The Beginning

The Beginning

  by Coyotes Publishing

  Copyright 2017 Coyotes Publishing

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  The Way Out

  Mostly I feel as if I need to release what's on the inside.

  To take a sharp object to my wrists and let my body dive.

  To the ground in one lifeless thud.

  Let me lay lifeless in the mud.

  I don't want to get up I don't need to see the rest of my life.

  It doesn't matter to me how it goes because I took the way out with a knife.

  It's what I needed to do, it's what I wanted.

  Always walking with a fake smile is what is flaunted.

  I never wanted to live another moment having to deal with any of that.

  I would rather cock it load it and listen to my brains go splat.

  It's my way out, follow me if you want I won't deny.

  That the way I'm heading is down, always an forever never touching the sky.

  All my life I just wanted something different I wanted to be someone.

  But yet it never happens that way all I can do is be a nobody just a son.

  Even that I don't want to be, as it's the life that I'm having to leave.

  Since I know that when I leave is when I'll finally succeed.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Pull The Trigger

  The voices in my head are begging me to go ahead.

  To take a deep breath and to commit myself to the dead.

  Don't let the people on the outside win.

  Come continue your life of sin.

  No matter what the case.

  Just pull the trigger in any place.

  It don't matter if it's in doors or out.

  Just be sure to let the soul hang around to hear the women shout.

  It doesn't matter anymore.

  My life is just a bore.

  I couldn't stand to live another day.

  It's not like the voices had to say much in order to sway.

  Myself from doing something such as this.

  But now as I lay dead everyone can start to reminess

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Mitlom

  The Hitler mother is always trying to run the show.

  Trying to tell you which way to turn and where to go.

  Wanting to run every aspect of your life even though hers fell apart.

  It's not like it really does mean anything since yours has been shitty from the start.

  With her calling the shots and thinking that she knows whats best.

  Is the truly wrong thing to think since she doesn't let you rest.

  Haunting your mind and the thoughts you think.

  You could drown her out but that'll make you have a drink.

  Battery Acid & Windshield Wash is the only drink to do the trick.

  Unless your the favorite son if thats the case then she'll suck a dick.

  Never thinking twice about her actions, but never thinking about you.

  She'll run her mouth and make you turn blue.

  With sadness and depression which she'll be the cause of.

  She won't give a fuck because your the outlet for all of her problems.

  No mathematical equation can ever solve this riddle.

  No matter what you do she always claims that you sit and twiddle.

  Your thumbs on a constant rotation.

  She will talk shit about you an she'll think it's motivation.

  Be warned as you may have a Mitlom near.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Can't Stand It

  Everyday it's the same fucking thing.

  Bitching and crabbing from the moment you walk in the door till I goto bed.

  If I go too early you'll scream louder.

  No matter what I do it's like your looking over my shoulder.

  I can't stand it living my life like this having you attempt to run it.

  I know life really does suck shit.

  Why does mine have to continue to get worse.

  Just leave me the fuck alone before I find myself in a Hurst.

  I can no longer stand this I can't take much more.

  You better fucking believe I have been getting sore.

  Trying to please you which isn't fucking possible since all you do is find something else.

  Something I have done since I never read your mind.

  If I could I know I wouldn't like what I would find.

  Nothing but treat me like shit.

  Abuse me so much I'd take a self inflicted hit.

  Don't give him a chance to speak.

  Let him sit alone in the dark at his computer so you can call him a geek.

  Tell him he has no life.

  Tell him that he'll never grow up an get a wife.

  The girl who he dates won't like him if he stays this way.

  But what you don't know is tomorrow maybe the fucking day.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  The House Of Horrors

  I never thought I would think this bout the house I grew up in.

  Living in a house full of anger doin many things that'd be considered a sin.

  Not knowing what else to do as I grow up just trying to have myself survive.

  Thinking that things can't get much worse but they did as I got older an more alive.

  As I grew older things came down harder.

  The distance between me an those around grew further.

  Further apart as it seems that they couldn't reach me.

  When they looked into my eyes my dreams they couldn't see.

  I always kept things hidden from those around me never wanting to take part.

  In anything that they wanted me to be involved in as I've always had dreams from the start.

  I could never understand why they always try to be my friend.

  As they've tried this till the end.

  No longer shall they become that or be considered that.

  As I keep my self hidden under my hood an hat.

  Always have it turned to the back.

  Never talking to anyone who was in the house of horrors.

  One day I'll get my revenge and I'll be evening the scores.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  No Escape

  There's no escape, never anywhere to run.

  It began ever since we moved into the house.

  Not knowing what my fate was as I always continued to be as silent as a mouse.

  There's no escape, never anywhere to run.

  Close your eyes and rest in peace it's soon be all done.

  There's no escape, never anywhere to run.

  The emotional roller coaster is never any fun.

  There never is any escape.

  Living in a house surrounded by the police yellow tape.

  I don't know where to begin or where to end.

  Growing up with nobody to be my friend.

  The darkness was always kind.

  In it is the compassion in which I would find.

  There's no escape, never anywhere to run.

  Close your eyes and rest in peace it's soon be all done.

  There's no escape, never anywhere to run.

  The emotional roller coaster is never any fun.

  I woke up one day thinking that my life has changed.

  When the phone rang I was about to find out that my life was even more deranged.

  I've became a mindless soul with a blank stare.

  They have labeled it the death glare.

  No emotion goes on my face.

  No
single movement shall go about the place.

  It's just like I want that person dead.

  As the satanic thoughts would roam through out my head.

  There's no escape, never anywhere to run.

  Close your eyes and rest in peace it's soon be all done.

  There's no escape, never anywhere to run.

  The emotional roller coaster is never any fun.

  Everyone shall be terrorfied when my darkness comes.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Unwanted Feeling

  The feeling of being unwanted is always around.

  No matter if I'm out sluggin wood or if I'm just sitting on the ground.

  Nobody wants me around this house.

  Even though I'm the one who doesn't even squeak like a mouse.

  Sitting alone in his room, no lights on.

  But that's enough for them to find something to complain about and bitch on.

  I could be dead and they would still complain to the ghostly image.

  I can't do any good, I'm worthless, I'm unwanted.

  I just want to be alone.

  Let me hide where the sun won't be shown.

  Just let me sit in the dark.

  Or even be homeless in the park.

  I'm just unwanted no matter where I go.

  Unless I'm in her arms but that's been ruin last time I go.

  The phone rang an got bitched at till I came home.

  Just to continue to get bitched at an hear it in my head when I'm alone.

  This unwanted feeling seems to stick.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  60 Minutes

  The countdown is on.

  Within 60 minutes the bitchfest shall commence.

  Nothing I do is ever right.

  You can't even imagine what I go through while I write.

  I try to explain it but words just won't work.

  When I was in school I was always labeled a dork.

  Sitting near a computer or having my book opened at all times.

  Writing down ideas from my mind including the odd rhyme.

  None of that lasted till this very day.

  Actually only one did, but the trouble it caused wouldn't go away.

  But the words I write, isn't things that I can speak.

  Since I'm shy an even though most call me a computer geek.

  I could never speak my own mind with my voice, I would clam up.

  Getting all quiet and tired of being told to shut the fuck up.

  Always screaming louder than I can.

  I do have two legs but on them I can not stand.

  I always get pushed down.

  Sitting on the ground always looking up with a frown.

  Tears in my eyes as if you wouldn't see.

  Although the ones who pushed me down would be as happy as happy can be.

  Within 60 minutes all this will happen.

  Not to mention the verbal slappin.

  I can no longer take this abuse.

  For this there really is no excuse.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Confusion

  Everything at times makes me confused, never know what to do.

  I never know if I feel grey or if I really feel blue.

  Always had a tough time making up my mind.

  Just like times I have trouble finding the right words to write a rhyme.

  It never is easy being me.

  All alone in the cold dark world, to much bullshit to topple down on me.

  If I could I would change my life for the better.

  Change my life from looking like a block of swiss, to looking like a block of gold.

  Half the time I don't know if what I do is really right.

  Most of my emotions I can't let out verbally so I just write.

  I never know who I am or where I'm coming from when I speak.

  At times I just wonder if I'm just a computer geek.

  To have hopes and dreams that'll always fade away.

  Always having to go against the grain and have to pave my own way.

  Sometimes I wish I could deal with this confusion on a better level.

  Instead of always looking down into a grave while holding a shovel.

  Wondering if my idea that I just released shall be buried with the rest or rise up.

  All through my 25 years I've always been a total fuck up.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Scared

  I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

  Part of me is panicking because I could have a kid on the way, if signs are true.

  25 years old, no father an no job I got allot to learn.

  My life went from bad to worse over night and it looks like it's no stopping.

  No matter how much I try it doesn't seem to matter that things have progressed.

  To the point of more trouble an allot less success.

  I'm so scared right now I don't know how to react.

  Tryin to do stuff without giving anything away.

  I'm hoping that things will have enough sway.

  To pull the test from positive to negative.

  The days count down as if it's my last day on earth.

  Pulling me back to the point of having to go through my rebirth.

  Coming into this world not knowing what is ahead of me.

  Not knowing what's going on or what lays ahead.

  I'm scared as I feel like everybody already knows the results.

  Even though the test has yet to be done.

  I don't think that it really matters as all signs point to yes.

  Which really means that I have to find another way to be a success.

  Something to get money and get it quick.

  Be sure to keep both hands on my dick.

  Can't be busting anymore don't need another kid on the way.

  I'm so fucking scared that I don't know what else to say.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Out In The Cold

  When I see the results of this test it means I'm out.

  Out in the cold with the rest of the homeless.

  Abandon by all who brought me into this world.

  No Christmas, Not even a birthday.

  Nothing in this fucking world could possibly save me.

  Once I see the test that reads positive.

  I know that I'm out in the cold with no love that is.

  The baby is most definitely mine, nobody else has been in this girl.

  She's the greatest girl in the world and I feel like I've ruined her world.

  To have everything going so up come down with a huge crash.

  Now she's going to be having my baby, an here I am with no cash.

  The only thing that I will be getting is a cold shoulder and a tongue lashing.

  From everybody who finds out and by anyone who steps forth in my presence.

  I never know what the fuck are we going to do.

  We have little to no time and nothing is working out for you know who.

  I can't even imagine what I could do to sway the test.

  This girl an that baby truly do deserve the best.

  Unfortunately I can not provide.

  The only thing I can do right now is ride.

  Myself on down deeper to the depths below.

  Since I don't even want to think about me being homeless with no where to go.

  I'm out and I'm trapped like a mouse without a house.

  Not knowing where to turn, not needing to think bout the deep south.

  I never knew how fucked up my life could have got.

  I should have kept myself on out, instead of bustin that cum shot.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Cardboard City

  To cardboard city is where I shall roam.

  Always to wonder with no phone an no home.

  Can't call anyone I love because that all vanished.

  Just like the ounce of slime that released up inside of her as she wished.

  To always be a mother, to have
a child of her own.

  Not knowing how quickly my life could turn so fucking cold on it's own.

  The four walls in which I may have around me would crumble so quick.

  As I hit myself I wonder why didn't I put a rubber on my dick.

  To prevent this from happening, to take a safety precausion.

  I truly should have done so to have extra caution.

  Now one false move and I'm falling through this ice.

  Not knowing anything else other than no longer having a life.

  All my hopes and dreams vanished in one single squirt.

  Now here I am sitting here writing my final words.

  In hopes of things working out for me and not loosing everything.

  From everything to nothing and here I am trying to start over.

  That won't really go just because of the fact that I now have a child.

  Everything shall change again in a moments notice and there is nothing I can do.

  I can't do a single thing other than cry over what has happened.

  Not knowing how bad things are about to get.

  Trying to keep things a secret and trying to get everything set.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Nothing Left

  I have nothing left everything was taken from me in a moments notice.

  I never know where the fuck my life is going to lead.

  I never wanted to see the girl who is going to be my wife ever bleed.

  To find out that the bleeding was caused by me.

  Nothing violent started it, a act of love as I shot a million little soldiers.

  Up forth into her as we're starting to gain more and more confidence in her.

  As she's back to just starting to walk, an all this time feelin unloved as we talked.

  Broken leg brought us closer together.

  Brought us deeper into each others lives.

  I never could understand why.

  A girl could possible love me the way that she says she does.

  Although now I know that I feel as if all that has changed.

  Everything that I have ever wanted will be going up in a ball of flame.

  - Kennie Kayoz -

  Here I Sit

  Writing these thoughts in my head.

  Hoping that they will resolve themselves through this lead.