Lisa
yeah
Lisa
we’re doing the usual Fontana christmas
Crystal
at bryan’s parents’ place?
Lisa
yup
Lisa
i told mom we haven’t made plans yet
Crystal
so she’ll be on her own then?
Lisa
we could invite her, but she didn’t seem to have very much fun last year
Crystal
yeah better not to
Crystal
well at least we’ve got some time to think about it
Crystal
i can’t deal with december right now
Crystal
it’s hard enough just getting through the week
Crystal
since my future is still a giant question mark
Lisa
you mean david?
Crystal
yeah
Lisa
have you talked to him yet?
Crystal
no
Crystal
i thought about emailing him, but i don’t even know what to say
Lisa
do you still love him?
Crystal
of course
Lisa
do you want to get back together?
Crystal
i think so…but it’s not like i can just disown mom, either
Crystal
i don’t think “i’m sorry” is going to be enough
Crystal
our relationship won’t work the way things are currently
Lisa
well all relationships require compromise
Lisa
but it doesn’t all have to be on you, either
Crystal
thanks
Crystal
i do think there are some things i want to change though
Crystal
i can’t be mom’s companion for the rest of my adult life
Crystal
what she really needs is a boyfriend or husband, someone to be with her 24/7
Lisa
yeah
Lisa
is she still online dating?
Crystal
no she quit
Crystal
she told me on the trip that she wants to “leave it up to fate”
Lisa
again?
Crystal
it might work
Lisa
it hasn’t for a decade
Lisa
seriously…she needs to find someone before she drives us both insane
Crystal
i know
Lisa
bryan and i have had talks about this
Crystal
really?
Lisa
yeah
Lisa
it’s why i fly in twice a year, for two days at a time
Lisa
it’s exhausting but i think we both enjoy it more that way
Crystal
but mom is only two hours away from me by car
Lisa
true but you still have choices
Crystal
so what do you recommend?
Lisa
start setting boundaries
Crystal
like limiting phone calls to two hours or less?
Lisa
plan them up against other commitments, even if they’re imaginary
Lisa
and you don’t have to respond to her texts right away, either
Crystal
but if i don’t then i keep thinking about it and it stresses me out
Lisa
don’t even look at your phone
Crystal
what if it’s an emergency?
Lisa
she’d find a way
Lisa
she could email you, make an actual call…there are plenty of ways
Crystal
oh right
Crystal
yeah, i think i’ll feel better once i have a plan
Crystal
i just wish mom didn’t have such ridiculously high standards
Lisa
yeah
Lisa
i don’t think anyone can meet ALL her expectations
Crystal
i wish we could just buy her a made-to-order boyfriend or something
Lisa
if only
TechBeat Article, July 11
Ever wish you had a robot to do your dishes? Drive you to work? Keep you warm at night? That future may be closer than you think.
Boople has announced an experimental program of robotic “Smart Companions,” which the company claims are “designed for domestic use.” As the program is still in the research stage, Boople reps are closed to questions, but a source close to the company says there is “a strong possibility” that they will resemble humans, and emulate human behaviors.
The Smart Companion team is led by Dr. Paul Devereux, the leading AI psychologist who recently published Robots Have Feelings Too: Essays on Technology, Psychology, and Love. Boople clearly wants us to invite these Smart Companions not just into our homes, but also our hearts. Good luck with that, Dr. Devereux.
Emails, July 11
From: Crystal Hemmingway <crystalkitty_01@booplemail.com>
To: Margot Hemmingway <margot.hemmingway@booplemail.com>
Subject: Heads Down at Work
Dear Mom,
We’re prepping the holiday catalogs at work, so I’m going to be working some long hours.
Unfortunately, this means that I’ll have to limit our phone calls to once a week, two hours or less. Sorry, I know it’s a big shift for us. :(
I had a great time in Hawaii and love you very much.
Thanks for understanding.
Love,
Crystal
Email, July 11
From: Crystal Hemmingway <crystalkitty_01@booplemail.com>
To: David Richards <darth_david@booplemail.com>
Subject: Hey
Hey David,
Hope you are doing well. I’m really sorry again about Hawaii, and how stressful it was. After all your hard work on MOB2, I know you deserved a week to just chill.
I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said, and how I act around Mom. I want you to know that I want to change – not just for you, but for me as well. It’s going to be a process, and I can’t promise it’ll be different in a day, or even a month. But I’ve got a plan, and I’ve already started the first step. I emailed Mom this morning and told her that I’m limiting our phone calls to once a week.
Also, I have some mail for you. I don’t know if you want me to forward it somewhere, or keep it here for now. I could also hide it in the yard somewhere, if you prefer to pick it up when I’m not around.
Talk to you later,
Crystal
P.S. Do you know how long you’ll be in Hawaii?
Margot’s Journal, Tuesday July 11
Today was a little challenging. I left the office early to volunteer at a career fair at Cypress High School (Grace Sommer’s daughter, Alice, goes there). They didn’t have any representation in dental care, so I thought I’d help Grace out (she’s the PTA committee chair).
They were supposed to have a neurosurgeon at the fair as well, but he got called away to an emergency, so I was the only one from any healthcare-related field. Dozens of students wanted to know how to get in to medical school, but no one wanted to know what it was like to be a dental hygienist.
I don’t suppose I can expect them to be interested. Teenagers are under a lot of pressure, and at that age they tend to be very self-centered. Of course I’d already decided on my career choice by 14, but kids these days seem to be a lot more indecisive. It’s probably the internet, with sites like YouTube giving them ideas about being professional video game players. David said the
re’s a special name for them. Something party-related, like “banners” or “streamers.” Apparently these kids just sit at home all day, and people pay them for some reason. If this keeps up, who’s going to be around to clean teeth?
Of course, Grace brought Alice over to say “hello.” Alice is a junior now. Grace told me all about how Alice is the top of her class. Lisa and Crystal were both valedictorians, but of course I was too polite to say that. Grace’s daughter has had a rough year, because she’s highly sensitive and has several food allergies, including eggs, peanuts, soy, corn, and gluten. I told them about some allergy-free chocolate chips I’d found at Whole Foods, but of course she already knew about them, and her private chef uses them all the time. Grace likes to say that she had to hire the chef (and the house cleaners and the grocery shoppers and the lawn care and the dog walker) because she’s simply too busy, but she doesn’t work for a living. She’s divorced like me, but Alice’s father is an incredibly wealthy plastic surgeon. It seems he pays Grace quite a generous alimony, because she still has the lifestyle of a rich housewife.
Of course, Grace doesn’t see it that way. She’s always stressed and overwhelmed, because she’s president of the Greater San Diego HHHA, the PTA chair, Alice’s driver, a part-time yoga teacher, a wellness coach…the list goes on. She has a soap-making business, too. She’s at the farmers’ market every weekend, selling her beautiful handmade goats’ milk soaps from goats in an underprivileged country. It’s Grace’s way of “giving back.”
Not that I’m jealous. At least, not about the money. It would be nice, but I do well enough. It was easier when the girls’ father was around, but I put them both through college, and they didn’t want for much. And now I get to live in San Diego, and this is not a cheap city.
Then Grace has to go and tell me how close she and Alice are. And how they are just the best of friends, and even when Alice is at school, they still text throughout the day. As she was saying this, Alice gives her a huge hug, to rub it all in.
I don’t understand why Lisa and Crystal aren’t like that. I thought we were close, but once they left for college, it was “Adios, Mom.” Both of them went out of state, when it would’ve been much cheaper and easier to go to a state university. But I wanted the best for them, and so I let them go. I thought that if I gave them space, they’d recognize the sacrifices I made for them someday, and they’d come back to me.
Instead, I get 48-hour visits from Lisa, and now this email from Crystal, telling me that she’s limiting my contact with her to a two-hour phone call, once a week.
When I read it, it was like a knife through my heart. After we had such a great time in Hawaii, too. I understand that she’s busy with work, but I’m busy, too. So now I have to contact her on her terms, when it’s convenient for her.
Can I even text her anymore? I don’t know.
Surely, email is safe. Or will I have to ask her permission, too?
I’d expect this kind of treatment if I’d wronged her, but I’ve given her nothing but love and support.
Maybe she’s going through something right now. Problems at work, maybe? She didn’t seem to want to talk about work much on the trip. And she looked like she’d gained a little weight since last year, too.
I want to be compassionate and give her space, but this really hurts. I always made sure she and Lisa had everything they needed. All the summer day camps, lessons, school events. I didn’t miss a single one.
And now I get two hours a week?
Am I going to have to start making lists of things to tell her? What if I forget something important? Would she even want me to text her if something bad happened to her grandmother?
I should probably do some yoga, and some deep breathing. I have to bake four dozen cookies tonight. Our office building is having a bake sale on Saturday to raise money for victims of the hurricane on the East Coast. No one from our office volunteered, so I said I’d bring some cookies. I thought it’d be a couple dozen, but they wanted 12 dozen (144), which is why I have to start tonight. I thought I’d bake them tonight and tomorrow, and then frost them Friday night. I have yoga on Thursday, so that only leaves me with three days.
I’m going to think positive thoughts for Crystal. She must really be hurting right now to send an email like that, so I can only hope that she’ll be more communicative when she gets through this. I just wish she’d lean on me so we could work through it together.
Gratitudes:
I am grateful for my daughters, and for the opportunities they give me to grow.
I am grateful to Grace for inviting me to the career fair, for the opportunity to influence young minds.
I am grateful for yogic breathing, so I could remain calm in challenging situations like I faced today.
Email, July 12
From: Grateful Goats Soaps <grace@gratefulgoatssoaps.com>
To: Margot Hemmingway <margot.hemmingway@booplemail.com>
Subject: A Gift for You
Hello Gorgeous,
Just in time for summer, we are now offering our most delicious scent yet: Kona Coconut. Straight from the shores of Hawaii, our fair trade Kona Coffee beans are ground by hand and mixed with organic coconut oils. Kona Coconut will carry you off to the white beaches of Hawaii, and turn your daily bath or shower into a spa paradise.
In need of a little detox? Try our new exfoliating soap, made from organic, gluten-free oats and rice bran. We set out to make an effective exfoliating soap free from harmful plastic microbeads, which wreak havoc on our lakes, rivers, oceans. Our organic rice bran is just as effective, and safe for both you and the earth.
We’re confident you’ll love these soaps, which is why we’re offering you a free trial bar of each. Just bring the attached coupon to our booth at the farmers’ market to claim your free gift.
Love and Light,
Grace <3
Grateful Goats Soaps. Clean body, clear conscience. Proceeds benefit Himalayan Sherpas.
Boople Chat, Weds July 12, 5:22 PM
how’s it going?
Crystal
alright
Crystal
glad i have work right now to distract me from the whole david thing
Lisa
still no response to your email?
Crystal
nope
Crystal
i thought he’d be home by now
Crystal
or at least have internet access
Lisa
aw
Crystal
i’m trying to give him space
Crystal
but i just wish he would’ve given me some answers, you know?
Crystal
like what does he mean by “break”? and when is he coming home?
Lisa
yeah
Crystal
i moved some of his stuff into the closet, so i don’t have to look at it
Crystal
every time i think about my future with him, my stomach feels all wobbly
Lisa
aw :(
Crystal
i think i’d go crazy without work
Crystal
i’ve been distracting myself with tv in the evenings
Crystal
but after a week of this i’m starting to feel like a slacker
Lisa
well you’ve been through a lot
Crystal
yeah thanks
Lisa
it sucks that he didn’t explain the break thing
Crystal
yeah
Crystal
i mean it’s nice that there’s hope
Crystal
but it’s the silence that kills me
Lisa
:(
Crystal’s Journal, July 15
I haven’t had a single text message from Mom in three days. It’s been pretty strange, to be honest. I kept checking my phone, expecting something to be there, but there was nothing.
I even went on Facebook yesterday to see if she posted anything (she had), which was a relief because then I knew nothing bad had happened to her.
The good news is that I’ve been amazingly productive these last few days. As part of my new Life Improvement Plan (LIP for short), I decided to stop slacking at work. No more endless checking of the email (personal and work). No more social media, and no more loitering in Boople Chat. I used to just keep Boople Chat open all day, and I’d tell David all the silly things, like when I got free cookies or what color socks my friend Jen was wearing (she has a quite a collection). I realized that I was starting to do that to Lisa instead (post-David), and I decided it was time to stop. It was majorly distracting, and sometimes I wouldn’t even start on my work in earnest until after lunch.
But no more!
I think I’ve gotten more done in the past three days than I did all last week. I’m a little worried that my boss will notice and expect me to keep up this pace, but maybe that would be a good thing. Put some pressure on me to avoid those distractions.
Too bad they don’t pay based on my output. But maybe they’ll notice and give me a raise…but reviews won’t come around again until next summer, so it’s probably wishful thinking.
Ah, well. This isn’t about the money, anyway. It’s about owning the day, and making my dreams come true.
Speaking of which!
I actually dusted off the novel again. I read it over earlier this week, and it’s pretty bad. As in, probably not worth salvaging. The concept was a Rapunzel retelling, but a lot of it just wasn’t working. It was really stiff and didn’t make a lot of sense. But I had a stroke of inspiration the other day, and I think I have a better idea for how to rewrite it. I’m only 4300 words in at the moment, but it seems to be working a lot better. If I can just keep up this pace, I’ll be on track to finish in a few months. Then I could finally say that I finished something, which would be great.
I’ve also been thinking more about what David said, especially about how I change my appearance around Mom. I think I knew on some level that I was doing it, but I didn’t realize just how much until I compared the Hawaii vacation photos to my usual photos with David. In Hawaii, I was dressing like I did in high school. I let my hair air dry, and mostly wore a baggy windbreaker and convertible nylon pants. Some of that is the climate, but still. If it was just me and David, I probably would’ve worn some cuter clothes, and I definitely wouldn’t have felt the need to wear a rash guard at the beach.