Endurance

  Bleu grins, and I can tell she’s happy about it. “I figured as much.”

  “We did it a lot. Five times since yesterday afternoon and not once with a condom.”

  “Elli . . . I know you’re on the pill but that’s risky.”

  “I didn’t want anything between us, Bleu. And he didn’t either so we did it bare. And I loved it.”

  “Of course you loved it. Who doesn’t?”

  “It was so good and he was so possessive and so alpha and was telling me I was his.”

  “I love when Sin turns possessive alpha.”

  “I loved it too but then everything felt like it shifted right before we came to the party.”

  “How?”

  “I was getting ready in the bathroom and he came up from behind and watched me in the mirror for a minute. He told me I looked beautiful and in the next breath said he needed to be inside me. He basically jumped on me and damn near ripped my panties taking them off and . . .”

  Bleu is my sister. We’re close and I’ve always told her everything but I feel a bashful twinge about sharing the intimate details of what Jamie said and did to me.

  “Annnd?” She stares at me in anticipation. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. “Come on, Elli. I need details.”

  No one is more possessive than Sin so nothing I tell her should come as a surprise.

  “He said that he wanted me to smell like him and have a part of him inside me while I was with the brothers tonight.”

  Bleu grins and nods; she knows what that means. I don’t have to explain that he didn’t pull out.

  “It felt like he was marking me, which was hot, but it ended up feeling like he did it so he could have the satisfaction of knowing he’d just fucked me right before I was to meet the brothers.”

  You’re wearing my brand tonight. “I could tell that he loved me coming here with that still inside me.”

  “Wow. He has it bad for you.”

  “But not bad enough to stop Sin from making that announcement.”

  “I spoke with Jamie earlier. I could tell he was hurting and didn’t want the announcement to happen.”

  “And yet he didn’t stop it.”

  “I think he truly believes letting you go is in the best interest of your safety.”

  “I’m sick of hearing about the best interest of my safety. How ’bout we consider what’s in the best interest of my happiness?” I’m really at a point where I want to say screw all of this and let’s just be together. In the end, what good is being safe if I’m miserable without him?

  “Has he told you he loves you?”

  “No.”

  “He does. I see it when he talks about you.”

  Sin comes up behind Bleu and wraps his arms around her waist as he places a kiss against the side of her face. “Hello, beautiful wife. Enjoying your free time while our children are being passed around?”

  Bleu holds up her glass of wine. “I’m having a lovely time, husband.”

  “Mmm. I love when you have that kind of lovely time. It’s a good indication I’ll get to have a lovely time.”

  It doesn’t matter that my brother-in-law is second-in-command to one of the largest criminal organizations in Scotland. He is so damn cute with Bleu that it’s ridiculous. And the two of them with those three babies are cuteness overload.

  I quickly scan the room for Jamie, but again, can’t find him. “Have you seen Jamie?”

  “Not in a while.”

  I spotted him with a bottle of whisky at a table in the corner—staring a hole through me and the brother I was talking to—but that was a while ago. “I haven’t seen him in over an hour.”

  “Kenrick is manning the bar tonight. I saw Jamie visit him a few times so you might ask him.”

  I’m a little embarrassed to bring up my earlier observation but he’s Jamie’s best friend. He might be able to shed a little light on the situation. “I saw Jamie leave with a woman earlier. I think they went to the guest house.”

  “What woman?” Ain’t that the question of the hour.

  “I have no idea. I’ve never seen her before tonight.” But then again, I’ve not seen most of these women here.

  “What does she look like?”

  “Blonde. Blunt bangs.” I touch my shoulder. “Straight hair cut to here. She was wearing a fifties-style emerald-green dress. The kind that’s tight at the waist and then poofs out.”

  The woman could be a friend. A family member. A fuck buddy. I have no idea. I only know I hated the way it made me feel to see him leave with her.

  Sin scans the crowd for the woman. “Do you see her now?”

  “No. She disappeared about the same time as Jamie.” And I hate what that could mean. I don’t like the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. They aren’t the good kind Jamie usually gives me.

  “Let’s talk to Kenrick before you jump to conclusions.”

  “I’m already jumping to conclusions.” The nausea in my gut is proof.

  Sin leads me behind the bar so we can speak privately with Kenrick. “Can I get you something, boss?”

  “Not right now. We’re looking for Jamie.”

  “Haven’t seen him since he had me give him a half-full bottle of Johnnie Walker a couple hours ago.”

  “Jamie and a bottle of whisky. The fucker has gone and passed out somewhere. Probably in his car.”

  “Then that’s where I’m going.”

  Sin catches my upper arm as I turn to leave. “You’re at an event on Fellowship property. It isn’t safe for you to go without an escort.”

  I can’t go to Jamie with an escort. Our secret relationship would be exposed. “I really need to find him. Will you take me to his Rover?”

  “Of course.”

  I hug Bleu and kiss the side of her face. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Please do. I’m anxious to know how Jamie handles seeing the brothers compete for you.” I’m anxious to know too. A bottle of whisky doesn’t sound like the best way to deal with this situation.

  Sin’s gun is in hand and he’s never more than a few feet from me as we walk to Jamie’s vehicle. I’ve seen security everywhere tonight so I’m a little surprised he feels the need to be this cautious. But what do I know? “Has there ever been an attack here?”

  “No, but we just learned that The Order has taken a new leader. Since he’s new to power, he’ll be looking to prove himself. With Grieves, it was a given that they’d attack below the belt against our women. This is a particularly precarious situation because we don’t know the course this new leader will take.”

  “Unpredictability must be a complication.”

  “Unpredictability is another reason Jamie is hesitating with you.”

  “Hesitating implies he’s going to claim me.”

  “He’s going to, Ellison. He just needs a little more time. And maybe another little push. Who knows? Maybe seeing you with other men tonight was enough to open his eyes.”

  “Tonight stung, Sin. He stood there and said nothing while those brothers squabbled over me. His expression was flat. Completely emotionless as though he didn’t care at all.”

  “That was Jamie’s way of protecting you. He didn’t want the brothers to see him react so he underreacted. I know him. He was seething on the inside, hence the reason he’s somewhere drinking himself into a stupor.”

  “I can’t lie. I’m not in the best place with Jamie right now.” He watched me get passed from one brother to the next without a word. He didn’t approach me. He didn’t ask me to dance. He didn’t utter a word to me once he handed me off to Logan.

  And he was with another woman.

  I come to a dead stop when I see the empty space where Jamie’s Range Rover was parked. “His car’s gone.”

  “Are you sure? It’s much darker than when you arrived. The property probably looks different.”

  “We parked next to that Porsche Cayenne. I’m positive because I peeked inside to see what the interior looked like.” The realization s
inks in and lands like a brick in the pit of my stomach. “He left me.”

  “It’s possible he passed out and one of the brothers drove him back to the infirmary.”

  One of the armed guards walking the perimeter approaches and Sin calls out to him. “Did you see Jamie leave?”

  “Aye. He and Adaira left about an hour ago.”

  Adaira.

  “You’re certain about that?”

  “Aye. Very certain. I told Adaira she looked lovely, and she thanked me.”

  I feel sick. Gutted. Wrecked.

  “I know it doesn’t look good, but it doesn’t mean what you’re thinking.”

  The whole scene appears pretty cut and dry until I consider the last few days with Jamie.

  I do own you, Mac.

  I can’t think of anything I want more than you.

  I’ve never been inside anyone like this. Only you.

  You are so beautiful, Mac.

  Please, Mac. I need this. I need you.

  When we’re together, it’ll be about us and no one else.

  The last few days with Jamie have been wonderful. It’s hard for me to believe that he’d have gone to all this trouble to work out spending the month together only to throw it away by getting drunk and fucking around with another woman.

  Doesn’t make sense to me.

  My father was a sensible man. He taught me to not jump to conclusions. And I’m not. But I am going to figure out what the hell is going on. “Will you have Sterling drive me home?”

  “Done. Would you like me to call Bleu to come ride with you?”

  “No. I need time to myself.”

  Sin phones Sterling and the black SUV quickly appears in front of us. “Please tell Isobel the party was lovely.”

  Sin opens my door and assists me into the back. “You know I have to tell Bleu about this so you should probably expect a call.”

  I have no idea what’s happening or what I’m about to walk in on at the infirmary. Whatever it is, I don’t feel like hashing it out with my sister tonight. “Please ask her not to. I’ll call her first thing in the morning.”

  “I’ll tell her but you know your sister. That doesn’t mean she’ll listen.”

  Sin pats the back of Sterling’s headrest. “Do a complete sweep.”

  I’m not sure if the sweep is for my protection or Jamie’s.

  “You don’t have to send Sterling in to stop whatever’s going on between Jamie and Adaira. I can take it.” In fact, if something is happening, I prefer to see it so I have a reminder of how stupid I was to go along with Jamie’s proposition.

  “That isn’t the intention. We always face a higher risk of being hit following an event. Someone has to ensure the infirmary hasn’t been compromised before we can let you go inside.”

  I guess that rationale is legit. “Okay.”

  “He’s not shagging her, Ellison. I’m sure of it.”

  I wish I were sure of it. “I guess we’ll see.”

  The vehicle pulls away from Thane and Isobel’s and my mind spins out of control with all the what ifs.

  What if Adaira’s still there?

  What if she’s not and I never really know what happened between the two of them?

  What if I walk in on them having sex?

  I’m nauseated. Restless. Uneasy. And all of my unpleasantries multiply the closer we get to the infirmary.

  I expected the pain to come when we said goodbye. Not less than a week into the relationship.

  I’m further troubled when I see Jamie’s Range Rover in the drive. He left the party with another woman only an hour ago. Did he bring her here? To our place? To our bedroom?

  I wait in the car while Sterling inspects the house. Breath bated. Stomach knotted. Palms drenched.

  Sterling returns quickly, and I can’t help questioning how he was so fast. Because everything checked out okay? Or because he walked in on Jamie and Adaira and was told to get out immediately?

  Sterling opens my door. “There hasn’t been a breech.”

  There are no Order members inside but that doesn’t mean something painful doesn’t await me.

  I stand and straighten my dress after Sterling assists me out of the SUV. Stalling. Procrastinating. Dragging my feet.

  “All is well, Miss MacAllister. He’s passed out in the bed. Alone.”

  My heart calms a bit with the reassurance. “Forgive me for intruding. I thought it might ease your mind a bit to know you wouldn’t be walking in on something you didn’t want to see.”

  “That was very thoughtful. Thank you.”

  Sterling is never more than three steps from me on the walk from the vehicle to the front door. “Lock the door and arm the alarm as soon as you’re inside.”

  “I will. Thank you for the ride.”

  “Anytime, Miss MacAllister.”

  I kick out of my heels and flex my cramped feet. I wore those damn things so Jamie would think I was sexy and then he didn’t even pay me any attention. Total waste.

  I stand at the foot of the stairs and ponder what I’ll find when I go upstairs. Sterling said Jamie was alone but that wasn’t the case an hour ago. Did they fuck before she left?

  Shit. Time to face the music.

  I find Jamie stretched side to side on the bed, the bedding undisturbed except for the throw pillow under his head. His jacket and tie have been shed but he’s still wearing his trousers and button-down. Not a guarantee but a good indication . . .

  I sit on the bed and he doesn’t stir. Not even the rhythm of his breath is disturbed.

  I lie down beside him, my head propped in my hand, and take the opportunity to study his face. Dark lashes resting against his lower lids. Stubble slightly heavier. Strong jawline. Full lips slightly parted with every breath causing a puh sound to escape.

  So damn handsome it hurts.

  I touch his face, stroking my thumb down his cheek. “You’re killing me, Doc. I really need this bullshit to end.” Claim me.

  This time he stirs and rolls toward me. “Mac.”

  “I’m here.”

  Opening his eyes is a bit of a struggle. Focusing on my face proves a more difficult feat when he reaches out and clumsily grabs my face. “Mac.”

  I put my hand on top of his. “You ditched me.”

  Jamie blinks hard and doesn’t reply.

  “You didn’t say a word. You just ran off and left me there at Thane and Isobel’s house.”

  “Couldn’t handle seeing you with them. Was making me crazy. I knew everyone would see right through me if I didn’t get the fuck out of there.”

  I know you shouldn’t try to have a serious conversation with anyone after they’ve been drinking, but I think I’ll lose my mind if I don’t hear him tell me nothing went on between him and Adaira.

  “I saw you disappear from the party with Adaira and then you took off with her. What am I supposed to think?”

  “She wanted to talk privately.”

  He’s badly mistaken if he thinks I’ll settle for that explanation.

  “You disappeared with her. I saw you go toward the guest house with her—for a quite a while—and then you left the party with her.”

  “She took me to the guest house so she could suck my dick.”

  Any relief I felt about not finding Adaira at the infirmary or discovering a naked Jamie in a disheveled bed quickly fades. “How could you, Jamie?”

  I push away from him to get off the bed but he grabs my wrist. “I didn’t let her. Good thing I didn’t because she likes pussy instead.”

  Maybe he’s drunker than I thought. “What?”

  “Adaira likes women. She has a girlfriend.”

  I’m not disappointed to hear that but it doesn’t mean they didn’t sleep together. “You didn’t fuck around with her?”

  “No. She’s a lesbian.”

  “Why did she try to give you a blowjob if she’s into girls?”

  “Long story. Doesn’t matter anyway. Just know that she drove me home because I
was on the whisky. No other reason.”

  Jamie tugs on my arm. “Lie beside me, baby. I want to feel you next to me.”

  I scoot closer and stretch beside him with my head resting on his bicep. We’re sprawled sideways across the mattress on top of the covers and Jamie’s fingers make a game of clumsily playing with my hair. “I knew the brothers would be enchanted by you, but I wasn’t prepared to hear them trying to claim you after only laying eyes on you.”

  Jamie sighs and fists the top of his hair with his free hand. “Thought I could handle it but I was wrong. I’m sorry. I fucking lost it. I thought the whisky would help but it only made it worse. I got more pissed off every time I saw another brother talking to you. Trying to win over what’s mine. Trying to fuck what’s mine. Trying to claim what’s mine.”

  Jamie rises and moves over me to cover my body with his. “You’re mine, Mac. Your heart. Your love. Your body. All of you belongs to me.”

  Jamie’s tongue is looser than usual. Yes, he’s drunk. To what degree, I’m not sure but I don’t think he’s hammered. He woke too easily and is making too much sense to be entirely wasted.

  Either way, I like what I’m hearing out of him.

  I want to hear more.

  I push my hands between us and work on unfastening his pants. I push at the waistband of his pants and underwear until they’re mid-thigh and his cock is freed. “I am yours, Jamie. All of me. Take what belongs to you.”

  And he does.

  Dammit. It feels like my brain is beating itself against my skull trying to escape. Guess I drank more whisky than I thought. Bad coping mechanism.

  It’s still dark outside. The clock reads 4:26, which means my alarm will be screaming soon. I’m certain the throbbing in my brain won’t welcome the noise so I turn off the alarm. There’s zero chance of me going back to sleep.

  I breathe in deeply and stretch as bits and pieces of the night flash through my head.

  Logan making a public declaration to claim Ellison.

  Logan touching my girl’s face like he had every right.

  Adaira telling me she could give a quality blowjob.

  Adaira trying to unzip my pants.

  Grabbing a bottle of JW from Kenrick.

  Oh, fuck.

  I reach down and feel my naked cock about the time the mattress dips and shifts next to me.