man? A better man?
I sighed. For better or worse, I’d find it out soon enough. “Don’t
keep me in suspense. Whose kidney do I have? Is it someone rich and
famous? Incredibly handsome maybe?”
She rolled her eyes. “Jesus.”
“Come on, tell me.”
She shook her head. “I just did. You are the proud owner of Jesus’s
kidney. His right kidney to be more precise.”
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Fifty Nine
My head dropped onto my pillow and I closed my eyes. The kid had
sacrificed his kidney for me, to save me. I owed him my life. I shook my
head. Everything I hadn’t wanted for him I’d forced upon him. As grateful as
I was to be alive, I hated knowing he’d suffered for me.
Lilith shot me a crooked smile. “If it makes you feel any better God
was against it. He even threatened to ground Jesus, but the kid was adamant.
He really looks up to you.”
“Yeah, I’m a great role model.” I pushed myself up. The stitches in
my back pulled tight, but the pain was manageable. “Listen, I need to tell you
something. I should’ve said it months ago...”
“Jace! ” My mom threw open the hospital room door. It bounced off
the wall, but Joe, my stepfather, caught it before it slammed back in her face.
“Oh honey, I’m so glad to see you up.” Mom pushed her way to my
side. She wore jeans and a white sweater, a fuzzy black cat decorating it. Her
gray hair was cut short, motherly, but the sparkle in her amber eyes told
stories of a naughty past. “My poor little guy. Poor sweet ba—”
“Stop fussing.” I added to soften the order, “Whether you believe it
or not, I’m not two anymore. I can take care of myself.” To prove it, I fluffed
my pillow grimacing in pain the whole time, but stubbornly refused to admit
it.
Joe, looking more like a gangster than a farmer in a polyester suit and
wing-tipped shoes, took the opportunity to slap me on the shoulder while
shoving a cigar in my hand. “Congratulations, son. Your mother and I are
thrilled.”
Congratulations? Thrilled? Oh shit, had Lilith told them about
Mary’s love child? “I… ah…” I stammered.
My mom beamed, her eyes filled with happiness. “Do you know that
this sweet girl,” she pointed at Lilith, who had never described herself as
sweet nor a girl, “stayed at your side this whole time. We had to beg her to
take care of herself. For the baby’s sake.”
Baby? What the fuck was going on? “Yeah, Lilith’s a gem.” I nodded
my head in her direction. “Can I talk to you in private?”
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Mom and Joe exchanged a knowing glance. “Sure, honey. We’ll be
right outside.”
After the door closed behind them, I faced Lilith. “Is there anything
you wanna tell me? Like how my parents know about Mary?”
“No.”
I ran a hand over my beard. “Tell me anyway.”
“Fine.” She blew out a breath. “But you’re not going to like it.”
My eyes followed the rise and fall of her significantly larger than I
remembered breasts. The blood, once filling my brain, slipped south.
“They aren’t talking about—” she began, licking her full, red lips.
“Never mind. Come over here.” I crooked my finger at her. Fantasies
of hospital bed sex and sponge baths swirled in my head, replacing any
thoughts of Mary, my parents, or my Jesus kidney. I wanted Lilith. Had to
have her, right here, and right now, or I’d lose my mind. Maybe I’d already
lost it.
Her smile warmed, turning seductive. She stretched, her shirt pulling
tight across puckered nipples, and she rose from the chair. My eyes caressed
her bare shoulders, the tight fabric crushing her breasts, and slipped lower, to
the enormous beach ball growing out of her middle.
Fuck. All my nasty thoughts vanished, and for a second or two, I
stopped breathing. The heart monitor next to me screeched in warning.
“Jesus,” I yelled. “Cupid wasn’t lying. The son of Satan knocked you
up...” Bile climbed into my throat when I thought about the night of
debasement and debauchery Lilith and I had shared. I’d fucked a pregnant
woman, and in such degrading ways. What kind of low-life did that?
Smack. A red, stinging handprint formed on my naked chest. Lilith
contact.
“Stop it.” I uncurled her hand with my fingers. “You’re going to hurt
yourself or the baby. Mothers-to-be should stay calm.” The advice sounded
right, but what did I know?
Lilith pulled her hand away and let out a scream. “You make me
crazy, you know that? One minute you’re such an asshole I want to strangle
you, and the next, you’re Prince Fucking Charming.”
“Like you’re a picnic to live with,” I mumbled. “When’s the baby
due?”
If she heard my first comment, she decided to let it go. Instead, she
said, “Early November.”
“Good.” I blinked and rubbed my forehead. “What month is it now?”
She shook her head. “October.”
Right. That explained the zombie decorations. I thought the doctors
were just being dicks, seeing as I was in the coma ward. “Does Samuel
know?”
“Probably.” Her brow furrowed. “He does own a calendar.”
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Bitch. “I meant does he know about the pregnancy?”
This time her confusion appeared genuine. “Why would I tell
Samuel?”
“You’re right. It’s best if he doesn’t know.” I smiled. Joe had raised
me without question; I’d do the same for Lilith’s child. I’d treat him like my
own son; love him like flesh and blood. Protect him with my life. “Lilith,
I—”
Raised voices in the hallway drown out my words. “I won’t let you
take him again. You can’t. Joe, do something,” My mom screamed seconds
before a loud crash echoed from the hallway. A shout and a rush of crepe
soled nurses shoes followed the noise.
The door swung open.
I blew out a frustrated breath. Every time I opened my mouth to tell
Lilith how I felt, some one interrupted. “God dammit.”
“I missed that. Did you want me to damn something?” asked a long
haired guy, sporting a newly blackened eye.
189
Sixty
“Jehovah, why are you here?” Lilith moved in front of me, her hands
covering her inflated stomach. Was she protecting me or hiding her
pregnancy?
Either way, I wasn’t putting up with it. “Lilith, sit down.” I waved to
the chair by my bed. She frowned at me, but did as I asked. Once she sat, I
kicked my legs out of the bed and slowly stood. My thigh muscles quivered,
calves cramping and twitching, but I stayed upright.
God watched my struggles. He stood there like a statue, without
judgment, or assistance. My respect for Him grew. Finally upright, I offered
God my hand, and He took it. His skin surprising warm, and human in mine.
Behind God my stepfather appeared, his face a violent shade of red,
eyes burning with hate
and fear. Before I had a chance to stop Joe, he jumped
on the Lord’s back.
“Don’t touch him,” Joe yelled, punching God in the head. “Take me.
Leave my son alone.”
I stepped away, as Joe pummeled the Heavenly Father. God did not
fight back, instead He accepted every blow. Finally, Joe’s punches slowed,
weakening due to age or sanity, but still filled with rage.
Tears dripped from Joe’s eyes. It was the third time I’d seen him cry.
The first two times had been at my brothers’ births. Too young to understand
why the man I idolized was crying, I’d felt shamed instead. Now my heart
swelled knowing the tears he cried were for me.
“Please take me instead,” Joe whispered, climbing off the Lord’s
back. My mom stood in the doorway, tears streaming down her face. Next to
her, a half-foot taller version of the kid jumped up and down. Behind them,
nurses, doctors, and patients crowded the hallway.
“Get out.” I motioned to the rubberneckers, and once Joe calmed
down, they left. My mom and Joe hugged each other, waiting for the wrath of
God. The kid danced around the hospital room talking up a storm. It made
me long for the days of ‘Mine’. God sat in the middle of the floor, eyes
staring at the shiny surface.
“I...” Where to start? I shuffled my way to Joe, and took his bloodied
190
hand. Broken knuckles swelled underneath his calloused skin. “I love you,” I
whispered to him. “I never said it before, but you’ve been a wonderful father.
Thank you.” My mother gave a choked sob, and tucked her head into Joe’s
chest.
Joe smiled, a familiar, heart-felt smile. “I love you, too, son.”
“He’s not your son,” God mumbled, not taking his eyes off the
ground.
“What’d you say?” Anger treaded through me. Fuck God, and His
family values. Blood didn’t make family. “At least Joe would never sacrifice
his son. Twice.”
Lilith drew a sharp breath. “No, Jace. Don’t.”
The kid, who’d been running in circles, stopped, lip quivering. Guilt
quickly replaced my anger. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” I said, but
it was little consolation. “It’s complicated. See at one time...”
God held up His hand. “Jesus knows all about it, Jace. You’re the
one still in the dark.”
“What are you talking about?”
To my surprise, it was my mom who answered, “Honey, when I was
nineteen, I met a man—”
“I know the story.” I rolled my eyes. Now was not the time, place, or
people to rehash my conception. Besides, what did I have to do with Jesus? I
was born almost two thousand years after his sacrifice.
“Let your mother finish,” God snapped, but didn’t glance up. Damn,
He took His commandments seriously. What was He going to say when He
found out I did more than covet my neighbor?
I glanced at Lilith, and she shrugged. Fine, it was God’s show after
all. I shuffled back to the bed, and sat.
Mom smiled. “I was a virgin, in the technical sense.” Okay, I
could’ve done without that information. She went on, and it only got worse.
“I met a man named Jerry. He was everything I thought I wanted my first
time. Sweet. Caring. And terribly handsome. And after a wonderful night
together, Jerry and I went our separate ways.”
“And nine months later I was born.” I motioned to myself, half-afraid
of where her tale was going.
“Yes, nine months later you came into my life, like a miracle. I
received a beautiful baby boy, and Joe, the love of my life.” Mom’s eyes
caressed Joe’s wrinkled face. The love between them had only grown over
the years. As quickly as her eyes warmed, they turned icy. “You probably
don’t remember, but when you were three, you had an accident. I wasn’t
paying enough attention. Your baby brother crawled into the street, and you
ran after him. A truck hit you.”
“Mrs. Miller, I’m sure it wasn’t your fault,” Lilith offered. I had a
feeling she was right. Since birth, us kids had better protection than the FBI
191
could have provided. Mom had a network of neighborhood informants and
spies that equaled Homeland Security.
“Please, call me Merry,” Mom offered. “After all, we’re family
now.”
“Thank you,” Lilith said, eyes filling with tears. Must be the
hormones. A non-pregnant Lilith had never cried.
Merry gave me a small smile. “I’d like to believe it was—” she
glanced at Jehovah “—God’s will.”
The Lord looked up for the first time since her story began, and He
nodded, a flicker of something in His eyes. Yep, I didn’t like where this was
going at all.
“Jace’s heart stopped.” Mom swallowed hard and glared at God. “He
died in my arms.”
God jumped to His feet. “I gave him back, damn it.”
“You had no right to take my son in the first place.” Joe stepped in
front of my mom, his fists ready for battle.
“He’s not your son,” God roared.
Great, we were back at square one.
I closed my eyes, and prayed for patience. I wanted all of them to go
away, except for Lilith. I wanted her naked and on her knees.
A small hand touched mine. I opened my eyes, staring at the serene
face of the Messiah. His eyes sparkled, and bald head gleamed. He
whispered, “’Member?”
I shook my head. “Remember what, kid?”
“Mine, don’t be a-scared.”
“Come on, you know me better than that.” I winked at him. “I fear
nothing. Not purple demons or resurrected roaches. Hell, even dirty Messiah
diapers are no match for Mine.”
“Then ’member, Mine.” His finger brushed my forehead, and the
pain in my back vanished. “’Member.”
A swirl of memories filtered through my head. Lilith. The angel.
Mary and Sid. Hades. Samuel. Mom and Joe. Life and death. Love and loss.
God in Heaven. A flickering of something important. A memory of another
time, in another place...
My eyes shot open and I stared into the face of my father..
Our Father, who spent most of His time in Heaven, Jerry be His other
name.
Fuck me.
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Sixty One
I sat in stunned silence for ten minutes, staring at God, as he stared
back with the same green eyes. I gestured around the room. “Out. Everyone.
Out now.”
My mom’s face paled, but she did as I asked, leaning on Joe for
support as they left the room. Lilith was next to leave. She kissed my
forehead, and dragged the kid out of the door. God would have followed, but
I stopped Him. “No, you stay.”
He nodded. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he seemed nervous, which
was ridiculous. What did the Big Man have to fear from a mere mortal?
I pushed myself up from the bed. “Explain to me how you and my
mom...”
The Lord shrugged. “Heaven gets lonely, son.” Lonely? Was He
fucking kidding me? God added, “Your mom, she’s quite a woman. If things
had been
different...”
Ee-yew. “Yeah, I’m sure the two of you would’ve made a great
couple, but I’m a little more concerned about what happens now?”
“What do you mean, son?” God’s eyes narrowed, showing off deep
creases. He looked all of His five thousand years.
“Don’t call me that.” My hands curled, but through sheer force of
will, I unclenched them. “What happens to the kid? To me? Are we sacrifices
to show the faithful you care? A means to save your position in Heaven?”
God shuffled to the window. He tapped the glass, much like a kid
gazing into a fishbowl. “Two thousand years ago, I made a mistake. I wanted
to prove my love to the world. Prove myself to be something other than a
vengeful God. A God to fear. And, yes, to prove my rightful place in Heaven.
I allowed Jesus to die on the cross, and it broke my heart.”
Yeah right, that’s why the kid’s here for round two.
“It was his choice, Jace.” God frowned, His reflection glinting off the
window. “Jesus determined his own fate. His sacrifice. Just like when the
time comes you will choose yours.”
~ * ~
“Jace H. Christ,” I whispered for the tenth time in an hour. Lilith sat
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next to me on the bed, stroking my thigh. The rest of my “family” had left at
my insistence, or rather, at my forceful prodding. My threat of no
grandparental contact had sent them scurrying.
“It has a nice ring to it.” Lilith grinned.
“Yeah, but so does having ten wives. Then you think about it, and
either way, you’re fucked Monday through Sunday. So when do you have
time for football?”
She laughed. “Now that you know, what do you plan to do?”
I had no clue. One thing was for sure though; I wasn’t going to let the
kid, or me die for anyone’s sins. Original or extra crispy ones. If He wanted
to stay the leader of Heaven, He had sure as hell better find another way.
“Did you know?” I lifted her chin, my eyes searching her beautiful
face. “Was that why you helped me? Why you’re here now?”
The corner of her mouth twitched. “I knew.”
“And?”
“And what?” Her grin grew.
“Damn it, Lilith.”