Endurance, Page 9

  “A little more than five years.” Nursing is such a huge component of my life. Not having that piece of my identity for the last ten and a half months has left a void. I’m excited to get back in the saddle.

  “It’s no wonder Jamie recruited you to be his nurse. You’ve probably seen a lot.”

  “You have no idea.” You don’t really know what human beings are capable of until you see what comes through the ER.

  “Your work at the infirmary is honorable, but it won’t continue if you become my wife.”

  Whoa. Hold on just one mutha-humping minute. I don’t know this man. We’ve spoken all of two minutes and he thinks he’s going to tell me what I can and can’t do?

  I understand my circumstances aren’t normal. I will be claimed by someone, but neither Logan or any other brother, owns me. No man, Fellowship or otherwise, will give me limitations.

  “Logan, I’m twenty-eight years old. I took complete responsibility for myself when I was twenty-two so I’ve been doing as I damn well please for a while now. I’m not really in a place where I’m interested in obeying orders from anyone. Especially when it’s someone I don’t know.”

  Logan smiles, appearing amused by my words. “Defiant much?”

  Defiant doesn’t even begin to describe me. “I’m not obedient or compliant or submissive. At. All. If that’s what you want or expect in your mate, then you should probably reconsider making a claim on me.”

  “Your resistance is fascinating. I’ve never been around a woman like you.” I’m sure he hasn’t from what Bleu has told me about Fellowship women in general.

  “I’m confused by why you’d claim and marry me when you don’t know me at all.” What if he disliked me? What if we didn’t get along at all? It would be miserable for both of us and there’d be no way out.

  “I’m not interested in any of The Fellowship women. And I miss being married.”

  Divorce doesn’t exist in The Fellowship so there’s only one other alternative for why Logan is no longer married. “What happened to your wife?”

  “The Order.”

  Oh, God. His wife was murdered?

  It’s yet another reminder of the true danger that accompanies becoming one of these people. Jamie’s concern for my well-being isn’t unfounded. My safety will always be at risk.

  “We had just found out the week prior that she was pregnant with our first baby. We were so happy.”

  Logan lost his wife and child. What do you say to that? “I’m so sorry.”

  “I loved Emilia and our unborn child with all my heart. I’ve mourned their deaths for five years but it’s time to move on. I’m ready to take another wife and start my family.”

  I could potentially end up with this man if Jamie doesn’t come around, and all I can think about is what a poor replacement I am for a woman and child he loved with all his heart. “I’m sorry for your loss, Logan, but I don’t understand this. By your own admission you were married to a woman you loved with all your heart. Why would you be willing to settle for a marriage with someone you don’t know?”

  “My marriage to Emilia was arranged. I barely knew her when we wed, and I came to love her very much. I’m certain I would come to love you as well.”

  Logan seems like a nice guy—and his offer is wonderful, considering the circumstances. After everything Logan has been through, though, he deserves a wife who isn’t in love with another man. “I think you can do better than me.”

  “You need a Fellowship husband and I’m ready to take another wife. It makes sense for us to come together.” Logan touches the back of his hand to my face and drags it down my cheek. “I was immediately attracted to you. I think that’s a great start for a relationship.”

  Everything about this feels wrong but I can’t tell Logan I’m in love with someone else.

  Logan returns his hand to my lower back and pulls me closer. “Do you want children?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve proven I’m able to father children. And I’m ready for a family. We wouldn’t have to wait to conceive unless that’s what you wanted.”

  Holy shit. Conceiving a baby? Are we really having this conversation three minutes after meeting for the first time?

  “I’m sure you’d make a wonderful father.”

  Claiming. Marriage. Babies. Every word coming out of Logan’s mouth is so archaic. What surprises me though is how this type of primitive language is actually becoming less and less strange the more I hear it.

  The song comes to an end and another brother is standing at my side waiting for his turn to dance with me. Logan isn’t shy about giving him a glare I interpret as forget it because I’ve as good as claimed this one.

  “Thank you for the dance, Ellison.” Logan brings my hand to his mouth and kisses the top. “I look forward to making my claim official.”

  I might not know a lot about Logan, but he has made one thing very clear: he is possessive of his woman. And I’m guessing his next wife will never leave his sight after the end his first one met.

  I recall this brother speaking up to voice an interest in me after Logan made his public announcement and intent to claim me.

  “May I have the next dance, Miss Ellison?”

  Dammit. I wanted a minute to myself so I could search the crowd for Jamie, but it’s clear that isn’t going to happen any time soon. In fact, I’m guessing I don’t get a moment of peace without some brother bugging me about a dance or a conversation.

  “Of course.”

  This brother doesn’t pull me close like Logan and I’m grateful. “I’m Alan Douglas, the pit boss at the casino.”

  Ah. He’s the replacement for Todd Cockburn—Bleu’s biological father.

  “It’s nice to meet you, Alan.”

  “Are you enjoying Edinburgh?”

  “I am. The wet weather is a bit of a change for me but I’ve fallen in love with Scotland. I definitely see why my sister had no problem with leaving the U.S. behind to move here.” Life is different here. Simpler. Better.

  “I’m very fond of Miss Bleu.” Miss Bleu. That name makes her sound sweet and cute and innocent like a kindergarten teacher. She’s anything but sweet and cute and innocent.

  “Becoming Fellowship was a good move for my sister. She fits in perfectly, much more than she ever did with people in Tennessee.” No doubt her smooth transition into the brotherhood is because it’s in her blood.

  “I’ve never met a stronger woman than your sister.”

  “She’s her own brand of an amazing lethal weapon. She has the ability and skills to kill a man with her bare hands. I highly doubt I’ll ever fit into The Fellowship as well as her but I’m going to try.”

  “Don’t worry. You’re going to fit in with us just fine.”

  “I hope so.” Because there’s no getting out if I don’t.

  “Miss Bleu has been teaching my sisters how to defend themselves. I’ve been impressed with the way her strength and fierceness has rubbed off on them. She’s proven to be a true asset.”

  “Yes, she is passionate when it comes to protecting the women of the brotherhood.” She saw a problem and spearheaded a crusade to make the women stronger. More resilient. More driven to be something besides a claimed woman who hid inside her home so she didn’t risk being attacked by The Order. She has given many Fellowship women the strength they didn’t have before.

  “She’s respected and beloved by all.” This guy likes talking about Miss Bleu a little more than I’m comfortable with.

  “My sister is pretty lovable.”

  Alan is going on about how much of an asset Bleu is when I look over his shoulder and catch a glimpse of Jamie at the bar . . . with a woman by his side. A pretty blonde who appears intent on gaining his attention judging by the way her hand is petting his arm.

  What. The. Actual. Fuck?

  Kenrick from Duncan’s is behind the bar tonight. “Guinness for you?”

  Kenrick has been serving me drinks for years and knows I’m typi
cally a Guinness man. But I’m not in a stout mood. I need something stronger to get me through what I’m forced to endure tonight. “Whisky.”

  “Coming right up.”

  I’m watching Ellison be pursued by brother number two of the night, and I want to rip his skinny arms out of their sockets.

  Alan Douglas is a pit boss at the casino. I’d love to hear how the hell he proposes he’ll protect Ellison when he’s tied up all night at work. I’d also like to know if he plans to break his dirty habits—cocaine and cocktail waitresses—if Ellison becomes his wife.

  Fuck. No.

  She is not marrying a man who snorts coke and fucks any woman who will spread her legs for him.

  I’ve been inconspicuous while watching Ellison. Controlled. Restrained. Careful to not appear angry. Careful to not look too long. Careful to not appear interested. But I swear to God if Alan moves his hand any lower on her back I’m going to go over and break it off his arm.

  Everything about this is fucked up. I can’t stand watching Ellison with my brothers. But not looking would be so much worse.

  “Jamie, can I have a minute?” Fuck. I know that voice, and I don’t have time to deal with her right now.

  I turn around and I’m right. “Good evening, Adaira. What can I do for you?”

  “Could we go somewhere away from the crowd so we can talk?”

  Mother. Fucker. I know Ellison will be safe but I still don’t want to leave her with these horny bastards. “Can’t talk here?”

  “I was hoping to have a word privately.”

  I can predict with one hundred percent accuracy that this conversation will include her asking me to choose her over Ellison. She doesn’t understand that will never happen.

  I take the whisky Kenrick has poured for me. “Fine, but make it quick.”

  Aye. I sound like an arse but it’s impossible to be nice when she’s taking me away from Ellison at this pivotal moment.

  Adaira leads me away from the canopy toward the guest house. I suspect this conversation is about more than a job. And truth be told, it isn’t about a conversation at all.

  I stop when I see her intention is to take me into Thane and Isobel’s guest house. “I think this is private enough. We can talk here.”

  “The only reason I’m in nursing school is so I could become your assistant. You knew that, but you chose her. She’s not even Fellowship.”

  Neither Adaira nor her father approached me to ask if I wanted or needed a nurse. They went straight to Thane with their plan. Thane approved her request to go to school, but my uncle has never told me I have to take her as my assistant. I owe them nothing.

  “I’m sure you’ll make a fine nurse when you finish school, but I need someone with experience at the infirmary. I can’t waste valuable time teaching you how to be a nurse. I need someone who already knows what they’re doing.”

  “I have experience. Lots of it. And I know exactly what I’m doing.” This conversation is going in the exact direction I expected.

  “This is about the brothers and their well-being. Ellison was a better choice because she has worked in a busy emergency room where they had a high rate of gunshot wounds and trauma. I need someone with that kind of experience. You’re a first-year nursing student, and although I’m sure you’re doing well, I don’t have time to train you.”

  Adaira steps forward and her hands go straight for the button and zipper of my pants. “I’m a fast learner, Jamie. And I give a quality blowjob. You’ll like the kind of skills and knowledge I have. Promise.”

  A year ago, I’d have let this girl suck me off—and I’d have probably fucked her afterward—but not today. Not after Ellison.

  I push her hand away. Damn. I don’t think I’ve ever turned down a blowjob. “No.”

  Adaira laughs. “Well, hell. She’s been helping you less than a week, and you’re already fucking her.”

  “We aren’t fucking.” What Ellison and I are doing is far more than that.

  “I don’t believe that for a second. And those horny fuckers out there squabbling over your girl’s pussy are dumbasses if they believe you aren’t fucking her.” Adaira takes my whisky from my hand and downs it before returning an empty glass. “Just so you know, I didn’t want to blow you anyway. I’m into girls.” What the hell?

  Not what I was expecting from the lass who just tried to undo my pants. “Why did you try to suck my dick if you’re into pussy?”

  “My dad’s health isn’t great. He’s convinced he’s going to die soon, so he’s trying to push my sisters and me into being claimed and married as soon as possible. He wants to know he’s giving us over to husbands who will protect and care for us after he’s gone.”

  Bruce Lowry has six daughters. I can see why he’d feel the need to encourage them to marry if he isn’t well but some of them are still very young, including Adaira. “What kind of health problems is he having?”

  “High blood pressure, cholesterol, and triglycerides out the roof. He thinks he’s going to have a stroke or heart attack any day now.”

  Sounds like he could. “I can see where he’d be anxious about leaving so many daughters without the protection of husbands.”

  “I’ve told him I don’t need a man to protect me. I do just fine on my own.”

  “Does he know you like women?”

  Adaira groans. “Yes, but he still wants me to be married to a man. He said I could have my womanly fling on the side. Can you believe that?”

  “From Bruce? Yes.” He’s set in his ways—like most Fellowship men. “What about nursing?”

  “I care nothing about it. My girlfriend wants to be a nurse so we enrolled at the same school. It’s an easy way to spend time with her without causing an uproar with my dad.”

  “Your girlfriend isn’t Fellowship?”

  “No.”

  She’s dating a woman and she’s an outsider. Interesting.

  The role of brothers have been defined within a relationship based on gender so what happens when a couple isn’t male-female? I’m not sure. There’s never been an open female-female or open male-male relationship within The Fellowship.

  “Ellison is hot as fuck. I bet you shag her every chance you get.”

  I’ve had her four—no five—times in twenty-four hours. Aye, I definitely shag her as much as possible but that’s no business of Adaira’s. “No comment.”

  “Whatever. I don’t need your confirmation. I already know you’re burying yourself between her legs.” If Adaira makes this assumption, does that mean everyone else probably does too?

  Adaira gestures toward my empty glass. “Let’s go get you another drink. You’re going to need a few of those to keep from turning possessive alpha when you see your brothers going after your girl.”

  I won’t argue with that. I already want to clean some clocks.

  Adaira and I part ways and I return to the party. I’m irritated as fuck when I see Ellison dancing with Lyle Campbell, the brother who opened the topless dance club. The same brother Leith threatened with a slow, painful death if he let Lorna anywhere near his stage again. He has no business putting his filthy hands on Ellison. They aren’t fit to touch something as beautiful as her.

  I place my empty glass on the bar. “Another whisky. Make it a double.”

  “Coming up.”

  This is so much worse than I expected. I’m not tolerating seeing Ellison with my brothers, and it’s making me fucking crazy.

  “Fuck the double, Kenrick. Give me the bottle.”

  Kenrick chuckles and passes me a half-full bottle of Johnnie Walker. “That’s the last of Sin’s whisky. He won’t be happy it’s gone.”

  “Fuck. Sin.” This is his fault. He’s the one who insisted on doing this introduction tonight—presenting the woman I love as fair game for our brothers while I’m forced to sit back and watch in agony.

  I take the bottle of booze and retreat to a table in the corner where I can wallow in misery as I watch Ellison with her many suit
ors.

  I’m going to feel like hell tomorrow at clinical.

  Bleu bumps my hip with hers and I nearly topple over in my four-inch heels. “Boy, do The Fellowship brothers lovvve you. I knew they would.”

  I grab her arm to steady myself. “I’ve never felt more like a piece of meat in my life.”

  “I was afraid they might make you feel that way.”

  “Oh my God, Bleu. The last brother I danced with was so creepy. He had a kill tattoo. He took his jacket off, unbuttoned his shirt, and pulled his arm out of his sleeve to show it to me. It was a winding staircase that wrapped around his arm and each step represented a rival he had taken out. There were a lot of steps, Bleu. A whole staircase.”

  “You have to remember that this is a different way of life, Elli. He’s proud of that tattoo and probably thought you’d be impressed by it since Fellowship women are attracted to a fierce fighter.”

  A different way of life. That is the understatement of the millennium.

  “I swear I may scream if one more man comes up to me and says he’s interested in claiming me.” Claiming. Marriage. Those words have been thrown around far too loosely tonight. Frankly, I’m sick of hearing about it.

  “Would you scream if it was Jamie?”

  “I don’t even know how to address that right now.” Not after he let Sin offer me to his brothers. Not after he happily handed me over to Logan. And definitely not after seeing him leave the pavilion.

  With. That. Woman.

  I wanted Jamie to see me with his brothers so he’d get a taste of what me with another man felt like. I never imagined it would provoke him into reaching out to another woman.

  “I’m sorry, Elli. Sin and I were so certain Jamie would tell him to not make the announcement.”

  I’m gonna come inside you.

  I need to know you have a part of me in you when you’re with the brothers tonight.

  “I could tell by the things he said before we left that he had no intention of stopping Sin.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  “Hurt. Angry. Confused. Very confused.” I lower my voice and lean in to whisper to Bleu. “We’ve been together.”