Everyday Psychopaths, Page 5

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  Mary was swiveling back and forth in her chair like a child when I entered her office. She looked comfortable in her new surroundings. Far too comfortable.

  “Hi Joe,” she said and gave me a Judas‘ smile. She had an unhealthy portion of red lipstick to match her business suit. I couldn’t see her legs behind her desk but I knew they were stocky like Victorian table legs. She had curves and nice hair, but I was determined not to let that get to me. I was going to be strong and firm.

  At least that’s what I told myself.

  “Hi Mary,” I said, in my tough, I couldn’t care less-voice.

  “Have a seat,” she said and gestured towards a pathetic little plastic chair. At least it was pathetic compared to hers. I was now sitting well below her and had to look up. I assumed it was all part of her plan to make her feel powerful and me feel ridiculous. She didn’t have to work very hard for it.

  “So...” she said, and stood up, showing off her full figure, which she had used so efficiently to get her (and others - hah!) standing in the company, “I have looked at your figures, Joe, and they don’t look very good. In fact, you’re now the worst guy on the team.” Her warm look took an icy substance. I suddenly saw a business person in the woman I thought only worked with her body.

  “What? Are you sure they’re that bad? I know I’ve had a rough couple of months, but in general my performance in this company has been excellent, as I’m sure you know.” I was suddenly feeling jittery.

  “Joe, you know as well as I that sales people don’t live on old merits. It’s all about what you deliver today. And your results haven’t been very promising lately. Is something bothering you?”

  Suddenly her appearance changed. She looked at me with deer-eyes and I saw something close to “mothery” in her face. She really seemed concerned about me. I was almost hypnotized and couldn’t really tell her that what was really bothering me was her and the way she stole my promotion. Thinking about it now, maybe it wasn’t so strange that I didn’t get it.

  “I’ve just gone through an uninspiring period in life, Mary. It’s hard to explain.” Talking about my limp genitalia wouldn’t improve things at this point. At any point.

  Mary smiled and walked over to where I was sitting. Suddenly she was behind me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, “We all go through moments which we need to struggle through. You know I had to go through a lot before I got where I am today.”

  She said this like she had climbed Mount Everest. It didn’t surprise me she had gone through a lot...of sex.

  “But I know you’ve always been a performer,” her hand gripped tighter on my shoulder, “so I want to give you a second chance.” She released my shoulder and sat down on her desk, right in front of me, with a racy look in her eyes.

  Second chance? What was she talking about? Had I fucked up so badly she considered firing me? And why was she so touchy and flirty? Was this a part of her evil brain game?

  She eyed me, waiting for me to say something. I must say at that moment she sure looked darn sexy and I almost wanted to jump her bones.

  If I hadn’t hated her guts.

  Whoa! Wait a minute here! I thought to myself when I felt my lower head throb in my pants - something I hadn’t felt in quite a while. Suddenly, like a jack-in-a-box, my loins wanted to spring into action. It was quite remarkable and made me awfully self-conscious and destroyed any plans I had of showing my ruthless side.

  “Cat took your tongue?” Mary said and smiled when I failed to say anything. She was toying with me. That bitch!

  “Sorry Mary, I’m just not myself right now. I’m happy for the chance to show my skills of course. I know I can get back to good old style.” I said, nervously.

  “That’s just swell,” she said and stood back up again. Her actions were impossible to read. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to sleep with me or thought I was a useless louse. No matter what, I still had a hard-on.

  “Let’s book another meeting, in two weeks from now and look at your results then. You should know I’m definitely a woman who values hard work and I’m not afraid to show it.”

  What? What on earth is that supposed to mean? I was shaking from nerves, but I couldn’t stand up because I had a tent pole in my dress pants. It was as embarrassing as it sounds.

  She walked over to me again and stretched out her hand. “Thanks, Joe. Let’s get this ship up to speed again.”

  I took her hand and I shook it. “Thanks,” I stuttered. Then I took a few, awkward and slow steps out of her office, wishing I had a binder or something else to hide my male protrusion.

  When I reached my desk, I let out a sigh of relief. But relief wasn’t what I was supposed to feel, because, in reality, Mary Pedersen had ridiculed me. She had turned on a fierce sexuality that made me weak in my knees and had played with my feelings like she was a cat and I was a ball of string. It made me slightly nauseous.

  The remaining hours of my work day I just sat at my desk and stared at my computer. I didn’t make a single phone call and I didn’t get one either. I had basically lost my desire to exist.

  And things weren’t going to get any better soon.