Second Chances: The Power of Renewal, Page 3

  She wished Sean were with her. He had been a great friend, and had always made her smile. She missed him so much she regretted her actions. After that term when Sean had asked her to go to church with him, she had not seen him anymore. She had heard that he moved on to seminary school. Funny they had been friends for about six months and she never knew that he wanted to be a pastor. Something else to help her realize how selfish she was. He had been so good to her, and she had pushed him away, and she had stayed behind lonelier than ever.

  Alana, who was dating Sean's roommate, saw fit to apprise her of every one of his decisions. Rosalyn had never felt so lonely.

  Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,

  but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

  Proverbs 13:20

  Chapter 3

  Rosalyn’s childhood dreams had changed that fateful day. Not only the dream of one day becoming a wife and mother, but also her dream of becoming a chemist and researcher. She had wanted to use her talents in medicine and find cures for different diseases. Instead, because she did not want any reminders of her prior life or perhaps because she felt a need to punish herself, she had chosen to be part of the business world.

  She had tried to make more drastic changes, but her parents did not allow her to withdraw from them completely. They loved her so much; they could not accept her need to stay away. They did not understand that she was trying to protect them. She had seen the pain in their eyes, and she had been the cause.

  Rosalyn had decided to stay at her dorm her first Christmas away from home. She knew that it was going to be tough for her, but she believed that it would have been better in the long run. It had not worked out quite as she had planned it, though. She had called her parents letting them know that she was so busy she could not come, so instead of her going, the very next day, they had shown up at her dorm. They had rented a large suite and brought all the Christmas' presents with them. It had been chaotic. At first, she had been put off by their presumptuous behavior. She did not want to have any good feelings softening her carefully built protective barrier. She could not help it; their act of love and kindness had melted her heart a bit. Only parents loved unconditionally and she knew that her parents were the best and deserved the best. Unfortunately, she wasn’t the best.

  Rosalyn did not understand that undeserved love her parents felt for her. She had failed them, but they were there loving her and supporting her. Then Sean had come along, and as expected she had hurt him as well. She did not understand her own actions. She knew she was being irrational but she could not help it; she knew she could not run forever. Eventually she was going to have to face her demons. The question was how?

  She continued to live her life away from friends, away from family, away from relationships, afraid of getting close to anyone. She had even managed to avoid Alana who continued to pester her. She loved Alana; didn’t she understand that she was protecting her? She so wanted to love and be loved, but was afraid of the pain she could cause the people who loved her. She was afraid of the pain she caused herself every time she tried. She had made her parents extremely sad with her sin. At the hospital, she had seen in their eyes how deeply she had disappointed them.

  They had tried to be supportive. They had said the right words, but Rosalyn knew them and purity was so important to them. How many times had they told her that her purity was a gift for her husband alone? Her parents were so conservative, that every time they referred to her virginity, they used the word “it.” “It” was the greatest gift to her partner and should only be given in marriage.

  They were so ashamed of her, that during her pregnancy they did not even want her opening the front door. The one time she did, she was scolded. She knew they did not want the neighbors seeing her protruding stomach.

  Rosalyn continued her monotonous life —school, work, visit family at Christmas. Change she did not think she was emotionally ready for was coming soon, — graduation was near. It was time to grow up. This was her last term and she could not hide in her books anymore and going back home was out of the question. She needed a job. To get a job she had let people know who she was. She had to complete an application and she had to go on interviews. She had tried to be invisible, but invisible would not give her a job.

  "What are you doing after graduation?” Came the unexpected question from her roommate. She had been avoiding Alana, but she seemed relentless.

  Rosalyn sighed, "I do not know."

  "I know you like to live in your private world, and you probably don’t like me, but I like you. If you need a roommate let me know."

  "It's not that I don't like you, it's just...”

  "Save it! I don't want to hear it." Said Alana as she walked out the door, slamming it shut behind her.

  ***********

  Rosalyn had gone back and forth with the idea of having Alana as her roommate. She liked her, and that was reason enough to keep her away. She was tired of causing pain on those around her. She just felt so lonely all the time, that having Alana around was enough to put a smile on her soul.

  Rosalyn just needed to set some boundaries and everything would work out just right.

  “Alana, if we are going to move together we need to discuss rules.”

  Alana sighed and flop on the sofa across from where Rosalyn was standing, “Okay, spill it.”

  “No more inviting me out. Just let me be. I know I have issues, so just let me be.”

  Alana smile, “What kind of issues?”

  “Alana you are doing it again, my issues are not the problem here. Can you just let me be?” Rosalyn was losing her cool. Alana always managed to aggravate her, but she was so tired of feeling lonely.

  “Rosalyn, I am a psych major. I can try to let you be in your own world, I just don’t know how successful I am going to be. I’ll tell you what, I promise that I will try on one condition.”

  Rosalyn gave her a speculative look, “What condition?”

  “That you remember ‘I am your friend,’ even when you do not see it like that. I love you and I am here for you. I don't know what has you hiding, but sometimes its good to let it go and trust someone. You are holding so tight to your pain; I feel you are going to break at any moment. When you are ready to talk, I'll be a room away.”

  So it had come to be that, they were moving together.

  After graduation the two girls had moved together. Rosalyn, who was the one with all the requirements, took it upon herself to find the place, and this apartment in the downtown area suited her just right. They did not need much: a stove, refrigerator, microwave and dishwashers this one even had a washer and dryer in one of the closets. It was almost perfect. What this place needed was security. Neither girl minded the fact that it was small, or that it hadn't been updated since it was built thirty years earlier, but for Rosalyn the security of the modern places was a must. Moving was going to take adjustment and she did not want the nightmares back. She had not cared for anything fancy; she only needed the apartment to sleep in after all.

  She had looked at several places, until finally she found what she needed. The managers did not care if she installed alarms or extra lighting, as long as she covered the cost. They would not pay for anything extra. So Rosalyn took it upon herself to upgrade as much as her budget allowed.

  Alana was a carefree person who cared greatly for others. She had chosen to become a psychologist because she loved to figure out what made people tick. She had lived with Rosalyn for two years and she still did not know much about her. She wondered how heavy was the load that Rosalyn carried. Rosalyn had spent a small fortune on a security system. Granted the apartment was perfect for the two of them, but a security system? In Alana’s opinion that was overdoing it.

  The apartment was a furnished two bedroom, one bathroom. It had a small kitchen and living area that merged with each other. This place was as small as their dorm, which gave Rosalyn comfort. The walls were plain and white, with a couple of abstract pictures
on the wall to give it some color, nothing fancy. In the living room area was a plain brown sofa and a small table with two chairs, a perfect place to eat a light breakfast. The kitchen had a small microwave, a stove, dishwasher and refrigerator. The bedrooms were decorated the same, a twin size bed, a dresser, a desk and a chair.

  As soon as they had moved in, Alana had proceeded to fill the place with family pictures and knick-knacks to make it feel cozier. Rosalyn on the other hand, had added nothing to personalize their place.

  Alana continued to go to school, and Rosalyn got a job as a receptionist. Life was good for the two friends.

  So whether we are at home or away,

  we make it our aim to please him.

  2 Corinthians 5:9

  Chapter 4

  Myrna and Sonia were so excited to reach their life-long dreams. They had wanted to come to the States since they were young children. Her parents along with everyone in their small community had told them how awesome everything was in this beautiful country. They had worked hard to save every penny possible to be able to afford this trip. Now their dreams had finally come true. They were here. They were going to work taking care of children and go to school all at the same time. The program allowed them a stipend and six credit hours at the university, plus a day off a week in exchange of taking care of the children for ten hours a day. It was going to be so much fun.

  Myrna and Sonia did not come from a poor family, but neither did they come from a wealthy family. They had never gone hungry, or gone without any necessities. The problem was their culture. It did not encourage females to go to school. On the other hand, it was highly discouraged.

  One of Myrna’s dreams was to become a teacher, but in her country she would never have the chance. Education was way too expensive and women were not awarded scholarships. The scholarships were saved for the men, but not many of them wanted to become teachers. The men usually studied business, architecture, science, and other things other than education. In her opinion the system was not fair.

  Myrna was tall and slim. She had just turned 18 the prior week. She had gorgeous brown eyes and luscious long curvy hair. She knew she was beautiful. She was not conceited; she was realistic. It did not matter where she went, every eye would follow her. She had always thought it was funny when a wife hit her husband for staring. It was well deserved, she thought. She did not want every eye looking at her, only that of her future husband. Someday she would marry and have children. Those were her dreams. She had come to the States because her best friend had begged her. One year, two at the most, and then they will be home, where her mom and friends were. She already missed them so much.

  Myrna felt that her dreams and her goals did not match somehow. She had always been jealous of the freedoms she saw women from other cultures have and wanted to feel that freedom, but she also wanted what her culture dictated: a woman was supposed to be submissive and she was supposed to take care of her husband and kids. Could she have both?

  She knew Sonia did not care to go back to their country. Her parents had so many kids that they didn't even know them by name. Oh! They loved Sonia, but Sonia had always felt like an outsider and that is the reason they were here. Well, as far as Myrna was concerned, this was an adventure and she was going to enjoy every minute of it.

  Boris had made sure everything was ready. The house for the new arrivals was clean and they had food and all the comforts of home. Tomorrow night the customers will arrive and business will take place as usual. He felt sorry for the girls, but not enough to help them. He liked his money. Money gave him power. What Davor and Kruno did not know is that he had kept two of the girls for a couple of his more powerful friends.

  He found it interesting how all men were the same. It did not matter what walk of life they came from or what their education was. A real man wanted control of their women. Both of his friends were married to powerful woman. Alexander Burwell was married to an attorney, and Michael Miller was married to a lady senator. These two had too much money, but were lonely and neglected. Both of them felt that their marriage was an act of convenience. They were husbands for show. If they decided on a separation or divorce it would hurt their wives’ political careers. What did those women think? A man needed to be appreciated and respected.

  He had chosen those two girls for his friends because they seemed innocent, and his friends would pay him well. He knew these men well and he believed them to be kind. He had selected a nice place for them. He had done his research and the penthouse he had selected had been for sale for the last couple of years. The place was overpriced so it did not have much traffic of prospective buyers. He had decorated the penthouse like a honeymoon suite. Everyone involved would be happy.

  He was not going to worry about his unwanted partners. He hated Davor and Kruno. While he did most of the work, those two were the ones who got most of the profits. He figured ‘what they didn't know was not going to hurt anyone. He just wanted to even the score a bit.

  Sonia was going from room to room of this luxurious penthouse. She jumped on the sofa, and opened the small refrigerator pulling a cold soda out. From there she run first to one room and then the other. The two bedrooms had king size beds, and the decor was exquisite. She had never seen such luxury. She uncovered the bed and found red silk linens, hmm, she said to herself as she rubbed her hands over the softness of the sheets. Did nannies get this kind of luxury? Living in America was going to be great.

  At that precise moment Myrna walked in, “This does not feel right. We need to get out of here.”

  “What are you talking about? Have you seen the sheets?” Protested Sonia with a pout.

  “Precisely, nannies do not need silk red sheets. Open the side table; nannies don't need that either. We need to get out of here NOW! Before it’s too late. If you do not want to come, you are on your own.” Myrna shouted at her friend as she walked purposely to the front door. She tried to open it. It wouldn't budge. “It’s locked. Nannies are not locked in a fancy penthouse building either. We need to figure out a way to get out of here. Check the patio.” she commanded in desperation as she went to check the windows.

  Sonia had not been overly concern with her friend’s imagination until she saw that the door was locked from the outside. The doors that led to the balcony were open, but they led to nowhere. They were so high up that if they were to decide to jump, they would become a flat pancake when they hit the ground. If they chose to scream, no one would be able to hear them. She looked at Myrna, concern in her eyes. Myrna had always known what to do in everything. She was the one who solved the problems.

  Myrna went to the bar area looking for something to pry the door open. She could not find anything of use. She did find a corkscrew opener. She looked at Sonia, trying to figure out if Sonia had the mental strength to defend herself if need be. She didn’t think so, but saw no other solution. “Here, hide this under your pillow. If anyone comes into your bed, stab him, and then run for the door. Do not wait for me, just run. Get help. If I can get away, I will run and try to get help. I am not coming to save you. We are not strong enough to fight men.”

  Sonia started to cry. “I don't think I can do this.”

  Myrna got a wine glass and wrapped it in a cloth napkin, and then she crushed it against the granite countertop. She stared into Sonia’s eyes. Sonia had never been exposed to the things Myrna had been. Myrna’s stepfather had more hands than an octopus and he tried to put them on her. She had learned to defend herself at a very young age. She felt sorry for her friend. This might be an experience that will scar her forever. “Listen to me, if this is what I suspect, whoever comes won’t have any problems hurting us. We need to hurt them first. Stab him in the eye or their privates. Don't hesitate.” She got a couple of the larger pieces of glass and placed them under her pillow.”

  May integrity and uprightness preserve me,

  for I wait for you.

  Psalm 25:21

  Chapter 5

 
"I hate my job!" Rosalyn screamed as she entered her apartment and flop on their only sofa.

  "Bad day at work, I see,” whispered Alana as she sat next to her friend.

  "The days at work are all the same. I feel stuck. This company gave me a start, but the salary is low and there is no room for advancement."

  "Why don't you look for something else? Alana had asked matter-of-factly.

  "I have, no one hires me. I make it all the way to the interview, and they always choose someone else? What is wrong with me? I graduated top of my class and I have a dead end job.”

  Alana did not want to hurt her friend’s feelings, but there were some things that needed to be said and she did not know how to say them. She walked to Rosalyn and pulled her by the hand to her room. Pushed her gently toward the door mirror. “What do you see Rosalyn?”

  Rosalyn did not want to look. She did not even have a mirror in her room. She had been avoiding her reflection since forever and she was afraid of what she would see. She had become a master at avoiding her reflection. She hated bathrooms because they all had mirrors. She learned to avoid those as much as possible. Looking at her reflection was a reminder of things best forgotten. “This is ridiculous, I see me of course,” replied Rosalyn avoiding the mirror, frustrated with herself, more than with her friend.

  "You are misunderstanding me, look at you, what do you see?” When Rosalyn continued to act clueless, Alana continued, “Your clothes, how you are dressed. Your clothes are two sizes too big.” Alana sighed. She knew there was deep pain in Rosalyn, she just did not know how to help her if Rosalyn did not open up and share her pain. If Rosalyn were to see, what everyone else saw, things would be so different. Alana was exasperated with her friend’s attitude.

  "I do not see anything wrong with what I am wearing. They should hire me because of my brain, not my outward appearance.” Rosalyn felt frustrated.

  Alana sighed, "I am hungry, let's go out to lunch."

  Rosalyn would have liked to do a victory dance and scream at the top of her lungs, “You see? I told you so. Clothing does not make a person!” But she knew better. She knew the reality of human nature and outward appearance was important. Ideally she should be hired because of her brains, but realistically, she knew that the way she looked was very important in the world.