“Kari,there’ssomethingelse.Ihaveafriend—aboyfriend.”
“Aboyfriend?But…butyouhatemen.”
“Thatwasalongtimeago.”
“Itwaslessthanayear!”
“Wellit’sfeltlikeareallylongtime.Andanyway,I’mdifferentnow.I’m notthatlittletomboyanymore.ImeanbeforeIprobablycouldn’thaveevengot amanifIwantedone.”
“Don’ttalklikethat.Youwerecute.”
“Sure,toyou.Imeannooffense,butyouweren’texactlyacovermodel backtheneither.Imeanthoseglassesofyours.Comeon.”
ThiswasthesecondtimetodayValhadcriticizedKari’sappearance.Had theirentirerelationshipbeenbasedonalie?OrwasitjustthatValhadbecome soshallowsincekissingTai’sring?“IguessIshouldfindsomewhereelseto spendthenightthen.”
“Kari,don’tbethatway.Geez,wecanstillbefriends.Imeanlikebest friends.Andnowthatyou’resocute,I’msureyou’llfindaguytooandthenwe
cangoondoubledatesandstuff.”
“Idon’twanttofindaguyandgoondoubledates,”Karisaid.“Iwant you.”
“WellI’msorry,butthattime’sovernow.”
“Why?”
Valsighedandthenshookherhead.“Areyoustupidorsomething?If anyonefindsout,wecouldendupinprison!Imeanthat’sasbadasendingup hookingonthestreets.”
“Soyou’retooscaredtolovemeanymore?”
“MaybeI’mtoobravetoletyouthrowyourlifeaway.Youthinkabout that?”
“Val,please,thisiswhathewants.Hewantstodriveusapart.”
“Ifhewantedthat,whydidhesendyoutotheclub?”
“Soyoucouldconvincemetochange.”
“WellI’mnotdoingagoodjobofitsofar.”Valsighedagain.“Weneedto getsomerest.Wegotworktomorrow.AtleastIdo.”Valgottoherfeet.She startedtowalkaway,butthenturnedaround.“Ifyouwantthebed—”
“No.Icansleeponthecouch.”
“Itfoldsoutintoabed.Maybelaterifyouwanttostickaroundwecanfind arealbedforyou.ImeanI’vegotanotherroombutit’sfullofboxesandstuff rightnow.”
“I’llthinkaboutit.”
“Andthinkaboutwhatkindoflifeyouwanttolivewhileyou’reatit.I meanjustbecausewearen’tacoupledoesn’tmeanIwanttoloseyouasa friend.”
“Thanks.”
AfterValhadgone,Karifiguredouthowtopulloutthebedfromthe couch.Whenthemattresspoppedout,shesawasurprisewaitingforher:her stuffedunicornSnowmane.ThiswasclearlyamessagefromTai.Nevertheless, shecrushedtheunicornagainstherchestasshefellasleep.
Chapter12
Bytheendoftheweek,Karireceivedherfifthblackmark.Shehad refusedtogobackonstage,despitethepleadingofVal,Krisee,andevenMiss Kilgore.Shewouldn’tgiveTaithesatisfactionofwhoringherselfinanyform; she’dkillherselfbeforethathappened.SinceValapparentlyhadsomeoneelse
—amannoless—shedidn’tseewhereshehadmuchtolose.
Withthefifthblackmark,herstomachpushedoutintoabeergut,her breastssaggedponderously,andherhipsspread.Inplaceofhernaughtyteacher outfitsheworeagrimyblueT-shirtandaskirtthatshowedthecelluliteonher thighs.Whenshelookedinthemirrorshesawherteethhadbecomeyellowand crooked.Herstiffbeehiveofhairhadturnedanunnaturallydarkred,thekindof redthatcamefromabottle.Eventhatcouldn’tcoverthegrayathertemples.
Herlipswereslatheredinlipstickandhereyesinmascara,butthatcouldn’tdo anythingtomakeherwrinkledfacewithitssaggyjowlslookanyyounger.
Oncethetransformationwascomplete,MissKilgoreslammedametaltray intoKari’schest.“Getyourassoutthereandstartworkingthefloor.”
“Yes,ma’am,”Karicroaked,hervoicesoundingasifshe’dbeensmokinga cartonofcigarettesadayforthelastthirtyyears.
Shequicklyfoundinsomewaysbeingawaitresswasworsethanbeinga dancer.Foronethingshegotgropedjustaboutasmuchasthedancersdid,and fortenhoursatatimeinsteadoffortenminutes.Thetipswerealotworsethan thoseofthedancers,usuallyaboutatenthofwhatValmadeforoneshow.Plus aftertenhours,Kari’sfeetachedandherbackfeltasifsomeonehadpoured concretealongherspine.
“Howcanyoustandit?”Valaskedoneday.WhileKarihadgottenolder anduglier,Valhadonlygottenyounger,herbreastsevenbiggerandherwaist evennarrower.
“AtleastIcankeepmyclotheson.”
“That’sthatimportanttoyou?”
“Ihaveathingfordignity,Iguess.”
“Dignity?What’ssodignifiedaboutlookinglikethat?”
“It’shonest.”
“I’mhonesttoo.”
“You’reafantasy,”Karigrowled.“You’reeverymale’swetdreamcometo life.”
“So?YouthinkIshouldgetfiveblackmarkstobecomeahag?”
“Youcandowhatyouwant,”Karigrumbled.“I’mgoingtobed.”Then
shetoddledintotheguestroomtocollapseontotheusedmattressshe’d managedtobuywithherownmoney.ShehadrefusedtotakeVal’scharity,at leastforthebed.
Shehadn’tquitedriftedoffwhenshefeltsomeoneshakeher.“Kari,wake up.There’ssomethingelseweneedtotalkabout.”
“What?”Kariaskedwithoutopeninghereyes.
“Myboyfriendiscomingtoseemeattheclubtomorrownight.”
“So?”
“SoIwantyoutomeethim.Iwashopingwecoulddoitwhenyoustill lookedcute,butIguessthiswillhavetodo.I’msurehe’llstilllikeyouevenif youareahagnow.”
“Thanksforthevoteofconfidence.”
“You’retheonewhodecidednottogoonstage.”
“Isthatallyouwanted?”
“Areyoumad?”
“No.It’syourlife.”
“Thanks.”ShekissedKarionthecheek,justabriefpeckasthoughKari wereanauntcometovisit.“Goodnight.”
Karigrumbledsomethingunintelligibleandthenfellasleep,muchtootired toconsiderwhatValhadsaid.
***
ThefirsthalfofKari’sdaywentlikealltheothers.Afewcustomersfelt herupwhenshesetdowntheirdrinksandthengaveheralousytip.Things wereslowenoughintheafternoonthatshecouldsitinthealleyoutback smokingforawhile.She’dneversmokedbefore,butsinceshealreadyhadthe teethandvoiceofasmoker,shesawnoreasonnotto.Andmaybeshecouldget cancerandendthisnightmare.
Theafterworkcrowdwasalotbusier.Karipushedherwayfromthebarto thetablesandbackwhatseemedlikeathousandtimes.Eachtimethebartender plunkeddownglasseswithoutawordsoshecouldgoonanothersortie.There weretwootherwaitresses,bothofthemjustasbusyasKari.
Assheworked,KaritriedtodeterminewhichofthemenmightbeVal’s mysteriousboyfriend.Shehadn’ttoldKarianythingpersonalabouthim,soshe supposeditcouldbemostanyone.Hewouldhavetobehandsome,though,in ordertolandsomeonelikeVal,atleastthisbeautiful,extremelyshallowVal.
Shestillhadn’tidentifiedanyonewhenValcameonateighto’clock.Right awayKarisawtherewassomethingdifferent:ValwaswearingKrisee’s schoolgirlcostume.SheshiveredatthesightofValwithpigtailslikewhenthey hadbeenbabies.ExceptValwasdefinitelynotababy,notwiththosebreasts
thatlookedevenbiggersincesheappearedshorter.Shewasprobablyasoldasa realschoolgirlbynow.WhenValcametotheendofthestage,Karisawshehad frecklesagain,thoughtheseoneswerepaintedon.
Shehadjusttossedoffherblousewhensheletoutasqueal.Thensheran totheendofthecatwalkandactuallyleapedintothecrowd.Karidroppedthe trayshe’dbeendeli
veringoutofshock.ShewasstilllookingforValwhenshe feltherbackstiffen.Aswellherstomachpushedout,liftingthehemofherTshirt.Sheheldupherrighthandtoseeanotherblackmark.
Shedidn’thavetimetocontemplatethis,assheheardValshriek,“Ohmy gosh,youmadeit!Iknewyouwould!”
KaripushedherwaythroughaknotofpeopletofindValsittingonTai Lecau’slap,herarmslockedaroundhisneckassheplantedkissafterkissonhis cheek.Beforesheknewwhatshewasdoing,KarihadgrabbedValbythearm andyankedheroffofTai’slap.Shedraggedherfriendthroughthecrowd,into thestoreroom.
SheshovedValintoacornerwhileatthesametimeshelockedthedoor,not thatitcouldkeepTaiout.“That’syourboyfriend?Him?”
“Iknewyouwouldreactthisway.That’swhyIdidn’ttellyou.”
“HowelseamIsupposedtoreact?Thisisthemanwhoruinedourlives.
He’stheonewhodidallthoseawfulthingstous.”
“Hedidn’truinmylife.Hemadeitbetter.Ifyouweren’tsopig-headed you’dseethattoo.”Valgesturedtoherhalf-cladbody.“Imean,lookatme.
I’msomuchprettiernow.AndI’mreallygoodatmyjobtoo.Imean,Ijust knockedKriseeoffthetopspot.That’showgoodIam.Before,whatwasI?
Justanotherstupidsoldier,anotherdrone.”
“Youwereahero,Val.Thinkofallthosemedalstheygaveyou.”
“MaybeIdon’tcareaboutbeingahero.”
“Youjustcareaboutlookingpretty,right?”Karisighedandshookher head.“Areyoureallythatnaïve?Areyouthatstupid?”
“You’retheonewho’sstupid!Imean,lookatyou!Youletyourselfgetall oldandhideousforwhat,toprovesomestupidpointtoyourself?Soyoucan feelsuperiortomeandtheothergirls?Wellyouaren’t.You’reajoketous,the girlwhothrewawayeverythingsoshecouldhaveherpreciousdignity.”
“MaybeIamajoke,butthatdoesn’texplainwhyyou’rewithhimnow.”
“Itoldyouaboutthecircus,didn’tI?”
“Thecircusheputyouin!”
“ButafterIgothere,wetalkedaboutit.Heexplainedeverythingtome.
Hedidthisforourowngood,Kari.Hecaresaboutus.Hewantedustoletgo oftheoldwayssowecouldbehappy.”
“Wewerehappybefore!Weren’twe?”ShestaredatVal,wholooked away.“Weren’twe?”
“Iwasn’t.ImeanIdidstillloveyou,butallthetimeIwasouttherein spacebymyself,Igottothinkingaboutthings.Ifeverythinghadgoneas plannedwewouldhavecomebackhereandgottenmarried,andmaybehada baby,andthenafteryouwentblind,I’dhavetostayhometotakecareofyou andthekid.AndIcouldjustseeitinmyheadthatslowlybutsurelyinsteadof mywifeyou’dendupbeinglikemymomandinsteadofreallylovingyoulikea husband,I’dbelikeacaregiver.Youunderstand?”
“You…youweregoingtodumpme?”
“Yes,butthenIgottotheplanetandyouwerealittlekid.Well,notso little.ThenallthisstuffstartedtohappenwithTaiandeventuallyhehelpedme toseethathehadsavedme.Hewouldhavesavedbothofus,ifonlyyou’dlet him.”
“Idon’tbelievewhatI’mhearing.You’relying!Thatorhe’sdone somethingtoyourmind.TheValIknewlovedmeasmuchasIlovedher.”
“Thenmaybeyouneverknewheratall.”Valemergedfromthecornerto takeKari’shand.“ThewayIlovedyouwasdifferentthanhowyoulovedme.I mean,Ihadotherfriends,evenmalefriends.You,youdidn’thaveanyone.I mean,yougotskinnierbutyouwerestillMolegirlontheinside,afat,shygirl desperateforanyonetolikeher.Whensomeonedidlikeyou,yougrabbedon withbothhandsandrefusedtoletthemgo.
“ButIwasdifferent,Kari.Ididn’tneedyouthesamewayyouneededme.
Butnowyoudon’tneedme.AllyouhavetodoistalktoTaiandhecanmake youprettyagain.Thenyoucanhaveallthefriendsyouwant.Youcanfind someonewhoreallydoesloveyouthatdesperately.”
Karidissolvedintoasobbingheaponthefloor.ShefeltValpatheronthe backandthenheardtheclickofthelock.Whensheopenedhereyes,shewas alone.
Chapter13
ValfoundTaiwaitinginthesamespot,thoughsomehowhehadgottenhold ofherblouse.Shethrewherselfontohiswaitinglapandthenpressedherhead againsthiscomforting,beefyshoulder.Shefelthisrock-hardmusclesencircle her,protectingherfromtherestoftheworld.“Didn’tgowell,didit?”hesaid.
Sheshookherhead.“Ihadtotellherthetruth.”
“Thetruthalwayshurtsthemost.”
“Iknow.”
Shehadn’twantedtotellKarithetruth,becausesheknewhowfragileher friendwas.Karihadalwaysbeensobrittle,sosensitiveandatthesametimeso eagertoplease.Thefirsttimethey’dmettheyhadn’tbeenmucholderthanin preschool.Karihadalreadybeenfatbackthenandjustgottenherfirstpairof glasses.Shehadbeensittinginaquietcorneroftheplayground,justsitting motionlessinaswing.
Karibarelyliftedherhead,continuingtostareatherfeetastheytraced circlesintheair.“Hi,”shemumbled.
“Whyaren’tyouswinging?That’swhatswingsarefor.”
Karijustshrugged.“Don’tfeellikeit.”
“Butit’sfun.”Valsatontheswingnexttoher.Shebegantopushherself backandforth,generatingmoreandmorespeed.Karididn’twatchatfirst,but eventuallysheturnedherhead,watchingthroughaveilofbrownhair.Justto emphasizethefunofit,Valletoutascreamofjoy.“Comeon!”
OnlythendidKaribeginswinging.Thatwasprettymuchhowithadbeen forthenexttwenty-fiveyears.ValdidthepushingandKariwentalongforthe ride.IthadbeenValwhosuggestedKaristudyarchaeology,sinceherfriend likedsearchingthebeachforhiddentreasures.TheonlytimeKarididany pushingonherownwasforthatoff-worldexpedition.EventhensheneededVal topushthemilitarybureaucracytomakeithappen.
Asshehadsatintheship,alone,Valhadrealizedtheproblemwasonly goingtogetworse.OnceKari’seyesightwentcompletely,herfriendwould needsomeonearoundtohelpher,takecareofher.ThemoreValconsideredit, themoreitfeltasifanooseweretighteningaroundherneck.
Shehadspenthertripbacktotheplanetrehearsinghowtobreakitgently
toKari.Shehadplannedtostresshowlittletheyhadseeneachotherinthepast yearduringpreparationsfortheexpedition.Shewouldstressthatshestill wantedtoremainbestfriends,butarelationshipjustwasn’tpossibleanymore.
ThenshegottotheplanetandfoundKaribacktobeinghelplesslittleMolegirl andValknewshecouldn’tsayanythingthen.
Oncetheygottotheplanet,ValfoughtagainstTaioutofspite,orperhaps somemisplacedpride.Shehadbeenasoldierafterall,chargedwithdefending thingsastheyhadbeen.Soshehadfoughtuntilfinallyshecouldn’tfight anymoreandhadtosurrenderandkissTai’sring.
Thathadbeenthebestthingtohappentoher.Karimightwanttoactall stuck-upaboutitandcallherawhoreandaccuseherofsellingherbody,but hereValfeltfreeforthefirsttimeinherlife.Shewasn’ttieddownheretoany onepersonoronesetofrules.Sheonlyhadtoputonagoodshowandtherest wouldtakecareofitself.
Cominghere,Valhadfoundherselffreedfromalltheshacklesofherold life.Withthisbeautifulnewbodyshenolongerhadtobethetoughlittle tomboy,thesoldier.Shecouldbearealwomanhere—aflirt,atease,afantasy asKarihadputit.Onenightshecouldbeastewardessandthenextshe
could beaschoolgirlandafterthattheonlylimitwasherimagination.
IfKarihadjustembracedthat,shetoocouldhavebeenfree.Insteadshe’d seenitasapunishmentratherthanareward.She’dchosentoclingtosilly idealsaboutmodestyandvirtue.Andmostofall,she’dchosentoclingtoVal insteadofrealizingshecouldhaveanyoneshewanted.
NowitwastoolateforKari.Shewasanoldhagwithsixblackmarks,and probablymorebeforelong.Itwouldn’ttakemuchlongerbeforeshewould probablyenduponthestreet,gettingfuckedbysomesweatyguyforpocket change.
WhileValwasn’tKari’sfianceeorhergirlfriendanymore,shedidstill considerherselfKari’sbestfriend.ShelookedupwithtearyeyesatTai.“We havetohelpher.”
“I’vetried,mydear.Shekeepsresisting.”
“Therehastobesomethingwecandotomakeherhappyagain.”Val consideredthesituationagain.“Maybeifyoumakeherprettyagain,she’llbe moreappreciativethistime,nowthatshe’sbeenahag.”
“Idoubtthat.”
“Can’tyouatleasttryit?Please?”
“Itwouldn’tbefairtotheothergirlsifIchangedKariback.Rulesare rules.”
“Well,thendon’tmakeherawaitressoradanceranymore.Therehastobe
somethingelsehereshecando.”
“Scrubthetoiletsperhaps?”
ValgaveTai’schinagentleslap.“No,silly.Shewouldhatethat.Maybe shecouldworkintheoffice.Shewasasecretary.”
“Idon’tthinksecretarialworkagreedwithher.”
Vallookedaroundtheclub.Hereyessettledonthebar.“Howaboutthe bar?Mixingdrinksisn’tthathard.AndMak’sbeenlookingforsomeoneto takeafewdaysfromhim.”
“DoyoureallythinkKariwouldlikebeingabartender?”
“Ithinkshe’lllikeitbetterthanbeingadancerorawaitress.”Shebatted hereyelashesathim.“Pwease,Daddy,dothisonewidowthingforme?”
“Oh,allright,mypet.Butifshecausesanytrouble,she’llbescrubbingthe toilets.”