Tilly and Elmer FlashbackX - Falling for a Kiss, Page 2

  “That’s OK,” said Elmer, his teeth beginning to chatter.

  They looked at each other for a minute - each completely clueless as to the other’s thoughts. After a minute, Tilly realized what Elmer might be waiting for. She gave him a little smile, turned away for a second, and removed her fangs. When she turned back to face Elmer he was motionless. Tilly could see his breath. She looked up at him, licked her lips, moved an inch closer to him, tilted her head back slightly, and closed her eyes.

  “This is it, Elmer thought. I’m going to do it. I’m actually going to kiss her. I don’t care whether she likes it or not, I just have to do it. I wonder if I should tilt my head to the left or right so that we don’t just bump our noses together.” He considered whether to touch her with his hand as he kissed her. His legs were shivering uncontrollably by now. As though he were a heavy object, pushed slowly forward by the hands of fate, he began to move his face toward hers. He closed his eyes and then opened them again so that he wouldn’t miss his target. He felt himself mentally counting down the distance between their lips, three inches... two inches... one inch. He could feel Tilly’s soft breath on his face. This was finally going to happen, the start of his sexual experiences with a real girl.

  Tilly, meanwhile, wondered why Elmer hadn’t done or said anything while her eyes were closed waiting for her first kiss from him. Buff Stevens had kissed her within five minutes of being in her presence. Not that that meant anything since Buff was known as the type to do that kind of thing. She wondered what Elmer was waiting for. Was he so cold he couldn’t move? Had he just walked back to his car? She began to wonder if Elmer was unaware of rule of thumb that couples kissed on the third date. Due to the rule, there shouldn’t be any guesswork involved. And anyway, the timeliness of a kiss should be obvious since she had designed her entire costume just so she could tease him with the fangs. Maybe they were a huge turn off for him. Or maybe he really wasn’t that fond of her. Finally, beginning to feel stupid for standing there with her eyes closed and lips puckered, she abruptly opened her eyes. Tilly was startled and gave a little yelp of fright when she saw Elmer’s face an inch away, filling her entire field of vision. Instinctively, she raised her hands and gave him a push.

  “I’m sorry!” said Elmer, stumbling backwards.

  “You don’t need to say you’re sorry Elmer, it was my fault! You just startled me, that’s all.”

  “I’m sorry!” said Elmer.

  “Are you all right?” Tilly asked.

  “Yes,” said Elmer, completely at a loss as to how to proceed.

  Tilly looked at Elmer, whose expression was a mix of dejection, bemusement, and utter confusion.

  “Elmer, fifty years from now we’ll be laughing about what just happened,” she said.

  “Do you think so?” asked Elmer, seriously doubting it would ever seem like a funny event to him.

  Tilly looked up at Elmer and smiled. Then she put her right hand behind his head, her left hand on his butt, and pulled his face toward her forcefully, giving him a long, romantic kiss that seemed to go on forever. Elmer could feel her breasts against his chest, her soft warm lips against his, and his now erect penis pushing against the front of his pants and, just beyond, against her soft midsection. It crossed his mind that only four or five layers of thin fabric separated his penis from her bare skin.

  When Tilly finally relaxed her grip and let their lips separate, she still held him close and whispered, “You’re a good kisser, Elmer!”

  “You too,” Elmer whispered back. He was well aware that he had nothing to do with the quality of the kiss.

  Elmer felt perfectly warm now, but they both suddenly became aware that the duration of their goodnight on the porch had been monitored by Tilly’s parents and that Tilly had better be getting inside.

  “I’ll see you in class on Monday,” Tilly said, giving his hand a squeeze.

  She turned and went inside, looking back and giving Elmer a comical gesture of sudden fright before she closed the door.

  Elmer stood on the porch for a few seconds regaining his wits, and then jumped from the porch to the sidewalk over the steps. He did a few little waltz steps on the way to the car, and looked back to see if he could catch sight of Tilly at the window.

  On the way home he turned on the radio and sang along with Louis Armstrong:

  “Give me, a kiss to build a dream on,

  and my imagination will thrive upon that kiss.

  Sweetheart, I ask no more than this,

  a kiss to build a dream on.”

  Elmer thought back to Eddie’s brother’s assertion that any girl who would kiss you would let you do anything, and, since he was now an expert on all matters of love, he felt that the dream was quite close to reality. As he drove, Elmer replayed the kiss in his mind over and over; Tilly’s hand on his butt, the warmth of her lips, the softness of her breasts, her confident assertion that they would later be laughing over their awkward moment, and especially the little affectionate gesture as she closed the door. By the time Elmer reached home, he had realized that kissing actually was a major turn on. He also realized, to his complete surprise, that he had fallen hopelessly in love. To his delight and chagrin, he was now committed to protecting Tilly from boys who were just interested in getting into a girl’s pants, the kind of boy he had imagined himself to be when the evening began.

  ~~~

  Since you’ve read this far, I’m going to take a chance and suggest that you could, if you were so disposed, take a couple of minutes to post a review on the web site where you acquired this work of genius. Of course I hope you loved it, but I’m just doing this for fun so even if you thought it was crap, a thoughtful review would be very helpful. Also, it would be cool if you were to like Tilly and Elmer on Facebook or mention them to your friends.

  Thanks.

  About the Author:

  Gene Clements is an artist, architect, and educator. He began the Tilly and Elmer series by writing the first couple of paragraphs of a story about a frisky older couple. His friends thought they were funny and wanted to know how the story ended. Now they know, for better or worse.

  Gene grew up in a small town in the Midwest although he now lives in California. He thinks he’s eighteen, but he’s really the same age as Tilly and Elmer. These stories aren’t necessarily autobiographical. Gene knows a lot of interesting people and has a prolific imagination; a dangerous combination.

  Tilly and Elmer’s Web Site

  You can read more about Tilly and Elmer, or contact Tilly, Elmer, or Gene at:

  https://tillyandelmer.com

  or on Facebook at:

  https://www.facebook.com/tillyandelmer

  Other Titles in the Tilly and Elmer FlashbackX series:

  Book 1 Is that your Thigh I’m Squeezing?

  Book 2Falling for a Kiss

  Book 3Punch Drunk on Love

  Book 4The Breast Laid Plans

  Book 5Prom Night and Spanish Olives

  Book 6Skinny-dipping Naked with No Clothes On

  Book 7Emission Accomplished

  Book 8The First First Time

  Book 9Strokes of Luck

  Book 10 The Coming of Spring

  Book 11Wide Awake at the Sleeptite Motel

  All the individual short stories in the Tilly and Elmer FlashbackX series have been rewritten into a novel entitled Tilly and Elmer FlashbackX - Coming of Age in South Branch. This work is available in digital format at all e-book retailers and in paperback at the usual on-line book sellers.

  Titles in the original Tilly and Elmer series:

  As soon as Tilly pulls the latest issue of “Women’s Excitement” magazine out of her shopping bag, and begins to read the romantic advice article, “Four Ways to Drive your Man Crazy in the Bedroom”, she and Elmer are propelled unexpectedly into a shocking mélange of dancing and Dr. Pepper, melon balls and bacon, panties and peacock feathers, corsets and dog collars. In the end, they each succeed in driving the other crazy, b
ut they have fun on the way, and so will the reader.

  Critics have called this episode the best “Tilly and Elmer” since the last “Tilly and Elmer”. High praise indeed!

  Move over Dr. Zhivago. Step aside, Boris Pasternak. Don’t even think about it, Omar Sharif.

  Unknown author, Gene Clements, has created a frigid love story covering fifty years of romantic hardships, set against harsh Midwestern winters and bruised by lumpy, snow covered woodlands. You’ll smile as the young Matilda cleverly ensnares a teenaged Elmer in a web of sexual desire, gasp as she nearly freezes to death as the result of a clumsy romantic gesture, blush as it’s revealed who else knows his secret, recoil at his heartbreaking attempt, a half century later, to reprise a lifelong yearning, and find your spirits lifted (especially if you have a stiff drink in hand) by the story’s touching climax.

  Warning:

  1. After reading this arctic romance, some readers have found themselves attempting to suppress an inward desire to speed up global warming.

  2. Due to the icy nature of the work, it is recommended that it only be read during the summer, with the air conditioner turned off. This strategy can help neutralize the frigidity of the writing, help save the planet, and lower your electric bill.

  And Now … Soon to be a major motion picture ...

  What the critics are saying:

  “Except for the first paragraph, I couldn’t understand a word of it. And what’s a carburetor?”

  M. C.

  “This man is sick.”

  D. O.

  “The best ‘Tilly and Elmer’ I’ve ever read...”

  B. O.

  “I’m thinking of sending the author my Nobel Prize ... but not the money.”

  A. M.

  “I couldn’t stop crying...”

  J. B.

  “Pure trash. An example of what’s wrong with America...”

  J. D.

  It’s here! The newest blockbuster from soon to be unheralded author, Gene Clements. “Tilly and Elmer go to Their Fiftieth High School Reunion” is the vast and complex tale of a bitter fifty year rivalry that suddenly erupts in an explosion of shocking facial expressions; of unfulfilled dreams lost, and weight gained. A thrilling story of foreplay under the moonlight and carnal lust imagined under cool white fluorescent lighting.

  You’ll thrill to the clumsy drawings and inept writing of what critics have called the author’s best work since “What I Liked Best About our Field Trip to the Chuckles Candy Factory” from fourth grade. So find a comfy chair, fix yourself a tall gin and tonic, and settle in for three minutes of the best reading you’ve experienced since you pitched out the junk mail a few minutes ago.

  Elmer and Tilly fans, all three of them, are in for a treat. Still inept writer, Gene Clements, has outdone himself with this molten cocktail of fluid bodies and bodily fluids.

  In “Tilly and Elmer - Skinny-Dipping Scandal”, a promising summer morning turns into an afternoon of viscous debauchery when an oblivious Tilly and Elmer find themselves unexpectedly flushed into a whirlpool of depravity. This epic story flows over sun drenched skin, cascades across naked bodies splashed with torrents of natural fluids, spurts over copious juices massaged into secret places, and meanders silently around inundated lovers. Warm, golden hued, but repulsive liquids are splattered onto bare flesh and unwisely consumed. Human emissions dribble down unwilling faces and drip from silent lips. Young fingers produce a gush of hot nectar to be swallowed in spite of rumored health risks. Trans fat saturated products flood undammed into eager, unclothed bellies. The shocking mortification of the ending will have you clutching your throat and reaching for the gin and Pepto-Bismol.

  Not for the faint of heart, this story may leave you afraid to leave the house, whether your destination is the woods, or your local diner.

  Caution: Do not drink coffee while reading the final four paragraphs.

  From its opening revelation at an innocent card party, Truck Tryst is a riveting look at an afternoon that changed the evening plans, and perhaps their plans for many evenings to come, for a couple of sixty eight year old Midwesterners. Bored with the routine of their lives, Tilly and Elmer embark on a dangerous expedition, the unlikely vehicle for which is a 1952 Chevy pick up truck which remains parked in the driveway throughout the trip. Even though the journey covers no distance at all, along the way we learn about concession, limberness lost, misfortune, and the power of love to make everything feel good in the end.

  From commonplace circumstances, Clements has woven together a story that covers the grand themes of American literature; secrets revealed, conflict and compromise, the great journey, and tragedy leading to new discoveries. The author has an uncanny ability to penetrate into the darkest recesses of human desire and not find anything of interest.

  In this sizzling story of summer in the Midwest, Gene Clements has written the hottest Tilly and Elmer yet. Elmer and his friend Eddie go fishing in hopes of keeping cool on a hot Iowa afternoon, while Tilly plans to enjoy the heat by reading a pornographic novel. Her afternoon gets even hotter when Johnson, a young arborist, comes to trim the oak tree in her backyard. Tilly’s offer of a cool gin and tonic fails to cool things off, and by the end of the afternoon, things have gotten hotter, wetter, and stickier than she expected. Not that she has any complaints, at least until the morning after, when she has to replant the bed of maidenhair ferns next to the garage.

  Celebrated (in his own mind) writer Gene Clements has another hit on his hands. Well, actually it's Tilly who has a hit on her hands as the star of the local community college play Mrs. Abbott's Awesome Afternoon. Her performance, and her kissing prowess, is the talk of the town. Elmer becomes the subject of talk also when the local Art Club Gallery mounts a drawing show featuring Elmer's nude body as the focal point of every masterpiece.

  ~~~