Progressive Digression: A Book of Poetry, Page 2

  Contemplation

  You sit there,

  As you ponder the events of the day.

  Yes, you saw me at last.

  We see each other very infrequently anymore,

  But it matters not to you.

  I sit here,

  And I ponder the events of the day.

  My world was turned upside down,

  Because I got to see your lovely state,

  And my whole day has revolved around

  That one instant when I talked to you

  For what seemed like years,

  But was in fact but a glimmering moment.

  What you saw as a simple exchange of words

  With just another guy,

  I saw as something to make this day worthwhile.

  You sit there,

  And your mind has already left

  The topic of seeing me today.

  You visited me for five minutes today,

  But you visited me in your mind for not nearly so long.

  I lie here now,

  And revisit you in my mind,

  Where I have not yet left you.

  Oh, how I wish I could make my mind dream of you,

  So I could enjoy your company

  Until morning,

  So that in the meantime

  You alone would shelter me from the bitter cold and dark.

  But alas, this is one state in which I cannot guide my own thoughts.

  My dreams will consist of trivial things

  That I will forget when I wake.

  If I dreamt of you,

  I could not forget them, ever.

  You lie there,

  And you pass through your sleep like a smoke cloud,

  Not thinking of what you will dream,

  Nor even recalling one thing you dreamt.

  Oh, what I would give to know that you are dreaming of me,

  That you are spending time with me as you sleep.

  For if I knew that, I would feel like I was really spending time with you;

  To know that you were visiting me in your mind

  Would get me through another day.

  For as it stands now,

  I don’t think you think of me at all.

  Other than to ponder how you used your cruel intentions for the day,

  You do not waste brain cells on me at all.

  I get up from my bed of agony,

  Where I am alone once again.

  In sleep sometimes I am not alone,

  For I have some company in my dreams.

  Rarely in my dreams you play a trivial role,

  And I see you for a second, then you’re gone.

  For this hope alone,

  I go to sleep at all.

  For the hope of this sight of you in virtual reality,

  I have the motivation to sleep.

  Otherwise I would not bother with sleeping.

  For what do I need sleep?

  To have the energy to go on being alone?

  No, this is not necessary.

  In sleep, I am sometimes not alone.

  You get up from your bed of ignorance,

  And you think not of your night of dreams,

  For your life is a dream.

  You have any man you could ever want,

  Which of course disqualifies me from your possession.

  Then instead of pondering me,

  You ponder your will for the day,

  As your cruel intentions unfold for only yourself and the Lord to see.

  You wonder whose heart you can toy with;

  Just like a child who never gets tired of a toy until he gets it,

  You do not tire of your next target until you gain access to his heart.

  Once his heart is vulnerable,

  Your malicious hands are unleashed into its vulnerable reaches.

  This is what happened to me,

  Except I had no one to come pick me up and place me back in the toy box,

  Away from your grasp.

  So I lie here on the floor still,

  At the whim of those malicious hands,

  With the lock to my chest still disabled.

  I scream silently,

  As I hear your clumsy steps pounding into your room,

  And I see you greedily look around at the scene.

  You rush for me again.

  Although I know what to expect,

  I am in a state of euphoria as I see you approach.

  Just to have the joy of your attention,

  I would risk the pain involved,

  Over and over again.

  You are done with me for now,

  And as I lie here,

  You sit there,

  And I think of you still,

  But you think of your other toys.

  All I can do is keep lying here in wait for you,

  For the next time you come in and play with my heart.

  My chest remains open,

  And my head remains closed,

  Thinking only of you.

  But for now,

  I will see you when you come pounding in again;

  I will be here still,

  For I have no control over my legs,

  And I have no one to come pick me up from my place on the floor.

  dialogue

  to Jesus Christ, my God and Savior

  He said "Jump"

  I asked "How high?"

  He said "Run"

  I asked "How fast?"

  He said "Fly"

  I asked "How?"

  He said "Believe"

  I said unconvincingly, "I am."

  He said "Have faith"

  I asked "Why?"

  He said "Love"

  I asked "How deep?"

  He said "As deep as mine"

  I asked "How deep is that?"

  He said "Deep enough to die for you"

  I said "I'll try"

  He asked "What do you think of that girl?"

  I said "I like her."

  He said "Have faith son."

  I said "But I want things to happen."

  He said "Trust in me."

  I asked "How long?"

  He said "Live"

  I asked again "How long?"

  He said "Forever"

  Dream in My Head

  Hidden in my head

  Is a fantasy you’ve never seen.

  It is fed

  Every time I see your keen

  Reflection, in a tear,

  Projecting a picture I’m holding

  Of you; the tear, I fear,

  Was brought on from folding

  In this game that’s gone on

  For far too long.

  I give up; you’ve won.

  It is true, only the strong

  Survive; my sentence: fatality.

  It is now up to you:

  Kill me or have humility;

  I cannot promise you what will ensue.

  What I do know is this:

  I will do my best to fight this good fight,

  And to lead you to the bliss

  That is in my head; would it give you a fright?

  But alas, your sentence is ‘he dies,’

  And you stand there with your thumb down.

  I am soon to be taken away to my fate, when my ties

  Are soon loosened, and I turn around with a frown.

  You are standing there smiling.

  “But we can still be friends!”

  And I am thrown out into the cold, where the bodies are piling,

  From all your trials; these become trends.

  The years go by while I stumble in this wasteland,

  And I never hear from you,

  Yet I see you with men of status grand,

  Who leave you, true, but I would be like glue,

  Staying by you in the thick and thin:

  Just check out my dream.

  One day you come to me and I begin

  To think that I see a gleam

&nb
sp; Of hope in you and me.

  We begin to be friends,

  And I can almost see

  The end of this tunnel that depends

  Upon the light from your headlight.

  As the train approaches,

  What a sight!

  But I see I must make like the cockroaches,

  And get my butt out of your tunnel,

  Before I am annihilated!

  Your love is a funnel,

  But your water has dilated

  Me, so I no longer fit.

  You see this dream

  In my head, but you just sit

  At your judge’s bench, as you seem

  To only stare off into space,

  Suddenly screaming out, “Guilty! Die!”

  Only by the grace

  Of God do I awake, and lie

  In bed, breathing the air that you so desperately wanted to cease,

  And reach for the phone and dial the number

  Of you, my friend, just to appease

  You, and as I talk to you, I become number

  To your boyfriend, and, according to plan,

  For a while we are friends.

  But I doubt whether that man

  Would appreciate it if when this conversation ends,

  All that I plan

  On doing is going to sleep just to dream of my girl again.

   

  endgame

  And what shall I say about girls,

  The very species to which we cannot relate,

  Is the one that we need to survive.

  What is it about them,

  Which makes a man act the fool,

  Or betray his friends,

  To win a girl who never cared?

  I don't want to play this game,

  Which no man can win.

  The only victor is the girl,

  Who sees men fall at her side,

  Just like a Roman soldier of old.

  I will not be her pawn,

  Will not be her puppet,

  Will not be there when she comes back for me,

  Will not be there when she calls.

  Tell her when you see her that I have not missed her.

  Ask her when you tell her,

  Why did you push him away?

  Why did you let him go?

  Why on earth would you do to him what he told me you have done?

  She will tell you a lie.

  She will smile unconvincingly.

  She will flirt with you,

  And all will seem bizarre.

  She has lost me,

  So now she wants you.

  And I don't care about it.

  I don't wanna hear about it

  I am moving away.

  In my mind, I am moving away from the world ruled by women.

  I am packing up and leaving it all behind.

  Just let me be.

  I have enough to worry about in my life,

  Without being dragged down by this.

  So I'm not gonna chase her,

  Not gonna fight her.

  Not gonna be by her side.

  For if she will fight,

  In this war of the sexes,

  She may win, but will win no prize.

  I will be no girl's toy.