Friends Talk: Life, Work, and Love, Page 2

5. WHAT TO SAY Real Self-Confidence

  OFFICE: Frank and Dick at desk.

  FRANK

  Yes. I do like working here as employment

  counselor, Dick.

  DICK

  You were looking for a different job, Frank.

  FRANK

  I was until the manager here thought that since

  I’ve had lots of experience getting jobs, I could

  help other people do the same.

  DICK

  Well, pundit, tell me the secrets?

  FRANK

  Don’t call me a pundit and I’ll give you some tips.

  DICK

  Okay, tipper.

  FRANK

  The secrets are not really secret. Mainly it takes

  selecting and tailoring them to fit.

  DICK

  What’s the top tip?

  FRANK

  Using my super powers, I’ll say “Your Own

  Advertisement”.

  DICK

  My own ad?

  FRANK

  Yes. Get together a smooth two minute summary of

  your relevant qualities and strengths.

  DICK

  What would I say for my field?

  FRANK

  Tell the interviewer that you’re a creative, analytical,

  and honest person -- along with where you’ve

  shown those qualities in school and work.

  DICK

  Are you saying that because you’re being nice? Have

  you’ve seen those qualities in me?

  FRANK

  Sure I have. Make a list of your strengths and successes

  of any kind -- even if you’re unsure about their value.

  DICK

  Right now help me with what to say about myself when

  I meet somebody interesting.

  FRANK

  Talk about what you’ve done, or are doing, or want to do

  that might relate to the other person.

  DICK

  I don’t like bragging about myself.

  FRANK

  It’s not bragging, it’s being confident about telling who

  you are. So when are you most confident?

  DICK

  Mostly when I’ve had a few beers.

  FRANK

  Confident -- without alcohol or other drugs.

  DICK

  When people want to hear what I’m saying.

  FRANK

  People want to hear what you have to say when

  you tell a lively, quick personal story that connects

  at the time.

  DICK (nodding)

  Well. I can say that …

  Frank listening.

  6. HOLDING BACK Fear vs. Self-Esteem

  GYM: Dick and Frank at entrance

  DICK

  Hey Frank man, how’s it going?

  FRANK

  Good enough, Dick. How’s your new course?

  DICK

  I might fail.

  FRANK

  Is it too hard?

  DICK

  It’s too hard for me to get up in front of the class.

  FRANK

  What for? To give a presentation?

  DICK

  Yeah, I don’t want the class looking at me and talking

  trash about me.

  FRANK

  This college class isn’t going to be trashing you.

  DICK

  No, but they may be thinking it.

  FRANK

  What’s it?

  DICK

  That I’m dumb, funny-looking or boring.

  FRANK

  Dick, do you really believe all that?

  DICK

  No, but they might.

  FRANK

  They might be thinking all kinds of stuff – mostly about

  themselves like you are – maybe good, bad, and far out.

  DICK

  I’ve had this fear since I was a kid.

  FRANK

  Then let’s be kids about it. Let’s pretend kids are saying

  those words to you.

  DICK

  Then what?

  FRANK

  We’ll answer the kids better this time.

  DICK

  I’ll play your silly game. Go ahead.

  FRANK

  You look dumb, and ugly too.

  DICK

  You must have dumb eyes. I’m pretty smart.

  FRANK (Talking alongside Dick)

  And I’m prepared to talk about what I know.

  DICK

  I know a lot.

  FRANK

  But you’re funny-looking and boring.

  DICK

  It takes one to know one.

  FRANK (steps alongside again)

  I’m rubber, you’re glue

  DICK

  So your crap bounces off me and sticks to you.

  FRANK (laughs)

  You’re getting into it. Go with who you are now,

  and have fun with your talk. People will like you.

  DICK

  I can do it if I have a helmet.

  Frank gives Dick hat.

  7. REALLY WANT Life and Other Games

  HOME OFFICE: Lori and Dick standing at work area

  LORI

  Dick, thanks for setting up my new router system.

  DICK

  Zall right Lori. Now you can play games faster.

  LORI

  I’ve actually been cutting down on game time.

  DICK

  What! Not a player like you! We’re both addicts.

  LORI

  I wanted to have more time for other things: priorities.

  DICK

  I can’t believe it -- bet you’re still playing a lot.

  LORI

  No, I usually play a half hour a day unless I have

  more important things on my list.

  DICK

  Be honest: Don’t you want to play more?

  LORI

  If I really have a strong desire, I’ll let myself go for an

  hour and once in awhile, I’ll go for two hours.

  DICK

  But don’t you really want to play more?

  LORI

  I want to play more when I’m stressed, insecure,

  tired, hungry, bored, mostly when I’m off center.

  DICK

  Really.

  LORI

  Now I play a game with myself about games. If I go

  over my limit, then don’t play for a day or two. And I got

  rid of a game that was out-of-control.

  DICK

  That’s tough. You punish yourself.

  LORI

  A little. More like I show myself I can do without silly

  games -- that makes me feel freer.

  DICK

  But you’re restricting your own freedom.

  LORI

  Sure I want to be free to continue like a kid.

  But actually I’m freer avoiding timewasters

  that imprison me from what really matters.

  DICK

  Dang. How do you do it?

  LORI

  Well, there is the time structure – with rewards

  including praises and sometimes penalties.

  DICK

  And?

  LORI

  And, I lined up more interesting things to do.

  DICK

  What was the hardest part for you? I know what it

  is for me.

  LORI

  Believing I would do it, since I knew I could cheat.

  I practiced seeing myself actually turning off the

  games and enjoying myself, my success!

  DICK

  For me, the hardest part is stopping once I start.

  LORI

  And looking into the future … how do you succeed?

  DICK

  By not starting with it;
by not having the game

  around to tempt me.

  LORI

  It gets easier once we find a better replacement,

  like any relationships!

  Dick nods.

  8. LOVE LUCK? Dating vs. Relating Part 1

  SCENIC PLACE: Lori and Frank

  LORI

  I love this place, Frank. We both like the view,

  and it’s private enough here to talk.

  FRANK

  Well Lori now I can to tell you that Dick

  thinks we’re lucky to have such a good

  relationship.

  LOR I(laughs)

  It took a lot more than luck.

  FRANK

  In a way we made our own luck, since we met

  in a group with similar interests and values.

  LORI

  Yeah, that gave us more to relate to than just,

  ha ha ha, basic chemistry! (they laugh)

  FRANK

  A big benefit was being able to get to know

  each other gradually.

  LORI

  Knowing who the other person really is can be a

  life saver! It gave me more real confidence.

  FRANK

  That gave us a good foundation for building our

  friendship, and then our special partnership.

  LORI

  Yeah. We’ve had to learn to appreciate and

  understand each other.

  FRANK

  For our communication, we've used a whole

  variety of skills.

  LORI

  Yeah, like listening and clarifying -- especially since

  misunderstandings were often the cause of problems.

  FRANK

  It helps when we lighten up with fun and humor.

  LORI

  You bet. Another luck-maker, in our success, has

  been the consideration of each other needs.

  FRANK

  And that's meant awareness of feelings -- which is

  not always easy.

  LORI

  Even less easy is awareness of our old habits

  that get in the way of our relationship.

  FRANK

  That leads to great cooperation -- like mutual

  support on valued goals-- and taking turns.

  LORI

  I love your cooperation. That way I can be my

  best self.

  FRANK

  I love it too.

  LORI

  That makes two of us, loving who we are together.

  FRANK

  We mentioned three good relationship words that

  start with a C.

  LORI

  Let me see.... Communication, consideration, and

  cooperation.

  FRANK

  Mmm, I can think of one more ...

  They look at each other. CUT | END

  9. LOVE LUCK? Dating vs. Relating Part 2

  SCENIC PLACE: Lori and Frank.

  LORI

  Ah, I remember several good relationship "C"

  words that many people agreed on in that

  dating seminar we attended.

  FRANK

  How about the fancy word: conciliation. With our

  disagreements, we compromise to reconcile our

  differences.

  LORI

  Yes, we trust each other and we let go of trivia so

  we can negotiate jointly valued solution.

  FRANK

  We avoid generalizations such as “You always …”,

  or “You never …”.

  LORI

  And minimize criticism -- compliments work better.

  FRANK

  It isn’t always smooth. But we get there.

  LORI

  Our art of relating has grown better with effort, and

  experience.

  FRANK

  Now, there’s the maintenance of our partnership --

  after all the building!

  LORI

  We’ve been talking about these facts of life from

  when we first decided to have a solid relationship.

  FRANK

  Amazingly from the seminar there are more C words

  that go together in maintaining good relationships.

  LORI

  That repeating C sound is a great memory aid

  FRANK

  Another is commitment based on agreements

  about goals, roles, and rules.

  LORI

  In other words, we have a clear, honest contract.

  FRANK

  Yeah, it helps prevent conflicts and problems.

  LORI

  Then there’s control.

  FRANK

  Having enough control of decisions for fulfilling

  the commitments

  LORI

  Right -- enough personal power for self control.

  Also there's the motivation to make things work well

  FRANK.

  That could be called caring.

  LORI

  I think that’s an attitude: seeing problems as

  possibilities for positive change.

  FRANK

  So taking the problems constructively as

  stimulating challenges, maybe with a bit of

  compassion, and even humor.

  LORI

  Uh huh. Accepting reality and making the best of

  life that we can.

  FRANK

  Well, that makes four more relationship "C"s:

  conciliation, commitment, control and caring – based

  on lots of relationship research studies.

  LORI

  Ah, the wisdom of love, for making better luck! .

  They kiss each other. CUT | END