Finding Cassie Crazy

  Jaclyn Moriarty grew up in Sydney’s north-west but has also lived in the US and England. She spent four years working as a media and entertainment lawyer and now writes full time so that she can sleep in each day. She and her Canadian partner divide their time between Sydney and Montreal, depending on where the summer is.

  Also by Jaclyn Moriarty

  Feeling Sorry for Ceila

  Finding Cassie Crazy

  I have a Bed Made of Buttermilk Pancakes

  The Betrayal of Bindy Mackenzie

  J A C L Y N M O R I A R T Y

  F I N D I N G

  C A S S I E

  C R A Z Y

  First published 2003 in Pan by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Limited

  1 Market Street, Sydney

  Reprinted 2003, 2004 (twice), 2005, 2006

  Copyright © Jaclyn Moriarty 2003

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

  National Library of Australia

  Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

  Moriarty, Jaclyn.

  Finding Cassie crazy.

  ISBN 0 330 36438 3.

  1. Pen Pals - Fiction. 2. Interpersonal relations in adolescence — Fiction.

  I. Title.

  A823.3

  Cover models: Hannah Day, Maddy Gerard and Alley Menck

  Designed by Melanie Feddersen, i2i design

  Typeset in 11.5/15 pt Minion by Midland Typesetters

  Printed in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group

  These electronic editions published in 2007 by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd

  1 Market Street, Sydney 2000

  The moral right of the author has been asserted.

  All rights reserved. This publication (or any part of it) may not be reproduced or transmitted, copied, stored, distributed or otherwise made available by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical) or by any means (photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise) without prior written permission from the publisher.

  Finding Cassie Crazy

  Jaclyn Moriarty

  Adobe eReader format 978-1-74197-081-4

  Microsoft Reader format 978-1-74197-282-5

  Mobipocket format 978-1-74197-483-6

  Online format 978-1-74197-684-7

  Macmillan Digital Australia

  www.macmillandigital.com.au

  Visit www.panmacmillan.com.au to read more about all our books and to buy both print and ebooks online. You will also find features, author interviews and news of any author events.

  To Colin

  Contents

  Cover

  About the Author

  Also by Jaclyn Moriarty

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  PART 1 LYDIA

  PART 2 EMILY

  PART 3 CASSIE

  PART 4 ASHBURY HIGH YEAR 10 NOTICEBOARD

  PART 5 LETTERS FROM ASHBURY

  PART 6 LETTERS FROM BROOKFIELD

  PART 7 LETTERS FROM ASHBURY

  PART 8 LETTERS FROM BROOKFIELD

  PART 9 LYDIA

  PART 10 ASHBURY HIGH YEAR 10 NOTICEBOARD

  PART 11 AUTUMN TERM EMILY AND CHARLIE

  PART 12 AUTUMN TERM LYDIA AND SEBASTIAN

  PART 13 AUTUMN TERM CASSIE AND MATTHEW

  PART 14 LYDIA

  PART 15 CASSIE

  PART 16 EMILY

  PART 17 ASHBURY HIGH YEAR 10 NOTICEBOARD

  PART 18 LETTERS FROM ASHBURY

  PART 19 LETTERS FROM BROOKFIELD

  PART 20 LETTERS FROM ASHBURY

  PART 21 LETTERS FROM BROOKFIELD

  PART 22 LETTERS FROM ASHBURY

  PART 23 LETTERS FROM BROOKFIELD

  PART 24 LYDIA

  PART 25 THE SECRET ASSIGNMENT

  PART 26 FINDING MATTHEW DUNLOP

  PART 27 WINTER TERM EMILY AND CHARLIE

  PART 28 WINTER TERM LYDIA AND SEBASTIAN

  PART 29 WINTER TERM CASSIE

  PART 30 SAVING SEB MANTEGNA

  PART 31 THE BATTLE

  PART 32 TRANSCRIPT OF PROCEEDINGS TYPED BY BINDY MACKENZIE

  PART 33 ASHBURY HIGH YEAR 10 NOTICEBOARD

  PART 34 EMILY AND CHARLIE

  PART 35 LYDIA AND SEBASTIAN

  PART 36 LYDIA

  PART 37 EMILY

  PART 38 CASSIE

  PART 39 ASHBURY HIGH YEAR 10 NOTICEBOARD

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Thank you so much to my editor, Anna McFarlane; to my agent, Tara Wynne; to Blake Dawson Waldron, especially Robert Todd and Sophie Dawson, for letting me be a lawyer and writer at the same time; to Liane Moriarty, Michael Sobkin and Paul Sheehan for very helpful advice; and, most of all, to Colin McAdam for everything.

  PART 1

  LYDIA

  QUICK!

  Before you read another word, write your own FULL name in every box on this page!

  Don’t be afraid! Your Note-book™ is meant for writing in!

  Hello Lydia Jaackson-Oberman ! It’s great to meet you!

  Hey, wait a minute. That name sounds familiar!

  Lydia Jaackson-Oberman ?

  Isn’t that the name of a FAMOUS AUTHOR???!!!

  Well, is it? Not sure? Maybe one day?

  Hey, Lydia Jaackson-Oberman—there’s only one thing that is sure! And that’s this: the answer is in your hands!

  Or, to be straight with you, Lydia Jaackson-Oberman, the answer is in this Note-book™!!!!

  You want to know how the Note-book™ works?

  It’s simple.

  We ask questions. You answer them.

  And by the time you get to the end of the book, you’re an author—OR YOUR MONEY BACK!!!*

  Think it’s crazy? Think again. Ever heard of William Shakespeare? Jane Austen ring a bell? How do you think those guys got started?!?!

  So. You ready? Let’s dive right in!

  How do you KNOW, deep in your heart, that you WILL be an author one day? (Go on Lydia Jaackson-Oberman , it’s your turn now . . .)

  Shakespeare got started using this book?

  Wait till I tell my English teacher.

  Wonderful! Now, how do you know you have the determination to see your dream through?

  Well, for one thing I put my name in those boxes. Normally I would find that kind of thing insulting to my intelligence.

  Plus there’s the fact that I’m writing in this book at all, considering it’s a birthday present from my dad.

  Okay, great. Now, what was it that made you stop in the book store today, pick up this book, and take it over to the counter to pay for it?

  My dad bought the book. Not me. For a birthday present?

  Interesting. Okay, let’s start with something simple. Look around you right now. Write down a list of everything that you see.

  1. A guy leaning back with his arms stretched over the back of the seat, as if he is watching a football game from his couch at home.

  2. A girl fast asleep with her head on the guy’s shoulder, and her hair caught under his arm.

  3. Other people leaning or sleeping in different directions.

  4. A Maths teacher. (She’s writing numbers and letters all over the board and she seems pretty excited, the way her shoulders are bouncing. Maybe she’s figured out the formula for time travel or something. Wait a minute and I’ll ask her.)

  We bet you just wrote down ‘grass’, ‘water’, ‘sky’, etc, etc. Maybe you noticed the coffee cup, but we bet you didn
’t get the lipstick stain on the side of the coffee cup! Now, go ahead and try again. Write down EVERYTHING that you see.

  I don’t get it. There is no coffee cup.

  Ms Yen just turned around from the board and I noticed that she’s getting a bit fat. The top button on her jeans has popped open.

  She said that she didn’t think there was a formula for time travel, although she does think there might be a formula to make me shut up and do my maths or else find myself laughing on the other side of my face when it comes to the half-yearlies!

  If she tells me what that formula is I’ll write it out for you.

  That’s better! Now, do you know the names of any of the plants or animals that are around you?

  (A + B) – (A – B) x (X + Y) – (X – Y)

  What about some of the colours of the things that you see?

  I made up the formula myself. Ms Yen couldn’t think of anything to say when I asked her for it.

  Let’s pretend that YOU are a character in a book. The book starts with you waking up yesterday morning. Tell us what you did.

  I knew immediately that something was wrong. ‘Turpentine!’

  I shouted to my stepsister, who I keep under my bed.

  ‘SOMETHING IS WRONG!’

  ‘Something is wrong,’ agreed Turpentine, waking up and brushing the cobwebs from her silver hair. ‘You’re turning into a road sign.’

  ‘Call the doctor!’ I commanded, trembling. Turpentine was only two years old but she was no fool. I had all the classic symptoms. A stretchy feeling in my elbows, itchy palms.

  I knew I was not long for this world. Why me? I kept thinking. Why me?

  It was a stupid question. Turning into a road sign was going around at my school, and I kept eating lunch with the NO WAYs. It was only a matter of time.

  But what would I become? A STOP? A SLIPPERY WHEN WET? Or maybe something special like OLD NORTHERN ROAD? I hoped so.

  Okay, what did you do next?

  I decided to write a ‘goodbye and thank you’ letter to every person I had ever met. I would write to the tennis coaches, the shop assistants, the school secretaries.

  I thought of the cat that our cleaning lady brought along with her on a rainy day in August last year. The cat was an old tabby. It lay in its basket in the hallway and slept the whole time, even while the cleaning lady vacuumed around it. Why did she bring it? I asked myself now, thinking back to that strange day. Why that day and not any other? It was a mystery, all right, but a cute one.

  ‘Thank you,’ I would write to the tabby cat, ‘for being a part of my life. A sleepy little part of my life.’

  Animals do count.

  Great! So what happened next? Remember that these are easy questions—it’s not about ‘making things up’. Your Note-book™ is going to build you towards ‘invention’. For now, you should just tell the truth!

  You should actually have made that clear to begin with. I put a lot of effort into that story.

  Will you excuse me please because Maths is almost finished and I have to go to English. We kept forgetting to go to English classes last year and now they’re all weird about attendance.

  Okay, time for your first QUICK FLICK. These are ‘memory’ exercises, which you will find throughout your Note-book™. You’ll really start to look forward to them! Think for a moment and then describe for us your very first day of university.

  It was bad because I was only three at the time, and my mother made me wear a plastic bib around my neck, in case I spilled any of my stewed apples. All the other kids stared.

  YOU LOSER. I’M IN HIGH SCHOOL.

  I JUST TOLD YOU ABOUT MY MATHS TEACHER AND MY ENGLISH CLASS etc. DID IT SOUND LIKE UNIVERSITY TO YOU? WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING?

  I DON’T THINK YOU WERE.

  Tell us the occupation of your best friend. Is he a plumber? Maybe he’s an accountant! We’ll leave a couple of pages now so you can tell us ALL about your best friend!

  My best friends are Emily Thompson and Cassie Aganovic.

  You want to know what Em will do when she finds out you think she is a plumber?

  You want to know what Cass will do when she finds out you only refer to people as ‘he’?

  I am now in my English class and there are two minutes until the end of the period. Em is beside me and Cass is behind us. Look at them if you want. I’ll hold up the book so you can see.

  Mr Botherit is waving his hands to indicate that he wants to speak.

  Let’s see what he has to say.

  Mr Botherit is an idiot.

  What he has to say is that we have now finished Larkin, so next week, we will begin the Famous Ashbury–Brookfield Pen Pal Project. Specifically, we will write letters to students at Brookfield High and they will become our pen pals. ‘And this,’ he says (whispering for dramatic effect), ‘will kill two birds with one stone!’

  (‘Don’t you dare kill any birds,’ Sasha Perkins said, passionately.)

  Mr Botherit is holding one finger in the air: ‘A,’ he is saying, ‘it will reduce the hostility between our schools! And two,’ he holds up a second finger. ‘And two, it will be our stand against the tyranny of technology! By sending letters we say no to emails! No to mobile technology and texting!! And yes to the Joy of the Envelope!’

  Mr Botherit, as I said, is an idiot. He’s trying to be funny, but he can’t hide the fact that he’s not.

  He also can’t hide the fact that he just said A, and then two. A lot of people are now offering to teach him the alphabet.

  Meanwhile, the rest of the class is in an uproar. Some people are upset because their mobile phones have been insulted. Most people are upset about having to write to Brookfield. Mr B already tried this last year, and many students ended up dead. Or, anyway, unhappy.

  Em just put her hand up to say it’s probably against our constitutional rights to make us associate with drug dealers and murderers. She offered to check on this with her parents. (Her parents are lawyers.) (Actually, Cass and I also have lawyers for parents, but Em’s are compulsive lawyers.)

  Mr Botherit nodded at Em politely, which confused her (‘Does he mean yes? Should I check with my parents? What does he mean by that nodding?’). Cass said that he doesn’t mean anything. She has noticed he nods when he can’t think of what to say.

  ‘Thank you, Cassie,’ said Mr Botherit, as the bell started to ring. ‘That is an astute observation.’

  Well, Note-book, I’m going to have to stop writing now. It’s Friday afternoon, and it’s been great getting to know you, but we all have places to go. Eg I’m going to Em’s place for the weekend; you’re going into the garbage bin.

  Well done! That was fabulous!

  And guess what? You did it! You finished Part 1 of your Note-book™! We are SO PROUD of you!

  Be sure and take a break before you go on to the next Part . . .

  *Conditions apply.

  PART 2

  EMILY

  Dearest Emily

  I write to keep you informed of the progress of your parents, and to provide you with advice for your weekend.

  I shall begin with the progress of your parents.

  Your mother is currently:

  (a) blow-drying her hair;

  (b) shouting something inaudible down the stairs; and

  (c) cranky (because I lost the plane tickets).

  Your father is currently:

  (a) eating a banana;

  (b) writing this letter to you; and

  (c) happy (because I just found the plane tickets, right here in the fruit bowl!)

  Your mother has now switched off her hair dryer. For your information, her shouting has become audible and is to the following effect:

  ‘Have you found the tickets yet? What are you doing?! Are you even looking?! Benjamin! Can you hear me?! I think that’s the taxi!! Are you still writing the note to Emily!? How can it take so long?! Have you tried the kitchen table?!’

  I shall now move on to my advice for your weekend. In dra
fting this advice, I have kept the following in mind:

  (a) you will be here, at home, without your adoring parents;

  (b) you will, instead, be in the company of Cassie and Lydia; and

  (c) Lydia is nothing but trouble.

  I am pleased that you will have Cassie and Lydia’s company this weekend and ask that you say ‘Hi’ to them from me. However, I must now advise, in the strongest possible terms, that you:

  (a) eat proper food;

  (b) have some nice chats with Cassie; and

  (c) sing loudly when Lydia speaks, and cover your ears.

  Incidentally, you may recall that you have a younger brother. As usual, he will be staying with Auntie June for the weekend, so please do not panic if he is not in his room. If, however, he is in his room you should panic and phone Auntie June.

  I will now conclude by saying that your mother just tripped halfway down the stairs because she was wearing a single high-heeled shoe. It is a lesson in the danger of doing things by halves. She is all right, however, and is chuckling happily to herself, as if a very funny thing had just happened. I hereby confirm that your mother is a lovely, cheerful woman, most of the time.

  Your mother has stopped laughing to ask that I remind you not to set off the smoke alarm.

  If you have any questions or comments, please do not hesitate to contact us at the Annual Taxation Lawyers’ Conference. In the meantime, I wish you all the best, look forward to seeing you again on Sunday night and remain,

  Your Loving Father

  Signed, Sealed and Delivered

  Benjamin A. Thompson

  • Attached and marked with the letter ‘A’ are the contact details of our conference.

  • Attached and marked with the letter ‘B’ is Auntie June’s phone number.

  • Attached and marked with the letter ‘C’ is a photograph of your mother and me, which I just found here in this marvellously fruitful fruit bowl. The photo will remind you what your parents look like. Doesn’t your mother look gorgeous? She is the one in the hat.