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Pygmy, Page 6

Chuck Palahniuk


  For official record, operative Boban combat entire opposite talent, perpetual hesitate. If land any blow, Boban immediate say, “Sorry.” Kick groin, say, “Sorry.” Bite windpipe, say, “Sorry.” Inflict Lashing Lynx, slash-scratch to opponent, operative Boban say, “Sorry…” If suffer any blow, impacted Boban, agent 11 crumple to floor, arms wrapped so clutch own rib cage, eye squeezed to retain water. Out clenched teeths, Boban forever say, “Good hit, comrade.” Knotted around own pain, say, “Top congratulations.” Forever skin spotted as Dalmatian dog, bruise hematomas. Hopping stride with lame leg. Face skin secured shut with sewing stitches. Boban forever absent plethora front teeths.

  Pavel, top of class. Boban, ultimate most low.

  Pavel, brilliant wolverine. Boban, suffering pigeon.

  Boban squeal as baby swine during Pavel knuckle punching, swift kicking. Agent 43 so grind agent 11 flat, next then more flat against floor so spreading red most recent stain blood. Pavel pound utilizing foot heel. Pile drive utilizing bent knee, dropping entire own weight to pulverize with bony knee. Operative Boban, mouth leaking blood, open wound scalp leaking blood, Boban remain forever say, “Sorry…sorry…sorry.” Say, “Excellent hit, comrade.”

  All Pavel blow splashing up many spray drips of blood, during operative Pavel remain pounding, remain stomping.

  Operative Magda launch elbow slam to craft ruptured eye of operative me. Operative Tibor twist neck of operative Tanek. Visible all operative layered in mirror wall. All wearing naked foot, wearing black color uniform trouser with blouse, belted with holster of regulation pistol. Wearing grim face of combat, all operative remain spar during floor become more slick coated splash of Boban blood, agent 11 mouth swollen, no tooth, say slurred, words vomit of red saliva, say, “Exceptional hit, operative Pavel.”

  Operative Magda heave battering shin to meet genitals of operative me, flood awareness full suffering pain, spur desire contents stomach to project. Reproductive weapon of operative me hammered with agony, mouth of this agent say, “Well-done, comrade.” Say, “Injury put in jeopardy entire future generation operative.”

  Next now, operative Pavel cease Flying Hyena stomp to carnage of Boban. Pavel stance above fallen agent, balloon own chest with deep inhale. Operative Pavel rooster crow, say, “Ha-ha!” Brandish deadly hand chopping oxygen too fast able eye to witness. Shake own fist at roof. Rooster crowing, say, “Bring me more bones to break!”

  New now, door no remain healed in wall. Door of battle gallery swing so display best-accomplished attack instructor. As required, all sparring cease, with unison all operative announce: “Greetings, esteemed most revered educator.” In single unite voice, say, “Accept, please, our gratitude for the wisdom you impart.”

  For official record, Boban no speech greeting.

  Pavel foot kick into rib cage of operative Boban. Repeat boot. Repeat repeat boot until Boban eye cover skins flutter, lips whisper say, “Greetings, esteemed most revered…” Voice fail.

  Instructor bow head.

  Operative all bow head.

  Acclaimed instructor make small parade to penetrate gallery Respected instructor revolve head to cast eye, rest on all combat operative as individual. Step deeper into battle gallery, hands clasped behind own back, jawbone firmly set. Stance tapping shoe repeat against floor, tapping only noise in gallery, tapping until wrapped all heartbeat into unison. Next then, shoe stop. All heart stop.

  Top revered attack instructor swivel head to cast eye on operative Pavel. Projecting own chin, instructor say, “Savor your most high status, comrade.” Say, “Simple to decide you as supreme among total this operative class.”

  Bloodied hands folded behind own back, operative Pavel balloon chest, make small bow with head.

  Eyeing matted, blood mess crumpled of Boban on floor, trembling buttocks of agent 11, much wisdom instructor offer own hand, say, “Grant me your pistol, comrade Pavel.”

  All operative issued regulation Beretta nine-millimeter, semiautomatic, double-action, recoil-operated, hip-holstered, loaded fifteen-round reversible magazine. Muzzle velocity 2130.3 feet per second. Operative Pavel release safety strap own holster, withdraw pistol, grant over to instructor.

  Receiving nonglare Beretta, matte-black finish, top accomplished instructor say, quote benevolent ruler, stern dictator Augusto Pinochet, quote, ‘“Sometimes democracy must be bathed in blood.’”

  Respected instructor direct pistol aim upon crumple Boban, click trigger to cocked.

  Operative Boban, eye squeezed, body curled, clenched, balled tight around own heart muscle. Nostril sniff to retain water. Uniform matted blood.

  Operative Pavel fashion mouth to make curling smile of pleasure. Display every shining white teeth. Smile wide as to compress Pavel eye into slits.

  During event witness, fellow operative breath locked inside lungs. Skin layered sweat growing chilled.

  Next now, pistol discharge. Loud retort. Smoke of stink rising.

  That same current now, Pavel smiling head explode. Bullet violate skull, exhaust soft gray contents, spattering mirror wall. Spattering operative Magda, operative Chernok, operative me. Warm blobs gray sponge, former thinking machine of operative Pavel.

  Pavel skeleton buckle, spiral until heaped garbage proximate to weeping Boban.

  Brass metal shell casing of ammunition arc ejected out pistol, trajectory degraded until strike concrete floor, bounce—ding sound, ding sound, ding.

  All much valued education of Pavel, all skill and experience, every memories, dreams for glory, regrets, affection and loathing, education of history events and trigonometry equation, entire personality with identity, all of these blasted. All skill and talents. Past and future. All meticulous plan and training and practice. Pulverized and shattered. All former joy and sorrow made steaming gray meatloaf, evicted from skull out exit wound.

  Respected attack instructor flex knees, stoop so hand able retrieve brass shell casing off floor.

  For official record, announce instructor, the state requires no epic hero. No strive achieve personal celebrity of spotlight and applause. Lectures instructor, the state desires best ideal perform as mediocre. No gain attention showboat. No buffoon. Best effort so occur average. Suppress climbing ego. Become ordinary. Invisible.

  Required to erase own self. Otherwise state will do so.

  During lecture, instructor rotate own head to put face upon individual operatives. Contacting eyes of each. Next then, cast own eyes on rubbish of Pavel. Cast eyeball on quaking mass, bloody flesh Boban.

  On concrete floor, agent 11 shiver. Cower. Single drop yellow urine roll stripe from trouser cuff of operative Boban. Both knee pulled to own chest, squeezing self most small as able.

  Acclaimed instructor make pistol arm straight at shivering spine, backbone of operative Boban. Next then, barrel flash. Blam. Smoke.

  Quote, “Sometimes democracy must be bathed in blood.”

  Last blood escaping agent 11. Dying final breath, lips fluttering, operative Boban whisper, say, “Best congratulations, revered instructor.” Exhale own precious life to say, “Most excellent shot…”

  Exploded drops Boban blood …burst gray blobs of Pavel brilliance…chilled sweat trace slow crawl down face cheeks of operative Magda, operative Tanek, operative me. Knees of this agent automatic flex, stoop so hand able retrieve brass metal casing of ammunition. Finger chilled. Cradled in palm of operative me, casing shell retain tiny warmth.

  Dispatch

  Eleventh

  Begins here eleventh account of operative me, agent number 67, attending this today structured compulsory education session. Participate combat among student public education institution . Forced battle to list English alphabet letters which comprise typical vocabulary word. Spelling war staged auditorium . Dated current now. For official record, all American youth become casualty, already slain attempt letters to build coordinate or transpire. Six youth destroyed from battle against word separate.

  All American student dismissed from
battlefield, relegated into seats of audience, able only witness remainder word skirmish. Displayed onstage no one except operatives, Magda, Ling, Chernok, Oleg, Bokara, Mang, Tibor, Tanek, in addition this agent.

  Stern foot operative Mang take step to stance of microphone, focus of stage spotlight, say repeat word given from instructor, say, “Steatopygia.” List alphabet, say, “S-T-E-A-T-O-P-Y-G-I-A.” Bow head, repeat say, “Steatopygia.”

  Out audience issue massive huge moan. One voice male scholar say, reverberate throughout auditorium, say, “Get this bullshit over with!”

  Chorus other voice, male and female voice, say, “Yeah.” Say, “Call a fucking draw, already!”

  Seated below footlight of stage, rank of esteemed instructor rifle many volume book, dragging finger down page searching next word for ask. Other acclaimed instructor make finger straight and press to own pursed lips, exhale hissing sound to signal quiet. Other revered instructor tilt chin almost touch microphone, say, “Next contestant…” Say, “Would you please spell ‘retromingent’?”

  Onstage, operative Magda taken stance at microphone. Arms folded behind torso, feet apart, parade rest stance, Magda say, “Esteemed instructor, most grateful with full respect if would repeat word…”

  Say instructor, “Retromingent.”

  Eye of operative Magda fixed no blink into high glare of spotlight, no blink, no bleed water, say, “In most great due respect, great instructor, regret to correct most esteemed instructor pronunciation.” Say, “Actual correct version pronounce ‘retromingert.’” Proceed list exact alphabet of word.

  Heckler of student audience say, shouting, say, “Somebody pull the fire alarm. Get us out of here.”

  Ranked next beside this agent, whisper into ear of operative me, operative Chernok say, quote extreme king sheriff Benito Mussolini, say, ‘“It is humiliating to remain with our hands folded while others write history’”

  Trevor killed, casualty of word aneurysm.

  Cat sister retired from battle over word coagulopathy.

  For official record, during evolve past 6.21 hours competition, team of instructors forced often retreat to school library, retrieve additional volumes listing English word. Top respected instructor cup hand to shield microphone, pull own mouth to sideways speak other fellow instructors, say, try inaudible say, “For cry’n out loud…I’d like to go home someday.” Say, “Let’s blow this punk out of the water.”

  Pig dog host brother, destroyed from elementary word phthisis.

  Venerated instructor crack thick volume text, eyeballs scrub, hunt page, search most difficult word, contain most number alphabet.

  Ranked awaiting word, operative Oleg insert elbow against rib cage operative me, tilt head nodded to indicate female student, say subject youth absent menses since five week. Request say how many American ovum enjoy the seed of this agent?

  Next now, best important instructor screw eye tight to rest on operative Tanek. “Please spell ‘oocephalus.’”

  Operative Tanek incline so place mouth adjacent microphone, say for celebrated instructor please to utilize oocephalus embedded context sentence.

  Honored instructor wrap own face within spread finger both own hands. Exhaust oxygen of lungs one prolonged blast. Eyes squeezed, tilt face at microphone, say, “Here’s your sentence, kid… ‘Oocephalus is one tough motherfucker to spell.’”

  Wrinkle stream weak laughter filter among student audience.

  Operative Oleg repeat drill elbow, dig into rib cage operative me, say, “Where possible acquire lederhosen apparel?”

  This agent ask repeat.

  Tanek list alphabet, O-O-C-E…

  Oleg recruited participant Model United Nations. Explain multiple student mimic delegates world governments, all nation, assemble to battle question current global issue. Deliver oratory. Calculate vote. Castigate with resolution sanctions. Operative Oleg assigned represent delegate Germany. Chernok feign Italy diplomat. Magda act behalf France. Bokara figurehead nation Spain. Ling, the corrupt evil despotic Ireland. Oleg allege no American student desire represent Western nation, American youth strictly aspire serve as delegate third-world government, racial ethnics, marginalized former colonies subjected imperial powers, striving achieve self-ruled. To follow, disco dance of all nations so demonstrate mutual affection world peace. Exchange personal body fluids.

  Tanek list alphabet, P-H-A-L…

  Even as observing, breasts so many female youth swelling, bigger cup, inflating blouse from pregnant. For official record, this agent no impregnate. No recruited delegate to Model United Nations. Become merely target for attract eyeballs lovesick sodomite Trevor Stonefield.

  Tanek list alphabet, U-S.

  Organized horde, lauded instructor, all assert vast moan at victory operative Tanek. Audience mob erupt profanities, slouch sliding deep inside seat cushions. Focused typing tiny message keyboarding personal telephones. Twist own arms so read hour on wrist clocks.

  Insistent pointed elbow of Operative Oleg, repeat wedge rib cage of this agent. Oleg repeat say, “Lederhosen?” Say operative Tanek to mimic delegate Portugal. Operative Mang ape delegate Great Britain.

  Quote, “It is humiliating to remain with our hands folded while others write history.”

  Feet of this agent approach stance microphone. Tilt head back so mouth more near for catch voice. Hands wring pole so telescope microphone most low level where remain on top head of operative me. Arms folded behind. Parade rest to await barrage English word.

  Illustrious instructor, finger pressed to page inside volume, lips slowly create sound of word, pronounce fragments in manner of reading child. First able reading child. Instructor say, “Pheo…chromo…cy…toma.” Cast eyes onto stage and repeat say, “Pheochromocytoma.”

  For official record: Ha. Effortless facile word, simple to list alphabet. However eyes of this agent witness audience, breath locked inside waiting lungs. Audience eyes no blink, fingers twisted in cross of superstition, praying this agent fail. Cat sister plus all student craving operative me to stumble listing alphabet.

  Mouth of this agent say, “P-H-E-O …”

  If flounder alphabet, build of myself hero. Martyr. As Moses and Fidel Castro, to liberate fellow youth to freedom, improved lives.

  Mouth of operative me say, “C-H-R-O-M-O…”

  Shout single voice, male youth beyond footlight, say, “Spell it right, asswipe, and you’re a dead fucking pygmy.”

  Mouth of this agent say, “C-Y…”

  For official record, no impossible shouting death threat originated from renowned instructor.

  Next now, sail object up from audience, dark mass emerges out stage footlights, slam down, bam-pow, hit downstage boards and slide to arrive beside feet of this agent. Sailing projectile object: English dictionary.

  Mouth of operative me complete, say, “T-O-M-A.”

  Dull rumble build. Stage lights, oxygen crowded pelt, raining down various object. Dictionary. Thesaurus. Thundering impact stage boards. Novel Jane Eyre. Catcher in the Rye. Song volume lyrics Junior Swing Choir.

  American youth enjoying to commence riot.

  Next now, siren of fire alarm begin shrill.

  Dispatch

  Twelfth

  Begins here twelfth account of operative me, agent number 67, on arrival religion propaganda distribution outlet of city . Outpost community . Date . For official record, devil Tony repeat in absent.

  For official record, worship shrine of community offer tanning box where supine nude so become scarred beneath artificial solar body. Offer infinite variation beverage extracted dried coffee bean. Offer gallery ranked machines purpose build muscle through resistance training. Every thus, in addition forgive moral transgression of individual. By today of next week to offer feature movie rentals. Drop box of rental returns stationed beside poor box.

  Plaster fake dead man bleeding red paint. Reek of burning paraffin. Stink of genitals various plant life. As prior, all male compelled bind neck in knotted banner
of decadent silk fabric. Female all cover head. Seated to control bellow machine, ancient parrot, Mrs. Lilly. Lips of operative me greet, say, “Best hello to sacred animated corpse.” Say, “How decayed is glorious brain on this today?”

  Responding aged parrot twist wrinkles so fashion smile, say, “Fuck off, you little foreign twerp.”

  Host father mount altar so stance beside bin empty of water. Bin drained subsequent operative Magda attempted to murder drown under hands devil Tony. Water absent, and empty bin ringed around with circle yellow tapes, outlining edges of bin tapes printed English words CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION CAUTION…Within walled sides of bin, to mark former level of water, sides stained in tidal mark of blood red. From position immediate beneath man bleeding paint, host father, vast breathing cow father say, “You’ll be happy to hear that Reverend Tony is recovering nicely.” Say, “The fine paramedics of our community report that he suffered something they call a ‘submucosal throat hemorrhage’ brought on by his screaming…”

  Devil Tony buried bottom of water, anchored tight within clutching arms of operative Magda. Screaming sound, next then screaming bubbles, next then screaming blood.

  From seated neighboring this agent, voice breathe whisper. Cat sister say, “Hey, Pygmy, want to do me a big, big favor?”

  From distance across worship shrine, Magda eyeball this agent and host sister.

  Whisper of cat sister say, “It’s about the Model United Nations next week.” Say, “Nobody wants to be the United States…will you?”

  For official record, this agent requested to represent American nation on council floor, service on security council, create policy.

  Whisper scented of solder smoke, melted lead connecting circuits sister mystery project, whisper say, “Special favor?” Host sister lift hand, fingers straight as for pledge or vote, say, “Swear, I’ll owe you, big-time.”