Darkest Fear

  PRAISE FOR

  DARKEST FEAR

  "You race to turn pages ... both suspenseful and often surprisingly funny ..."

  --People (Beach Book of the Week)

  "Be prepared to weep buckets while reading Darkest Fear .... Endearing and over-the-top lovable ... The author's mysteries are well-constructed, clever and tautly wrapped in a well-scripted story line."

  --USA Today

  "A terrific novel ... Coben's professionalism is clear from every paragraph in the book."

  --Boston Globe

  "Fast-paced and layered with both fun and tenderness ... Coben [is] a gifted storyteller."

  --The Denver Post

  "Raymond Chandler meets Bridget Jones ... a constant and increasing delight ... reminds us that vulnerability and strength come in all sizes."

  --Chicago Tribune

  "With its pretzel of a plot and page-turning pace, Darkest Fear is a winner."

  --The Orlando Sentinel

  "This fast-paced story sent me to the bookstore ... looking for his earlier books. With the kind of sharp dialogue you used to hear in an old Billy Wilder movie ... you'll be surprised that the story has so many pithy profundities about fatherhood."

  --Philadelphia News

  "Wonderfully rich ... The heart of the novel is, as always, the fallible but infinitely appealing, accessible figure of Myron Bolitar--a Don Quixote complete with knee brace and cell phone, ready to take on the world's problems."

  --Publishers Weekly (starred review)

  "The darkness of the plot and the seriousness of the theme--the responsibilities of parenthood--give this installment added impact. Thought-provoking issues and mind-numbing terror made more real by their human context."

  --Booklist

  "Crisp, focused prose, a wisecracking but gallant hero, and a busy plot make this essential for most collections."

  --Library Journal

  "A brilliant story ... excellent."

  --Midwest Review of Books

  "A complete success on every level, with writing that sings with sharp wit, a white-knuckler of a plot, and well-drawn characters that can surprise you ... stunning, complex ...a marvel of carefully drawn-out tension. And just when you think Coben has made his last twist, there's an even bigger one right around the corner .... Coben deserves to be catapulted up into the top ranks of contemporary American mystery writers."

  --Capital Times (Wisconsin)

  "Chilling ... [His characters] are as entertaining a gaggle of sleuths as any the genre has seen in, well, ever. Harlan Coben is smooth and versatile and his dialogue hums and throbs with character .... Coben can set 'em up and knock 'em down as good as the best of 'em and better than the rest of 'em."

  --Austin Chronicle

  "A thriller with a spark that burns throughout ... fast-moving ... Coben's Bolitar is not unlike Robert B. Parker's Spenser ... but Bolitar is more vulnerable and likable. Funnier too ... A terrific job."

  --San Jose Mercury News

  "Very entertaining ... Coben grips your heart then jiggles your brain with a plot layered enough to make an onion give up and go home."

  --Rocky Mountain News (Denver)

  "Coben pulls off this latest thriller with his usual aplomb, blending humor and suspense into a compelling read .... He pulls off a nifty surprise coda that ends the book on just the right note, one with the comforting ring of justice to it."

  --Houston Chronicle

  "Fraught with emotion, action and plot, Darkest Fear demonstrates why Coben has won the Edgar, Anthony and Shamus awards."

  --Tulsa World

  "Grabs you by the throat and refuses to let go .... Very, very good."

  --Washington Times

  "Coben leads the reader on a twisted, suspenseful path that, like a roller coaster, begins gently and smoothly until you reach that first extreme curve that puts your heart in your mouth .... Sly humor, sophisticated plotting and solid storytelling meld well with bizarre yet totally believable characters .... Coben has written the archetypal Boomer novel folded into a first-class mystery."

  --Sun-Sentinel (Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

  "One of the most inventive plotters in the business ... Myron runs rings around most of the tough-guy competition."

  --Kirkus Reviews

  Books by Harlan Coben

  DEAL BREAKER

  DROP SHOT

  FADE AWAY

  BACK SPIN

  ONE FALSE MOVE

  THE FINAL DETAIL

  DARKEST FEAR

  TELL NO ONE

  GONE FOR GOOD

  When a father gives to his son, they both laugh.

  When a son gives to his father, they both cry.

  --Yiddish proverb

  This one is for your father. And mine.

  "What is your darkest fear?" the voice whispers. Close your eyes now and picture it. Can you see it? Do you have it yet? The very worst agony you can imagine?"

  After a long pause, I say, "Yes."

  "Good. Now imagine something worse, something far, far worse ..."

  --"The Mind of Terror" by Stan Gibbs, column in the New York Herald, January 16

  Contents

  Cover

  Other Books By This Author

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author

  Copyright Page

  1

  An hour before his world exploded like a ripe tomato under a stiletto heel, Myron bit into a fresh pastry that tasted suspiciously like a urinal cake.

  "Well?" Mom prompted.

  Myron battled his throat, won a costly victory, swallowed. "Not bad."

  Mom shook her head, disappointed.

  "What?"

  "I'm a lawyer," Mom said. "You'd think I'd have raised a better liar."

  "You did the best you could," Myron said.

  She shrugged and waved a hand at the, uh, pastry. "It's my first time baking, bubbe. It's okay to tell me the truth."

  "It's like biting into a urinal cake," Myron said.

  "A what?"

  "In men's public bathrooms. In the urinals. They put them there for the smell or something."

  "And you eat them?"

  "No--"

  "Is that why your father takes so long in there? He's having a little Tastykake? And here I thought his prostate was acting up."

  "I'm joking, Mom."

  She smiled through blue eyes tinged with a red that Visine could never hope to get out, the red you can only get through slow, steady tears. Normally Mom was heavily into histrionics. Slow, steady tears were not her style. "So am I, Mr. Smarty Pants. You think you're the only one in this family with a sense of humor?"

  Myron s
aid nothing. He looked down at the, uh, pastry, fearing or perhaps hoping it might crawl away. In the thirty-plus years his mother had lived in this house, she had never baked--not from a recipe, not from scratch, not even from one of those Pillsbury morning croissant thingies that came in small mailing tubes. She could barely boil water without strict instructions and pretty much never cooked, though she could whip up a mean Celeste frozen pizza in the microwave, her agile fingers dancing across the numerical keypad in the vein of Nureyev at Lincoln Center. No, in the Bolitar household, the kitchen was more a gathering place--a Family Room Lite, if you will--than anything related to even the basest of the culinary arts. The round table held magazines and catalogs and congealing white boxes of Chinese takeout. The stovetop saw less action than a Merchant-Ivory production. The oven was a prop, strictly for show, like a politician's Bible.

  Something was definitely amiss.

  They were sitting in the living room with the dated pseudo-leather white modular couch and aqua-tinged rug whose shagginess reminded Myron of a toilet-seat cover. Grown-up Greg Brady. Myron kept stealing glances out the picture window at the For Sale sign in the front yard as though it were a spaceship that had just landed and something sinister was about to step out.

  "Where's Dad?"

  Mom gave a weary wave toward the door. "He's in the basement."

  "In my room?"

  "Your old room, yes. You moved out, remember?"

  He did--at the tender age of thirty-four no less. Childcare experts would salivate and tsk-tsk over that one--the prodigal son choosing to remain in his split-level cocoon long after the deemed appropriate deadline for the butterfly to break free. But Myron might argue the opposite. He might bring up the fact that for generations and in most cultures, offspring lived in the familial home until a ripe old age, that adopting such a philosophy could indeed be a societal boom, helping people stay rooted to something tangible in this era of the disintegrating nuclear family. Or, if that rationale didn't float your boat, Myron could try another. He had a million.

  But the truth of the matter was far simpler: He liked hanging out in the burbs with Mom and Dad--even if confessing such a sentiment was about as hip as an Air Supply eight track.

  "So what's going on?" he asked.

  "Your father doesn't know you're here yet," she said. "He thinks you're not coming for another hour."

  Myron nodded, puzzled. "What's he doing in the basement?"

  "He bought a computer. Your father plays with it down there."

  "Dad?"

  "My point exactly. The man can't change a lightbulb without a manual--all of a sudden he's Bill Gates. Always on the nest."

  "The Net," Myron corrected.

  "The what?"

  "It's called the Net, Mom."

  "I thought it was nest. The bird's nest or something."

  "No, it's Net."

  "Are you sure? I know there's a bird in there somewhere."

  "The Web maybe," Myron tried. "Like with a spider."

  She snapped her fingers. "That's it. Anyway your father is on there all the time, weaving the Web or whatever. He chats with people, Myron. That's what he tells me. He chats with complete strangers. Like he used to do with the CB radio, remember?"

  Myron remembered. Circa 1976. Jewish Dads in the suburbs checking for "smokeys" on the way to the delicatessen. Mighty convoy of Cadillac Sevilles. Ten-four, good buddy.

  "And that's not all," she went on. "He's typing his memoirs. A man who can't scribble down a grocery list without consulting Strunk and White suddenly thinks he's an ex-president."

  They were selling the house. Myron still could not believe it. His eyes wandered about the overly familiar surroundings, his gaze getting snagged on the photographs running up the stairwell. He saw his family mature via fashion--the skirts and sideburns lengthening and shortening, the quasi-hippie fringes and suede and tie-dyes, the leisure suits and bell-bottoms, the frilly tuxedos that would be too tacky for a Vegas casino--the years flying by frame by frame like one of those depressing life insurance commercials. He spotted the poses from his basketball days--a sixth-grade suburban-league foul shot, an eighth-grade drive to the hoop, a high school slam dunk--the row ending with Sports Illustrated cover shots, two from his days at Duke and one with his leg in a cast and a large-fonted IS HE FINISHED? emblazoned across his knee-cast image (the answer in the mind's eye being an equally large-fonted YES!).

  "So what's wrong?" he asked.

  "I didn't say anything was wrong."

  Myron shook his head, disappointed. "And you a lawyer."

  "Setting a bad example?"

  "It's no wonder I never ran for higher office."

  She folded her hands on her lap. "We need to chat."

  Myron didn't like the tone.

  "But not here," she added. "Let's take a walk around the block."

  Myron nodded and they rose. Before they reached the door, his cell phone rang. Myron snatched it up with a speed that would have made Wyatt Earp step back. He put the phone to his ear and cleared his throat.

  "MB SportsReps," he said, silky-smooth, professional-like. "This is Myron Bolitar speaking."

  "Nice phone voice," Esperanza said. "You sound like Billy Dee ordering two Colt 45s."

  Esperanza Diaz was his longtime assistant and now sports-agent partner at MB SportsReps (M for Myron, the B for Bolitar--for those keeping score).

  "I was hoping you were Lamar," he said.

  "He hasn't called yet?"

  "Nope."

  He could almost see Esperanza frown. "We're in deep doo-doo here," she said.

  "We're not in deep doo-doo. We're just sucking a little wind, that's all."

  "Sucking a little wind," Esperanza repeated. "Like Pavarotti running the Boston Marathon."

  "Good one," Myron said.

  "Thanks."

  Lamar Richardson was a power-hitting Golden Glove shortstop who'd just become a free agent--"free agent" being a phrase agents whisper in the same way a mufti might whisper "Praise Allah." Lamar was shopping for new representation and had whittled his final list down to three agencies: two supersized conglomerates with enough office space to house a Price Club and the aforementioned pimple-on-the-buttocks but oh-so-personal MB SportsReps. Go, pimple-butt!

  Myron watched his mother standing by the door. He switched ears and said, "Anything else?"

  "You'll never guess who called," Esperanza said.

  "Elle and Claudia demanding another menage a trois?"

  "Oooo, close."

  She would never just tell him. With his friends, everything was a TV game show. "How about a hint?" he said.

  "One of your ex-lovers."

  He felt a jolt. "Jessica."

  Esperanza made a buzzing noise. "Sorry, wrong bitch."

  Myron was puzzled. He'd only had two long-term relationships in his life: Jessica on and off for the past thirteen years (now very off). And before that, well, you'd have to go back to ...

  "Emily Downing?"

  Esperanza made a ding-ding noise.

  A sudden image pierced his heart like a straight-blade. He saw Emily sitting on that threadbare couch in the frat basement, smiling that smile at him, her legs bent and tucked under her, wearing his high school varsity jacket that was several sizes too big, her gesturing hands slipping down and disappearing into the sleeves.

  His mouth went dry. "What did she want?"

  "Don't know. But she said that she simply had to talk to you. She's very breathy, you know. Like everything she says is a double entendre."

  With Emily, everything was.

  "She good in the sack?" Esperanza asked.

  Being an overly attractive bisexual, Esperanza viewed everyone as a potential sex partner. Myron wondered what that must be like, to have and thus weigh so many options, and then he decided to leave that road untraveled. Wise man.

  "What did Emily say exactly?" Myron said.

  "Nothing specific. She just spewed out a colorful assortment of breathy teasers
: urgent, life-and-death, grave matters, etceteras, etceteras."

  "I don't want to talk to her."

  "I didn't think so. If she calls back, you want me to give her the runaround?"

  "Please."

  "Mas tarde then."

  He hung up as a second image whacked him like a surprise wave at the beach. Senior year at Duke. Emily so composed as she dumped the varsity jacket onto his bed and walked out. Not long after that, she married the man who'd ruin Myron's life.

  Deep breaths, he told himself. In and out. That's it.

  "Everything okay?" Mom asked.

  "Fine."

  Mom shook her head again, disappointed.

  "I'm not lying," he said.

  "Fine, right, sure, you always breathe like an obscene phone call. Listen, if you don't want to tell your mother--"

  "I don't want to tell my mother."

  "Who raised you and ..."

  Myron tuned her out, as was his custom. She was digressing again, taking on a past life or something. It was something she did a lot. One minute she was thoroughly modern, an early feminist who marched alongside Gloria Steinem and became proof that--to quote her old T-shirt--A Woman's Place Is in the House ... and Senate. But at the sight of her son, her progressive attire slid to the floor and revealed the babushka-clad yenta beneath the burned bra. It made for an interesting childhood.

  They headed out the front door. Myron kept his eyes on the For Sale sign as though it might suddenly brandish a gun. His mind flashed onto something he had never actually seen--the sunny day when Mom and Dad had arrived here for the first time, hand in hand, Mom's belly swelling with child, both of them scared and exhilarated realizing that this cookie-cut three-bedroom split-level would be their life vessel, their SS American Dream. Now, like it or not, that journey was coming to an end. Forget that "close one door, open another" crap. That For Sale sign marked the end--the end of youth, of middle age, of a family, the universe of two people who'd started here and fought here and raised kids here and worked and carpooled and lived their lives here.

  They walked up the street. Leaves were piled along the curb, the surest sign of suburban autumn, while leaf blowers shattered the still air like helicopters over Saigon. Myron took the inside track so his path would skim the piles' edges. The dead leaves crackled under his sneakers and he liked that. He wasn't sure why.

  "Your father spoke to you," Mom said, half-question. "About what happened to him."

  Myron felt his stomach tense up. He veered deeper into the leaves, lifting his legs high and crunching louder. "Yes."