Mom’s Perfect Boyfriend by Crystal Hemmingway
© 2019 by Crystal Hemmingway. All rights reserved.
First edition.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form on by an electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
All brand names and product names mentioned in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, and trade names of their respective holders. Mention of a company name does not constitute endorsement. The author is not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book.
PUBLISHER’S CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA
Names: Hemmingway, Crystal, author.
Title: Mom’s perfect boyfriend / Crystal Hemmingway.
Series: Smart Companions.
Description: Austin, TX: Galbadia Press, 2019.
Identifiers: ISBN 978-1-950458-00-4 (Hardcover) | 978-1-950458-01-1 (pbk.) | 978-1-950458-02-8 (ebook)
Subjects: LCSH Mothers and daughters--Fiction. | Family--Fiction. | Robots--Fiction. | Love stories. | Epistolary fiction. | Romance fiction. | BISAC FICTION / Romance / Romantic Comedy
Classification: LCC PS3608.E4775 M66 2019| DDC 813.6--dc23
www.galbadiapress.com
Table of Contents
Author’s Note
Boople Chat, Thurs Jun 29, 7:32 PM
Text Messages, June 29
Boople Chat, Fri June 30, 1:15 AM
Email, June 30
Text Messages, July 6
Boople Chat, Sat July 8 10:32 AM
Text Messages, July 8
Margot’s Journal, Sunday July 9
Boople Chat, Monday, July 10 2:13 PM
TechBeat Article, July 11
Emails, July 11
Email, July 11
Margot’s Journal, Tuesday July 11
Email, July 12
Boople Chat, Weds July 12, 5:22 PM
Crystal’s Journal, July 15
Return to the Tower, Page 11
Email, July 15
Email, July 15
Email, July 17
Email, July 17
Boople Chat, Tues July 18, 9:45 AM
Boople Chat, Tues July 18, 12:05 PM
Margot’s Journal, Saturday July 22
Boople Chat, Thurs July 27 4:42 PM
Emails, August 6
Email, August 14
Email, August 25
Boople Chat, Thurs Aug 31, 1:19 PM
Email, September 1
Margot’s Journal, Saturday, September 2
Boople Chat, Weds Sept 6, 11:34 AM
California Tech Article, September 13
Boople Chat, Tues Sept 19, 10:12 AM
Email, September 13
Email, September 13
Margot’s Journal, Friday September 22
Text Messages, September 24
Text Messages, September 29
Return to the Tower, Page 28
Boople Chat, Mon Oct 2 10:13 AM
Text messages, October 4
Email, October 8
Email, October 8
Email, October 8
Text messages, October 9
Email, October 11
Boople Chat, Thurs Oct 12, 3:01 PM
Margot’s Journal, Monday October 16
Boople Chat, Tues Oct 17, 8:58 AM
Margot’s Journal, Thursday October 19
Text Messages, October 19
Boople Chat, Fri Oct 20 11:03 AM
Text Messages, October 21
Text Messages, October 23
Text Messages, October 24
Crystal’s Journal, October 25
Return to the Tower, Page 122
Text Messages, November 4
Margot’s Journal, Sunday November 5
Email, November 6
Email, November 6
Boople Chat, Nov 6 9:38 AM
Email, November 8
Text Messages, November 10
Crystal’s Journal, November 11, 9pm
Boople Smart Companion Online Application, page 4 of 93
Crystal’s Journal, November 12, 1:30 Am
Crystal’s Journal, November 12, 2 AM
Boople Chat, Nov 13 3:42 PM
Text Messages, November 14
Email, November 15
Crystal’s Journal, November 16
Margot’s Journal, Friday, November 17
Crystal’s Journal, November 17
Text Messages, November 18
Margot’s Journal, Sunday November 19
Crystal’s Journal, November 19
Boople Chat, Nov 20 1:23 PM
Margot’s Journal, November 22
Letter, November 22
Text Messages, November 22
Margot’s Journal, Thursday, November 23
Boople Chat, Nov 24 9:41 AM
Email, November 27
Crystal’s Journal, November 28
Boople Smart Companion Adam Devereux, Log 000382, 11/28 14:22:03
Email, November 30
Email, November 30
Boople Smart Companion Satisfaction Survey, Week 2, Page 3
Return to the Tower, Page 218
David’s Letters, Received December 1
Boople Chat, Dec 2 12:41 PM
Email, December 2
Email, December 2
Crystal’s Journal, December 3
Boople Smart Companion Adam Devereux, Log 000435, 12/4 11:08:03
Margot’s Journal, Wednesday, December 6
Boople Chat, Dec 7 3:53 PM
The President is a Robot Screenplay, page 108 notes, 12/7
Margot’s Journal, Friday, December 8
Text Messages, December 9
Crystal’s Journal, December 9
Email, December 10
Email, December 10
Email, December 10
Text Messages, December 11
Crystal’s Journal, December 15
Text Messages, December 16
Text Messages, December 17
Margot’s Journal, Sunday, December 17
Text Messages, December 18
Email, December 20
Return to the Tower, Page 243
Margot’s Journal, Thursday, December 21
Text Messages, Dec 22
Margot’s Journal, Friday, December 22
Text Messages, Dec 23
Crystal’s Journal, December 23
Email, December 23
Email, December 23
Margot’s Journal, December 24
Text Messages, December 24
Boople Smart Companion Adam Devereux, Log 000942, 12/24 20:22:03
Crystal’s Journal, December 25
Letter, Received December 25
Email, December 26
Email, December 26
Letter, Received December 27
Letter, Received December 27
Email, December 28
Emails, January 10
Boople Chat, Jan 11 4:02 PM
Velocirapture, Page 15
Email, January 12
Email, January 12
Steamy Reads New and Novel Contest Online Application, page 2 of 4
Email, January 13
Email, January 13
Email, January 13
Crystal’s Journal, January 14
Email, January 15
Em
ail, January 15
Email, January 20
Email, January 24
Email, January 24
Crystal’s Journal, January 29
Email, February 8
Crystal’s Journal, February 13
Email, February 14
Text Messages, February 14
Boople Chat, Feb 15 2:41 PM
Email, February 23
Press Release, April 8
Boople Chat, May 5 3:22 PM
About the Author
One Last Thing…
Author’s Note
This story is true. I assembled it from my text messages, emails, and journal entries. I know it’s hard to believe. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain some of the things I experienced.
Names have been changed to protect the innocent (and because I don’t want to get sued). “Boople” is a very real global tech company with a fleet of lawyers. Please don’t sue me, Boople lawyers.
To offer a broader perspective, I have included excerpts from my mom’s diary. Technically, I never got her permission to publish it – or even read it. Actually, it’d be better off if she never found out about this book.
In conclusion: true story, please don’t sue me, please don’t tell my mom.
-C.H.
Boople Chat, Thurs Jun 29, 7:32 PM
Crystal
soooo excited for hawaii!!!
Crystal
think you’ll be home soon?
David
they just found another critical bug on my level
David
it’s going to be a late night
Crystal
aw i’m sorry
Crystal
i can help you pack
David
thanks i’d appreciate it
David
i really need this vacation
Crystal
we’ll make it our best yet ;)
Text Messages, June 29
Mom
Hey, Sweetie. Do you have a minute to chat?
Crystal
Sure, I can talk while I pack. Can I call you in 10 min?
Mom
That would be great.
Boople Chat, Fri June 30, 1:15 AM
Crystal
hey
Lisa
hi
Lisa
aren’t you leaving for hawaii in like 4 hours?
Crystal
i just got off a three hour phone call with mom
Crystal
she kind of invited herself on our trip
Lisa
again?
Crystal
i tried to tell her no but she wouldn’t listen
Lisa
she’s not your responsibility
Lisa
you can’t be her best friend forever
Crystal
i know but it’s too late now :(
Crystal
she already bought the ticket
Lisa
well then good luck
Lisa
you’re going to need it
Email, June 30
From: Maui Turtle Tours <amanda@mauiturtletours.com>
To: Crystal Hemmingway <crystalkitty_01@booplemail.com>
Subject: Re: Trip for Three
Aloha Crystal!
I have cancelled and rebooked your trip as you requested. I have attached an invoice with the updated balance. Please review the information below and feel free to call or email with any questions.
Hope you have a wonderful time here in Maui!
Mahalo,
Amanda S.
Cancelled*:
1 x Beachside Couples’ Massage
1 x Beginner Surfing Lesson (Private), 2 adults
1 x Zipline Tour, 2 adults
2 x Maui Burlesque Cabaret Show tickets
1 x Candlelit Yacht Dinner for two
Booked:
1 x Snorkeling Adventure Tour, 3 adults
1 x Dolphin Cruise (lunch included), 3 adults
1 x Maui Pineapple Ranch entry tickets, 3 adults
3 x Deluxe Fire Dancing Luau tickets (1 vegetarian, 2 omnivore)
*All cancellations and rebookings may be subject to a fee, up to 50% of the cost of the tour, if requested by the guest less than 24 hours before the date of service. Cancellations and rebookings due to weather and other unforeseen circumstances will be made free of charge.
Text Messages, July 6
Crystal
hey are you coming?
Crystal
we set sail in 2 min
David
i’m going to sit this one out
Crystal
everything ok?
David
yeah i just need some time alone
Boople Chat, Sat July 8 10:32 AM
Crystal
can i call you?
Lisa
give me 15 min?
Crystal
k
Lisa
you alright?
Crystal
david wants a break
Crystal
like from our relationship
Lisa
calling now
Text Messages, July 8
Mom
Happy Saturday!
Crystal
Thanks Mom, you too. :)
Mom
Any plans this weekend?
Crystal
Unpack and do laundry. :P
Mom
Same here! And a walk with Ingrid tomorrow.
Crystal
Sounds good. :)
Mom
Missing the Hawaii weather already.
Crystal
Yep it was nice
Mom
It was so kind of you and David to include me. It was a wonderful trip, and I’m so glad I finally got a chance to see Maui. Thank you so much! <3 I’m so proud of you and excited to hear more about your novel. Love you so much!
Crystal
Thanks, I enjoyed it, too. Won’t be much to show on the novel for awhile. Love you too. <3
Mom
Bye! Say hi to David for me!
Crystal
Thanks, I will, bye. :)
Margot’s Journal, Sunday July 9
I had a great weekend. I flew back from Hawaii on Friday night, so I slept in on Saturday. We had a great time in Hawaii, and I think Crystal and David enjoyed it, too. There was a mix-up at the hotel, so they upgraded us to the honeymoon suite! It was so nice that we could all stay in the same room. I’ve never stayed anywhere that fancy, not even when I went to that dentists’ conference with my ex-husband. This place was much better, and right on the beach. The view was to die for.
We packed a lot in on the trip, but I wouldn’t have minded a few more days. We still managed to squeeze in snorkeling, a dolphin cruise, plenty of shopping, a luau, some hikes, a surf competition (as spectators), horseback riding, a few movies, some ice cream, and a lot of great meals. Crystal is still doing the vegetarian thing, so we looked for places with options for her. David was a bit down this trip, and it looked like he’d put on a bit of weight, too. It sounded like his last video game project was very stressful, but he just finished it. I hope they treat him better on the next one.
It was hard to come home to overcast weather after all that Hawaiian sun, but it was nice to be back in my own place and eating my own food. I got the house cleaned up a bit, and ran a bunch of errands. I had a nice walk with Ingrid, although she’s a bit depressed right now. Her husband is dealing with a lot of health problems, and she doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to. I’m trying to be supportive, but I hope she can find a way to be more positive soon.
After the walk, I did some grocery shopping at the farmers’ market and two different grocery stores. Then I cooked everything up for the week, so my meals are all ready to go. It’s going to be another busy week, and I always feel better when I eat my own food. My pants are also a littl
e tight after the trip (must’ve been all the ice cream! Hehe!), so I’ll have to cut back a little there.
Tonight, I went online to post some photos from the trip. I didn’t mean to, but I saw a post from James, and then I looked at his profile. It looks like he bought a new car – a red corvette with black interior. Why didn’t he get that earlier? I had to ride in his beat-up old Corolla. I know I shouldn’t have even looked, but it’s still hard to see pictures of him with that skinny new girlfriend, both happy and smiling. I thought James and I really had a connection, but now it’s like I was never even there. I’ll have to work on releasing those feelings, because the yoga and meditation don’t seem to have cleared them yet. Maybe another month will be enough.
Then I saw a picture of Lisa and Bryan and his parents at brunch. Lisa never goes to brunch with me. I know we’re not in the same town, but we could be. I guess I don’t understand why they live near his parents and not me, and why we can’t be the kind of family that brunches.
I also got an invite to the Helping Hands Housewife Association (HHHA) holiday fundraiser. Mother is in charge again, and it would probably be good for me to go. I’ll have to check with the girls on their holiday plans, because the fundraiser is on Christmas eve this year.
It’s going to be a good week. I’m going to focus on being compassionate toward my patients, especially those with halitosis and gingivitis.
Gratitudes:
I am grateful for the unexpected Hawaiian vacation.
I am grateful for Crystal and Lisa.
I am grateful for my job, which deepens my appreciation of vacations.
Boople Chat, Monday, July 10 2:13 PM
Crystal
yo
Crystal
has mom been texting you like every five minutes?
Crystal
like photos of her coworkers and her food and stuff?
Lisa
YES
Lisa
i stopped responding an hour ago and it’s still going
Crystal
i think it’s withdrawal from the trip
Lisa
probably
Crystal
did she ask you about christmas?
Lisa
yeah
Crystal
i know she wants to get her tickets early but still
Crystal
it’s half a year away