The Ship of Brides

  'I'm sorry,' she muttered. 'About being a bit sharp earlier.'

  Frances kept her eyes on the screen.

  'I just find - I find being pregnant a bit difficult. It's not really me. And sometimes . . . I say things without thinking.' Margaret rested her hands on her belly, watching as they lifted with the baby's squirms. 'It's because of my brothers. I'm used to being direct. And I don't always think about how it comes across.'

  Frances was looking down now and the screen was illuminated briefly by cinematic sunlight. It was the only sign by which she could tell that the other woman was listening. 'Actually,' she continued, the darkness and their solitude allowing her to say the things she had kept to herself for so long, 'I hate it. I shouldn't say that but I do. I hate being so big. I hate not being able to walk up two bloody stairs without puffing like an old codger. I hate the look of it, the idea that I can't do a bloody thing - eat, drink, walk around in the sun - without having to think of the baby.'

  She fiddled with her hem. She was heartily sick of this skirt and of wearing the same things day after day. She had hardly worn a skirt in her life until she had become pregnant. She smoothed it distractedly.

  Eventually she spoke again. 'You know, almost as soon as Joe and I got married he was gone and I was living with Dad and my brothers. Married in theory, I guess you could call it. It certainly didn't feel like being married. But I didn't complain because we were all in the same boat, right? None of us had our men with us. And then the war ended. And then I discovered . . . you know . . .' She looked down. 'And instead of finally getting my passage overseas and meeting Joe again and just being able to enjoy me and him being together, finally being together, which was all I really wanted, we've already got this thing to take into account. No honeymoon. No time to ourselves. By the time it's born we'll have been alone together for about four weeks of our married life.'

  She rubbed her face, grateful that Frances couldn't see it. 'You probably think I'm awful for saying all this. You've probably seen all sorts of death and sickness and babies and are sitting there thinking I should be grateful. But I can't be. I just can't. I hate the thought that I'm meant to feel all these feminine, maternal things that I can't make myself feel.' Her voice caught. 'Most of all, I hate the thought that once it's born I'm never going to be free again . . .'

  Her eyes had filled with tears. Awkwardly she tried to wipe her eyes with her left hand so that Frances would not know. This was what it was turning her into: a stupid, weeping girl. She blew her nose on a damp handkerchief. Tried to get comfortable again and flinched as the baby delivered another sharp kick to her ribs, as if in retribution. It was then that she felt a cool hand on her arm.

  'I suppose it's to be expected,' Frances said, 'that we'll get a bit tense with each other. I mean, living so close and all.'

  Margaret sniffed again. 'I didn't mean to cause offence.'

  It was then that Frances turned to her. Margaret could just discern her huge eyes. She swallowed, as if what she had to say required effort. 'None taken.' And, after the briefest of squeezes, she took her hand back into her lap and returned to the film.

  Margaret and Frances walked back along the hangar deck, having joined the second shift, rather than their allotted one, for dinner, due to the late finish of the film. This request had prompted as much cheek-sucking and ill-tempered acquiescence among the women's officers, Margaret said, as if they had asked to eat in the nude. 'Lukewarm corned-beef pie as opposed to warm corned-beef pie. It hardly requires an international treaty, does it?'

  Frances had smiled for the second time that evening; Margaret had noted it because each time her face had been transformed. That porcelain stillness, the melancholy air of withholding, had evaporated briefly and this sweetly beautiful stranger had broken through. She had been tempted to comment on it, but what little she knew of Frances had told her that any remark would bring down the shutters again. And Margaret was not a stickybeak.

  Frances was talking about life on board a hospital ship. As her quiet, precise voice detailed the rounds, the injuries of a young marine she had treated outside the Solomon Islands, Margaret thought of that smile, then of Letty. Of the brief, blushing youthfulness of her, that strange almost-prettiness that beset her features when she had dared briefly to believe in a future with Murray Donleavy. She pushed away the memory, feeling darkly ashamed.

  The temperature had not cooled as much as it had on previous evenings, and a balminess in the air reminded her of summer at home, of sitting out on the front porch, bare feet warm against the rough boards, the sound of the occasional slap as one of her brothers abruptly ended the night flight of some carnivorous insect. She tried to imagine what they would be doing that night. Perhaps Daniel would be sitting on the porch skinning rabbits with his penknife . . .

  Suddenly she became aware of what Frances was telling her. She stopped. Got Frances to repeat herself. 'Are you sure? He knows?' she said.

  Frances's hands were thrust deep into her pockets. 'That's what he said. He asked whose she was.'

  'Did you tell him?'

  'No.'

  'So what did you say?'

  'I didn't say anything.'

  'What do you mean, you didn't say anything?'

  'I didn't say anything. I shut the door.'

  They fell back against the pipe-lined wall as two officers walked past. One tipped his hat, and Margaret smiled politely. She waited until they were far down the gangway before she spoke again. 'He told you he knew about the dog and you didn't ask him whether he was going to tell on us? Or how long he had known? Nothing?'

  'Well, he hasn't told on us yet, has he?'

  'But we don't know what he's going to do.' Frances's jaw, Margaret realised, was peculiarly set.

  'I just . . . I didn't want to get into a discussion about it.'

  'Why not?' Margaret asked incredulously.

  'I didn't want him to get any ideas . . .'

  'Ideas? About what?'

  Frances managed to look furious and defensive at once. 'I didn't want him to think he could use the dog as a bargaining ploy.'

  There was a lengthy silence, Margaret frowning in incomprehension.

  'It's a big deal. I thought he might want something . . . in return.' She seemed faintly embarrassed now, as if she had understood how this logic might sound.

  Margaret shook her head. 'Jeez, Frances. You've got a strange view of how people go about things.'

  They had arrived at their cabin. Margaret was trying to think whether there had been some hidden meaning in the way the marine had waved to them and was about to suggest that she should be the one to talk to him when he arrived, but she was distracted by the sight of a girl running up the passageway. She had shoulder-length dark hair secured off her face with bobby pins, one of which had become detached and was hanging loose. She skidded to a halt when she reached them, and scanned their door. 'You live here? 3G?' she panted.

  'Yeah.' Margaret shrugged. 'So?'

  'You know a girl called Jean?' she asked, still breathless. And when they nodded: 'You might want to get downstairs. Keep an eye on your little mate, before someone official finds her. She's got herself into a bit of trouble.'

  'Where?' said Margaret.

  'Seamen's mess. E Deck. Go left by the second flight of stairs. It's the blue door near the fire extinguisher. I've got to go. The marines are going to be here in a minute. You'll have to hurry.'

  'I'll go,' said Frances to Margaret. 'I'll be faster. You catch me up.' She slipped off her shoes, dumped her cardigan and bag at their door, then sprinted down the passageway, her long thin legs flying up behind her as she went.

  There were all manner of hardships one could endure, Avice thought, if one happened to be in the right company. Since she had found Irene Carter that afternoon, and had been invited to join her and her friends for tea, then a lecture (Irene had sewn some simply marvellous peg-bags) and finally supper, they had talked for so long and so animatedly that she had forgotten not only
the time but how much she detested the old ship.

  Irene Carter's father owned Melbourne's most prominent tennis club. She was married to a sub-lieutenant just returned from the Adriatic; the son of (here Avice paused for breath) someone high up in the Foreign Office. And she had brought no less than eleven hats with her, in case one couldn't get them in England. Irene Carter was most definitely the right sort. And, with a rigour Avice suspected was rather lacking in her own character, she had determined to surround herself only with other girls of the right sort, in one case going so far as to organise a bunk swap so that the dark-skinned girl with glasses had been reallocated to a cabin where she would 'find girls like herself'. She hadn't needed to spell out what criteria this might include. Avice, looking at Irene and the perfectly lovely girls around her, could see that they were all alike, not just in dress and manner but in their attitudes.

  'Of course, you know what happened to Lolicia Tarrant, don't you?' Irene was saying, her arm lightly linked through Avice's as they tripped down the steps into the main hangar. The others were walking a couple of steps behind.

  'No.' Irene's shoes were the same as the ones Avice's mother had seen in a Paris magazine. She must have had them flown over.

  'Well, you know she was engaged to that pilot? The one with the . . . unfortunate moustache? No? Well . . . he wasn't five weeks in Malaya when she took up with an American soldier.' She lowered her voice. 'Awful man. So coarse. You know what he used to say about Melbourne? "Half as big as New York City's largest cemetery - and twice as dead." Ugh. Used to repeat it endlessly, as if he were being terribly original every time.'

  'So what happened?' Avice was wide-eyed, picturing Lolicia with the American.

  'Well, that was it. Her fiance came back and was not best pleased to find Lolly promenading around with this GI, as you can imagine. Let's just say it was more than the Brisbane line he'd been holding, you get my drift?'

  'Goodness,' said Avice.

  'And nor was Lolly's father best pleased when he found out. They'd been wary of the Americans since the murders, of course.' All of the girls remembered the scandal there had been when four Melbourne women were murdered by Private Edward J. Leonski and Australia's relationship with the GIs had soured.

  'He wasn't a murderer.'

  'Oh, Avice, you are funny! No. But he did let all his GI friends know what he'd been up to with Lolly. In the most graphic detail. And his commanding officer apparently got the wrong end of the stick and sent Lolly's father a letter, suggesting he keep better watch on his daughter.'

  'Oh, my goodness!'

  'Her reputation was shredded. Her fiance wants nothing to do with her, even though half of what this officer said was untrue, of course.'

  'Is she all right?'

  'I don't know,' said Irene.

  'I thought you and she were friends,' said Avice.

  'Now?' Irene pulled a face and she shook her head, as if she were trying to dislodge an annoying insect. There was a long silence. 'So,' she continued, 'are you going to enter for Queen of the Victoria? They're having a Miss Lovely Legs contest next week, you know.'

  They were half-way along the hangar deck when they came across Margaret. She was leaning against a noticeboard, one hand above her head, palm down, as if to support herself, while the other was clutching the point where her giant belly took a right-angled leap from her body.

  'Are you all right?' said Avice, paralysed with the fear that the farm girl was about to give birth. She would have to get involved. Goodness only knew what Irene would think.

  'Stitch,' said Margaret, through gritted teeth.

  Avice felt almost faint with relief.

  'Would you like some help getting back to your cabin?' asked Irene, courteously.

  'No.' Margaret looked at Avice, then at her friend. Her nose, Avice noticed, had reddened with the sun. 'I've got to go downstairs. Jean's got herself involved in a little . . . episode.'

  'She shares our cabin,' Avice explained.

  'You want some help?' said Irene. She had bent her knees to look into Margaret's flushed face.

  'I need to catch my breath.'

  'Well, you can't possibly go and get your friend like that. Not down all those stairs. We'll come with you.'

  Avice began to remonstrate: 'No . . . I don't think we should . . . I mean, Jean is . . .'

  But Irene had already slid her arm from Avice's and was reaching for Margaret. 'Better? Come on, take my arm. We'll have a little adventure.'

  Come on, girls, she had said. Haven't had the remotest bit of excitement since setting foot on board. Let's go and rescue a damsel in distress. And Avice heard Jean's bawdy laugh in her ears, heard her saying that Margaret was 'as itchy as an itchybug in Itchyville' or some such and watched Irene - her only lifeline to a proper social life during this voyage - prepare to float away from her on a mist of disapproval. She closed her eyes, rehearsing her excuses and ways to distance herself from Jean's vulgarity.

  But Jean, when they found her, was not laughing. She wasn't even standing.

  They saw her legs before they saw her, emerging awkwardly from behind a stack of canisters by the overheated starboard engine room, her shoes, half on her feet, pointing towards each other. As they came closer their voices, which had been hushed down the long, narrow gangway, stilled as they took in the tableau before them. They could see enough of her top half to gather that she was drunk - drunk enough to murmur incoherently at nobody in particular. Drunk enough to half sit, half lie, legs splayed, on the hard, oily floor. Drunk enough not to care that her blouse was unbuttoned and a small pale breast had spilled out of a dislodged brassiere.

  Frances stood over her, her usually pale, grave face flushed and animated, her hair somehow uncoiling from its usually severe pinning, her being radiating electricity. A man, possibly a seaman, equally drunk, was reeling away from her, clutching his shoulder. His flies were undone, and there was a flash of something purple and obscene in the fleshy gap they exposed. As the new arrivals stared in mute, shocked horror, another man peeled out of the shadows behind Jean and, with a guilty glance at them, straightened his dress and rushed away. Jean stirred, muttered something, her hair in dark, sweaty fronds over her face. Amid the shocked silence, Margaret knelt down and tried to pull Jean's skirt over those pale thighs.

  'You bastard,' Frances was screaming at the man. They could see she was holding a large spanner in her bony hand. He moved and her arm came down, the spanner connecting with his shoulder in an audible crack. As he ducked away, tried to shelter, the blows rained down on him with the relentless, manic force of a jackhammer. As one hit the side of his head, a fine arc of blood spattered into the air from above his ear.

  Before they had a chance to digest this scene, to let its meaning, the ramifications, sink in, Dennis Tims was running towards them, his taut bulk bringing renewed threat. 'What the hell's going on?' he said, cigarette still in hand. 'Mikey said--What the hell . . . ? Oh, Jesus,' he said, taking in Frances, the man's trousers, Jean on the floor, now supported by Margaret. 'Oh, Jesus. Jesus . . . Thompson, you bloody--' He dropped his cigarette and grabbed at Frances, who tried to shake him off, her face contorted. 'You bastard!' she yelled. 'You dirty bastard!'

  'All right, girl,' he said. 'All right now. All right.' As his mate pulled the man away from her, he closed his broad forearms around Frances's collarbone and pulled her back, until the spanner was waving futilely in the air.

  Tims's mate released the man who, too shocked or perhaps too inebriated to react, fell like a stone. The noise of the engines was deafening, a never-ending timpani of thumping and grinding, yet even over this the sound his head made was a sick, echoing thud, like that of a watermelon when it is dropped to the floor.

  Irene shrieked.

  Tims let go of Frances and shoved the man on to his side, at first, one might have suspected, to inflict further damage. But he was roughly checking the head wound, muttering something unintelligible under his breath.

  Two of t
he girls who, until then, had been whispering together ran off, hands pressed to their faces.

  Avice was shaking. Tims was on his knees, shouting at the man to get up, get up, damn him.

  Margaret, behind the men, had begun to haul Jean away.

  Frances was standing, legs hip-width apart, the spanner loose in her fingers, shaking convulsively. She was possibly unaware that she was weeping.

  'We should call someone,' said Avice to Irene. There was a terrible energy in the air. Her breath emerged in short bursts, as if, even as an observer, she had been overfilled with adrenaline.

  'I don't . . . I . . .'

  It was then that they caught sight of the women's officer running towards them, her feet echoing on the metal floor. 'What is going on here?' Scraped-back dark hair, large bosom. She was still twenty feet from them.

  Tims stopped, a fist raised. One of his mates said something to him, put a hand to his elbow, then the man melted into the darkness. Tims straightened, ran a hand through his short, straw-coloured hair. He looked at Margaret, as if he had only just noticed she was there, his eyes wide and strained, his hand still moving involuntarily. He shook his head, as if to say something, to apologise perhaps. And then she was there, in front of them all, her eyes darting between them, a regulatory air emanating from her like a bad perfume.

  'What is going on here?'

  At first she didn't seem to see Jean on the floor, Margaret still trying to make her decent. Her stockings, Avice saw were looped round her knees.

  'Bit of an accident,' said Tims, wiping bloodied hands on his trousers. He did not look at the woman. 'We've just been sorting it out.' He mouthed the words as much as spoke them.

  The officer looked from his hands to Avice, to Margaret, was briefly distracted by Margaret's belly. 'What are you girls doing down here?'

  She waited for an answer. No one spoke. Beside her, Avice realised, Irene's hand was pressed to her chest, clutching a handkerchief, in the manner of a consumptive heroine. Her social assurance and confidence had deserted her and her mouth hung a little open.