Don't Tap-Dance on Your Teacher

  Roscoe Riley Rules #5

  Don’t Tap-Dance on Your Teacher

  Katherine Applegate

  Illustrated by Brain Biggs

  For the Dusek clan

  Contents

  1. Welcome to Time-Out

  2. Something You Should Know Before We Get Started

  3. Something Else You Should Know Before We Get Started

  4. Mr. Megaphone

  5. The Amazing Coolness of Noisy Shoes

  6. The King of Tap

  7. Surrounded

  8. The Gentleman

  9. Emma’s Question

  10. Dancing Girls

  11. Nurse Oshkosh

  12. Crutching

  13. Twinkles and Clomps

  14. Good-Bye from Time-Out

  About the Author

  Other Books by Katherine Applegate

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  1

  Welcome to Time-Out

  I can guess what you’re thinking.

  Time-out AGAIN? What rule did you break this time, Roscoe?

  Well, since you asked, it was Rule Number 542: DO NOT PRETEND TO NEED CRUTCHES WHEN YOU REALLY DO NOT NEED THEM JUST TO GET OUT OF AN EMBARRASSING SITUATION.

  Personally, I don’t think a guy should get punished for breaking a rule when he didn’t even exactly know there was such a rule.

  But my mom and dad see things a little differently.

  Sometimes I wonder if they ever really were kids.

  You’d think people who used to be kids would understand that sometimes a guy just really needs a good crutch. Or two.

  You know what I’m talking about, right?

  Well, maybe it is a little confusing.

  I’ll begin at the beginning of the beginning.

  With my friend Emma’s amazing, noisy shoes…

  2

  Something You Should Know Before We Get Started

  Mom says girls can do anything boys can do.

  Dad says boys can do anything girls can do.

  Probably they’re right.

  Parents usually are.

  But somebody needs to make sure kids hear this news.

  Kids need to know there’s no such thing as just-for-boys stuff and just-for-girls stuff.

  Like for instance, dancing elephants can be boys or girls.

  Dancing mice too.

  3

  Something Else You Should Know Before We Get Started

  If you are pretending you smushed your leg, try to remember which leg is the limpy one and which one is not.

  This advice may come in very handy someday.

  4

  Mr. Megaphone

  The first time I heard Emma’s tapping shoes was during show-and-tell.

  Ms. Diz, my teacher, lets us bring all kinds of weird stuff to share with the class.

  She is a brand-new teacher, so she likes to experiment on us.

  Once Dewan brought a ferret. Which is like a stretched-out guinea pig.

  After that, Ms. Diz made up the No Show-and-Tells that Can Bite rule.

  Maya brought her grandpa’s artificial leg to another show-and-tell.

  After that, Ms. Diz made up the No Show-and-Tells Without Permission of the Owner rule.

  The same day Emma brought her new tap shoes to school, I brought something from my Noisy Stuff collection.

  I always bring noisy stuff for show-and-tell.

  I LOVE noise!

  Weird noise.

  Funny noise.

  And of course, best of all, LOUD noise.

  Here’s what I’ve collected so far:

  * * *

  #1 BIRTHDAY-PARTY HORN

  HONK!

  #2 WHOOPEE CUSHION

  PFFFT!

  #3 TOY FIRE ENGINE

  WHEE-OO-WHEE-OO!

  #4 BONGO DRUMS

  BUM-BA-BUM-BA-BUM!

  #5 JUNIOR ROCK STAR ELECTRIC GUITAR

  SCREEEECH!

  #6 COWBELL

  DONG!

  #7 OLIVER, MY STUFFED ELEPHANT

  ELEPHANT HELLO (HARD TO DESCRIBE, BUT IT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE MY GRANDPA WHEN HE BLOWS HIS NOSE)

  * * *

  The newest addition to my Noisy Stuff collection is my Mr. Megaphone.

  It looks like a giant ice-cream cone made of plastic.

  When you talk into the mouth hole, it changes your voice so you sound like a megamonster.

  A loud megamonster with a bad cold.

  When it was my turn for show-and-tell, I yelled, “Take me to your leader, first graders of the Earth!” into the megaphone.

  Half the class covered their ears.

  The other half went “WHOA!”

  “Roscoe, that’s a fine addition to your Noisy Stuff collection,” Ms. Diz said. “Thank you for sharing it.”

  “I can pass it around,” I offered.

  “Please, NO!” Ms. Diz said. “I mean, we have other people who want to share this morning. Speaking of things that make noise, Emma, you have something special to show us today, don’t you?”

  Emma held up two black shoes with metal tappers on the bottom.

  “These are my tap shoes,” she said. “They make noise when you step.”

  Shoes with built-in noise? I thought. What will they think of next?

  And that’s how it all began.

  5

  The Amazing Coolness of Noisy Shoes

  “I just had my first tap dance lesson yesterday,” Emma said.

  She put on the shoes. When she walked on the carpet, they just sounded like plain old everyday shoes.

  But on the hard floor, an amazing thing happened!

  Emma’s feet went click! click! click!

  Those tappers made some serious noise.

  Emma tapped and twirled, and we all clapped for her.

  “Amazing tapping, Earth girl,” I said into my Mr. Megaphone.

  “Very nice, Emma,” said Ms. Diz. “And that’s probably enough Mr. Megaphone for today, Roscoe. For the year, actually.”

  I put down the megaphone and raised my hand. “Can boys do tap dancing?” I asked.

  Wyatt laughed. “Guys don’t tap-dance,” he said. “Guys do football and soccer.”

  “Girls can do soccer,” Emma said.

  Coco stood up. She put her hands on her hips. “Also, I would like to point out that girls rule and boys drool.”

  “Coco, please watch your words,” Ms.

  Diz said.

  Gus raised his hand. “Ms. Diz?” he said. “Dogs drool. Cats not so much.”

  “Thank you for that, Gus,” said Ms. Diz.

  She took a deep breath.

  She breathes a lot, actually.

  “As it happens, Wyatt, there are many famous male tap dancers,” said Ms. Diz. “And Emma is right. Some of the best soccer players in the world are girls.”

  She thought for a second. Then she snapped her fingers.

  “There’s something I want you all to see,” Ms. Diz said. “I’ll give Ms. Bunelli a quick call right now!”

  Ms. Bunelli is the school media center specialist.

  But she says just call her the Library Lady.

  There are about a kazillion books and DVDs and cool things in the library. I do not know how she has time to keep track of them all.

  I think maybe she never goes home.

  A few minutes later, Ms. Bunelli came to our class. She was rolling a tall cart with a TV set on it.

  “Class,” said Ms. Diz. “Ms. Bunelli has brought us a DVD of an amazing tap dancer. I think you’re going to enjoy this!”

  Ms. Bunelli pushed some buttons on the DVD player.

  And suddenly, there on the TV, was a man tap-dancing!


  Rat-tat-tat BOUNCE!

  Rat-tat-tat BOUNCE!

  “Hey, that guy is a guy!” Wyatt said.

  The tapping man spun and jumped and tapped so fast it made my eyes and my ears dizzy.

  Rat-tat-TAT!

  He whirled faster and faster—and got louder and louder.

  RATATATTATATATTATATAT!

  I never dreamed feet could make so much noise!

  “Those tap shoes are the best,” I whispered to Emma. “If I had those, I would tap twenty-four hours a day!”

  “You should take tap dance with me,” Emma whispered back. “We’d have so much fun together!”

  My very own noisy shoes?

  “Emma,” I said, “you are a genius.”

  6

  The King of Tap

  It took a while to convince Mom and Dad I really wanted to take tap dance lessons.

  When I brought it up at dinner that night, they both made sighing noises.

  “Remember when you wanted to take pottery?” Mom asked.

  “Or karate?” Dad said.

  “Or ice skating?” Mom added.

  “I didn’t know it would be so cold at the skating rink,” I said.

  “Roscoe,” Dad said. “You promised you would stick to those things. And you quit every time.”

  “This time it’ll be different, Dad,” I said. “I promise!”

  “Can I take tap dancing with Roscoe?” my little sister, Hazel, asked. “They have pretend tap shoes at Toys Or Else.”

  “We’ll see,” said my mom.

  Which is Parent for “Don’t Count on It.”

  Max, my older brother, was balancing a lima bean on his nose.

  “Roscoe, are you sure about tap dance?” he asked.

  “Totally sure,” I said. “Why?”

  “Guys might tease you about it,” Max said.

  “Tease him?” said Mom. “Why?”

  “Because dancing is kind of a girl thing to do is all,” Max said. “Gee, Mom. Do you live in a cave or what?”

  “Your Uncle Joe took ballet for a year while he was in college,” Dad said. “To help him with his football footwork.”

  Max made a no-way face. “Really? Like with a frilly tutu?”

  “I’m fairly certain there weren’t any tutus involved,” Dad said.

  “Boys do so tap-dance,” I said. “Ms. Diz even showed us a DVD of a tap guy. There will probably be lots of boys in my class.”

  Max looked up at the ceiling and groaned.

  Which is Brother for “You Are Such a Doofus.”

  “Please can I do this?” I begged my parents. “I absolutely promise I won’t quit this time.”

  Mom looked at Dad. Dad looked at Mom.

  My parents have entire conversations without ever opening their mouths.

  “I suppose you could give it a try,” Mom said finally. “But I want you to stick with it, no matter what.”

  “I will!” I cried. “I will for sure stick!”

  “Can I have Roscoe’s tap shoes when he quits?” Hazel asked.

  “We’ll see,” said Mom.

  “Don’t hold your breath, Hazel,” I said. “Because I am going to tap dance FOREVER!”

  That weekend, Mom found some tap shoes at a yard sale.

  They weren’t all shiny and new like Emma’s.

  But they were just as loud.

  I practiced tapping on the kitchen floor. (Great taps!)

  The living room carpet. (Crummy taps.)

  My bed. (No taps. But terrific bounces.)

  And the bathtub.

  You get LOUD taps out of a bathtub, let me tell you.

  I decided it was my favorite place to tap.

  My mom decided I was going to have to clean the bathtub.

  But it was worth it.

  I was a tapping fool. A crazy tapping machine.

  I was going to love, love, LOVE tap dancing!

  Forever.

  7

  Surrounded

  Finally it was time for my very first tap lesson.

  Emma’s mom drove us there.

  The tap dance place was an old brick building. It had a sign that said TRIXIE’S TIP-TOP TAP STUDIO.

  We were a little late. So Emma and I ran inside as fast as we could.

  A lady with her gray hair in a twisty circle on her head was standing near the door.

  She had on a black skirt and shiny tap shoes with bright red bows.

  “Emma! Slow down, dear! We are just about to start class,” said the lady.

  “Miss Trixie, this is Roscoe Riley,” Emma said. “He’s new.”

  “Wonderful!” said Miss Trixie. “I am ecstatic to have an enthusiastic young gentleman like yourself join our ranks!”

  I looked at Emma. She likes big words more than I do.

  “She’s glad to have you in the class,” she explained.

  “Oh,” I said. “I’m glad to have me in the class too.”

  We followed Miss Trixie into a giant room.

  The shiny wooden floor looked just like the one in the school gym. One wall was made of mirrors.

  I waved to myself.

  Emma and I rushed to a bench by the wall and put on our tap shoes.

  The air was full of clicks and clacks.

  Miss Trixie clapped her hands.

  “Tappers! Let the glorious fun begin!” she cried.

  “That means it’s time to get in line,” said Emma. “Stand next to me.”

  Miss Trixie went to the middle of the room.

  “Ladies,” she said, “I am most delighted to introduce the newest member of our tap team, Mr. Roscoe Riley! Roscoe, take a bow, won’t you?” Miss Trixie asked.

  My face got hot. But I bowed.

  As I straightened up, I saw myself in the wall of mirrors.

  I saw my tap shoes. And my ears that stick out a little too much.

  I saw my pink cheeks. And my striped shirt and my nice worn-in jeans.

  I saw a long row of tappers.

  I saw tall tappers and freckled tappers and tappers with missing teeth.

  But there was one thing I did not see.

  I did not see one single other boy.

  8

  The Gentleman

  I was in a totally guyless room.

  A boy-free zone.

  A sea of pink.

  “Why didn’t you tell me there aren’t any boys in this class?” I whispered to Emma.

  Emma looked surprised. “Does it matter?”

  “Yes, it matters!” I whispered back.

  I wasn’t even exactly sure why it mattered.

  Except that it meant maybe Max had been right, after all.

  Maybe tap dancing was For Girls Only.

  That meant kids at school would tease me.

  Bully-breath Wyatt already had a long list of bully nicknames for me.

  I did not need to have him add another one.

  “Let’s start with some heel-toes,” Miss Trixie said.

  I raised my hand. “Miss Trixie?”

  “Yes, dear?”

  “I…uh…” I swallowed. “I’m going to sit on the bench for a minute. There’s a stone in my shoe, I think.”

  “By all means!” she said.

  I sat down on a bench and yanked off one of my tap shoes.

  Tinkly music filled the room.

  “Let’s start with our dance called ‘The Mice and the Elephants’!” said Miss Trixie.

  The girls began to tap their toes.

  “Twinkle toes! Twinkle toes!” Miss Trixie said. “Tip-tap! Tip-tap!”

  While she twinkled, Emma looked over her shoulder at me.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  I nodded.

  But I wasn’t okay.

  I was the only boy in a gigantic roomful of girls.

  I pretended to look for a rock in my shoe.

  “Let’s heel-toe in a circle, lovely little mice!” Miss Trixie called.

  Everyone tiptoed. All those clicks made a wonder
ful sound.

  The music changed. It got slow and loud and thumpy.

  “Time for the elephants!” called Miss Trixie. “Clomp and stomp like glorious pachyderms!”

  I watched Emma stamp her tap shoes. She swung her arms together like a long trunk.

  If pachyderm meant “elephant” in normal language, then Emma was being a great one.

  Slowly I put my tap shoe back on.

  I tried out a few clomps while I sat on the bench.

  It was hard not to clomp, with all that thump, thump, thumping elephant music.

  It felt good to make so much noise and not even get yelled at.

  “Roscoe? Will you be joining us today?” Miss Trixie called.

  I didn’t answer right away.

  But finally I said, “I guess a little clomping couldn’t hurt.”

  I ran over and joined the circle of girls.

  I tried out some mouse tiptoes.

  “Excellent, Mr. Riley!” said Miss Trixie. “Now try the pachyderm part!”

  I clomped and swung and tiptoed and twinkled.

  “A glorious job!” said Miss Trixie. “And it was nice to have the addition of our fine new gentleman tapper!”

  My face got a little hot again.

  But I didn’t mind so much.

  We learned more steps during the rest of the class.

  My favorite step was called STOMP-STOMP-CLAP.

  I had such a good time making noise, I almost forgot about being the only gentleman in a roomful of girls.

  When the lesson was over, Emma and I took off our tap shoes and put our regular ones back on.

  “So?” Emma said. “What do you think?”

  “It was awesome,” I said.

  “Does that mean you’re going to keep coming? Even if you’re the only guy?”