Soul (Chaos #1), Page 4

  “Will you ever shut up?” I said at last.

  Her voice toned down to a more coherent level. “Cara Kelly, where the fuck did you go last night? We looked everywhere for you.”

  Zoe’s search parties generally consisted of her looking from left to right and then saying, “Ah, forget them.”

  “Sorry,” I said. “I lost my bag, so… no phone.”

  “Yeah, I know, you idiot. I have it. It was on the ground outside the chipper. I thought you had been abducted by aliens or something.”

  “Oh. Thanks for finding it. No alien abduction, I’m afraid.”

  A pause. “Well?”

  “Well, what?”

  She let out an exasperated sigh. “Who was he?”

  My breath hitched in my throat. “What?”

  “The bloke, you eejit. Who did you go off with? Poor Eoin was devastated. He really thought he was in there last night.”

  I made a face. “He wasn’t in there, Zoe. He’s never going to be in there. I had a bad day and made a mistake with him. Never going to happen again, okay? So stop getting his hopes up.”

  “It would work out so well, though. My best friend with my boyfriend’s best friend. Double wedding.”

  I made a gagging sound. “Seriously. I might be sick.”

  She giggled. “He’s not that bad. So are you going to tell me who it was or not?”

  I hesitated. Maybe a partial truth would get her off my back. “Um, nobody you know.”

  “I know everybody. Tell me. Oh, no. Cara, he doesn’t have a girlfriend, does he?”

  “No, but—”

  “A boyfriend?”

  “Will you let me speak? He was just visiting for the night. I bumped into him and lost track of time. That’s it. No big deal.”

  “Doesn’t sound all that anyway. But listen, you’ll never guess what happened after you vanished. You remember your one from…”

  I leaned back against the wall and let Zoe’s voice drift over me. She wouldn’t notice if I didn’t reply. She was too engrossed in her own retelling of the latest gossip.

  I used to enjoy the morning-after gossip, but after the fae, it seemed so empty. What I really wanted to do was tell Zoe about my night, about that other world, but she would never believe me. I wouldn’t have believed her if she’d told me that story. I might have wanted to, wanted a world I’d always dreamed of to be out there, ready to explore, but real life dictated it to be only a myth. So I would have laughed and judged and felt a little better about knowing that life was meant to be what it was meant to be. No anomalies.

  Once Zoe had gossiped herself out, I ran upstairs and pulled a box out from under my bed. Inside were things my grandfather had given to me, things I didn’t want to look at but couldn’t work up the courage to throw away. The books he had given me were there, stories about the fae. They weren’t the watered-down, sugar-coated versions either. Those books held the real stories, the exciting ones, the ones that gave me nightmares.

  I flipped through the pages, looking for something familiar. There was plenty, but there were also things I didn’t understand. I found stories about Irish fae royalty and the fae united under one court, one king. Other stories were about different kinds of fae, but the pictures weren’t recognisable.

  The books made my room smell like my grandfather’s pipe, which in turn made me sad enough to put the stuff away. I hadn’t even seen a pipe since childhood.

  I went online and tried to delve through the millions of hits to find something worth reading on the fae, but most of the stories sounded tame and made up. Plenty of roleplayers pretending to be fae, but few said anything familiar to my experience. I didn’t know how to sort through the truth and the drama. I could have had a field day in the college library, but the idea of getting caught seeking information on faeries filled me with unease.

  I read up on the Seelie and Unseelie courts, trying to remember everything Drake had told me about the two queens. What I read didn’t exactly fill me with joy, but again, how could I tell if any of it was the truth?

  One thing stood out: the stories from those who had escaped and the after-effects they suffered. A sort of faery madness could occur if one spent time with a large number of fae, particularly during a festival, and even more so if someone ate of their food. If a person kissed or slept with a fae, he or she would be lost forever.

  I swallowed a lump in my throat. I had made almost all of the mistakes. Maybe that would explain the strange things I was still seeing, even away from the fae. It explained why I wanted to return, why I longed to be there again, why I was consumed with a need to go back, and why I pined for a creature I barely knew.

  Eventually, the addiction would wear off, and everything I was feeling would go away. But then I would be left with nothing but emptiness, and I wasn’t sure if that was really any better.

  No matter what I learned, no matter what I decided, one question still bothered me above all else. Why me? Why had I been drawn to the festival? Why had I been chosen as a sacrifice?

  And why did I survive?

  Chapter Five

  I hopped from one foot to the other, my hands shoved inside my sleeves in a vain attempt to warm them. “Come on, Zoe.”

  She strolled after me, expertly applying eyeliner with one hand, her compact in the other. “I’m moving.”

  “Why couldn’t you have done that before you left the house?”

  “I did. Now I’m doing it again.” She paused to stick her tongue out at me.

  “Very mature.”

  “’Tis why we’re such a good match. They’ll wait for us. Relax.”

  “I don’t care about them waiting,” I said, running back to her and dragging her alongside me. “I care about getting in from the cold. It’s going to snow. I just know it.”

  “It’s not that cold. You know what we should do for the summer? Become holiday reps somewhere scorching. Drink all day, get a nice tan. It’s like getting paid to go on holiday.”

  “I don’t think that’s exactly how it works. Besides, I’m going to ask for full-time work at the supermarket.”

  She stopped walking to stare at me. “Not again! You hate working there. Why don’t you look for something less soul-destroying?”

  “There are no jobs out there right now. I’m lucky to have this one.” I shrugged. “I need the money for college. And to get out of the house.”

  “That is definitely still the plan, right? No freaking out and giving up?”

  She knew me too well; hence the concern. School had always been tough, and I was struggling with college. But if I gave up, my dad would have the biggest I-told-you-so smirk on his face. I had to push through it to have a reason to be proud of myself.

  “No running. I’m a good girl now, don’t you know?”

  “I kind of like that colour on you.” She put away the mirror and eyeliner and linked arms with me. As we walked, she bumped her hip against mine. “So please don’t self-sabotage.”

  “Moi? Never.” I grinned. “So are we on again or off again?”

  Her lips curled upward. “Very much on again. I was going to wait until we met up with the girls, but fuck it. You should be the first to know.”

  “Know what? Oh, Jesus, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

  She thumped my shoulder. “You don’t have to look so disgusted! No, idiot, I’m engaged!”

  I frowned at her bare finger.

  “Well, he hasn’t actually bought a ring yet, but after our argument the other night, he totally proposed.”

  “Darren? You’re actually going to marry Darren and live with him for the rest of your life?”

  She made a weird sound. “Hold up a second. Nobody’s talking marriage. Just, like, a commitment to be engaged for a very long time.”

  “Right.” I disengaged from her grip and thought about it. “So what you’re saying is, you bitched at him, and he proposed an engagement to shut you up. With no ring or any intention to get married?”

  “W
ell, when you say it like that…”

  I sighed with relief. “Thank feck for that. Plenty of time to talk you out of it.”

  “That’s just mean.”

  “Nobody appreciates honesty around here. Seriously, Zoe, he’s a loser. I can’t wait for you to grow out of him.”

  She snorted. “You’re such a judgemental bitch sometimes, Cara.”

  Grinning, I followed her to the coffee shop where we had arranged to meet our friends. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so hard on her. After all, the only male I had been interested in lately had wings. At least she was in love with a human.

  “Cara!”

  I flinched and met Zoe’s curious gaze. “Huh?”

  “I said, do you want me to get the usual?”

  “Oh, yeah. That’s fine.”

  Erika and Fiona were already holding a table for us when we arrived. I sat with them while Zoe ordered. When Zoe returned with our coffees, I braved a sip, but the burn I expected didn’t happen. The drink tasted bland and weak in comparison to a certain fae concoction. I sighed and stared out the window.

  Zoe nudged me. “See? Told you she was loopy today.”

  “What?” I turned to see all of my friends grinning at me.

  “So what are we obsessing over today?” Fiona asked. At first glance, she appeared plain, but she had amazing brown eyes and the most endearing smile I had ever seen. Guys fell all over themselves to spend time with her.

  “I don’t obsess,” I said. Much.

  “It’s a boy,” Zoe said, sounding oddly proud.

  Fiona and Erika exchanged a surprised look. So maybe Zoe wasn’t the only one who knew me well.

  “Who?” Erika asked. While the rest of us had known each other since playschool age, Erika had immigrated to Ireland four years ago. She had beautiful Nordic features that terrified the local boys. Despite owning a dry wit I would have killed for, she garnered the least attention, which only made me despise the males we knew.

  “Nobody we know apparently,” Zoe said. She was the curvy brunette that boys flocked around, while I was her skinny sidekick. We both openly envied each other’s bodies while secretly preferring our own.

  “Interesting.” Fiona leaned her elbows on the table. “Tell me more.”

  “It was nothing.” I chewed on my thumbnail, more than ready for them to get magpie-ish about somebody else’s love life. Or lack thereof.

  “She disappeared with him on Saturday night. That’s where she ran off to,” Zoe stage-whispered. “Her mam told me she didn’t come home until eight the next morning.”

  “How would she know?” I said. “She was asleep.”

  “Is he a scumbag or something? Or a complete wretch?” Fiona asked. “I mean, are you embarrassed about it?”

  “No!” I shook my head at the delighted looks on their faces. I was digging myself deeper into a hole. “I got into a bit of trouble, and he helped me get out of it. That was all. Nothing remotely sexual happened, so get your minds out of the gutter.”

  “A knight in shining armour.” Erika fanned her face dramatically. “How romantic.”

  “Give it a rest. I have to go.”

  “I thought your shift doesn’t start for another couple of hours,” Zoe protested.

  I stood. “Yeah, but I want to get some shopping done. Christmas in two days, remember?”

  “Oh, well, get me something nice.”

  I patted her shoulder. “I’ll get you a nice top to replace the one that got ripped on Saturday night.”

  She slammed her hands on the table. “You what!”

  “Told you I got into trouble. Gotta run!” I waved and jogged out of the café.

  On the sidewalk, I thought I saw something silvery-white out of the corner of my eye, but when I looked, no one was there.

  I shivered and headed into the local second-hand bookshop. I had already bought all of the presents I planned on buying. I wanted more literature. The need to know more drove me, but I could control it. I wasn’t obsessed. I was just… lost.

  The bookshop was empty, as usual. The young woman at the counter ignored me and painted her nails as I perused the shelves. Every genre was jumbled together, so it took me an hour, but I found two books. One was an ancient-looking book of lore. The cover was falling off, and it stank of mold, but it might come in handy. The second was a novel. Fiction wasn’t what I intended to buy, but something about the cover looked familiar. I had to buy it.

  ***

  “Heading out?” Mam asked as she dried a plate.

  Nodding, I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. “Legs are restless again.”

  “Nothing’s worrying you?”

  I smiled. “Nope. I just need some exercise before the mountain of food you call Christmas dinner.”

  She grinned back. “Well, be careful out there. It’s dark, and there could be ice patches, and—”

  “I’m a big girl, Mother.”

  She shivered. “Don’t call me mother. It’s creepy.”

  “Then don’t act like I’m still six years old,” I teased.

  She cupped my cheek. “You’ll always be six years old. Take your phone, hold your keys in your hand, and don’t run anywhere that doesn’t have streetlights. Humour me.”

  I gave her a quick hug. “Stop worrying so much. I’ll see you later.” I left before she could think of a reason for me not to go.

  I put in my earbuds, set my playlist to an obnoxious volume, and headed out on my usual route. My mind cleared as I outran my problems. Nothing existed but the tempo of the music, the strain of my legs, the wind whipping against my ears, and the steady building of my pulse.

  Without thinking, I turned off the roads I usually took and headed to the park. I ran through a different gate, but I found the way with ease, as if my body knew the route well. I stepped off the path and jogged through the trees with anticipation.

  Maybe. Maybe.

  I pulled out my earbuds and slowed as I came upon a petite woman walking a dog, not wanting to spook either of them. The dog turned its head suddenly to look in my direction, and all of its hair stood on end as if it had gotten shocked. It began barking ferociously—no, in terror.

  I sped up, giving the dog a wide berth, but when I passed, it was still barking in the direction I had come from. The woman’s face flushed as she tried to control the animal, but the dog kept barking even as I ran farther into the trees.

  Finally, I came upon the place where I thought the fae had been. The ground looked normal, and there were no lights, no music, and no sensation that something magical might be happening. It was truly over.

  I swore under my breath and took off again, running as fast as I could and ignoring how dangerous my speed was on such unfamiliar, uneven ground. I didn’t care. I needed to outrun my addiction, to leave the fae behind for good.

  I raced toward the monument, my breathing growing irregular and harsh, and my stomach clenched with pain. I heard mocking shouts coming from a group of men sitting at the foot of the monument. They all held cans that probably contained beer.

  I should have kept running, but I didn’t. I slowed and stared at each of them until they shut up and looked away. Only then did I feel better. Only then did I head home. But I felt hidden eyes on me every step of the way.

  ***

  On Christmas morning, I got up early and headed downstairs, where my parents were locked in an embrace. Dad saw me, and instead of letting go of Mam like he usually did, he held her tighter, and glared at me.

  “Ouch,” she said, pulling away from him. “Are you—” She followed his gaze to find me. Her face fell for an instant before she covered her reaction with a smile. “Morning, sweetheart. Happy Christmas.” She came over and hugged me.

  My father gave me one last scowl before storming into the living room.

  Mam released me and brushed my hair behind my ear. She had tears in her eyes. “So close to twenty-one. I can’t believe you’re so grown up. Want to help with breakfast?”

&n
bsp; I nodded. Anything to avoid Dad when he was in one of his moods.

  In the kitchen, she handed me a small box. “Got you a little something,” she whispered.

  I wanted to ask her why it had to be a secret to do anything nice for her only daughter, but it was Christmas, and she was already weepy. I knew why, though. My brother, Darragh, had taken his life one Christmas. It had been over a decade, but his memory permeated the holidays every year. Christmas was no longer a celebration, but more a punishment, forcing us to sit at home and relive every awful memory together.

  I made to open the box, but she clasped my hand. “Make sure you don’t show your father.”

  I nodded and opened the box. A silver locket with a butterfly engraved on the front lay on the small cushion. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Open it,” she urged. “Look inside.”

  I clicked the tiny clasp. The picture was of my brother and me. He had been my champion, the one who protected me from Dad’s anger. I loved him, and he had left me. “It’s...” The words caught in my throat.

  “He always called you Butterfly,” she said, wringing her hands.

  I stared at her. Did she really think I had forgotten? I had another box hidden under my bed, full of butterflies my brother had made or bought for me for Christmases and birthdays.

  “When you were in the crib, he swore you had wings. He said you were an angel, but your father… well, you know how he is, so Darragh called you butterfly instead. He adored you, no matter what. I thought you’d like it.” She hesitated then, frowning.

  I turned away to wipe a tear that threatened to fall. “I love it.” I put on the locket and tucked it under my shirt.

  Mam nodded and patted my arm. “Good girl.”

  She went to work, her skin glistening in the sunlight from the window. She wasn’t the only one who looked different. At work, I had spotted two others with shimmering veins. I had no idea what that meant.

  We made everything Dad liked and expected for Christmas breakfast, but at the table, his mood didn’t lift. After we ate, the three of us sat in the living room, the television blaring. I spent the day reading the faery novel and ignoring my father’s attempt to drink himself to death. The book held my attention though. I had never heard of the author, but a lot of the details inside were bang on. The author, V.G. Love, had so much right that I grew convinced he knew something. He wrote about automatically refilling drinks, golden grapes, and black apples. I looked up the bio in the back of the book, but there was only an email address and a website. I figured it would be worth taking a look later.