Secrets of My Hollywood Life #5: Broadway Lights, Page 3

  "Furstenberg," I correct. I'm amazed he got it even half right.

  "Exactly." He stares at the road while I ogle his arms. "The point is, a weekend doesn't get much better than that, Burke."

  "You're right," I agree. Since I'll still be in rehearsals for Meeting of the Minds, I'll be off the Friday night that Austin and Liz have the junior prom, so I am flying back out for it. That's another great thing about being in New York. With the time difference, I can fly back to Los Angeles and gain time with Austin. Going back to New York is when I'll hit major jet lag. Liz will be with me at least. She's flying back to New York with me that Sunday to start her summer program at NYU. "And then you come to New York two weeks later for my opening night."

  "Wouldn't miss it," Austin says. "My mom and Hayley are really excited. Hayley's got a list of shops she wants to hit when she's in town that weekend. Mom wants to drag her sightseeing."

  Austin's mom hasn't been to New York in years and his younger sister Hayley's never been so they jumped at the chance to see me on stage. "I told her she'll be doing a lot of the touristy stuff on her own," Austin adds. "I want to see you perform both nights."

  I smile to myself. Austin is so supportive, just like Tom Cruise (I mean that in the most non-creepy, non-controlling way, of course). Supposedly Tom saw Katie Holmes's run on Broadway tons of times. I'm sure Austin would be the same way if he were in town.

  I glance out the window again. The exit we've just passed was for Long Beach. We live in southern California near a gazillion gorgeous beaches. How could we not be going to one of them for a romantic last date before I go? I don't get it. If sand in my toes isn't in my future, where could we be going?

  "You still don't know?" Austin chuckles. "I thought for sure you'd figure it out when we got on the I-5 south. I'll give you a hint: It's someplace you've always wanted us to go to together."

  Think, Kaitlin. Think. Where are we going? Someplace fun, someplace casual, someplace we need Rodney to meet us, someplace this far south... There's only one place I can think of that--

  "IT'S DISNEYLAND!" I shriek, causing Austin to hit the brakes for a second. "Sorry," I say in a much calmer tone. "Am I right? Am I? Is that where we're going?"

  "Promise not to scream again?" he asks. "Yes."

  I can feel my heart beat rev up, but I keep my lips clamped shut. Disneyland! Mickey! Minnie! The Pirates of the Caribbean ride! The Star Tours ride! Sleeping Beauty Castle!

  YIPPEE!

  Disneyland is one of my favorite places. Whenever Disney has some sort of event or movie premiere at the park, I'm the first to RSVP yes. And I've never been as jealous as I was of Miley Cyrus when she had her sweet sixteen there (if I could sing, and had a Disney-brand TM after my name, maybe the Mouse would throw a party in my honor too).

  "Nadine set us up with a Disney cast member," Austin says, referring to what all the Disney employees are called. "We're meeting at the Californian Hotel and Spa, and they're going to take us over to the park for a personal VIP tour. They made a reservation for us at one of the character meals for breakfast, and dinner at Blue Bayou, which I know is your favorite, and we have prime viewing of the fireworks on Main Street. I think Nadine promised you'd do a quick photo op with Mickey by the castle, but they said it won't take more than twenty minutes."

  "Not a problem." This is Disneyland! Anything for a ride on Splash Mountain!

  HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER TWO: Ever wonder why there are so many pictures in the tabloids of celebrities on roller coasters or posing with Mickey? As if celebrities don't get enough perks, going to amusement parks and places like Disney means more of them. We can usually get free park passes--especially if we stop for a photo op--but some stars can get more than just tickets. A VIP personal tour guide (think $125 an hour and up) plays host, concierge, and guide for your day in the park. The guides can't put you at the front of the line, but they can make sure you get good seating at restaurants, and tell you where the best place to view the parade is and what attractions you should hit when. Now, if your name is Brad, Angie, or even my friend Miley, then visiting the parks is probably a totally different experience. It's not like they can actually wait in line with the rest of the public and not be mauled. For stars of this magnitude, line jumping has to be a must, don't you think? Not that anyone from the Mouse House has ever confirmed that to me.

  "I figured you wouldn't want the guide all day, though," Austin says, "so I told Nadine just to hook us up for a few hours and then you, me, and Rod-o are on our own. Sound good?"

  "Sounds perfect," I say, and I find myself bouncing up and down in my seat as I see a sign for Anaheim. Disneyland is the next exit. This is going to be the most perfect date ever. My right butt cheek starts to vibrate and I jump. It's my iPhone. I pull it out and stare at the text message in horror.

  SKY'S CELL: 911!!!! 911!!! K!!!!! WHERE R U???

  "What's the matter?" Austin replies, frowning thoughtfully. He's turned off the highway and I see the sign for Disneyland parking. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

  "I sort of have." Sky's never texted me before, let alone called me unless there was a major problem. We're not working together anymore, so I can't have more lines than her. I've been avoiding the red carpet, so I don't have more coverage in Hollywood Nation than she does. What could she possibly be peeved about?

  SKY'S CELL: Hellooooooooo...? U there???

  I'd better get this over with. If I don't respond, she'll keep texting me.

  KAITLIN'S CELL: It's me. I'm here. What's up?

  SKY'S CELL: FINALLY! Did U read Page 6? Hollywood Nation? See Access?

  KAITLIN'S CELL: Trying 2 avoid it. Bad 4 my self-esteem. Y?

  SKY'S CELL: Boo hoo. Don't be a baby!! Must read PRONTO. UR not going 2 believe what

  My phone vibrates again, and I skip reading the rest of Sky's text to see what Laney wants. Laney texting me at the same time as Sky can't be good. I have a sinking feeling.

  Lauren and Ava.

  No one printed a story about what went down at the premiere last week, so I thought I was in the clear. The rags couldn't possibly be covering the story a week later, when they have so many other juicy things to cover, like Katie and Suri's latest playdate photos or Britney's newest hair color... could they?

  LANEY'S CELL: Kaitlin, have you seen Page 6, Celeb Insider, Hollywood Nation? All have stories about your drama with Lauren & Ava. Your mom is flipping.

  KAITLIN'S CELL to LANIE'S CELL: That's so last week! There was nothing better to write about?

  SKY'S CELL: K, R U listening 2 me????

  LANEY'S CELL: Apparently not, but that's not the big story. This one is much worse.

  KAITLIN'S CELL to LANIE'S CELL: But nothing else happened!

  LANEY'S CELL: Maybe not, but those two heathens still managed to find a way to get press.

  SKY'S CELL: K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  "I don't believe this," I mutter, feeling a dark cloud begin to settle over my head. I thought I was done with Lauren and Ava. It may have taken me a while to realize it, but those girls are a bottomless pit of bad publicity--and they love every minute of it! I've washed every reminder of them out of my life, including the clothes we bought together and that leopard print bag they convinced me to get, and yet they're still haunting me. I've steered clear of any event where they might be and then they show up at my movie premiere and I'm made to look like the bad guy? I won't stand for it. I hit reply all on my iPhone and write both Laney and Sky.

  KAITLIN'S CELL: I'm over it. I don't care what they said or what they did. Let's drop it.

  SKY'S CELL: Get a spine, K! I'm not letting those 2 mock ME & get away w/it! Did U C how they dressed??? And the way they made my voice sound! THIS. IS. WAR!

  Dressed? Sky's voice? What the...

  KAITLIN'S CELL: What R U talking about?

  LANEY'S CELL: Kaitlin, have U seen the YouTube video? If you had, I'm sure you wouldn't be this calm. Seth and I agree that you should take the high road i
f this is the only thing they try, but we should at least respond or make a statement.

  "YouTube video?" I screech. "What YouTube video?" I start punching numbers on my phone to dial Laney. Austin has parked the car and is staring at me curiously. It takes a while to get through to Laney, since I have to keep hitting IGNORE to Sky's messages so that I can press SEND on my phone.

  "I knew you didn't know what I was talking about! Don't you ever read TMZ?" Laney is yelling as usual, but not because she's mad. Construction still isn't done on her Malibu beach house, and I can hear the hammering in the background. "You can play all sweet and nice in your statement and spin some crap about not caring, but if this happens again, those two girls are FINISHED. You must go on YouTube and see what they--NO! HELLO? Not there. I said there! Why would I want the same tile that I have in the kitchen? I thought we--"

  "Laney," I try to interrupt. "I'm about to go into Disneyland." Austin just looks at me worriedly. "I'm not pulling up YouTube on my phone! I don't want to see this. I'm having a nice day with Austin and want to be left alone. I just want to know what you're talking about. Please," I add nicely since I know I sound a little bratty.

  "Remember the YouTube video you shot with Sky at the premiere?" Laney asks. I hear her walking and her heels are click-clacking across the empty floors. A door slams and wherever she is now is much quieter. "The one you shot for Tom and FA? The girls apparently spoofed it on YouTube."

  I see another message pop up on my phone.

  SKY'S CELL: K!!!! U have 2 call me. I'm not sitting on this! TOO MAD!!!!!!!!!

  This is what Sky's so worked up over? "Laney, it wouldn't be a Tuesday if someone somewhere didn't have something to say about me. Who cares about YouTube?"

  Laney is quiet. Unusually quiet. Laney is never quiet. And that's when I feel a pit in my stomach that I haven't felt in a long time. "Laney?"

  "I wouldn't normally care about YouTube either," she says finally, "but this is over the top. They don't just mock you and Sky, they completely rip you both to shreds. They're wearing wigs to look like you too--bad wigs, but still. Lauren plays you and talks about how she's always in trouble with the press and how her downfall is everyone else's fault, not her own. She has two big, fake front teeth, which is silly because your veneers are gorgeous. I mean, Julia had hers done by the same dentist! Anyway, Ava is Sky, and she has this long, equally horrible wig and keeps complaining about not getting as much attention as you do. Then they joke about how both of your careers are washed up now that FA is over."

  Oh.

  I see.

  Maybe this is a little worse than I imagined.

  My cheeks flush as if Austin can read my thoughts. "Laney, tell me the truth. Is it that bad?"

  Laney pauses before she speaks. "Kaitlin, they've taken all of your insecurities and publicized them to the world. And their video is so mean-spirited that, of course, the press is eating it up. The clip has gotten over a million hits in the last twenty-four hours." She sighs. "It's not good."

  I swallow hard. The video sounds like a fender bender you can't look away from. I want to see the clip, even though I really don't. I could pull it up on my phone right now, but do I want to? Do I really want to torture myself?

  "Laney, let me call you right back," I tell her. "Let me see it myself. "

  I turn to Austin. "I need ten minutes, and then I won't say another word about this all day." I quickly explain what's happened.

  "You really want to watch it?" Austin looks surprised as he fiddles with his car keys. A miniature lacrosse stick dangles from the bottom. "Why torture yourself?"

  "Because it's going to eat me alive if I don't," I confess. I pull up YouTube on my iPhone and find the clip. Austin leans over the seat and I turn the volume up high so we can hear it. My heart is pounding as the video quickly loads. I'm so freaked that every sound is magnified, from kids screaming giddily as they walk by to Austin breathing in my ear.

  And then there it is. Lauren and Ava, normally so (I hate to admit this) gorgeous, look cartoonishly awful in clownish makeup and rat-teased wigs.

  Lauren introduces herself first. Lauren as me, I should say. "Hey, FA fans! It's Kaitlin, the one-hit-wonder from the most dull soap opera in the world! I'm the one more famous for my tabloid articles than for doing a decent movie. I'm so boring that no one wants me for another TV show." Ava pretends to sob.

  Ouch. "She's one to talk," I sputter angrily, and bounce up and down in the leather seat, which makes squeaking noises. Laney's right. This is cruel.

  "I'm Sky!" Ava tosses the hair on her beat-up wig. "I'm a nobody who is more famous for hating Kaitlin than for doing anything worthwhile."

  I wince. That's Sky's biggest nightmare come to life. I keep hitting ignore to the texts from Sky that interrupt the video, but I can see now why she's so upset. The jabs get nastier and nastier, and I feel worse and worse about myself as I watch. Lauren and Ava talk about how we got Alexis fired (not fair), how we killed FA's ratings (so not true), how the two of us were turned down for our own spin-off show (an offer wasn't even on the table!).

  When the clip finishes, I sit there, stunned. Why did they have to do something so mean? I've left them alone! Couldn't they have done the same? Having them tossed out of the PYA party might have been the worst mistake I could have made. Now the girls are never going to leave me alone. Not when a fight with me can get them the press they so crave.

  Austin is quiet. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah."

  I think. It's just a YouTube clip, but... in this age, YouTube is more popular than 90210. Is Laney right? Should I be worried about this? I quickly call her back. "I saw it," I say when she picks up on the first ring. "What should we do?"

  "You have to comment," Laney insists. "I'll contact your favorite reporter at Hollywood Nation, and you can do a quick interview."

  "Okay, but tomorrow," I beg. "I'm off today. I'll do it when I arrive in New York."

  "Fine," Laney says. "I'm just glad you're not fighting me about this."

  "I don't want to play their game," I admit, "but they're not giving me much choice. I'll make a statement, but I'm not stooping to their level."

  Laney sighs. "There is nothing wrong with going a little postal once in a while. This thing would die the minute some other star did something heinous, but not now. Kaitlin, they're promising new Sky and Kaitlin videos will be posted in the coming days! Alexis Holden is going to be in the next one. She's apparently their BFF now."

  "So I heard," I tsk. Alexis is just as awful as Lauren and Ava. She was an FA guest star who tried to get Sky and me tossed off the show during its final season so that she could stay onboard. What is with mean girls? Is there some secret code word they have to help them find each other and team up? "I'll take care of it, Laney."

  "Good," she says and I hear her open a door. The hammering sound is back and it's louder than ever. "I'll touch base with Sky's publicist too. I have to go. The contractor is about to put beige tile in my entranceway when I distinctly asked for stone." Click.

  I type quickly.

  KAITLIN'S CELL: Watched video. Understand Y UR upset. I promised Laney I'd make a statement.

  SKY'S CELL: That's it???? I'm making 1 2, but we have to do more!

  KAITLIN'S CELL: They're not worth it. Saying more will only fuel the fire.

  SKY'S CELL: L & A must go down!!! They're evil, K.

  KAITLIN'S CELL: Y, but not worth our time. They're...

  They are evil. They're worse than evil. When I think about what they've done, I can't believe it. They act all sweet and friendly when a camera is pointed at them, but when the light is off, their claws come out. Thankfully whatever they do usually sours fast, and the press forgets about them. Sweet and sour. They're like candy!

  KAITLIN'S CELL: Just forget about them. L&A are like Skittles. Sweet @ first, but when U have too many, your stomach sours and U feel sick.

  SKY'S CELL: LOL! Good one. Like that a lot. But we need to do MORE. We need to do our
own video and

  I don't read the rest. I shut off my phone. If anyone important needs to reach me they'll call Rodney or Austin. The rest of the world can wait.

  "Are you sure you're okay?" Austin asks, and touches my hand.

  "It's not even worth talking about." I open the car door and the warm air hits me in the face. "Today is about us. Let's go have fun."

  And that's exactly what we do. We ride the Matterhorn Bobsleds ride two times, Splash Mountain three, (it's our fave), Pirates of the Caribbean four (two times back to back!). We ride It's a Small World, take the Jungle Cruise, go underwater with Nemo, tackle Space Mountain, survive Indiana Jones and Star Tours, and even spin ourselves silly on the teacups. In hindsight, it might not have been the smartest idea to spin after just having the Mickey ice cream pop, but I didn't hurl, so I consider that a victory. The park is crowded, but our cast member says the park is always crowded, no matter what day you visit. Even though there are a lot of people, we manage to see and do everything we want to tackle. Austin brought his camera, and we get tons of pictures. It helps to have Rodney with us to do most of the camerawork. Besides Mickey at my quick photo shoot, and the gang we snag at the character breakfast, our Disney cast member makes sure we get pictures with the Beast, Ariel, Stitch, Buzz, and Woody before we go our separate ways.

  By the time we're nestled at our table for dinner at Blue Bayou I'm exhausted, and my feet are killing me. Thank God Austin told me to wear sneakers. If I hadn't, I would have had to buy those hideous pink Mickey Crocs they seem to sell every fifty feet. I'm sucking down my second Sprite and finishing off my New York strip steak while Austin tackles the fish. We've rush ordered dessert so that we can make it outside in time for the evening fireworks. I take a breather from my meal and look around. The Blue Bayou is my favorite restaurant in Disneyland because it's so romantic. Not that I've been here on a date before, but I've always wanted to. The restaurant is indoors, but you feel like you're outside on a clear moonlit evening watching boaters (on Pirates of the Caribbean) float by.