Silhouettes: Poems & Songs

Cindered Photograph

  As I search within myself, I question "who have I become?"

  An image of lies, conflicted by things I have done

  To the left and to my right there's only failure to come

  I am simply hanging by a thread like the prodigal son

  Words of love and trust are like bane to my ears

  Sometimes I don't comprehend my existence and want to disappear

  I have no faith in my heart, only a mind set on fear

  Don't confuse me for an atheist, I've just tired of the tears

  I am trying to live my life, I am trying to find the strength

  I am trying to find the courage to say that this is me

  I am trying to find myself, I am trying to find the strength

  I am trying to say enough and just set myself free

  I just don't know what it is missing deep within me

  The figments of my past, the fear just won't leave

  I am faced by opposition, inner demons chained to me

  A great shadow falls over and it's impossible to breathe

  Every step I take forth only leads me to the past

  To the fading scars on my sleeve; happiness just won't last

  My inner child surfaces pleading I smile and I laugh

  But my life's no laughing matter, just a cindered photograph

  I am trying to live my life, I am trying to find the strength

  I am trying to find the courage to say that this is me

  I am trying to find myself, I am trying to find the strength

  I am trying to say enough and just set myself free

  I’m tired of walking forth blinded

  Through the shadows of my mind and

  I’m tired of breathing in this shame

  Circulating throughout my veins

  Asking who is it I am to become

  Will I ever rise to see the sun

  Searching for answers no one holds

  Alone out in the blistering cold

  Cos I’m afraid and can’t let go

  As I Watched You Grow

  I know you need a hero and you need someone who understands

  But all I can do to offer comfort is sing you this little track

  Cos’ I know that you’re feeling lost ever since Juniors Death

  But you need to find the courage before there is no turning back

  Cos’ no one will ever understand you the way you know yourself

  That doesn’t mean it’s over or that you should just call it quits

  Cos’ you were brought up to stand tall no matter what life threw

  It pulses through your heart and the smile on your face to over come it

  As I watched you grow it was like a show

  Letting me know the path you’d go

  But through the years after so many tears

  You fell in fear and your heart’s unclear

  Despite the differences we each hold we share the same love for you

  We just want you to be happy but these days it’s like you’re fading away

  Cos’ you’re lost in your pain and the past is dragging you down

  Hold your head up and remember Junior’s only one prayer away

  Grab hold of yourself and consider that as you fall we each fall through

  Cos’ even when we are miles apart it never means that we are separated

  Don’t linger on the silence or the echoes of your mind as it starts to retract

  Instead stick to your ambitions and keep to your hearts convictions instead

  Illusions

  As my mind is conveyed with a series of endless questions

  I can’t seem to find the answers and I’m growing frustrated

  There’s too much to contemplate and in the end no resolutions

  I just can’t stand here knowing that it’s always going to be complicated

  No one will ever understand the emotions within my heart which shout

  Nor the reason why I need to go away and figure my life out

  Should I stay or should I go, runaway or continue holding on to the illusions

  What would they say or do if I broke their hearts and created an array of confusion

  If I runaway would they remember me as I was, or the coward I’d become

  But if I stay I will never be the person I sense within and I’ll fade to stone

  Every time I close my eyes I am faced with hazy visions

  A whisper of infantile fear’s draining me and I’m derailed

  I can’t find myself through the fog so I fade to lost devotions

  And there’s nothing I can do but question until I’ve resolved

  Should I stay or should I go, runaway or continue holding on to the illusions

  What would they say or do if I broke their hearts and created an array of confusion

  If I runaway would they remember me as I was, or the coward I’d become

  But if I stay I will never be the person I sense within and fade to stone

  Or perhaps this alone is nothing more than another illusion I conceived

  If I Die Tomorrow

  Every passing moment in my life I find myself questioning why

  I broke the only heart which loved me; I chased away my soul and can’t breathe

  You threw the lifeline and I passed it by, now I’m drifting away further out to sea

  You’ve become an echo, then a silent goodbye. Yet, there’s no one to blame but me

  I pray that this is all one big dream, and I won’t wake to find darkness

  Wipe me of my sins; please, be a dream. Because without you, I’m lifeless

  If I die tomorrow will you still recall the time

  I held you in my arms and we left all the pain behind

  Will you cherish every moment and stand by my side

  Will you cradle me in memory or blame me for the lies

  Will your last words to me be your first and last goodbye

  Will you forgive me or will you leave me here to die

  If so, don’t look as I take a bullet to my head

  Because the moment you’re gone I’m already dead

  Every passing moment of my life I find myself questioning why

  I deceived your trust and fell through; I chose to walk away and hurt you

  You were my lifeline and I passed you by, now I’m sinking to the bottom of the sea

  You’ve become an echo, then a silent goodbye. Yet, there’s no one to blame but me

  I prayed this was all one big dream, and I wouldn’t wake to find darkness

  I’d wipe my hands of sins; but it’s no dream. Now I’m without you and lifeless

  If I die tomorrow will you still recall the time

  I held you in my arms and we left all the pain behind

  Will you cherish every moment and stand by my side

  Will you cradle me in memory or blame me for the lies

  Will your last words to me be your first and last goodbye

  Will you forgive me or will you leave me here to die

  If so, don’t look as I take a bullet to my head

  Because the moment you’re gone I’m already dead

  Every second spent with you felt like a lifetime of clarity

  But I was walking blind, I was a fool, I did not see

  And now I’m plagued by this mistake I can’t forget

  Because of myself I walk forth alone in regret

  In the end all I had was you…

  Friendship

  Through the good and the bad times I will always have your back

  When you feel you’re falling behind I will guide you back on track

  Through the laughter and the tears I will take you by my side

  When you feel the world’s against you I will help you free your mind

  And even though you won’t admit it I will never break you down

  Despite the times we grew apart, from now on I’ll always be around

  I’ll be your shadow
, be your conscience, I’ll be anything you need

  I’ll be your shooting star and help you along the way as you succeed

  And when your conscience speaks against you I will rise and see you through

  I’ll embrace you in my arms and bring out the true beauty in you

  Because the unseen future’s greater then the portraits of your past

  Take my hand and understand you’re number one and not last

  I’ve seen your sorrow, seen your scars, but most of all I’ve seen your heart

  It’s time that we overcome these shadows always tearing you apart

  Yeah, I stood there in the silence until you showed me what it means to survive

  You’re my reason and conviction to step forth and never turn from a starless sky

  The Memory

  I held it close for so long,

  I kept it sealed and it was wrong.

  I should've shouted, called for guidance,

  Instead of hiding in the silence.

  It passed four years and was close to five,

  and the memory was still alive.

  The pain pulsed through me like a tide,

  Till I could no longer take the ride.

  The words spun in circles in my head,

  So long did I wish I were dead.

  But I broke the barrier, I let it out,

  And it felt so good to scream and shout.

  Though They Try

  Though they try to say we don’t belong

  Though they try to break our bonds so strong

  Though they try to shake and break us down

  Though they try we will not strain and frown

  Though they try to blind us from the light

  Though they try we dreamers all unite

  And we’ll rise to prove our strength

  Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers

  And we’ll rise above the brink

  Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers

  Though they try to draw us from ourselves

  Though they try to put us all through hell

  Though they try to silence our voices

  Though they try we know we’re innocent

  Though they try to take our hopes and dreams

  Though they try our dreams like stars will gleam

  And we’ll rise to prove our strength

  Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers

  And we’ll rise above the brink

  Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers

  We all have a dream, a passion and a flame

  Yet, there is always something in our way

  But it’s time to raise your voice with pride

  Yeah, it’s time to raise your voice with pride

  And we’ll rise to prove our strength

  Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers

  And we’ll rise above the brink

  Yes, we’ll rise cause we are dreamers

  Were You Still Here (Were I Gone)

  It’s hard not to wonder what it would be like

  To have you stand in my place and I in your grave

  Would you feel as lost and alone and uncertain as I

  Or would you take after mom and be brave

  Would you run as I do overwhelmed by every choice

  And every word that you’ve yet to say

  Would you remain the joy of their lives or fall as I

  Victim to the pain and from those around stray

  Would you continue your dream to be a rapper

  Or pull yourself down when you’re closest to victory

  Would you fear to sleep, unknowing, if your nights

  Dream be a nightmare of the night you lost me

  Would you still spread your smile and love as before

  Or would you reframe and dwell in sorrow

  Were you still here and I gone, would you feel as I

  And feel no strength or hope for a better tomorrow

  Would our family be strong and united by your guidance

  Or still be broken by sickness and abuse

  Would there be any difference in your life, were you still here

  And I gone, or would these same questions infuse

  My Loss Alone

  In the late hours of the night I found myself breaking

  Back to the days when you and I were still standing

  Side by side, nothing to break our hearts, nothing to break our love

  Until I bled myself out with fragments of lies and secrets of

  All of my heartaches and all of my scars beneath every breath

  All of the reapers of my past came flowing through my tongue

  And with all my fears I failed to open and shout “enough”

  And with their lips of bane upon my wrist my death was sprung

  Forth from the shadows I bellowed in terror and defeat

  Struggling to catch my breath, let alone, speak

  Values

  Only you and yourself can determine what’s of more importance in life

  Whether shadows are your friends or just figments of your own mind

  Only you and yourself can determine who’s values are the most sincere

  Whether the path you’re upon is meant to guide you forth or nowhere

  Open your heart and look within your soul, deep down you know the truth

  Pay them no mind; rise above and accept yourself

  Open your mind and realize you don’t have to fight to show your strength

  Pay them no mind; rise above and that says enough

  Only you and yourself can determine which life you’ll forever embrace

  Whether or not the choice was easy or far too hard to face

  Only you and yourself can determine the time and place to leave your past

  Whether or not the mistakes were of your own doing, simply laugh

  Open your heart and look within your soul, deep down you know the truth

  Pay them no mind; rise above and accept yourself

  Open your mind and realize you don’t have to fight to show your strength

  Pay them no mind; rise above and that says enough

  There is no greater value then that of self-worth, no greater strength then that of your soul

  There is no greater power than that of true love, no greater knowledge then what you know

  Just be proud of yourself and what you shall become; resilient, brilliant men and women

  Just become what you sense down in your core and share the true value of love to your children

  Cracks In The Sidewalk

  I thought I let it go, but here we are again

  I thought I let it go, but it won’t seem to end

  All these cracks in the sidewalk have me following the pain

  I thought was lost in the memories of burning frames

  Yet, here I stand searching through the silence for a friend

  For a pastor or a saint, hoping this will all end

  Cos’ the shadows still remain and they’re echoing a chain

  Of past sorrows and regrets each calling out my name

  Draining me from the light and everything I thought right

  I guess I just lost sight and simply gave up on the fight

  Holding On

  I’ve been trying to find my place

  Trying to find a familiar face

  I’ve been walking forth alone

  Searching for someone to hold

  Someone who understands

  Someone to take me by the hand

  Cos’ my life is one big mess

  And I’m too weak to handle this

  Too weak to face the stress

  Too weak to take those first steps

  Cos’ I’m fading from the light

  Fading like both day and night

  Fading from all that is right

  Fading from myself; out of sight

  I’ve been pushed so far out to sea

  So far out the only echo is me

  The only echo
is the sound of my plea

  The only echo is “come set me free”

  Right then the fear began to cast

  And drew my mind towards the past

  Towards the hopes I once dreamt

  Towards my rise and descent

  Cos’ I can’t face all of this pain

  And I can’t chase after the rain

  I can’t turn back from this lane

  I can’t but must or sin will remain

  Cos’ this is my life and my time

  My time to escape enemy lines

  My time to take back what was mine

  My time to let fates hands align

  Cos’ someone has the key to my heart

  The key to break all the shadows apart

  The key to shine me away from the dark

  The key to show chance; just a spark

  I’ve been trying to find my place

  Trying to find a familiar face

  I know there is someone out there

  But the sky of life is unclear

  It’s like I’m chasing a ghost

  It’s like my shadows the host

  Cos’ I’m on the search for my soul

  And I’m trying to let the past go

  I’m trying to rise from the flow

  I’m trying to break this echo

  Cos’ I’m losing myself in this game

  Losing my heart through the shame

  Losing to a forgotten name

  Losing myself in the wind like I’m grain

  I’ve only got one chance to live

  To be myself and to give

  To escape the sins I relive

  To look within myself and forgive

  Right here and right now is the place

  But I need a hand to help me replace

  The wrongs in which I can’t unlace

  Someone come set me free from disgrace

  Cos’ I can’t face all of this pain

  And I can’t chase after the rain

  I can’t turn back from this lane

  I can’t but must or sin will remain

  Cos’ this is my life and my time

  My time to escape enemy lines

  My time to take back what was mine

  My time to let fates hand align

  Cos’ someone has the key to my heart

  The key to break all the shadows apart

  The key to shine me away from the dark

  The key to show a chance; just a spark

  My Life (Enough)

  I used to take my life for granted cause no one knew how bad I had it

  I used to break and slit my flesh thinking that everyone could care less

  I used to cry and numb myself because I never searched or cried help

  I was blinded by my fears until I finally reached twenty-one years

  The world could take me as I am, if not I'm still going to be my own man

  Cause we're only stronger than our flaws when we give freedom a call

  I will not let my past hold me down; watch as I leave that pathetic clown

  Cause I am tired of being ashamed, no longer will I be afraid

  I finally realized that my weakness would soon become my strength in this

  I listened to the voice in my heart and walked a new path as one fell apart

  I finally had enough of the shame so I went forth with a whole new name

  I came to believe in my dreams instead of wishing on a dead stars gleam

  Cause no one dream will ever come true if you don't accept you for you

  No, only you can prove the world wrong if you prove to yourself you are strong

  Cause no one dream will ever come true if you don't accept you for you

  No, only you can prove the world wrong if you prove to yourself you are strong

  I was committed to the insanity and the pressure of all humanity

  I was kept in the company of my shadow but It's time my family and friends know

  I won't be drawn from my aspiration because this is my true life confession

  I was bound inside by my past but it's time to make my happiness last

  The world could take me as I am, if not I'm still going to be my own man

  Cause we're only stronger than our flaws when we give freedom a call

  I will not let my past hold me down; watch as I leave that pathetic clown

  Cause I am tired of being ashamed, no longer will I be afraid

  I finally realized that my weakness would soon become my strength in this

  I listened to the voice in my heart and walked a new path as one fell apart

  I finally had enough of the shame so I went forth with a whole new name

  I came to believe in my dreams instead of wishing on a dead stars gleam

  Cause no one dream will ever come true if you don't accept you for you

  No, only you can prove the world wrong if you prove to yourself you are strong

  Cause no one dream will ever come true if you don't accept you for you

  No, only you can prove the world wrong if you prove to yourself you are strong

  I guess this is where it gets real. I've shared