and all that is because he’s got this boss named
Mr. Warren, and Mr. Warren has three boys
who are these crazy sports fanatics. Dad sees
the Warren kids outside in their front lawn every
day on his way home from work when his carpool
goes by their house.
48…
49…
50!
25
So I think Dad is pretty disappointed every time
he gets home and sees what HIs sons are up to.
Anyway, like I said, Dad kicked me out of the
house today. I couldn’t really think of anything
I wanted to do, but then I had a good idea.
Yesterday at lunch, Albert Sandy was telling
everyone about this guy in China or Thailand or
someplace who could jump six feet straight up in
the air, no joke. The way the guy did it was by
digging a hole that was three inches deep and then
jumping in and out of it a hundred times. The next
day, the guy doubled the size of the hole, and he
jumped in and out of tHAt. By the fifth day, he
was practically like a kangaroo.
26
Some of the guys at my table told Albert he was
full of baloney, but what he was saying made a lot
of sense to me. Plus, I figured if I did what
Albert said and then added a few days to the
program, all my problems with bullies could be over.
looking
for someone,
fellows?
27
I got a shovel out of the garage and found a
place in the front yard that looked like a good
spot to dig. But before I could even get started,
Mom came outside and asked me what I was up to.
I told Mom I was just digging a hole, but of
course she didn’t like tHAt idea. So she came up
with about twenty reasons why I wasn’t allowed
to do it.
Mom told me it was “dangerous” to dig in the
yard because of underground electrical lines and
sewage pipes and stuff. Then she made me promise
up and down that I wouldn’t dig any holes in
our yard. So I promised.
28
Mom went inside, but then she kept watching me
out the window. I knew I was gonna have to
take my shovel and go dig a hole somewhere else,
so I headed up to Rowley’s house.
I haven’t been going up to Rowley’s much lately,
mostly because of Fregley. Fregley has been
spending a lot of time in his front yard, and
sure enough, that’s where he was today.
does this scab
smell funny
to you?
My new strategy with Fregley is to just avoid eye
contact and keep walking, and it seemed to do
the trick today.
29
When I got to Rowley’s, I told him my idea,
and how the two of us would practically be ninjas
if we stuck with this hole-jumping program I
planned out.
But Rowley didn’t seem so hot on the idea. He said
his parents might get mad if we dug a ten-foot
hole in his front yard without asking them, so he
was gonna have to get their permission first.
Now, if there’s one thing I know about Rowley’s
parents, it’s that they never like my ideas. I
told Rowley we could just cover the hole up
with a tarp or a blanket or something and put
some leaves on top of it, and his folks would
never even find out. That seemed to convince him.
30
ok, so I admit that Rowley’s parents might
eventually find out. But that wouldn’t be
for at least three or four months.
aieeeeeeee!
Me and Rowley found a good spot in the front
yard to start digging, but we ran into a problem
right away.
31
The ground was pretty much frozen solID,
and we could hardly even make a dent.
I spent a few minutes trying before I handed
the shovel over to Rowley. He couldn’t really
make any progress, either, but I gave him an
extra-long turn so he could feel like he was
contributing to the project.
Clunk
sip
dig
Rowley got a little bit further than I did, but
when it started to get dark out, he gave up.
32
I guess we’ll have to take another crack at this
thing tomorrow.
Sunday
Well, I thought about it a lot overnight, and
I realized that at the rate me and Rowley are
going, we’re gonna to be in college before this
hole is ten feet deep.
So I came up with a totally different idea
for what we could do. I remembered this thing I
saw on tv where scientists made a “time capsule”
and filled it with a bunch of stuff like newspapers
and DVDs and things like that. Then the scientists
buried their time capsule in the ground. The idea was
that in a few hundred years someone will come along
and dig it up, and they can learn how people from
our time used to live.
time
capsule
do not open
until 2300 a.d.
33
I told Rowley about my idea, and he seemed
pretty enthusiastic about it. Mostly, I think he
was just glad we weren’t gonna spend the next
few years digging a hole.
I asked Rowley to donate some items to put in
the time capsule, and that’s when he got cold feet.
I told Rowley that if he put some of his Christmas
presents in the time capsule, people in the future
would get some really cool stuff when they opened
the box. Rowley told me it wasn’t fair, because I
wasn’t putting any of mY Christmas presents in
the time capsule. So I had to explain to him
that the people in the future would think we
were really lame if they opened the box and it
was filled with clothes and books.
34
Then I told Rowley I’d throw in three dollars of
my own money to prove I was making sacrifices,
too. That seemed to be enough to convince him
to fork over one of his new video games and a
couple of other things.
I actually had a secret plan that I wasn’t
letting Rowley in on. I knew that putting the
cash in the time capsule was a smart move, because
that money is gonna be worth a lot more than
$3.00 in the future.
So hopefully whoever finds the time capsule will
travel back in time and reward me for making
them rich.
for you,
kind sir!
35
I wrote a little note and put it in the box just
to make sure the person who finds it knows
exactly who to thank.
To whom it may concern:
The cash is from
Greg Heffley
12 Surrey Street
Me and Rowley found a shoe box and put all of
our stuff in it. Then we sealed it up with some
masking tape.
Time
Capsule
Do not open
&n
bsp; until time
travel is
possible.
I wrote a little note on the outside of the box
to make sure it didn’t get opened too soon.
36
After that, we put it in the hole we dug yesterday
and buried it as best we could.
I kind of wish Rowley had put some more effort
into digging the hole, because our time capsule wasn’t
really buried all the way. Hopefully nobody will mess
with it, because it needs to stay there for at
least a few hundred years.
pat
pat
Monday
Well, my week got off to a rough start. When
I got out of bed, Mom’s bathrobe wasn’t where
it usually is, hanging on my doorknob.
I asked Mom if she took the robe back, but she
said she didn’t. So I have a feeling Dad had
something to do with it.
37
A couple of days ago, I figured out a way to
combine the bathrobe experience and the heating
vent experience, and I don’t think Dad really
approved of my idea.
aaaaaaaahhhh!
fwoosh
I figure he either hid the robe or got rid of it.
Now that I think of it, Dad made a run to the
Goodwill bin last night after dinner, so that’s
probably not a good sign.
Anyway, if Dad DID get rid of the robe, it
wouldn’t be the first time he’s thrown out someone’s
personal property. You know how Manny has been
trying to quit using his pacifier?
38
Yesterday morning Dad got rid of every single
one of Manny’s binkies.
Well, Manny totally freaked out. The only way
Mom could get him to calm down was to dig out
his old blanket, this thing he calls “Tingy.”
Tingy started off as a blue blanket that Mom
knitted for Manny’s first birthday, and it was
love at first sight.
Manny carried that thing around with him
everywhere he went. He wouldn’t even let Mom
take it away from him so she could wash it.
It started falling apart, and by the time Manny
was two, his blanket was basically a couple of pieces
of yarn held together by raisins and boogers.
39
I think that’s when Manny started calling his
blanket “Tingy.”
For the past couple of days, Manny’s been
dragging Tingy around the house just like he
did when he was a baby, and I’ve been trying
to stay out of his way as much as possible.
Wednesday
I’m getting really tired of walking to school every
day, so this morning I asked Mom if she would
drive me and Rowley. The reason I didn’t ask her
sooner is because Mom’s car is covered in all these
embarrassing bumper stickers, and kids at my school
are brutal when it comes to that sort of thing.
40
I’ve tried scraping the bumper stickers off, but
whatever kind of glue they put on those things is
meant to last until the end of time.
Today me and Rowley got a ride from Mom, but
I told her to let us out behind the school.
My child is a
graduate of
TenderCuddles
Preschool
Are You Sure This is
Where I’m Supposed
To Drop You Off?
Yep,
Thanks For
The Ride!
41
Well, I made the dumb mistake of leaving my
backpack in the car, so Mom brought it to me in
fourth period. And of course she picked toDAY
to finally start going to the gym.
It was just my luck, too. Fourth period is the
only time I have a class with Holly Hills, and
I’ve been trying to make a good impression on
her this year. I figure this incident probably set
me back about three weeks.
I’m not the only one who’s trying to impress
Holly Hills, either. I think just about every boy
in my class has a crush on her.
You Forgot
This, Sweetie!
42
Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but
the top three all have boyfriends. So a lot of
guys like me are doing everything they can to get
in good with her.
I’ve been trying to come up with an angle to
separate myself from the rest of the goobers
who like Holly. And I think I finally figured it
out: humor.
See, the kids in my class are like Neanderthals
when it comes to jokes. To give you an idea of
what I’m talking about, here’s the kind of thing
that passes for comedy at my school —
har har
har!
trip
Anytime Holly’s in the area, I make sure I use
my best material.
43
I’ve been using Rowley as my comedy partner,
and I’ve actually trained him on a couple of pretty
decent jokes.
whatchya doin’?
eatin’ chocolate.
where’d ya get it?
a doggie dropped it!
heh heh
heh.
The only problem is, Rowley’s starting to get a little
greedy about who gets to say what, so I don’t
know if this partnership is gonna work out long-term.
can i do the
“doggle
part?
um. . .I
dont’t
think so.
44
Friday
Well, I learned my lesson about getting a ride
from Mom, so I’m back to walking to school. But
when I was heading home with Rowley this
afternoon, I seriously didn’t think I had the
energy to make it up the hill to my house. So I
asked Rowley if he’d give me a piggyback ride.
Rowley didn’t exactly jump at the idea, so I had
to remind him that we’re best friends and this is
the kind of thing best friends do for each other.
He finally caved when I offered to carry his
backpack for him.
gasp
wheeze
I have a feeling this was a one-time thing,
though, because Rowley was completely wiped out
by the time he dropped me off at my house. You
know, if the school is going to take away our bus
ride home, the least they can do is install a ski
lift on our hill.
I’ve e-mailed the principal about five times with my
suggestion, but I haven’t heard anything back yet.
When I got to my house, I was pretty tired,
too. My new thing is that I take a nap every
day after school.
46
In fact, I lIVe for my naps. Sleeping after
school is the only way I can really recharge my
batteries, and on most days the second I get
home, I’m in bed.
aaaaaaahhh!
I’m actually kind of becoming an expert at
sleeping. Once I’m out, I can sleep through
just about anything.
The only person I know who’s better at sleeping
than me is Rodrick, and here’
s the reason I
say that. A couple of weeks ago, Mom had to
order Rodrick a new bed because he’d worn his out.
So the furniture guys came to take his old mattress
and box spring away.
47
When they came, Rodrick was in the middle of
his after-school nap. So they took his bed
away, and he just slept on the floor, right in
the middle of his empty bed frame.
The thing I’m worried about is that Dad is going
to ban our after-school naps. I’m starting to get
the feeling he’s sick of waking the two of us up
for dinner every night.
Tuesday
Well, I hate to admit this, but I think my naps
are starting to have an effect on my grades.
48
See, I used to do my homework when I got
home from school, and then I watched tv at
night. Lately I’ve been trying to do my homework
while I watch tv, and sometimes that doesn’t
work out too good.
I had this four-page Biology paper due today, but
last night I kind of got caught up in this show I
was watching. So I had to try to write the whole
thing in the computer lab during recess today.
I didn’t have a lot of time to do any research,
so I played with the margins and the font size
to stretch what I had to four pages. But I’m
pretty sure Ms. Nolan is gonna call me on it.
To make sure carissa
sticks around for another
week, dial “492” or text
the word “carissa” now!
Beep beep
beep
49
CHIMPS
A four-page paper by
GREG
HEFFLEY
1
This is a
chimpanzee, or
“chimp” for short.
Chimps are the
subject of the paper
you’re holding in your
hand right now.
2
50
Chimps are supposed
to be smart, but I’m
not so sure that’s true.
Get out of