Off Course

  Produced by Greg Weeks, Stephen Blundell and the OnlineDistributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net

  _Shure and begorra, it was a great day for the Earth! The first envoy from another world was about to speak--that is, if he could forget that horse for a minute...._

  off course

  By Mack Reynolds

  Illustrated by Kelly Freas

  First on the scene were Larry Dermott and Tim Casey of the State HighwayPatrol. They assumed they were witnessing the crash of a new type of AirForce plane and slipped and skidded desperately across the field towithin thirty feet of the strange craft, only to discover that thelanding had been made without accident.

  Patrolman Dermott shook his head. "They're gettin' queerer looking everyyear. Get a load of it--no wheels, no propeller, no cockpit."

  They left the car and made their way toward the strange egg-shapedvessel.

  Tim Casey loosened his .38 in its holster and said, "Sure, and I'mbeginning to wonder if it's one of ours. No insignia and--"

  A circular door slid open at that point and Dameri Tass stepped out,yawning. He spotted them, smiled and said, "Glork."

  They gaped at him.

  "Glork is right," Dermott swallowed.

  Tim Casey closed his mouth with an effort. "Do you mind the color of hisface?" he blurted.

  "How could I help it?"

  Dameri Tass rubbed a blue-nailed pink hand down his purplish countenanceand yawned again. "Gorra manigan horp soratium," he said.

  Patrolman Dermott and Patrolman Casey shot stares at each other. "'Tisdouble talk he's after givin' us," Casey said.

  Dameri Tass frowned. "Harama?" he asked.

  Larry Dermott pushed his cap to the back of his head. "That doesn'tsound like any language I've even _heard_ about."

  Dameri Tass grimaced, turned and reentered his spacecraft to emerge inhalf a minute with his hands full of contraption. He held a box-likearrangement under his left arm; in his right hand were two metal capsconnected to the box by wires.

  While the patrolmen watched him, he set the box on the ground, twirledtwo dials and put one of the caps on his head. He offered the other toLarry Dermott; his desire was obvious.

  Trained to grasp a situation and immediately respond in manner bestsuited to protect the welfare of the people of New York State, Dermottcleared his throat and said, "Tim, take over while I report."

  "Hey!" Casey protested, but his fellow minion had left.

  "Mandaia," Dameri Tass told Casey, holding out the metal cap.

  "Faith, an' do I look balmy?" Casey told him. "I wouldn't be puttin'that dingus on my head for all the colleens in Ireland."

  "Mandaia," the stranger said impatiently.

  "Bejasus," Casey snorted, "ye can't--"

  Dermott called from the car, "Tim, the captain says to humor this guy.We're to keep him here until the officials arrive."

  Tim Casey closed his eyes and groaned. "Humor him, he's after sayin'.Orders it is." He shouted back, "Sure, an' did ye tell 'em he's intechnicolor? Begorra, he looks like a man from Mars."

  "That's what they think," Larry yelled, "and the governor is on his way.We're to do everything possible short of violence to keep this characterhere. Humor him, Tim!"

  "Mandaia," Dameri Tass snapped, pushing the cap into Casey's reluctanthands.

  Muttering his protests, Casey lifted it gingerly and placed it on hishead. Not feeling any immediate effect, he said, "There, 'tis satisfiedye are now, I'm supposin'."

  The alien stooped down and flicked a switch on the little box. Ithummed gently. Tim Casey suddenly shrieked and sat down on the stubbleand grass of the field. "Begorra," he yelped, "I've been murthered!" Hetore the cap from his head.

  His companion came running, "What's the matter, Tim?" he shouted.

  Dameri Tass removed the metal cap from his own head. "Sure, an' nothin'is after bein' the matter with him," he said. "Evidently the bhoy hasniver been a-wearin' of a kerit helmet afore. 'Twill hurt him not atall."

  * * * * *

  "You can talk!" Dermott blurted, skidding to a stop.

  Dameri Tass shrugged. "Faith, an' why not? As I was after sayin', Ishared the kerit helmet with Tim Casey."

  Patrolman Dermott glared at him unbelievingly. "You learned the languagejust by sticking that Rube Goldberg deal on Tim's head?"

  "Sure, an' why not?"

  Dermott muttered, "And with it he has to pick up the corniest broguewest of Dublin."

  Tim Casey got to his feet indignantly. "I'm after resentin' that, LarryDermott. Sure, an' the way we talk in Ireland is--"

  Dameri Tass interrupted, pointing to a bedraggled horse that had madeits way to within fifty feet of the vessel. "Now what could that beafter bein'?"

  The patrolmen followed his stare. "It's a horse. What else?"

  "A horse?"

  Larry Dermott looked again, just to make sure. "Yeah--not much of ahorse, but a horse."

  Dameri Tass sighed ecstatically. "And jist what is a horse, if I may beso bold as to be askin'?"

  "It's an animal you ride on."

  The alien tore his gaze from the animal to look his disbelief at theother. "Are you after meanin' that you climb upon the crature's back andride him? Faith now, quit your blarney."

  He looked at the horse again, then down at his equipment. "Begorra," hemuttered, "I'll share the kerit helmet with the crature."

  "Hey, hold it," Dermott said anxiously. He was beginning to feel like acharacter in a shaggy dog story.

  Interest in the horse was ended with the sudden arrival of a helicopter.It swooped down on the field and settled within twenty feet of the aliencraft. Almost before it had touched, the door was flung open and theflying windmill disgorged two bestarred and efficient-looking Armyofficers.

  Casey and Dermott snapped them a salute.

  The senior general didn't take his eyes from the alien and thespacecraft as he spoke, and they bugged quite as effectively as hadthose of the patrolmen when they'd first arrived on the scene.

  "I'm Major General Browning," he rapped. "I want a police cordon thrownup around this, er, vessel. No newsmen, no sightseers, nobody without mypermission. As soon as Army personnel arrives, we'll take overcompletely."

  "Yes, sir," Larry Dermott said. "I just got a report on the radio thatthe governor is on his way, sir. How about him?"

  The general muttered something under his breath. Then, "When thegovernor arrives, let me know; otherwise, nobody gets through!"

  Dameri Tass said, "Faith, and what goes on?"

  The general's eyes bugged still further. "_He talks!_" he accused.

  "Yes, sir," Dermott said. "He had some kind of a machine. He put it overTim's head and seconds later he could talk."

  "Nonsense!" the general snapped.

  Further discussion was interrupted by the screaming arrival of severalmotorcycle patrolmen followed by three heavily laden patrol cars.Overhead, pursuit planes zoomed in and began darting about nervouslyabove the field.

  "Sure, and it's quite a reception I'm after gettin'," Dameri Tass said.He yawned. "But what I'm wantin' is a chance to get some sleep. Faith,an' I've been awake for almost a _decal_."

  * * * * *

  Dameri Tass was hurried, via helicopter, to Washington. There hedisappeared for several days, being held incommunicado while WhiteHouse, Pentagon, State Department and Congress tried to figure out justwhat to do with him.

  Never in the history of the planet had such a furor arisen. Thus far, nonewspapermen had been allowed within speaking distance. Administrationhigher-ups were being subjected to a volcano of editorial heat but thelonger the space alien was discussed the more they viewed with alarm thesituation his arrival had precipitated. Ther
e were angles that hadn't atfirst been evident.

  Obviously he was from some civilization far beyond that of Earth's. Thatwas the rub. No matter what he said, it would shake governments,possibly overthrow social systems, perhaps even destroy establishedreligious concepts.

  But they couldn't keep him under wraps indefinitely.

  It was the United Nations that cracked the iron curtain. Their demandsthat the alien be heard before their body were too strong and had