’re going to have to accept the fact that we
all love you, too much to do anything but worship you and care for you for
the rest of our lives. I’m signing up for a lifetime of living with all this dick
so that I can be with the woman that animates me.”
Eloquent. My turn. I get behind her, giving into the nirvana of her neck as
I brush her hair out of the way, kissing her neck the way I’ve dreamed of
doing for years. I taste her skin, leaving imprints of my tongue as I trail a
line from shoulder to jaw, using all my manly wiles to overwhelm her into
accepting her fate.
“You seem to think it’s okay to turn us down and push us away because
you have some notion in that pretty head of yours that what we need is a
wife that can cook and clean and do shit around the house. Amelia, the
three of us have been living together for years now and have managed just
fine without that.
“No. What we need, is someone to warm our bed, to take care of our
souls. Someone to share life with and love. You’re the only one capable of
that. So get that bullshit out of your head that you’re broken, or less than, or
undeserving.
“The only thing you need to think about is how soon we can move you
into our house and start living the life that’s been denied us.”
“We’ve got a room we’re going to set up for Theo, so when you’re ready
you own us and can’t get rid of us.” Cam steps up to her other shoulder and
kisses the other side of her neck. I can almost see her trying to melt, I can
feel the liquidity with which her body reacts to anywhere we touch her.
“So, are we celebrating now, or do you need to sulk about the fact you’ve
got four grown men, fully capable of making their own decisions, ready to
commit everything to you and claim a permanent spot in your life? If you’re
going to sulk, I might have to just show you some of the fringe benefits of
having four men that want you.” Alex is kneeling near Theo now, trailing a
hand up her thigh and giving off a wild smile that says he knows exactly
what he’s doing to her.
“Shit.”
“We’re going to take that as a ‘bring me to the nearest flat surface and
demonstrate,” Alex chirps before grabbing her and letting Theo lead us to
his room.
Truthfully, this is where it might get a bit awkward. Talking about the
fact we all want to share her is hot in theory, but the mechanics of it and the
reality of it will take some getting used to. So. Many. Possibilities.
Amelia
I might be physically challenged, but my lady parts are exactly at the
level you’d expect for a twenty-one-year-old woman surrounded by
attractive, determined males. I can’t stop twisting the giant ring around my
finger, memorizing the way it rubs against my skin and how wide I have to
splay my fingers for the diamond to pass through them to an upright
position.
Alex’s hands are gripping my ass, stopping inside what smells like
Theo’s room to pin me to the wall and kiss me. I s
hudder thinking about
how many times I imagined him finally telling me he wanted me. All those
years when we were younger and he was so scared and so stupid, the
jealousy of all the other attention he got from girls.
Pointless, because apparently, I’m the end game.
“Get out of your head, Butterfly. Please say we can make love to you?”
I inhale so fast I have to cough a few times. Did he mean…?
“Whatever dirty thought is in your head, yes. You’ve got four fiancés that
need to own you right now. You let us manage where bodies go while you
sit back and enjoy.”
“This is going to get really kinky, isn’t it?”
He gives me a dark laugh, an audible representation of how he wants to
touch me. He’s just standing there, keeping me up against the wall like it’s
nothing, but the way his hips are digging into me, making me rub against
him in all the right places, has me squirming and reaching to feel his hair.
This close to his face I can more or less see him, closing the distance as I
grab his face and kiss him. Someone starts lifting my shirt up, and there are
hands all over me, making my mouth fall away from Alex as it comes over
my head.
My head gets turned into Cam, who starts whispering naughty, naughty
things in between kisses, and I’m completely overwhelmed as Alex starts
kissing down my chest, unhooking my bra behind me and throwing it to the
floor.
There’s a moment there where I freeze, because suddenly I know that all
the cool air washing over my body is exposing more of my imperfections. I
can feel the air as it thickens around us, everyone but Theo taking in my
marred skin and trying to decide how to react. Being with Theo first had, in
a way, made this part easier though, because he wasn’t just talk.
Theo actually thought I was beautiful, believed that my damage wasn’t
anything to turn away from or to enjoy less. The way he touched me when
we were together almost made me feel like any other woman out there,
except that Theo touched me with too much thought, too much feeling, for
it to be like any other man.
And it’s not even like it’s just the issue of my damage being on display,
this moment has been so many years in the making that it’s like the
anticipation for those three and me to finally be able to claim our