The Whiz Mob and the Grenadine Kid

  Dedication

  To Felix and Titine

  Map

  Contents

  Dedication

  Map

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Glossary

  Acknowledgments

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Books by Colin Meloy and Carson Ellis

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Chapter

  ONE

  Before I tell you what Charlie Fisher saw, the incredible and beautiful thing he witnessed, and how it would set into motion a series of events that would change his life in a very dramatic way for a very long time, I should first explain to you who Charlie was and how he came to be sitting there in the Place Jean Jaurès in Marseille, France, on a warm Tuesday morning in April 1961.

  To start with, Charlie was on vacation. At least, that was how his father had suggested he view his current predicament. To that end, the last few years of his life were a kind of series of vacations. To you this might seem like a very good deal for a twelve-year-old boy, which Charlie was. However: if your life was just a series of vacations, one after another, you’d probably find the prospect of yet one more vacation pretty boring, which was how Charlie felt about the whole situation.

  You see, Charlie’s father was Charles Fisher, Senior. You are forgiven if you don’t recognize the name; this all happened well before your time. No doubt your grandparents would be very familiar with Charles Erasmus Fisher Sr., the noted American diplomat, the one who had married the young German heiress Sieglinde Dührer in a well-publicized ceremony on the veranda of the Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria. The same Fisher who brokered the Reykjavík Accords and settled, once and for all, the long and bloody Greco-Hungarian War. But, sadly, it is his marriage that overshadows his great accomplishments as a warrior for peace. Charlie’s mother, Sieglinde, was a beautiful woman, a stage actress of some renown, and Charles Sr. had fallen for her while on a trip to Vienna a few years after the end of World War II. Their marriage was short and spectacular and managed to produce a good deal of ink for the Washington gossip rags, not to mention Charlie Jr. himself, but by the time of Charlie’s seventh birthday, they’d been separated long enough that the divorce, when it came, was a mere formality. Charlie had barely known his father, a man who had spent a fraction of his married life at the family’s brick town house in Georgetown, Washington, DC. The boy received regular postcards, written in his father’s impeccable hand, from such exotic locales as Moscow, Buenos Aires, and Yokohama, but Charlie could count on one hand the number of nights he’d actually had his father read at his bedside. Sieglinde, along with a host of assistants, nannies, and governesses, was Charlie’s only real family. So it was a great surprise to Charlie when his mother told him one morning, in no uncertain terms, that she had grown very tired of being a mother and that Charlie was to live with his father from here on out. Sieglinde would be happy to consider herself a kind of “cool aunt” to Charlie, should he ever need one.

  What could Charlie do? Being a boy of nine years at the time, very little. The housemaid, Penny, helped him pack his most prized and portable possessions (which amounted to: seven books, a suitcase of clothes, and a box of green army men) and kissed his forehead as she saw him seated in the backseat of a Lincoln Continental. He was driven to the airport and there put on a plane to Morocco, where his father (or someone) would be waiting to receive him. He was to live the life of a professional diplomat’s child from this point forward, forever passing from one world to another, Toronto to Bombay to Vladivostok, his weeks and months a seemingly never-ending parade of vacations.

  And he couldn’t have been more bored.

  Which was precisely what he was feeling when he was sitting in Place Jean Jaurès in Marseille, on that warm Tuesday morning in April. If you were as world-wise and world-weary as Charlie was, you would know that Marseille is a very famous French port town on the Mediterranean Sea. And if you’d spent as much time as Charlie had on airplanes, hacking through a reading list that had been prescribed by your tagalong tutor, you’d know that Edmond Dantès, the hero of Dumas’s The Count of Monte Cristo, had lived out his imprisonment in the Château d’If, which sat on a small island off the coast of Marseille. And if you’d received as many lectures on safety as Charlie had by his stern father and his small army of assistants and secretaries, you’d know that many consider Marseille to be something of a thieves’ paradise.

  The idea excited Charlie—a haven for the criminal underbelly of the world, here in his own backyard. It was a welcome change from Zurich’s sterile and modern avenues, from Hong Kong’s restricted zones. It was the sort of thing that got Charlie’s twelve-year-old imagination firing on all cylinders. However, once he’d spent a few weeks at his new home, he soon realized that if there was one epidemic currently endangering the lifeblood of Marseille, it was this: tourists.

  Noisy, complaining tourists.

  Charlie used this discovery, however, to good effect. He’d made a deal with his tutor, a perpetually cranky twenty-five-year-old man named Simon, that writing five-hundred-word stories based on people he’d seen on the street would count toward his English composition credits. A deal was struck; a short story writer was born. Charlie most enjoyed reimagining the interior world of the huddled masses of tourists, recently disgorged from some waiting cruise ship, who wandered the streets and squares of the city. And that was how he came to be sitting on a wooden bench, observing and recording the wayward sightseers in Marseille’s bustling market at the Place Jean Jaurès on that Tuesday morning.

  A frowning young woman in sunglasses trailed listlessly after a middle-aged man as he inspected the market’s many wares. Charlie’s fountain pen—a silver Sheaffer Imperial given to him by his father for his eleventh birthday—hovered above the lined paper of his composition notebook briefly before beginning the following passage: She was an heiress to a sugar beet fortune. He was a traveling snake oil salesman. They met on a yacht. He promised her eternal youth. She had to follow him around the world as he collected the necessary ingredients for the potion. Little did she know, it was a search that would last a lifetime.

  He cocked his head sideways as he reread what he’d written. A smile bloomed across his face. He ironed out the next page with the palm of his hand.

  “What are you doing?” came a voice, speaking slightly accented English.

  “Pardon me?” Charlie looked over and saw a young boy, dressed in drainpipe blue jeans and a white T-shirt, sitting next to him on the bench. His light brown skin and dark hair suggested he was of Middle Eastern descent. This is the first time you’ve heard Charlie speak, so you should know that he spoke in a low, quiet voice that over the last year had throttled about two steps lower. He was understandably a little shy about the change. At the behest of his mother, he’d seen a speech pathologist when he was eight, addressing a slight stutter he’d adopted during his kindergarten year. He managed to shake the impedimen
t, but in the meantime developed a habit of, as his father called it, “speaking into his chin”—whatever that meant. But we must trust the elder Fisher’s observation, and so you are instructed to read Charlie’s dialogue in such a fashion. Keep in mind, however, that this rule will apply only to the first twelve chapters. After that point, you will find that Charlie begins speaking in an altogether different way. It is advised that you change your reading accordingly. For now, however, Charlie is speaking into his chin.

  The boy responded, “I said: What are you doing? You writing poems or something?”

  “Nah,” said Charlie warily. “Just writing stories.”

  “Stories.” The boy picked up a small stick and began scratching the tip absently against the wood of the bench. “Nice. Like that old bearded man?”

  “The old bearded man?”

  The boy winced, as if the act of remembering was some sort of physical strain. “What’s his name. Writes stories. Heming . . . ford.”

  “Hemingway,” Charlie corrected. “Ernest Hemingway.”

  “That’s the one,” said the boy, with a smile.

  “Well, I wouldn’t compare myself to him, but I guess the general idea is the same.”

  “Please, carry on,” said the boy. “Maybe I’ll watch for a tick.”

  Charlie smiled politely; he turned and surveyed the plaza for his next subject. His thoughts were interrupted when the boy spoke again: “Oh, I see.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You’re writing what’s going on. In the square.”

  “In a way, yes.”

  “Got it. Continue.”

  Charlie was preparing to do just this, when he was interrupted again.

  “What about him?”

  “Who?” asked Charlie, feeling a first twinge of annoyance.

  “That fellow there. With the white hat.” The boy pointed toward the market crowd.

  Charlie followed the boy’s finger. A heavyset man in a loose seersucker suit and a white panama hat was wandering the stalls. Every five steps or so, the man would raise his wrist and shake back the sleeve of his jacket to check his watch.

  “Oh, right,” said Charlie. He could feel the boy’s attention over his shoulders, waiting for him to begin writing. He felt self-conscious at the boy’s scrutiny. The boy must’ve guessed at Charlie’s insecurity, because he turned his attention back toward the stick in his hand. Charlie began to write: Would he arrive? The man with the robotic arm had said he should be at La Plaine at two o’clock. He only had so much time before the Martian sentries would arrive, demanding their ransom.

  He’d just finished penning this last imagined observation when he noticed something that struck him as a little strange. There seemed to be a girl following the man as he wove between the vendors’ carts, a girl who clearly was not connected to the man in any concrete way.

  He wrote: Unbeknownst to Radcliffe, the Martian sentry had arrived, cleverly in the guise of a little girl.

  Charlie’s attention went back to the scene playing out: With every lazy pivot the man in the blue-and-white suit took, now snaking between a line of iron bollards like a slalom skier, the young girl seemed to ape his every move, several steps back. When the man occasioned to look at his watch, the girl would inch closer. Charlie tapped his pen against his cheek. He’d now spent enough time in this square, on this Tuesday morning, to have a kind of heightened awareness of the goings-on in the market, of the interplay between its occupants. The girl following the man seemed to somehow operate outside of that system, like she was a shadow or a ghost, existing somewhere beyond or above the bustle of the real-world market. Much like a Martian sentry would, he supposed.

  Just then, he saw there was a boy in front of the man who exhibited the same disposition, the same disconnectedness. What’s more, the longer Charlie watched, the more he realized that the boy was actually somehow guiding the man—slowing him down, blocking his exits. He began to almost control the man’s movements: stepping to his left when the man began to go left, slowing down when the man began to speed up—all without the man’s awareness. Before long, the girl behind the man was shadowing him perfectly, as if she were just an extension of his body.

  And then it happened. The thing. The thing that would prove to put a ninety-degree kink in the straight line that was Charlie Fisher’s life.

  The man was robbed.

  More to the point: he was pickpocketed.

  But it wasn’t just a quick grab in a moment of distraction; no, it was an orchestrated thing, a smooth tumbling of choreographed movements, one action cascading into the other. Charlie barely saw the crime happen—it was like catching a hummingbird in your peripheral vision, briefly, before it flitted away. The boy in front of the man stopped suddenly, bringing the man up short only inches from his back. And then: from seemingly nowhere, a third child—a boy Charlie’s age—appeared from the crowd and casually batted the back of the man’s hat so it tipped, ever so slightly, down on his forehead. The man, under the impression that he’d merely been brushed in the crowd, removed his hand from his pants pocket and righted the brim of his cap. That’s when the girl who’d been shadowing the man, now perfectly positioned, gracefully smoothed her hand along the side of the man’s trouser leg as you would wipe a piece of lint from your sleeve and abruptly began to walk away. A fourth child—another boy—materialized from the crowd and the two passed shoulder to shoulder. A thin brown object was transferred, one to the other. Charlie suddenly realized it was the man’s wallet.

  But the fleecing of the man did not stop there: the boy who’d forced the man into position turned around and made to apologize for his clumsy behavior: he reached his hand out in an offer of a handshake. The man, still ignorant of the fact that he no longer was in possession of his wallet, took the boy’s hand with a reluctant smile and shook it. The boy smiled, bowed, and disappeared into the crowd.

  The man’s perambulations resumed as he stepped around the barking sellers in the market, waiting for his expected visitor. When he stopped, once again, to glance at his wristwatch, he froze in place. Even from Charlie’s remove, he could see what the man saw: his wrist was naked. His watch was gone.

  And Charlie stifled a laugh. He couldn’t help it. He was awestruck. And while he knew that he was a bystander to an extraordinary theft, it had been done with such fluidity and art that it seemed to barely count as an illegal act. It seemed like magic to Charlie.

  “Did you see . . .” He looked to his right to see if the boy in the blue jeans had witnessed the same thing, but he was alone on the bench; the boy had left. He then began scanning the crowd for the four children—the perpetrators of the incredible operation. They’d melted away, but now he was aware of several more figures in the busy market who appeared to be casing their victims with equal finesse. Prior to the crime, the plaza had appeared to Charlie like a field of clover: placid, unexceptional. But now his vision had focused and he could see the legion of bees that were harvesting that clover of its rich nectar. It was like he’d discovered the secret hive itself—the Place Jean Jaurès, on a busy Tuesday morning, was the domain of the pickpockets.

  Floored, Charlie lifted his pen to absently scratch his nose—yet something wasn’t right. He looked down to see what was in his hand.

  The pen was gone.

  He was holding a stick.

  Chapter

  TWO

  For a moment, Charlie entertained the notion that he’d never actually owned a Sheaffer Imperial fountain pen—that all along, he’d been using the piece of wood that was now in his hand. He imagined his father and his traveling entourage humoring the poor, addled boy and his beloved stick until such time as he could safely be committed to a sanitarium. Thankfully, this brief fantasy passed and Charlie returned to his senses.

  One thing was certain: his pen was gone. Like the man’s wallet and watch, it had been stolen. But how?

  A new thrum of activity in the square startled him from his shocked contemplation; seve
ral market-goers were shouting in French at a few policemen who were milling about the plaza. “AU VOLEUR!” was the refrain. Charlie had paid enough attention during his rudimentary French exercises to know this meant thief. His eyes skirted the now-chaotic plaza, the multitudes of market-goers whose attention had turned from casually perusing the sellers’ booths to desperately checking their pockets and purses. A flash of blue and white, just off to Charlie’s left, alerted him to a skirmish that was happening on the margin of the square. There, he saw the boy who’d just moments before been observing his writing. The boy in the white shirt and the blue jeans. The boy who had been absently scratching at the bench with a stick.

  Charlie stammered a few words to no one in particular as the synapses of his brain busily pieced together the events that had transpired: pen, boy with stick, pen gone, stick remains, boy gone. The images flooded at him like flash cards presented by a particularly impatient teacher.

  By the time he’d managed to get back on firm mental footing, the boy had escaped, having tussled with a heavyset policeman and come out the victor. He could be seen scampering off down one of the many arterial avenues that branched off the plaza like petals from a flower. He’d caught the attention of most of the law officers in the square, who were all desperate for some suspect to collar. A mad dash of black-clad policemen poured out of the Place Jean Jaurès, after the blue-jeaned pen thief.

  Charlie leapt up and, his composition notebook tucked under his arm, gave quick pursuit after the stampede of police. He felt weirdly possessive of the young boy. That was his thief they were after.

  “Wait!” he shouted. No one seemed to hear. Or if they did, they didn’t feel like heeding him.

  The thief was momentarily delayed on Rue Sibie when he upended a stall in front of a bookshop. It gave Charlie a moment to catch up to the action. A tempest of books fell sideways into the street and the boy scrabbled to stay afoot; two of the four police were not so agile—they tripped, fell on each other, and were out of the chase. Charlie nimbly navigated the obstacle, keeping pace with the two policemen in front of him. A woman illicitly selling pistachios on the sidewalk, seeing the police, scrambled to collect and hide her wares.