Billy and Me

  ‘You were brilliant,’ I admit, because, bottom and oral sex aside, he really was.

  ‘Better than Jude?’ he asks with a cheeky grin. Will he ever let me live that down?

  ‘Much better. Honestly, you were superb!’

  ‘Thanks baby!’ he says, leaning forward and kissing me.

  A small cough from Paul reminds us both of his presence and we break away from each other.

  ‘Paul!’ welcomes Billy, giving him a hug. ‘I hope you’ve been looking after my lovely lady.’

  ‘I certainly have,’ he says, putting a hand on my shoulder and acting friendlier with me than he has done all night. ‘I’ve got to say, great feedback out there, mate. Everyone has stopped me to tell me they thought you were terrific. Fingers crossed for those reviews, hey?’

  ‘God, don’t remind me. Actually the other guys here were saying that they prefer not to see them, you know, so that it doesn’t ruin your performance, or affect it in any way with their comments. They’ve known people to completely change their characters following them, throwing everyone else off. They don’t even want the reviews to enter the building,’ he says.

  ‘That sounds like a good idea,’ I say, glad that he has decided to take this approach after seeing him so nervous about tonight and what people might think. This definitely seems a more refreshing attitude to take towards something which is, arguably, just one person’s opinion.

  ‘But it’s all about the reviews for you, Bill. That’s why you’re here, remember, to prove your worth as an actor!’ Paul says with gusto.

  ‘Yes, but if –’ I start.

  ‘Is that the time?’ interrupts Paul, looking at his watch. ‘We’d better get cracking and get you to the after party, there’s a lot of people there who are eager to talk to you, Bill!’

  I look in Billy’s direction to see him giving me an excited wink, clearly oblivious to Paul’s rude behaviour towards me.

  Walking to the after party, which is being held across the street from the theatre in a trendy bar, we notice there’s a line of photographers waiting outside. The nerves start to kick in again at the thought of walking into that crowded room on Billy’s arm, knowing I’ll be scrutinized and judged. This is my first proper outing with him, the first one I’m almost prepared for (well, I’m flourless and wearing decent clothes), and I want to make a good impression – so far people have only seen the two sets of pap pictures, they haven’t seen or heard anything else about me, so it’ll be nice to get pictured when I’m looking my best and show that I’m not just some dowdy tea-girl. Although I still find the whole thing daunting, I’m proud of Billy, and want to be there with him on his special night, supporting him as a girlfriend should.

  ‘Bill,’ says Paul, stopping us both. ‘I think it’s really important that you do these photos alone tonight, the ones inside and outside. It’s got to be about you and what you’ve achieved. It would be foolish to let something else overshadow that,’ he adds, taking time to slowly look from Billy to me so that he can hammer his point home. In other words, Billy should have no photos taken with me, because that is what the press will focus on, thereby distracting from the purpose of the night, which is to show Billy’s worth as an actor. I understand the point, obviously, but coming from Paul it feels more than a little bit unwelcoming.

  Billy turns to me with concern.

  ‘Is that OK?’ he asks.

  ‘Of course!’ I say, not wanting to cause a drama on his special night by showing that I’m uncomfortable or disappointed that it has to be this way. ‘It makes sense,’ I say with a shrug.

  ‘You sure?’ he asks again, cupping my face with his right hand and rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

  ‘She said yes, you soppy fool,’ says Paul, while he playfully pushes Billy towards the party. ‘Go on, get in there, Bill! It’s your night. Sophie will be safe with me. We’ll see you in there.’

  ‘OK, see you in there,’ says Billy as he squeezes my hand, releases it and walks in to charm the awaiting press.

  We watch Billy posing for the cameras and see him laugh as people shout things out to him about his pert bottom. Paul turns to me with another fake smile.

  ‘I’m so glad you understand, Sophie. It could be quite awkward otherwise. You see, it would be different if you had a public profile yourself, it’s hard to get past something like that, but well, it’s still early days and things can change in a flash. There’s just no point creating such a fuss over something that could dissolve as quickly as it was formed.’

  His words ring in my ears as I break them down, slowly making sense of them.

  ‘You don’t think we’ll last, then?’ I ask him, as I look down and fiddle with a loose bit of black thread on my dress.

  ‘Not at all, I didn’t say that,’ he says, putting his hand on his chest in shock, as if my interpretation of his words is pure madness.

  ‘But that’s what you meant, though. Right?’

  ‘Sophie, don’t be silly,’ he says in a patronizing tone, resting a hand on my shoulder once again. ‘I just think we should take our time – this is a lot for you to take in at once. It could be quite overwhelming, that’s all. There’s a lot to learn.’

  Yes, I think, and the number one thing I’ve already learnt is to be wary of the people I meet, even if they do work for my partner.

  Billy spends the next hour doing a variety of interviews with press about the play and chatting up the important thespians and critics in the room. I, unfortunately, have been stood next to Paul during that time. Luckily for me, though, instead of continuing with the conversation he started outside, he has decided to ignore me completely and has continually failed to introduce me to whoever he is talking to, causing me to linger by his side while attracting odd glances from his showbiz pals. Although it aggravates me that he is being so rude, I’m actually quite glad that I’m not being included, because now, thanks to Paul, I’m no longer in the mood to make small talk with strangers.

  When Billy finally finds his way over to us, an hour or so later, he has a woman in tow, her arm looped through his. She’s wearing a little black dress, which she has partnered up with leopard print heels. Her bare, toned and tanned legs seem to go on forever.

  ‘Sophie, this is Ruth Banks from the show,’ says Billy, introducing us.

  ‘Ah!’ I say, recognizing her as the blonde with the enthusiastic hair-swishing talent.

  ‘I just wanted to come over and say hello. Plus, OMG! So sorry about the whole blow job thing … how awkward?’ she says, putting her hands to her cheeks in mock shame, causing Billy to laugh.

  ‘Oh …’ I say with a smile, swiping the air with my hand as if brushing the subject aside due to its unimportance. Clearly this isn’t actually how I feel about the whole thing, but I’m not entirely sure how one should react in these circumstances. I’d rather not have her mention it at all – especially seeing as Billy hasn’t referenced it in the slightest.

  ‘Seriously, they made us do that on the first day of rehearsals as well – talk about getting to know each other quickly. I just didn’t know where to look!’ she giggles.

  ‘Ruth, you’re making it sound like I’ve actually been swinging my bits in your face,’ Billy says, bemused, while shaking his head, a flicker of annoyance in his voice. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve been safely under wraps, at all times!’ he says to me, as he pulls me into him and kisses my forehead.

  ‘Aww, you guys are so cute!’ squeals Ruth. ‘He talks about you non-stop!’

  Paul, noticing that Billy has returned (and no doubt annoyed that he has his arm around me in public on his ever-so-important night), waves his hands in the air to grab his attention.

  ‘Bill, you must come meet Clarissa Hall from The Times,’ he calls, beckoning him over. ‘She’s been dying to hear about your process of finding the character and how you’ve coped under the pressure.’

  ‘Sure!’ Billy says, loosening his hold of me.

  ‘You’ll be ok with Ruth for a bit, Sophie. I’
ll bring him back,’ Paul says as he hurries Billy along.

  I look at Ruth, my designated babysitter, and smile.

  We don’t know each other.

  This is uncomfortable.

  ‘So, what do you do then, Sophie?’ she asks, tilting her head to the side as though she’s genuinely intrigued.

  It’s the question I’ve been dreading, but seeing as pictures of me in my uniform have been in the papers and the majority of people in this room have probably seen them, I can’t really shy away from it.

  ‘Actually I’ve not been in London long.’

  ‘Oh, right?’

  ‘So I’ve just got a little job to tide me over until I find something else more permanent.’

  ‘So where are you at the moment?’ she digs.

  ‘Coffee Matters?’ I don’t know why I say the name as though she’ll never have heard of it before, she clearly would have. I watch as a flash of pity and disinterest flicker in her eyes, before she manages to drum up her reaction.

  ‘Oh, how lovely,’ she says, unconvincingly.

  ‘Not really, but it’ll do for now,’ I smile, hoping my honesty will banish the awkwardness that now sits between us.

  ‘So many of my friends are in the same boat, having to do jobs they hate while trying to get somewhere in life. Oh gosh,’ she says suddenly, grabbing my arm and looking over my shoulder at someone behind me. ‘An old friend from drama school has just walked in, I’ve got to go and jump on him. Do you mind?’

  ‘Not at all!’

  ‘Great. Back in a sec,’ she beams, as she literally runs and catapults herself onto the unsuspecting man’s back with whoops of joy.

  I play around with the straw in my glass and look at the people around me who are making the most of this networking event. They’re all laughing and talking excitedly to one another whilst occasionally giving quizzical glances at the girl in the corner, who is standing on her own.

  Me.

  Later that night, after hours of watching Billy circulate the room with Paul eagerly placed by his side, we both climb into bed. A small slice of light coming from the hallway illuminates the room gently, enabling us to see the room and each other. After a minute of silence Billy turns to me and runs his fingers through my hair.

  ‘Did you really enjoy the show, baby?’

  ‘I thought you were great, honey …’ I say, putting on another smile and looking at him briefly before gazing back at the ceiling.

  ‘But?’ he says slowly.

  I sigh. I’m acutely aware that I either let the whole thing slide by, not wanting to cause a problem, or I just say what’s on my mind so that I can get reassurance of some kind that I’ll be kept in the loop in future. As I’d rather not get the shock of my life again in a crowded room, I decide to be honest.

  ‘Well … I wish you’d have warned me about certain moments.’

  ‘Oh …’ He stops fiddling with my hair and sits up, leaning on his elbow. ‘I said it was dark and dirty, didn’t I?’

  ‘I don’t think you said dirty, but either way, it just would’ve been nice to know that you were about to expose your butt to the world,’ I explain. ‘And that you’d have someone so close to your bits pretending to, you know …’ I continue, not able to look him in the eye.

  We lay in silence for a few moments.

  ‘You know Ruth never actually saw anything, right?’ he says, rubbing his thumb along my cheek and chin, trying to soothe my thoughts with his actions as well as his words.

  ‘Right …’

  ‘Seriously, I think she was just feeling awkward about the whole conversation and just blurted stuff out. It’s not easy doing scenes like that and then meeting people’s other halves. Honestly, I’ve had my trousers on the whole way through rehearsals, it wasn’t until we got in to the theatre for tech rehearsals that I actually had to pull them down and, to be honest, I was more concerned with getting my butt out and whether the audience could see the G-string up my crack – which I have to say was not very comfortable.’

  ‘Lovely!’ I say, at the grim image, although it’s good to know he was properly covered up, of course. ‘How do you even rehearse something like that? I mean, you must need to get into it or something. It must get you … excited.’

  ‘Baby, I’m acting,’ he says matter-of-factly. ‘Plus, even in rehearsals we had the director with us and all sorts, so I was always concerned about making it look right and standing at the correct angle or whatever. It’s professional and it’s just work. I’m not stupid enough to think what’s happening at work crosses over into real life.’

  ‘But yet you have dated your co-stars,’ I blurt.

  ‘What?’ he says, pulling away from me as though my words have literally punched him backwards.

  ‘Well, obviously at some point with them it became a reality …’ I say meekly, instantly regretting having said anything about his past. I hadn’t even thought of this earlier, so have no idea where the concern has come from.

  ‘That was completely different,’ he says dryly, looking away from me.

  We sit in silence, unsure how to correct what’s been said and erase the negativity between us, which has never been there before.

  ‘I’m sorry …’ I start.

  ‘No, you’ve got nothing to be sorry for,’ he says turning back to me slowly. ‘I was single then, Soph. Everything was different back then. But baby, I’d never do anything to hurt you. You must know that?’ His arms engulf me, making me feel safe once more.

  ‘It was just strange for me, you know?’ I explain. ‘I’m not used to any of this.’

  ‘I know. I should’ve told you what was happening right from the start,’ he says with a pained sigh. ‘I knew it.’

  ‘Why didn’t you, then?’

  ‘I thought about it, I mentioned it to Paul.’

  ‘And what did he say to do?’ I ask.

  ‘He said it was best not to worry you unnecessarily. That I’d make you think it was worse than it actually was.’

  How interesting that Paul had queried the fact that Billy had chosen not to say anything about it, when he’d specifically told Billy not to tell me.

  ‘I see …’

  ‘How was it with Paul, by the way?’

  ‘Fine. I’m not sure he likes me very much though.’

  ‘Really? I’m sure he does. It was just a stressful situation tonight, lots of schmoozing to be getting on with. He was probably just preoccupied. I’m sure you two will get on like a house on fire soon enough.’

  ‘Maybe,’ I say, deciding not to tell him about the conversation outside and Paul’s flippant behaviour towards me. Perhaps Billy’s right and it was just a tense night for him, his keenness to get it right leading him to act bizarrely. Maybe …

  11

  Molly calls me on my way to work the next day, for her daily catch-up. I can’t help but feel sorry for June Hearne as I’ve obviously pinched her early-morning gossip slot, although I have no doubt that Molly will be straight on the phone to her telling her anything interesting I’ve said, so it probably makes their calls more exciting.

  ‘So, what was it like to see him up on stage?’ she asks.

  ‘Amazing! Honestly, Molly, I’ve never seen anything like it! The whole production was incredible.’

  ‘Better than the local amateur dramatic group then?’

  ‘Just slightly,’ I laugh. ‘There were some rather interesting parts, though …’

  ‘Interesting?’ she queries.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound good.’

  ‘No, it was fine, I just got to see a bit more of him than I thought I would.’

  ‘Oh …’ Molly says stunned.

  ‘Just his bottom!’ I say, feeling the need to clarify in case Molly starts telling the world that Billy got his willy out on stage.

  ‘Oh, is that all? I thought you meant the front bit. Well, I wouldn’t mind seeing that.’

  ‘Molly!’ I laugh.

  ‘I meant the
play … obviously!’ she cackles. ‘I can close my eyes for that bit if you like, although think before you ruin an old girl’s little bit of fun. Anyway, how was the rest of the night?’

  ‘Yeah, fine.’

  ‘What were the people like?’

  ‘Pleasant enough. I mean – everyone knows everyone.’

  ‘Did you feel a bit out of the loop?’

  ‘How’d you guess?’ I laugh. ‘It’s all so cliquey.’

  ‘Oh yes, but that’ll change in time. They don’t know you yet, duck.’

  ‘I met his manager too.’

  ‘What was he like?’

  ‘I don’t think he likes me.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yeah, he’s just a bit cold towards me. As though he’s worried I’m going to corrupt his top act or something.’

  ‘You? Corrupt him?’ Molly cackles.

  ‘I know!’

  ‘I’m sure he meant nothing by it though, love. Billy’s been with him quite a while, so he can’t be that bad. Maybe he’s just wary of new people. It’s a tough business – just see how it goes, duck!’

  ‘Yeah. I might have read a bit too much into it,’ I say, wondering if that could actually be a possibility and if he’s woken up this morning regretting his harsh words. ‘I know it’s stupid, but it also irritates me that he calls Billy Bill. It’s not his blooming name and it sounds so … pompous!’

  This causes Molly to laugh her head off as though I’ve gone mad.

  I think about mentioning some of Paul’s rude comments from before the party, but decide against it. It could be that he is just wary of people’s intentions when they get close to Billy and is looking out for him. I’ll give Paul another chance, I think.

  That night, while I’m in the kitchen loading raspberries on top of a freshly made Pavlova, waiting for Billy to come through the door after the show, the phone rings.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Sophie!’ booms Billy’s voice.

  ‘Hey! Where are you?’ I ask.

  ‘The guys suggested going out for a drink. You know, so that we can chill out together now that Press Night’s out of the way.’