To Night Owl From Dogfish, Page 2
Holly Goldberg Sloan
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From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Update.
After dinner my papa said, “Let’s go sit on Marshmallow Fluff.” Marshmallow Fluff is what we call the leather sofa in our den that is white and looks like a marshmallow. It was an Italian design mistake that my papa made a long time ago, and it couldn’t be returned because it was shipped to us from Rome.
Once we were sitting on Fluff, Papa took out a bag that was hidden in a drawer in the coffee table. He handed it to me, all excited.
Inside was a T-shirt. It had a picture of that famous sculpture by the French artist Auguste Rodin called The Thinker, the one where the guy is sitting with his hand on his knee. (Though it’s the wrong knee, some people say. No one could sit like that for very long. It would be too uncomfortable. You would get a bad cramp.) But this guy on the T-shirt is wearing a pair of sunglasses, and also a baseball cap that says CIGI.
“There are no refunds,” Papa said. “Just like when we bought Marshmallow Fluff. You are absolutely, positively going to CIGI. And so is Marlow’s kid. We requested that you two be podmates. Marlow is giving Bett her own T-shirt today.”
So any minute now (or maybe it already happened), your dad’s going to hand over a T-shirt with The Thinker in sunglasses.
No offense, but I think we would be really, really bad as podmates.
Avery
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Avery—
You don’t need to throw around “Auguste Rodin.” My school has an enrichment program. My best friends Angel + Summer are BOTH doing it + I see their stuff. It’s really not that great.
My dad had a crisis with a bad boulder cracking open at a spa in Huntington Beach, so he left early this morning + I didn’t see him. But I was thinking about Camp CIGI so much that I fell off the balance beam in PE, which is my favorite part of the school day. Our unit right now is gymnastics. I’m the best in the class, so falling off is not something that happens. I like gymnastics almost as much as I like skateboarding. Do you skateboard?
So I’m getting a T-shirt??? That’s how I’m supposed to know my dad paid for a sleepaway camp named CIGI?
WHAT IS HAPPENING?
A not good thing about having only 1 parent is that I need someone on my side when something big like this takes place. My dad + Phillip (who died) got a woman from Brazil to be a surrogate + carry me inside her for 9 months. So I’m half-Brazilian but I don’t have a Brazilian passport, which isn’t fair. I never met her, so I can’t get her on my side now.
Dad (+ Phillip) used a service + she was paid, so it was a work situation, which is more legal or something. Also, just so you know, D. Marlow Devlin is my biological father (not Phillip). He’s African American. So am I. Phillip wasn’t African American. I saw your picture so I know you’re not African American.
Phillip was from New Mexico, but his parents were from Old Mexico. I don’t remember him saying that, but it’s one of those things that Dad + I repeat. I’m proud to be a person of color (POC).
You said you want to be a writer but how do you even know that already?
I know that I don’t want to be a dentist or work indoors all day.
Here’s something else I know I don’t want to do. GO TO CAMP CIGI.
Also—which do you like better, cats or dogs?
Bett Devlin
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
We should not be discussing personal things. But I’m not from a surrogate. I don’t share my origin story with anyone because there is a cone of privacy around this topic. It’s a really big cone.
Dentists are very important in the world and they must be respected.
If you only want to work outside, that eliminates a lot of jobs. But you should know that writers can write outside, too. Like on a patio under an adjustable canvas umbrella. I write outside when my dad and I go away on weekends.
I know there’s a difference between ethnicity, race, and culture, but it’s confusing. My papa’s Caucasian and Jewish, and he did 23andMe, where you send your spit to them and they tell you about your ancestors. My papa found out his ancestors are from Ukraine (not The Ukraine). I don’t discuss anything on my mom’s side.
I don’t have very much experience with animals. I’m actually afraid of dogs. But even though they scare me I have to admit some of them can be very cute. So I like to look at the cute ones, only from far away.
A big dog once jumped up on me in Central Park when I was very young, and it knocked me to the ground and bit me on the lip. Dr. Glossman thinks that this came at an important time in my development.
Avery A. Bloom
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From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Okay, you should know we have two dogs. Junie + Raisin. We also have a cat, but we share her with the neighbors so it’s not fair to say that Prunie is just mine. She also belongs to the Cerronis. She has a collar with both of our telephone numbers but no name tag.
Junie + Raisin are rescue dogs. Raisin came from a “negative environment.” We don’t know what actually happened, but she growls at a lot of people + 3 different times she tried to bite any man (except my dad) in leather work boots.
Do you or your dad own leather work boots?
I guess they are a trigger for Raisin.
Bett Devlin
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
I don’t own leather work boots. Can you send me a picture of your dogs? (If they are cute.) You don’t need to send one of your cat.
I won’t ever see your dogs in person. Dr. Glossman doesn’t want me around them (especially large ones) so that really seals off the possibility of us ever living together in California or in our Upper West Side apartment.
Unless of course your dad gave away your dogs, which would be incredibly cruel of him, so forget I even said that. You said you skateboard and surf. Does this mean you live at the beach? I think the ocean is beautiful, but also very scary because it’s so unpredictable and I’m afraid of drowning.
You’re more likely to die in water than in any natural disaster (including all weather-related storm activity).
Most people don’t know that fact.
Avery A. Bloom
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
I go to the beach almost every day. We live 18 blocks from the pier in a small church in Venice, California. Only it’s not a church anymore. My dad bought it + everyone thought he would tear it down. But he didn’t.
We don’t have a garage. My surfboards go out back against the fence.
There are rumors that GHOSTS live here (Is one of your “excessive fears” the spirit world?) since there were a lot of dead people in this place when it was a church. I’m not making that up. They had funerals all the time.
Also, the reason no one wanted the old church was because there is a drug clinic on the same block + people don’t want to live by that. What they don’t know is that the drug addict people are very nice + they are trying to get help. It’s wrong to be afraid of them.
But I don’t want to
get into anything personal with you because I really don’t know you at all.
Here’s a picture of Raisin + Junie. They are both amazingly cute. Raisin is the one with all the black spots on her back.
Bett
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Bett,
Your dogs are incredibly cute. Can Junie actually hear through the hole where her ear should be? Assuming that’s a hole. It’s hard to tell because of the two bandannas.
Avery
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
My dog Junie hears fine. Her ear flap is missing from an accident. It might have been a fight. We can’t know.
So my dad didn’t make a big deal about the camp T-shirt. I just FOUND IT in my drawer yesterday. I cut it into three pieces + put it in our rag box. I told my dad again I’M NOT GOING TO CIGI + YOU CAN’T MAKE ME.
He didn’t say anything. But I went online today + his Expedia account shows he got me a flight to Michigan!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?!?!? Why isn’t he listening to me? He’s always always always been a good listener. Then he met your dad + now he can’t hear me.
It’s like he suddenly built up gobs of earwax. Or else he has really bad swimmer’s ear.
Bett
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Bett,
I think people sometimes go crazy when they’re in love. The chemistry in their bodies changes and they do dumb things. Usually this is listening to the same song all the time, or having awkward names for each other. But in this case it means forcing their daughters to go to the same camp and live in a pod together, which really would be a horrible situation that could end in tragedy.
If they somehow make us go to Michigan despite everything we’re doing to block this, one suggestion is that you could act like you’re falling apart as soon as you get there. In the modern world, anxiety is increasingly affecting young people. That was a headline in my school’s Weekly Blast to Parents. I think it was an inappropriate article because it only made me feel even more anxiety.
If we have to go to camp the plan should be for one of us to leave right away. It would be better if it were you instead of me, because as you know I was actually interested in going to CIGI before all this stuff happened with our dads.
Also, a question: How do two people even have a relationship when they live 3,000 miles apart? Doesn’t that mean it’s all in their heads?
How do we get it out of their heads?
Here is another question, but don’t feel like you have to answer: Have you ever had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend if you are gay and know that about yourself already?
I liked Kyle Shapiro last year but it didn’t go anywhere. So I don’t have any experience in this department.
Avery
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Last year Zander Barton thought he was my boyfriend + he told everyone, but he was making that up. Holding someone’s hand 4 times doesn’t mean a relationship. Neither does keeping someone’s hoodie, which was a present. But that sweatshirt is way cool + I’m not giving it back.
I like boys. I’ve always liked boys. My dad always says he doesn’t care who I love as long as I’m happy. Only that was back when he CARED about me being happy.
This kid Robbie Lambert surfs down by the pier + it’s weird, because he’s in my dreams all the time. He just keeps showing up.
He’s 2 years older than me so I don’t talk to him. Plus I think he already has a girlfriend but that can’t last forever.
Bett
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Once people know my dad’s gay, they assume he’s married to another man, and I’m being raised by two dads. I’d like to make a bumper sticker that says: YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE MARRIED TO BE A GAY DAD. Not everyone in this world has to be in twos. It’s not Noah’s Ark. Single parents do a great job, in my experience.
I’ve never been to a wedding. Have you been to a wedding? My friend Mia Jablonsky was a flower girl once. But we shouldn’t even be thinking about that because a wedding is never going to happen.
We’re going to make sure of it.
Avery
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
DO NOT EVEN WRITE THE WORD “WEDDING.” Ever. I think it’s a trigger for me. Until now I didn’t think I had triggers.
Tonight I told my dad I was going on a hunger strike because of camp. Then he drove to Honey Kettle in Culver City to get takeout for our dinner. This is one of my favorite places.
I didn’t eat any of the food until much later, when he was out of the room + it was cold. But it was STILL really good. I’m going to need a new plan because the hunger strike thing won’t work.
Bett
P.S. If you could be ANY ANIMAL, which one would you choose?
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Just FYI: At CIGI the kids live in pods of eight girls. There are three pods for girls our age. But maybe we won’t even be put together. I’d write “fingers crossed” but it’s unnecessary because we aren’t going to be mean girls.
If we really do have to go to this camp, we will just never speak to each other, which shouldn’t be hard because we don’t have anything in common and we don’t know each other at all.
I guess if I could be any animal it would be a night owl. (I know that isn’t actually a specific kind of owl, but you know what I mean.) I do a lot of reading at night when I’m supposed to be asleep, but that’s not the worst thing in the world. Good sleep hygiene is important. That means no screens in bed at night, but books are okay. Also, I wear glasses and for some reason they put glasses on cartoon drawings of owls. (And sometimes they put those graduation caps on them, but that’s not what we’re talking about.)
Avery
* * *
From: Bett Devlin
To: Avery Bloom
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
Night owls are great. I sometimes stay up late, but I don’t like having a schedule.
If I could be any animal I’d choose a dogfish. I love dogs + I love to swim. A dogfish is a SHARK. Not everyone knows this.
Also, agreed. No talking IF I HAVE TO GO TO CAMP. Today I asked myself: How is my dad even paying for this CIGI?
Last month I wanted 2 pygmy goats, but my dad said forget it because they are too expensive. The goats were on Craigslist. You can see if the listing is still up (look in LA County—Farm + Garden section), even though you don’t qualify to be a goat owner because you need to have a fenced outdoor area. The goats were $250 for the PAIR. That’s a great deal! Plus they will ALWAYS STAY SMALL.
>
But instead of buying an amazing pet, money is being spent on this whole camp thing. It’s THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. Maybe this means I’m not going to college, which should be my choice. I might have to take out huge student loans one day + that would give me a bad start.
Here is more proof that my dad has gone crazy. This old church, which is our house, needs a new roof. It’s got bad leaks in the winter, and that means we have to put pots down to catch the water. Junie has bad eyesight so she sometimes walks right into the pots. Now instead of fixing this animal hazard I’m going to camp. Talk about bad priorities.
I could have SO MANY pygmy goats right now. Also, these goats can be trimmed + goat hair is used by knitters. I don’t know how to knit but I could sell the hair to people who do.
Bett
* * *
From: Avery Bloom
To: Bett Devlin
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: you don’t know me
I also do not knit. But I looked up pygmy goats and they are very interesting. At least to read about. I would do some shark research but I already have enough problems thinking about water hazards.
Today my dad said I have to start “organizing for packing.”
That’s how he does it when he has to go on a trip. First he makes piles of things he’s thinking about taking, and then the piles get sorted until he figures out what he’s actually taking. The piles have Post-its on top for better organization. Like “warm clothing,” “workout clothing,” “formal dining,” and “miscellaneous.” He read a book called All in Order: The Norwegian Art of Pile-Packing, and it was very useful.
