OUTCAST: A Good Guys Novel, Page 21

  Hanging his head, he didn’t respond.

  “Do you have any idea how much it hurts me to see you in pain? Call me co-dependent, but I physically ache for you. When you hurt, I hurt.” The terrible day I’d had tipped me over the edge, and my words became choked with emotion. “And you were supposed to show up today for lunch and you didn’t. I needed you, and you weren’t there. And for what? Some stupid frat full of people who aren’t your friends?”

  “Whoa.” Ezra suddenly seemed alert at the sight of my tears. “Baby, what’s wrong? This isn’t just about what’s going on here, is it?”

  “No, it’s not,” I sobbed. “And I don’t even have time to talk about it now because I have to get to work.”

  Pushing up off the couch, I slung my purse over my shoulder and headed for the door.

  Ezra let out a pained grunt when he got up. “Can’t you call in?”

  “No.”

  Just as my hand landed on the doorknob, a warm hand gently grasped my forearm. “Please, Kayla. I told you what was going on with me, even though I didn’t want to. Talk to me.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to,” I replied. Actually, that was a lie. I didn’t want to talk about it. I’d officially breached my emotional limit, and if I let it all out with Ezra now, I definitely wouldn’t be in any shape to go to Rocky’s. “Can I tell you later?”

  “Okay,” Ezra whispered. He hugged me from behind, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Come back tonight after you’re done.”

  “I thought you had a frat thing,” I said, hoping he wouldn’t go there again. Hoping he wouldn’t willingly put himself in a situation where he could get hurt. Ultimately, it was his decision.

  “I’ll skip it,” he told me, and I blew out a relieved breath. “You’re more important. Please know that.”

  Nodding, I swallowed hard, reveling in the safety of his arms. And before I could crumble into a weepy mess again, I left.

  “Shit,” I cursed. Standing on my front stoop, I watched Kayla drive off down the street.

  Knowing things were unsettled between us was one of the worst feelings in the world. My chest ached, my stomach churned, and my head pounded. And it wasn’t from lack of sleep.

  I had hurt her.

  I’d made a mistake.

  Kayla was right to be upset. I overslept and stood her up. I didn’t know what was going on with her, but I’d obviously missed something important.

  And she was right about the frat, too. I’d gotten caught up in a bad situation. I hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself, but what they were doing was all kinds of wrong. No matter how I tried to rationalize it, I’d made too many excuses for the fraternity.

  The friendships they were offering were artificial, and I wanted real friends.

  If only I could go back in time to the first day of class. Politely decline Max’s invitation. Dedicate all my free time to the things that mattered.

  But if only wasn’t going to make things better with Kayla.

  Thinking of the look on her face when she left, I hung my head.

  I never wanted to see her cry like that again.

  Stepping back into my apartment, I resisted the unbearable urge to run after her. Not that I would’ve been able to with my leg.

  Overwhelmed with pain, inside and out, I let Pierre out for a few minutes. After he came back in, I dumped some food in his bowl, then went back to the couch. The ice was already helping, and I massaged the sore muscles and tendons around my knee.

  How did things get so fucked up?

  Yesterday, everything had been good. Better than good. I’d been having one of the hottest experiences of my life in a carwash, so deep in love with the girl of my dreams.

  And today was complete shit.

  I just wished I knew how to fix it. Naturally, I called the one person I always went to for advice.

  Jimmy answered on the second ring. “Hey, college man.”

  “Hey.”

  Immediately, he could tell something was wrong. “What’s going on?”

  I heard his girlfriend playing guitar in the background, and the sound got quieter as he moved to a different room. I loved that about him. Whenever I needed him, I had his full attention.

  “I think I fucked things up with Kayla. Like, really fucked up,” I emphasized.

  “What?” He sounded surprised. “How the hell could you possibly have messed up so bad?”

  “I don’t know. I was trying to do the right thing… I thought it was the right thing. But it didn’t turn out like I wanted it to, and now she’s really pissed.”

  I was being cryptic, but explaining the entire story was going to take a while. Sensing my distress, Pierre came over to rest his chin on my right knee.

  “Did you cheat on her?” Jimmy asked, blunt.

  “Fuck no,” I barked out. “The thought of that literally makes me sick.”

  “Did you lie to her?”

  “Not exactly. More like omitted the truth, but she knows now.”

  “Okay. Then whatever it is, you can fix it.”

  Sighing, I leaned back on the couch and petted Pierre’s soft head. “So, here’s the short version: I got involved with a frat. They’ve been making us do… questionable things. It hasn’t been good for me—for my leg.”

  “What kind of things?” His voice was deadly calm.

  “Things no one wants to do.”

  “Are they hazing you?” Now Jimmy sounded just as pissed as Kayla.

  “Yeah,” I admitted. “I guess you could call it that. It was harmless fun, at first. You know, normal party stuff. Each meeting has gotten worse, though. Last night—” I couldn’t bring myself to tell Jimmy that I’d been dumb enough to sit in that basement for eight hours. “I hurt my leg, and Kayla’s really upset about it.”

  I heard shuffling in the background and it sounded like he was putting clothes on. “I’ll come to that campus right fucking now.”

  The sound of keys jingling came through the phone. He was serious.

  “No,” I protested. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m an adult now. You can’t always protect me, Jimmy.”

  “I don’t give a fuck how old you are. You’re my little brother. I’d love to beat some frat-hole fuckers.”

  “Stop.” My tone was hard. “I need to handle this on my own.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  I shrugged even though he couldn’t see it. “Guess I’ll just go over there and tell them I quit. I don’t need that shit.”

  Jimmy grunted. “I don’t like it, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Be careful, okay?”

  “I will.”

  “And, hey, I wanted to call you soon anyway so while I’ve got you on the phone… I proposed to Mackenna and she said yes.”

  I could hear the pure joy in his voice, and it made me smile. “Congratulations. That’s awesome.”

  “We already set a date for the wedding, and I want you to be my best man.”

  I grinned. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. When is it?”

  “September 28th.” He paused. “Of this year, not next.”

  My eyes went wide. “As in, like three weeks from now?”

  “Yup.”

  “Have you told Mom and Dad yet?”

  He hesitated. “Nope.”

  I barked out a laugh. “I’m not the one who needs to be careful. Shit, man. Good luck with that.”

  “We literally just decided last night. Mackenna doesn’t want anything fancy. It’ll be a small courthouse ceremony, then a barbeque at Grandma’s after.”

  “Sounds perfect for you. I’ll bring Kayla if she doesn’t kick me to the curb.” My tone was joking, but as I said the words something clenched in my chest.

  If I lost her, it would break me.

  “Hey, you guys will work it out. When you have the first fight ever with your first love, it feels like the end of the world, but it’s not.”

  “Thanks, Jimmy.”

  Hanging up, I dropped the p
hone and a sense of rightness came over me. I’d convinced myself that being in Pi Kappa Epsilon was important, but the thought of never having to go back to that damn house after tonight erased a dread I hadn’t even realized was there.

  After icing my leg to the point of numb, doing some stretches, and loading up on anti-inflammatory meds, I gingerly stepped into my shoes. I was still in pain, but at least I could walk.

  Pierre stopped me before I could get out the door. He was holding his vest in his mouth and looking at me expectantly.

  “Not this time, buddy.”

  He nudged me with his nose, wagging his tail. He wasn’t normally this insistent, but he could tell I was having a hard time.

  “I know you just want to help,” I told him, removing the pack from his mouth and setting it on the table. “But I’ll be okay. Later we’ll watch movies and shit, and hopefully Kayla will come back to us. Sound good?”

  Accepting that he wasn’t invited this time, he went over to his bed and laid down.

  I limped to the end of the block and hopped on the next bus. I had to switch rides twice to make it to the heart of campus, but I was in no shape to hike all the way to the frat house.

  Plus, it was starting to rain. The gloomy darkening skies set a somber tone for this mission, but I told myself doing it face-to-face was best. And maybe I could convince Jeff to quit, too. He wasn’t Pi Kap material, and that was a compliment. Aaron, however… Well, he seemed to be a good fit.

  By the time I got to Greek Row, lightning streaked the sky and thunder rolled. A drizzle dampened my hair and shirt as I approached the front steps of the Pi Kap house. I used to think it was classy, but the elegant exterior was just an illusion. A mirage meant to fool people and lure them in.

  This time, when I got inside I wasn’t surprised to find the living room empty. Being a Friday night, I’d hoped for a party. A cheery atmosphere would’ve made it a lot easier to break the news to the guys that I was removing myself from the running.

  Cameron’s head popped out from the kitchen. “They’re downstairs.”

  Of course.

  I carefully made my way down the steps to the basement, not even trying to hide my uneven gait. Didn’t matter anymore. I headed over to stand next to Jeff, who looked like he was about to barf. His coloring was a little gray, and sweat had broken out on his pale forehead.

  Aaron was there and so was Max, along with several fraternity members who looked way too eager for what was about to go down. Several of them had their phones out, like they were poised to take pictures.

  There were no candles this time. No hose. No cleared spots on the floor for the unfortunate pledges to sit.

  No, this was worse.

  Three metal folding chairs were lined up against the far wall. Each one had a basket of whole onions and a small trashcan in front of it.

  “Now that we’re all here, we can begin. Welcome to the onion challenge, boys.” Max made a sweeping motion with his hand. “This one should be over pretty fast. Basically, you eat until you can’t anymore. Last one to upchuck gets a special prize.”

  My stomach roiled at what they had planned. They wanted us to eat raw onions until we got sick? Fucking gross.

  Even if Kayla hadn’t talked some sense into me, this would’ve been enough for me to bow out.

  Aaron puffed up his chest and hopped on his feet like he was preparing for a fighting match. Such a douche.

  “What if one of us doesn’t puke?” he spoke up, like the cocky asshole he was.

  Max let out an obnoxious laugh. “Oh, you will. It’s just the three of you left—”

  “Two,” I interrupted Max. “I’m out.” Everyone stared at me, silent. “I’ve decided this isn’t for me.”

  Max scoffed. “You mean parties, girls, and being a member of the best—”

  I cut him off again with a slash of my hand. “I’ve heard all that already. Many times. And yeah, none of it is worth going through all this.”

  Bouncing my eyes to Jeff, I silently pleaded for him to come with me. He didn’t have to do this. With a small shake of his head, he glanced away and went to sit in one of the chairs.

  Well then.

  Peer pressure was real. It was another thing I’d never experienced in my younger years. Not having any friends meant there was no one to convince me to do stupid shit, but now I understood how people got tangled up with the wrong crowd.

  Everyone was staring at me. I didn’t have an ally.

  But I stood my ground.

  “You won’t get in anywhere else,” Max warned. “No other frat will take you. We’ll blacklist you on this campus.”

  “I think you’re full of shit, Max. But that’s fine, because I don’t want to be part of Greek life anymore.” I turned to leave when his voice cut through the air like a whip.

  “Fine. We didn’t want your crippled ass anyway.”

  The scathing remark stopped me in my tracks, and I glanced over my shoulder. “What did you say?”

  “You heard me. You think we didn’t do research on you? Sports injury, my ass. You were a fat loser at your old school and you’re passing up a great opportunity. Isn’t that right, Slug?”

  For a second, that nickname sent me back to a place I thought I’d never be again. His cruel words were everything I’d feared. Every insecurity magnified.

  I could’ve acted out in anger and utilized the fighting skills I’d learned at the retreat. I could’ve tried to one-up him with a petty insult.

  But doing those things wouldn’t make me feel any better.

  “You know what, Max? I came here tonight hoping I wouldn’t hurt anyone’s feelings. I thought breaking things off was going to be hard, but you just made it that much easier to walk away. So, thanks for that.”

  Deciding he wasn’t worth any more of my time, I climbed the stairs and didn’t look back.

  I hopped on another bus, but I didn’t go home.

  I needed something to clear my head and I wanted to be closer to Kayla, even if she was pissed at me.

  The bus dropped me off two blocks from Rocky’s Bar and Grill, and since it was still raining, I found an overhang from a building a good distance away to stand under. Craning my neck, I searched for her through the windows. When I finally spotted her, my guilt came back with a vengeance.

  She was putting on a brave face for everyone, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes.

  And it was my fault. Somehow, I’d make it up to her.

  “Good place to stay dry,” a gravelly voice said next to me.

  A man in ragged clothing sat on the concrete sidewalk and leaned back against the building like he did it all the time.

  Then I realized, he probably did do it all the time.

  Just like Kayla had described him, his graying hair and beard were untrimmed. His jeans had holes in the knees, and the faded red flannel shirt was missing several buttons.

  “Paul?” I asked.

  His face snapped up to mine, surprised. “Yeah.”

  “My girlfriend works at Rocky’s. She’s talked about you before,” I explained, tipping my head toward the restaurant. Kayla was standing by a booth, concentration on her face as she wrote an order on her notepad.

  Paul let out a relieved sigh. “I was hoping she’d be there tonight. Little lady always brings me something to eat after she’s done.”

  Seeing him sitting on that concrete, damp from the rain, hit a little too close to home. Because of last night, I knew exactly what that felt like. I’d only had to endure it for eight hours, but this was how Paul lived every day.

  That was unacceptable.

  “I tell you what…” I grabbed my wallet and got out two twenties. “Why don’t you go in there and have dinner on me? Kayla had a rough day, and I bet seeing you would cheer her up a bit.”

  Standing, his hand trembled as he accepted the money. “Thank you. Not sure if they’ll kick me out, but I can try.”

  “She wouldn’t let them do that,” I said, certain. “Bes
ides, you’re a paying customer.”

  With a grateful nod, he ambled down the street and went inside. When Kayla saw him sitting at a small table along the wall, her face lit up.

  I was glad that in some small way, I’d made her night better. She’d started to think of Paul as a friend, and she really needed a friend right now.

  More than anything, I wanted to be that person for her. Wanted to go in there and hug her until the world felt right again. But there was a good chance seeing me would only make her more upset, and she had a job to do.

  When the urge to hold her in my arms became too much, I slowly headed back to the bus stop, planning to go to my apartment and count down the minutes until she’d be off work.

  By the time I got home, the rain had let up a little and I was looking forward to changing into dry clothes and resting my leg.

  But as soon as I turned my key in the door and stepped inside, I could tell something was wrong.

  Pierre didn’t greet me like he normally did. I was used to the sound of his claws clacking on the kitchen floor as he eagerly ran to the door.

  There was an eerie stillness in the air. An emptiness. The deafening quiet and darkness made my hair stand on end.

  Flipping on the kitchen light, I called out, “Pierre, ici.” Come. “Ici!”

  Nothing.

  I rushed down the hall to the bedroom, but he wasn’t there. I checked the bathroom, then came back to the living room.

  In my state of alarm and confusion, I even found myself looking in places I knew he wouldn’t be. In the coat closet. Under the kitchen table. Behind the couch.

  Turning in a full circle, I grabbed at my wet hair as my heart raced.

  That was when I noticed the back door was slightly ajar and the plastic around the lock was cracked. The sliding glass panel was only open an inch, but the realization hit me like a ton of bricks.

  Someone had broken in. Whether they’d taken Pierre or simply let him get out, I wasn’t sure.

  Throwing the back door open, I stumbled on to the patio and yelled for him over and over again.