Heather 101, Page 4

  I jumped out of the water and yelled. They all laughed with delight. “Do it again!”

  “I am not doing it again! I did this to show you what could happen if you come out here without your mom and dad to rescue you if you fall into the water.”

  “We don’t need our moms and dads,” one of the ten year old nephews said.

  “Why not?”

  “Because if we fall in, you’ll save us.”

  “Maybe . . . maybe not.”

  “You will. We know you will.”

  I asked the ten-year-old to watch the younger ones while I went up and changed into dry clothes.

  Ten minutes later I was back to my station at the dock.

  By that time a twelve-year-old niece had come to the dock. I asked her to go make toast and slather it with peanut butter and jelly and bring it out to us. We kept her busy for an hour.

  At ten o’clock one of Heather’s sisters and her husband came out. I figured I’d be able to get back to answering my boss’s e-mails, but he said that he and his wife had the assignment to cook breakfast, “so could you stay out here and watch the kids?”

  I shrugged. “I guess.”

  We had our official breakfast at eleven thirty, and then we all drove to West Yellowstone, Montana, to be tourists.

  We had dinner in West Yellowstone and then drove back to the house.

  Once again everyone but me stayed up until two in the morning.

  I got up at six the next morning and once again watched over the early risers at the dock. They asked for a repeat performance of me falling off the dock so, against my better judgment, and in the interest of water safety, I complied.

  After breakfast we all drove to Old Faithful.

  That night Heather and her siblings had another talk marathon until long after I’d gone to bed.

  It was practically impossible to spend any time alone with Heather, or even talk to her in private, so after lunch the next day, I asked if she and I could take a walk.

  “So are you having a good time?” she asked. “All our kids’ cousins love you, that’s for sure.”

  “Yeah, the cousins and I spend a lot of time together, but that’s not what I want to talk to you about now. Let me just be very blunt. I need some alone time with you.”

  “I see. Well of course you do. You know I’m always here for you.”

  “Really? I hate to be grumpy, but when might that ‘always’ be this week?”

  She nodded her head. “Good question. I’m not sure what to say about that, you know with all the kids sleeping just a few feet from us, and who knows what little cousin might crawl into our bed at any time of the night.”

  “How about during the day? We could tell everyone we’re going to take a shower together . . . to conserve water . . . and help the planet be green.”

  She laughed. “I think my brothers and sisters would find that quite amusing. You being green, I mean.”

  “How about I wake you up at four in the morning and we go out on the boat?”

  “A rowboat? What about fishermen on the lake?”

  “I doubt if there would be that many fishing so early in the morning.”

  “So just a few onlookers then, right?” She shook her head. “I don’t think so. Any other suggestions you can come up with?”

  I clenched my teeth. “You know what? I’m all out of suggestions! Let’s go back. I need to resume my duties as the family lifeguard.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  The rest of the day went as usual.

  The next morning I got up at six to take my post as lifeguard at the dock.

  About 7:30, Heather came down to the dock.

  “So, this is what you do in the early morning, right?” she asked.

  “Yeah. At least one adult needs to be here when the kids are at the dock.”

  “I’m sorry it’s all left up to you.”

  “It’s okay.”

  She came into my arms and we hugged. “Sorry I’ve been neglecting you,” she whispered in my ear.

  “It’s okay. You’re only with your whole family once a year. I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

  She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. “You’re the best. Oh, one thing. We’re in charge of fixing dinner tonight, so I was wondering if you could go with me into West Yellowstone and help me get some things at the grocery store.”

  “I guess so.”

  She paused. “I’ll make it worth your time.” She gave me a silly grin and went back up to the house.

  To be truthful, the most I was hoping for was that she’d let me buy my favorite cereal, the one with almonds and strawberries.

  She and I left for West Yellowstone at noon, just after breakfast.

  “I brought a few things,” she said as she showed me the bag she takes with her when she works out at the fitness club.

  “What for?”

  “I was thinking we might want to get a motel room for a couple of hours.”

  I looked at her in amazement. “Are you serious?”

  “Why not? People do that, you know.”

  “Usually the people who do that aren’t married.”

  “So? We’re the exception.”

  That was the first time I’d smiled since the family reunion started.

  I felt awkward as we pulled in front of the motel office. “You want me to go in and get us a room?” I asked.

  “No, I’ll go in with you.”

  Fortunately they had a room that hadn’t been used the night before so the desk clerk, who actually was the manager, could let us have it right away.

  As we were in the process of registering, Heather asked the manager, “Is it possible to get a discount on the room, since we’re only going to be here for a couple of hours?”

  My face turned bright red.

  He scowled at me. “It’s the same rate no matter how long you’re in there.”

  “But think about this,” she said. “You could change the sheets and rent the room to someone else after we leave. So you could get the same room rented twice in one twenty-four-hour period.”

  He shook his head.

  “What if we promise not to use the bath towels?” she asked.

  “It’s the same rate, no matter what.”

  As we were leaving the office, he said, “Enjoy your stay.”

  She laughed. “Oh, we will! You can count on that!”

  We couldn’t stop laughing as we made our way to our room.

  We were only in the room for an hour. On our way out, just for spite, Heather washed her face with one of the bath towels and then threw it on the floor.

  Man, she’s such a rebel, right?

  At the grocery store we were without a doubt the happiest shoppers. “You are so good to me,” I said as we sniffed pineapples to try to decide which one was ripe.

  “And you to me. My own personal lifeguard. How good is that?”

  We joined the rest of the family at about three o’clock, holding hands as we entered the door. For me it was like I’d fallen in love all over again.

  The thing that made this magic was that this was her idea, not mine. If it’d been my idea, and one of her sisters found out, that sister would have flashed a cynical smirk and then muttered, “Men.” But because it was Heather’s idea, it changed the whole thing into something noble and good. Because Heather is noble and good. Me, not so much.

  That night after dinner, the cousins started yelling “Bear!” We ignored them until they ran into the house saying they actually had seen a bear.

  I got all the kids together and told them I had learned a special shout from an Indian chief that would scare bears away. I boldly went ten steps away from the house and did my “Bear Beware!” chant and dance. After that the kids felt more secure. It must have worked too because we didn’t see any more bears after that. Of course taking our garbage to the dump the next day may have also helped.

  There was one other minor problem at ou
r reunion that is hardly worth mentioning. The next night, on our way from the Playmill Theatre in West Yellowstone to the house on the lake, Heather and I were pulled over by the sheriff. He asked to search our trunk. I had nothing to hide so I let him.

  A minute later, he came to my side of the car. “Sir, I’ll need you to come back here and answer a few questions.”

  “What is it?” Heather asked.

  “I don’t know. Maybe my spare tire is deflated or something.”

  When I reached the open trunk, I saw all the bronze statues and other expensive items I’d taken from the house to protect them from the cousins.

  “Do these belong to you?” he asked.

  “No, of course not. You think I’d waste my money on things like this?”

  “Why then, sir, are they in your car?”

  “I put them there to protect them from the kids in our family.”

  “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to come down to the station with me.”

  “Why did you pull me over?”

  “The owners of the house made a surprise visit to their home. They discovered that many things had been stolen.”

  “I was just keeping them in my trunk for safekeeping. You don’t know the kids in my wife’s extended family like I do.”

  “Sir, I need you to get in my vehicle. Can you have your wife follow us in your car?”

  Four hours later and a mug shot and fingerprints taken, we were released.

  The bad news is that I’m now in the Idaho database of suspected burglars.

  The good news is that I provided many hours of laughter for Heather’s family, especially her brothers, who started calling me the Bear Beware Burglar.

  But even with all that, it was a small price to pay. Why? Because of our stay in that motel, my appreciation for Heather grew even greater.

  Bottom line: I’m actually looking forward to next summer’s family reunion.

  Chapter Five

  Extreme Daddy Time

  Heather asked me to go Christmas shopping at the mall with her. Basically, that means I follow her around, and when she asks, “What do you think about this for _____?” my job is to say, “Oh, yeah, that’d be perfect! Great idea!”

  At the end of the three-hour-long process, she suggested we get some hot chocolate and split a cinnamon roll.

  As we ate, she said, “The boys are always telling me they wish they could spend more time with you.”

  “I do lots of things with them.”

  “Like what?”

  “Family home evening . . . family prayer . . . dinner.”

  “But those things are with me as well. They need time with just you. They won’t always want to spend time with you, but they do now. A few days ago Kevin watched a Christmas show where a father took his son into the woods to chop down a Christmas tree. He told me he wanted to do that with you.”

  “But we have a perfectly good fake Christmas tree.”

  “Aren’t you just a little concerned that he talked to me about what he wanted to do with you, but he didn’t ask you about it?”

  I sighed. “Yeah, that’s probably not good.”

  “I’ve checked into it,” she said. “There’s a place about twenty miles from here where you can get a permit to chop down a Christmas tree. I took the liberty of downloading the information, filling out the form, and paying the fee.”

  “You did all this without checking with me to see if I even wanted to do it?”

  “I know how busy you are this time of year.” She handed me the permit. “This Saturday might be a good time for you to do that with the boys. It shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours.”

  I felt like I’d been conned into doing something I really didn’t want to do.

  “I just want my boys to know what a wonderful man their dad is,” she said.

  Oh sure, she had to throw that in my face. I sighed. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

  On Saturday morning I got up at seven to get ready for our excursion. I thought I’d have to get the boys up, but they were already dressed and ready to go.

  “What do you want for breakfast?” I asked them.

  “We already ate,” Kevin said. “I got Benjamin and Jimmy up, helped them get dressed, and then I gave them some cereal. We’re ready to go.”

  “Oh,” I said, surprised and also, a little intimidated, wondering how I was going to make this worth the effort they’d already put into it.

  They sat on the edge of their chairs and watched me eat.

  “Boys, we’re going to have a good time, okay? But this might not be as exciting as you think it will be. Life is often like that, you know. You think something is going to be so much fun, but when you actually do it, you find out it wasn’t that great.”

  “I wish we could take a sleigh with horses to get the tree,” Kevin said.

  “Is that what they did in the movie you saw?”

  “Yes. The horses’ names were Chestnut and Bailey and . . .” He then gave me a detailed description of everything that happened in the movie.

  Ten minutes later when we left, Kevin was still telling us about the movie.

  The weather was good when we left the house but by the time we got to the mountainous area designated for Christmas tree removal, it started snowing like crazy.

  Because the snow had been piled up by plows over time, it was difficult to know where to park. Eventually I found what I thought was a side road, turned into it, went about five feet and then got stuck.

  “I see a Christmas tree up there!” Kevin shouted, opening the door and running up the hill.

  I decided I’d worry later about getting the car out. I grabbed my saw from the trunk, put Jimmy on my back, grabbed Benjamin’s hand, and we started up the hill, trying to catch up with Kevin.

  He’d stopped by the tree he’d seen from the road, looked around and yelled down at us, “There’s a better one up there!” He started up again.

  The snow was deep with an outer layer that was crusty enough my boys could walk on the top without sinking in. Unfortunately that was not the case with me. With each step, I sank up to my knees in snow.

  “I’m tired,” Benjamin complained.

  I put Benjamin on my back too, as well as Jimmy.

  “Dad, are you coming?” Kevin called out.

  “We can’t go as fast as you can, so just stay there, okay?”

  “Okay. Dad, this is a really good tree!”

  “Great! We’ll be there in a minute.”

  By the time we made it to where Kevin was waiting for us, I was panting so hard I couldn’t say anything for a minute or two.

  “Isn’t this a great tree, Dad?” Kevin asked excitedly.

  I was still trying to catch my breath. “It is, Kevin. It’s a very . . . good tree. It’s a little big . . . but it’s a good tree. You did . . . an amazing job . . . to find such a good tree.”

  “Can I start to cut it down, Dad?” Kevin asked.

  “Okay, I guess so, but be careful.”

  He knocked away the snow and began sawing, maybe a foot above the ground.

  “Kevin,” I said, about to suggest he cut up higher in order to reduce the weight and height we’d have to deal with.

  “This is fun, Dad!” he shouted. “Look how much I’ve cut already!”

  I decided not to have him start over.

  “I want to do it too!” Benjamin complained.

  “Me too!” Jimmy said.

  “Kevin, let Benjamin do it for a minute,” I said.

  “I can do this myself!”

  “I know you can, but we need to let Benjamin and Jimmy do a little too.”

  Kevin looked at me, thought about arguing with me, and then said, “Okay, Benjamin, you try it.”

  Benjamin lasted about three minutes, and Jimmy maybe thirty seconds, and then it was Kevin’s turn again.

  The snow was coming down fast and I wondered how we were going to get the car back on the road.

  Finally Kevin’s arm gave out an
d I finished sawing the tree.

  I got the boys out of the way and went uphill from the tree and pushed it over. It sunk into the snow and did not slide.

  “How are we going to get it down, Dad?” Kevin asked.

  “We’ll just drag it down the hill.”

  “Oh.” He paused. “I’m not sure I can do that.”

  “It’s okay, I’ll do it. No problem.”

  I turned the tree around so the heavier part was downhill, grabbed the end and pulled with all my might. It moved six inches and then stopped.

  “What’s wrong, Dad?” Kevin asked.

  “Nothing, nothing at all. This will just take a little time, that’s all.”

  An hour later, I had managed to get it to our SUV.

  The boys by then were bored. They made snow angels in the snow for a while and then they made snowballs and tried to hit a tree with them while I tried to figure out how to get the tree into our SUV.

  About three feet of the tree was going to end up sticking out. I thought it would be less likely to fall out if the heavy end was inside.

  “Daddy, I’m cold,” Jimmy complained.

  “We’re almost done. Go inside the car.”

  Jimmy went inside. “It’s cold in here too,” he complained.

  “Come back outside and run up and down the hill then. That will warm you up.”

  He came out and started to do that. I was amazed he trusted me enough to do what I said.

  “When will we be going home, Dad?” Kevin asked me.

  “Real soon. All I have to do is get the tree inside and shovel some snow away from the car so we can drive onto the road.”

  “Look, Dad, a snowplow!” Kevin shouted.

  It was coming toward us from town, going maybe forty miles an hour, leaving a three-foot embankment of snow on the other side of the road.

  Kevin waved to it as it approached.

  The driver slowed down and stopped. “Hey, Mac, a word of warning! I’ll be coming back this way in about ten minutes. Get your car out of here by then or it’ll be buried in snow until spring.” With that he took off again.

  “Boys, we’ve got to hurry before the snowplow comes back!” I called out.

  “Look, Daddy, look at my snow angel!” Jimmy shouted.

  “Real good, Jimmy!” Luckily I had a small shovel in the SUV. I grabbed it and began to make a path out to the highway as fast as I could. And then I tried to scoop some snow from under the frame.