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    The Uncommercial Traveller

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      characters, HUNGRY! and to sit down here. Yes; one thing more

      remained to Mr. Anderson - his character; Monarchs could not

      deprive him of his hard-earned character. Accordingly, as you come

      up with this spectacle of virtue in distress, Mrs. Anderson rises,

      and with a decent curtsey presents for your consideration a

      certificate from a Doctor of Divinity, the reverend the Vicar of

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      Dickens, Charles - The Uncommercial Traveller

      Upper Dodgington, who informs his Christian friends and all whom it

      may concern that the bearers, John Anderson and lawful wife, are

      persons to whom you cannot be too liberal. This benevolent pastor

      omitted no work of his hands to fit the good couple out, for with

      half an eye you can recognise his autograph on the spade.

      Another class of tramp is a man, the most valuable part of whose

      stock-in-trade is a highly perplexed demeanour. He is got up like

      a countryman, and you will often come upon the poor fellow, while

      he is endeavouring to decipher the inscription on a milestone -

      quite a fruitless endeavour, for he cannot read. He asks your

      pardon, he truly does (he is very slow of speech, this tramp, and

      he looks in a bewildered way all round the prospect while he talks

      to you), but all of us shold do as we wold be done by, and he'll

      take it kind, if you'll put a power man in the right road fur to

      jine his eldest son as has broke his leg bad in the masoning, and

      is in this heere Orspit'l as is wrote down by Squire Pouncerby's

      own hand as wold not tell a lie fur no man. He then produces from

      under his dark frock (being always very slow and perplexed) a neat

      but worn old leathern purse, from which he takes a scrap of paper.

      On this scrap of paper is written, by Squire Pouncerby, of The

      Grove, 'Please to direct the Bearer, a poor but very worthy man, to

      the Sussex County Hospital, near Brighton' - a matter of some

      difficulty at the moment, seeing that the request comes suddenly

      upon you in the depths of Hertfordshire. The more you endeavour to

      indicate where Brighton is - when you have with the greatest

      difficulty remembered - the less the devoted father can be made to

      comprehend, and the more obtusely he stares at the prospect;

      whereby, being reduced to extremity, you recommend the faithful

      parent to begin by going to St. Albans, and present him with halfa-

      crown. It does him good, no doubt, but scarcely helps him

      forward, since you find him lying drunk that same evening in the

      wheelwright's sawpit under the shed where the felled trees are,

      opposite the sign of the Three Jolly Hedgers.

      But, the most vicious, by far, of all the idle tramps, is the tramp

      who pretends to have been a gentleman. 'Educated,' he writes, from

      the village beer-shop in pale ink of a ferruginous complexion;

      'educated at Trin. Coll. Cam. - nursed in the lap of affluence -

      once in my small way the pattron of the Muses,' &c. &c. &c. -

      surely a sympathetic mind will not withhold a trifle, to help him

      on to the market-town where he thinks of giving a Lecture to the

      FRUGES CONSUMERE NATI, on things in general? This shameful

      creature lolling about hedge tap-rooms in his ragged clothes, now

      so far from being black that they look as if they never can have

      been black, is more selfish and insolent than even the savage

      tramp. He would sponge on the poorest boy for a farthing, and

      spurn him when he had got it; he would interpose (if he could get

      anything by it) between the baby and the mother's breast. So much

      lower than the company he keeps, for his maudlin assumption of

      being higher, this pitiless rascal blights the summer road as he

      maunders on between the luxuriant hedges; where (to my thinking)

      even the wild convolvulus and rose and sweet-briar, are the worse

      for his going by, and need time to recover from the taint of him in

      the air.

      The young fellows who trudge along barefoot, five or six together,

      their boots slung over their shoulders, their shabby bundles under

      their arms, their sticks newly cut from some roadside wood, are not

      eminently prepossessing, but are much less objectionable. There is

      a tramp-fellowship among them. They pick one another up at resting

      stations, and go on in companies. They always go at a fast swing -

      though they generally limp too - and there is invariably one of the

      company who has much ado to keep up with the rest. They generally

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      Dickens, Charles - The Uncommercial Traveller

      talk about horses, and any other means of locomotion than walking:

      or, one of the company relates some recent experiences of the road

      - which are always disputes and difficulties. As for example. 'So

      as I'm a standing at the pump in the market, blest if there don't

      come up a Beadle, and he ses, "Mustn't stand here," he ses. "Why

      not?" I ses. "No beggars allowed in this town," he ses. "Who's a

      beggar?" I ses. "You are," he ses. "Who ever see ME beg? Did

      YOU?" I ses. "Then you're a tramp," he ses. "I'd rather be that

      than a Beadle," I ses.' (The company express great approval.)

      '"Would you?" he ses to me. "Yes, I would," I ses to him. "Well,"

      he ses, "anyhow, get out of this town." "Why, blow your little

      town!" I ses, "who wants to be in it? Wot does your dirty little

      town mean by comin' and stickin' itself in the road to anywhere?

      Why don't you get a shovel and a barrer, and clear your town out o'

      people's way?"' (The company expressing the highest approval and

      laughing aloud, they all go down the hill.)

      Then, there are the tramp handicraft men. Are they not all over

      England, in this Midsummer time? Where does the lark sing, the

      corn grow, the mill turn, the river run, and they are not among the

      lights and shadows, tinkering, chair-mending, umbrella-mending,

      clock-mending, knife-grinding? Surely, a pleasant thing, if we

      were in that condition of life, to grind our way through Kent,

      Sussex, and Surrey. For the worst six weeks or so, we should see

      the sparks we ground off, fiery bright against a background of

      green wheat and green leaves. A little later, and the ripe harvest

      would pale our sparks from red to yellow, until we got the dark

      newly-turned land for a background again, and they were red once

      more. By that time, we should have ground our way to the sea

      cliffs, and the whirr of our wheel would be lost in the breaking of

      the waves. Our next variety in sparks would be derived from

      contrast with the gorgeous medley of colours in the autumn woods,

      and, by the time we had ground our way round to the heathy lands

      between Reigate and Croydon, doing a prosperous stroke of business

      all along, we should show like a little firework in the light

      frosty air, and be the next best thing to the blacksmith's forge.

      Very agreeable, too, to go on a chair-mending tour. What judges we

      should be of rushes, and how knowingly (with a sheaf and a

      bottomless chair at our back) we should lounge on bridges, looking

      over at osier-beds! Among all the innumerable occupations that

      cannot
    possibly be transacted without the assistance of lookers-on,

      chair-mending may take a station in the first rank. When we sat

      down with our backs against the barn or the public-house, and began

      to mend, what a sense of popularity would grow upon us! When all

      the children came to look at us, and the tailor, and the general

      dealer, and the farmer who had been giving a small order at the

      little saddler's, and the groom from the great house, and the

      publican, and even the two skittle-players (and here note that,

      howsoever busy all the rest of village human-kind may be, there

      will always be two people with leisure to play at skittles,

      wherever village skittles are), what encouragement would be on us

      to plait and weave! No one looks at us while we plait and weave

      these words. Clock-mending again. Except for the slight

      inconvenience of carrying a clock under our arm, and the monotony

      of making the bell go, whenever we came to a human habitation, what

      a pleasant privilege to give a voice to the dumb cottage-clock, and

      set it talking to the cottage family again! Likewise we foresee

      great interest in going round by the park plantations, under the

      overhanging boughs (hares, rabbits, partridges, and pheasants,

      scudding like mad across and across the chequered ground before

      us), and so over the park ladder, and through the wood, until we

      came to the Keeper's lodge. Then, would, the Keeper be

      discoverable at his door, in a deep nest of leaves, smoking his

      pipe. Then, on our accosting him in the way of our trade, would he

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      Dickens, Charles - The Uncommercial Traveller

      call to Mrs. Keeper, respecting 't'ould clock' in the kitchen.

      Then, would Mrs. Keeper ask us into the lodge, and on due

      examination we should offer to make a good job of it for

      eighteenpence; which offer, being accepted, would set us tinkling

      and clinking among the chubby, awe-struck little Keepers for an

      hour and more. So completely to the family's satisfaction would we

      achieve our work, that the Keeper would mention how that there was

      something wrong with the bell of the turret stable-clock up at the

      Hall, and that if we thought good of going up to the housekeeper on

      the chance of that job too, why he would take us. Then, should we

      go, among the branching oaks and the deep fern, by silent ways of

      mystery known to the Keeper, seeing the herd glancing here and

      there as we went along, until we came to the old Hall, solemn and

      grand. Under the Terrace Flower Garden, and round by the stables,

      would the Keeper take us in, and as we passed we should observe how

      spacious and stately the stables, and how fine the painting of the

      horses' names over their stalls, and how solitary all: the family

      being in London. Then, should we find ourselves presented to the

      housekeeper, sitting, in hushed state, at needlework, in a baywindow

      looking out upon a mighty grim red-brick quadrangle, guarded

      by stone lions disrespectfully throwing somersaults over the

      escutcheons of the noble family. Then, our services accepted and

      we insinuated with a candle into the stable-turret, we should find

      it to be a mere question of pendulum, but one that would hold us

      until dark. Then, should we fall to work, with a general

      impression of Ghosts being about, and of pictures indoors that of a

      certainty came out of their frames and 'walked,' if the family

      would only own it. Then, should we work and work, until the day

      gradually turned to dusk, and even until the dusk gradually turned

      to dark. Our task at length accomplished, we should be taken into

      an enormous servants' hall, and there regaled with beef and bread,

      and powerful ale. Then, paid freely, we should be at liberty to

      go, and should be told by a pointing helper to keep round over

      yinder by the blasted ash, and so straight through the woods, till

      we should see the town-lights right afore us. Then, feeling

      lonesome, should we desire upon the whole, that the ash had not

      been blasted, or that the helper had had the manners not to mention

      it. However, we should keep on, all right, till suddenly the

      stable bell would strike ten in the dolefullest way, quite chilling

      our blood, though we had so lately taught him how to acquit

      himself. Then, as we went on, should we recall old stories, and

      dimly consider what it would be most advisable to do, in the event

      of a tall figure, all in white, with saucer eyes, coming up and

      saying, 'I want you to come to a churchyard and mend a church

      clock. Follow me!' Then, should we make a burst to get clear of

      the trees, and should soon find ourselves in the open, with the

      town-lights bright ahead of us. So should we lie that night at the

      ancient sign of the Crispin and Crispanus, and rise early next

      morning to be betimes on tramp again.

      Bricklayers often tramp, in twos and threes, lying by night at

      their 'lodges,' which are scattered all over the country.

      Bricklaying is another of the occupations that can by no means be

      transacted in rural parts, without the assistance of spectators -

      of as many as can be convened. In thinly-peopled spots, I have

      known brick-layers on tramp, coming up with bricklayers at work, to

      be so sensible of the indispensability of lookers-on, that they

      themselves have sat up in that capacity, and have been unable to

      subside into the acceptance of a proffered share in the job, for

      two or three days together. Sometimes, the 'navvy,' on tramp, with

      an extra pair of half-boots over his shoulder, a bag, a bottle, and

      a can, will take a similar part in a job of excavation, and will

      look at it without engaging in it, until all his money is gone.

      The current of my uncommercial pursuits caused me only last summer

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      Dickens, Charles - The Uncommercial Traveller

      to want a little body of workmen for a certain spell of work in a

      pleasant part of the country; and I was at one time honoured with

      the attendance of as many as seven-and-twenty, who were looking at

      six.

      Who can be familiar with any rustic highway in summer-time, without

      storing up knowledge of the many tramps who go from one oasis of

      town or village to another, to sell a stock in trade, apparently

      not worth a shilling when sold? Shrimps are a favourite commodity

      for this kind of speculation, and so are cakes of a soft and spongy

      character, coupled with Spanish nuts and brandy balls. The stock

      is carried on the head in a basket, and, between the head and the

      basket, are the trestles on which the stock is displayed at trading

      times. Fleet of foot, but a careworn class of tramp this, mostly;

      with a certain stiffness of neck, occasioned by much anxious

      balancing of baskets; and also with a long, Chinese sort of eye,

      which an overweighted forehead would seem to have squeezed into

      that form.

      On the hot dusty roads near seaport towns and great rivers, behold

      the tramping Soldier. And if you should happen never to have asked

      yourself whether his uniform is suited to his work, perhaps the

      poor
    fellow's appearance as he comes distressfully towards you,

      with his absurdly tight jacket unbuttoned, his neck-gear in his

      hand, and his legs well chafed by his trousers of baize, may

      suggest the personal inquiry, how you think YOU would like it.

      Much better the tramping Sailor, although his cloth is somewhat too

      thick for land service. But, why the tramping merchant-mate should

      put on a black velvet waistcoat, for a chalky country in the dogdays,

      is one of the great secrets of nature that will never be

      discovered.

      I have my eye upon a piece of Kentish road, bordered on either side

      by a wood, and having on one hand, between the road-dust and the

      trees, a skirting patch of grass. Wild flowers grow in abundance

      on this spot, and it lies high and airy, with a distant river

      stealing steadily away to the ocean, like a man's life. To gain

      the milestone here, which the moss, primroses, violets, blue-bells,

      and wild roses, would soon render illegible but for peering

      travellers pushing them aside with their sticks, you must come up a

      steep hill, come which way you may. So, all the tramps with carts

      or caravans - the Gipsy-tramp, the Show-tramp, the Cheap Jack -

      find it impossible to resist the temptations of the place, and all

      turn the horse loose when they come to it, and boil the pot. Bless

      the place, I love the ashes of the vagabond fires that have

      scorched its grass! What tramp children do I see here, attired in

      a handful of rags, making a gymnasium of the shafts of the cart,

      making a feather-bed of the flints and brambles, making a toy of

      the hobbled old horse who is not much more like a horse than any

      cheap toy would be! Here, do I encounter the cart of mats and

      brooms and baskets - with all thoughts of business given to the

      evening wind - with the stew made and being served out - with Cheap

      Jack and Dear Jill striking soft music out of the plates that are

      rattled like warlike cymbals when put up for auction at fairs and

      markets - their minds so influenced (no doubt) by the melody of the

      nightingales as they begin to sing in the woods behind them, that

      if I were to propose to deal, they would sell me anything at cost

      price. On this hallowed ground has it been my happy privilege (let

      me whisper it), to behold the White-haired Lady with the pink eyes,

      eating meat-pie with the Giant: while, by the hedge-side, on the

     


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