The Compleated Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin (1757-1790)

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Acknowledgements

  Introduction

  Benjamin Franklin and His Autobiography

  THE COMPLEATED AUTOBIOGRAPHY (1757-90)

  A Continuation of the Account of My Life

  Editor’s Note:

  Chapter One - First Mission to London, 1757–62

  LONDON WAS ONE GREAT SMOKY HOUSE

  I HAVE A THOUSAND TIMES WISHED MY WIFE WITH ME

  ANOTHER OF MY FANCIES: SILK BLANKETS!

  DECEIVED, CHEATED, AND BETRAYED

  A JOURNEY TO CAMBRIDGE

  THE POSSIBILITY OF FREEZING A MAN TO DEATH ON A WARM SUMMER’S DAY

  COOLING BODIES BY EVAPORATION... A POWER OF NATURE

  THE VILLAGE WHERE MY FATHER WAS BORN

  THE BEST ROOM IN THE HOUSE IS CHARITY

  MY FAVORITE COUNTRY

  THE JUNTO: I FIND I LOVE COMPANY

  UNSIZABLE SUBJECTS AND INSUFFICIENT LORDS

  PERFECTING A NEW MUSICAL INSTRUMENT CALLED THE ARMONICA

  I SAW NO SIGNS OF GOD’S JUDGMENTS

  THE FUTURE GRANDEUR AND STABILITY OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE LIE IN AMERICA

  Chapter Two - My Return to Philadelphia, 1762–64

  A PLEASANT PASSAGE TO AMERICA

  THE EXPENSE OF LIVING WAS GREATLY ADVANC’D IN AMERICA

  I WAS ELECTED TO THE ASSEMBLY

  A TOUR OF THE POST OFFICES

  THE SIMPLE BEAUTY OF SCOTTISH TUNES

  A HIGHER OPINION OF THE BLACK RACE

  THE PAXTON BOYS AND THE INDIAN MASSACRES

  THE PROPRIETARY GOVERNMENT WAS WEAK

  RETURN TO LONDON

  Chapter Three - Second Mission to England, 1764–75

  OLD FRIENDS IN LONDON

  GOD IS VERY GOOD TO US IN MANY RESPECTS

  MAGIC SQUARES... AND MAGIC CIRCLES

  THE STAMP ACT, THE MOTHER OF MISCHIEF

  HOW THE STAMP ACT CAME TO BE

  WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HINDERED THE SUN’S SETTING

  A MOB AT MY HOME IN PHILADELPHIA

  I SPOKE MY MIND PRETTY PLAINLY

  I WAS NEVER PROUDER OF ANY DRESS IN MY LIFE

  ENEMIES DO A MAN SOME GOOD

  NEVER ASK, NEVER REFUSE, NEVER RESIGN

  I TRAVELLED A GOOD DEAL FOR MY HEALTH

  REFRAIN FROM ALL IDLE, USELESS AMUSEMENTS

  MY LONG PARTNERSHIP EXPIRES

  AN “UNPROMISING” MARRIAGE SURVIVES AND PROSPERS

  ANY PROFESSION IS PREFERABLE TO AN OFFICE HELD AT PLEASURE

  SEEKING A LAND GRANT

  SOME LATE INCIDENTS BETWEEN PARLIAMENT AND THE COLONIES

  AMERICA IS FAVOURED BY NATURE

  FRANCE: A PRESTIGIOUS MIXTURE OF MAGNIFICENCE AND NEGLIGENCE

  SO MANY INSTANCES OF GOODNESS BY THE RICH!

  A LAW MIGHT BE MADE TO RAISE THEIR WAGES, BUT...

  JOHN WILKES AND DRUNKEN MAD MOBS

  THE MOBS ROAR FOR WILKES AND LIBERTY!

  THE KING OF DENMARK SHOW ’D AN INQUISITIVE MIND

  A MALICE AGAINST US IN SOME POWERFUL PEOPLE

  PERVERSE AND SENSELESS MANAGEMENT OF LORD HILLSBOROUGH

  THE SEEDS ARE SOWN OF TOTAL DISUNION

  VISIT TO NORTHERN ENGLAND: THEIR WORK WAS EXTREMELY HARD

  THE RECOLLECTION OF MY LIFE

  IRELAND AND SCOTLAND IN A MOST WRETCHED SITUATION

  SO MUCH GENERAL COMFORT AND HAPPINESS IN AMERICA

  MY THEORY OF COLDS: I WOULD SIT IN MY CHAMBER WITHOUT ANY CLOTHES WHATEVER

  I SELDOM DINED AT HOME IN WINTER

  OUT OF DEBT... OUT OF DANGER

  SECURING BUILDINGS FROM LIGHTNING

  AN EXPERIMENT TO STILL THE WATERS

  ALL THEIR SCHEMES OF LIFE WERE OVERTHROWN!

  “I’LL BE HANGED IF THIS IS NOT ONE OF YOUR AMERICAN JOKES!”

  THE AFFAIR OF THE HUTCHINSON LETTERS

  EVERY AFFRONT IS NOT WORTH A DUEL

  HUTCHINSON: “THERE MUST BE AN ABRIDGMENT OF WHAT ARE CALLED ENGLISH LIBERTIES.”

  I KEPT SILENT TILL I HEARD OF A SECOND DUEL

  THIS THEY CALL GOVERNMENT!

  MEETING IN THE COCKPIT

  MY SON SAW EVERYTHING WITH GOVERNMENT EYES

  JOURNAL OF NEGOTIATIONS IN LONDON

  COUNTRIES REMOTE FROM THE EYE OF GOVERNMENT ARE NOT WELL GOVERNED

  A CERTAIN LADY DESIRING TO PLAY WITH ME AT CHESS

  THE GOOD CHARACTER OF LORD HOWE

  WHAT THE FRENCH CALL SPITTING IN THE SOUP

  A VISIT FROM THIS GREAT MAN FLATTERED MY VANITY

  “ONE OF THE MOST MISCHIEVOUS ENEMIES THIS COUNTRY HAS KNOWN”

  THE GREATEST OF ABSURDITIES

  WE DID NOT WISH FOR WAR

  BAD WEATHER DOES NOT LAST ALWAYS IN ANY COUNTRY

  I HEARD OF THE DEATH OF MY WIFE IN PHILADELPHIA

  WE WERE TREATED WITH THE UTMOST CONTEMPT

  CONVERSATION EVERYWHERE TURNS UPON THE SUBJECT OF AMERICA

  Chapter Four - Congress and the Declaration of Independence, 1775–76

  NOTHING THOUGHT OF BUT ARMS

  A DELEGATE TO CONGRESS

  THEY ARE A BARBAROUS TYRANNY

  MAKE YOURSELF SHEEP AND THE WOLVES WILL EAT YOU

  YOU ARE NOW MY ENEMY, AND I AM . . . YOURS

  THE RATTLESNAKE AS A SYMBOL OF AMERICA: “DON’T TREAD ON ME”

  THIS BUSTLE IS UNSUITABLE TO AGE

  THE REAL AUTHOR OF COMMON SENSE

  FROM THE PENNSYLVANIA ASSEMBLY TO CONGRESS

  A TRIP TO CANADA

  WE WERE IN A CRITICAL AND MOST IRKSOME SITUATION

  IT IS THE NATURAL RIGHT OF MEN TO QUIT THE STATE

  THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE: WE HAZARD OUR LIVES AND FORTUNES

  BREAKING THAT FINE AND NOBLE CHINA VASE, THE BRITISH EMPIRE

  MEETING WITH LORD HOWE ON STATEN ISLAND

  REBELLION TO TYRANTS IS OBEDIENCE TO GOD

  LIKE CUTTING OFF THE SPRING FROM THE YEAR

  IT WAS LONG FORESEEN THAT WE COULD NOT HOLD NEW YORK

  COMMISSIONER TO FRANCE

  A MIRACLE IN HUMAN AFFAIRS

  THE GREATEST REVOLUTION THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN

  WE MAY THEREFORE WITH GREAT PROPRIETY TAKE LEAVE OF ENGLAND

  Chapter Five - Minister to France, 1776–78

  ON MY ARRIVAL I COULD SCARCELY STAND

  I WAS MADE EXTREMELY WELCOME IN FRANCE

  THE COURT VIEWED AN APPROACHING WAR WITH RELUCTANCE

  THE STATE OF AMERICA IN 1776-77

  THIS GENEROUS AND NOBLE BENEFACTION

  OFFICERS OF ALL RANKS WORRY ME FROM MORNING TO NIGHT

  YOU HAVE NO CONCEPTION HOW I WAS HARASS’D

  MODEL OF A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

  OUR CAUSE WAS ESTEEM’D THE CAUSE OF ALL MANKIND

  WE WILL MOST CHEERFULLY RISK OUR PERSONAL LIBERTY OR LIFE

  COMMERCE WITH EVERY NATION; WAR WITH NONE

  OUR PRISONERS COMPLAIN’D OF VERY SEVERE TREATMENT

  TO ME IT SEEMED ALL ALONG THAT THIS WAR WOULD END IN OUR FAVOUR

  THE FLAG CONSISTS OF THIRTEEN STRIPES, ALTERNATELY RED, WHITE AND BLUE

  ABOUT SPIES AND SAFETY

  WE WERE IN IMMINENT DANGER OF BANKRUPTCY

  A SURPRISE VICTORY AT SARATOGA

  ALLIANCE WITH FRANCE IN 1778

  Chapter Six - Minister to France, 1778–79

  I ENJOY’D A GOOD NEIGHBOURHOOD OF VERY AGREEABLE PEOPLE

  I GREW PERFECTLY SICK OF PORTRAITS

  I FOUND FRANCE A MOST AMIABLE NATION TO LIVE IN

  SOMEBODY GAVE IT OUT THAT I LOV’D LADIES


  THE PLEASING CONVERSATION OF MADAME BRILLON

  WE CAUSED GREAT INCONVENIENCE BY DETAINING YOU SO LONG IN THE BATH

  “ALL GREAT MEN ARE TAINTED WITH IT: IT IS CALLED THEIR WEAKNESS”

  I CONFESS I BREAK THIS COMMANDMENT CONSTANTLY

  “A WOMAN MAY HAVE DESIRES BUT SHE MUST NOT YIELD”

  “I HAVE CHOSEN YOU FOR MY FATHER”

  “PEOPLE HAVE CRITICIZED MY SWEET HABIT OF SITTING ON YOUR LAP”

  WE PASSED THE DAY TOGETHER AT MOULIN JOLI

  A PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE TO MADAME HELVÉTIUS

  A DREAM IN “THE ELYSIAN FIELDS”

  MY LONG CONTINU’D FRIENDSHIP WITH MRS. STEVENSON

  GOOD HEALTH FOR NEARLY 20 YEARS

  A PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINE

  I HAVE NEVER MADE THE LEAST PROFIT BY ANY OF MY INVENTIONS

  ADVENTURES OF ONE DAY’S ANNOYANCE

  I HAD A GREAT DEAL OF PLEASURE IN TEMPLE AND BEN

  I LOST ALL MY CORRESPONDENCE FOR NEARLY TWENTY YEARS

  FOR OF ALL THINGS, I HATE ALTERCATION

  I WROTE THIS LETTER TO ARTHUR LEE. . . .

  BUT SENT THIS ONE.. . . .

  THEY WROTE ME LONG ABUSIVE LETTERS, WHICH I NEVER ANSWERED

  THE DEFORMED AND THE HANDSOME LEG

  AMERICA MAY BE CHEAPLY GOVERNED

  ON FREE TRADE

  I ASKED CONGRESS TO SEPARATE US

  Chapter Seven - Minister to France, 1779–81

  MY APPOINTMENT AS MINISTER PLENIPOTENTIARY

  LAFAYETTE, HIS BRAVERY AND GOOD CONDUCT

  WAR NEWS FROM HOME

  SOMETIMES I REGRET I WAS BORN TOO SOON

  AN AMERICAN PASSPORT FOR CAPTAIN JAMES COOK

  WASTING OUR WEALTH ON PRODIGALITY

  CORRESPONDENCE WITH MY DAUGHTER, SALLY

  PITY MY SITUATION

  I HAD LONG BEEN HUMILIATED BEGGING FOR MONEY AND FRIENDSHIP

  THIS CURRENCY AS WE MANAGED IT WAS A WONDERFUL MACHINE

  THOSE WHO LOVE TO RECEIVE LETTERS SHOULD WRITE LETTERS

  INTRIGUE AND TREACHERY AT MADAME BRILLON’S

  DO NOT PAY TOO MUCH FOR YOUR WHISTLE

  “I HAVE OFTEN PAID A HIGH PRICE FOR BAD WHISTLES”

  NEW COPPER COINS MIGHT MAKE AN IMPRESSION ON YOUNG PERSONS

  THIS PUT THE ENEMY TO MUCH EXPENSE

  THEIR DEVILISHNESS WEAKENED THAT RESOLUTION

  ONE OF THE GREATEST CAPTAINS OF THE AGE

  MUTINY ON THE ALLIANCE

  I MUST HAVE A LITTLE REPOSE

  THE BEST MEN HAVE THE MOST ENEMIES

  APPOINTMENT OF ROBERT MORRIS AS FINANCE SECRETARY

  RIOTS IN LONDON

  LETTERS FROM HOME

  TWO SORTS OF PEOPLE IN LIFE

  MY DIALOGUE WITH THE GOUT

  “WRAPPED IN THIS WRETCHED GAME OF CHESS, YOU DESTROY YOUR CONSTITUTION”

  BENEDICT ARNOLD’S TREASON

  LONG DELAYS WITH SPAIN

  LEE’S PAMPHLET AGAINST ME

  A FRESH APPLICATION FOR MORE MONEY

  I PASSED MY 75 YEAR AND SOUGHT TO RESIGN

  CONGRESS REFUSES MY RESIGNATION

  ONE MORE REQUEST FOR MY GRANDSON

  A PROPOSED MARRIAGE FOR MY GRANDSON

  A RETURN TO PHILOSOPHICAL AFFAIRS

  THE LOSS AT SEA WAS A HEAVY ONE

  HAZARD NO MORE DRAFTS FROM CONGRESS!

  HOW TO PAY OFF THE WAR DEBTS

  BLESSED ARE THE PEACEMAKERS

  MY DISPUTE WITH M. BEAUMARCHAIS

  TO MANY LETTERS I NEVER RECEIVED ANY ANSWER

  I WAS SORRY FOR HIS MISFORTUNES, BUT...

  WE HAVE NO NAME IN OUR LANGUAGE FOR SUCH VILLAINY

  CRUEL CAPTIVITY OVER FOUR YEARS

  HE BRUSQUED THE MINISTERS TOO MUCH

  THERE WAS NOW A GREAT VOID FOR ME IN PASSY

  FIRE AT THE OPERA HOUSE!

  NO SAFETY BUT OUR INDEPENDENCE

  Chapter Eight - Minister to France, 1781–83

  THE GLORIOUS NEWS... GEN. CORNWALLIS CAPITULATES!

  MISFORTUNES MAKE PEOPLE WISE

  DEMANDS AFTER DEMANDS

  LAFAYETTE, A GREAT MAN IN FRANCE

  MR. DEANE’S RESENTMENTS AND PASSIONS OVERCAME HIS REASON AND JUDGMENT

  ADVICE TO MY GRANDSON BENNY: “LOSS OF TIME IS A LOSS OF LEARNING”

  IT’S BAD TO HAVE A REPUTATION OF BEING CHARITABLE

  EXCHANGING PRISONERS ONCE AGAIN

  THE PEACE COMMISSION: A TOTAL CHANGE HAD TAKEN PLACE IN THE MINISTRY

  JOURNAL OF THE PEACE NEGOTIATIONS

  THEY WHO THREATEN ARE AFRAID

  CANADA SHOULD BE GIVEN UP TO US

  I WAS ASHAMED TO LET THE PAPER GO OUT OF MY HANDS

  “MR. FRANKLIN KNOWS THE TRUTH”

  THE RELEASE OF ALL AMERICAN PRISONERS

  IN THE MULTITUDE OF COUNSELORS THERE IS SAFETY

  SUCH FLATTERING LANGUAGE MIGHT HAVE MADE ME VAINER

  THE TRUE LOYALISTS WERE THE AMERICANS

  MR. JAY FINALLY ARRIVES

  I FIND MEN TO BE A SORT OF BEING VERY BADLY CONSTRUCTED

  EXCHANGE OF CORNWALLIS AND MR. LAURENS

  MY LANDLORD WAS FOREVER RENEWING DEMANDS

  I CANNOT COMPREHEND CRUEL MEN

  A PLAN FOR A UNIVERSAL AND PERPETUAL PEACE

  PRESSING ME FOR MORE MONEY

  THE ENGLISH DRAW OUT THE NEGOTIATIONS AT LENGTH

  A TREATY WITH MADAME BRILLON

  THERE WERE FEW PRIVATE HANDS WE COULD TRUST...

  THE TREATY OF PARIS SIGNED

  Chapter Nine - Minister to France, 1783–85

  MR. ADAMS FANCIED THAT WE WERE CONTINUALLY PLOTTING AGAINST HIM

  THIS MONSTROUS PRIDE AND INSOLENCE

  TO THOSE TRAVELLING TO AMERICA

  OUR COUNTRY AFFORDS A GOOD CLIMATE, GOOD LAWS, AND CHEAP GOVERNMENT

  THE BOOK OF STATE CONSTITUTIONS IN FRENCH

  IN AMERICA, PEOPLE DO NOT INQUIRE WHAT IS HE? BUT WHAT CAN HE DO?

  THE MARRIED STATE IS, AFTER ALL OUR JOKES, THE HAPPIEST. . . .

  THE DEATH OF MRS. STEVENSON

  I DETERMINED TO GIVE HIM A TRADE

  THE TREATIES WERE MET WITH GREAT DELAYS

  SEEKING FURTHER AID FROM FRANCE

  ALL PROPERTY IS THE CREATURE OF SOCIETY

  TRADE WITH FRANCE: THE MORE UNRESTRAINED, THE MORE IT FLOURISHES

  NO NATION WAS EVER RUINED BY TRADE

  THERE NEVER WAS A GOOD WAR, OR A BAD PEACE

  AN ACCUSATION THAT FALLS LITTLE SHORT OF TREASON

  WILLIAM PENN WAS A WISE AND GOOD MAN, BUT THOMAS WAS A MISERABLE CHURL

  AIR BALLOONS: WE THINK OF NOTHING BUT OF FLYING

  THERE WAS A GOOD DEAL OF ANXIETY FOR THEIR SAFETY

  ALL PARIS WAS OUT TO SEE IT. ... HALF A MILLION SPECTATORS

  BEING NOW DISABLED BY THE STONE

  THE ORDER OF CINCINNATI: DESCENDING HONOUR IS GROUNDLESS, ABSURD, AND HURTFUL ...

  I WISH THE BALD EAGLE HAD NOT BEEN CHOSEN

  THIS HAS BEEN A TRICK OF MINE FOR DOING A DEAL OF GOOD WITH A LITTLE MONEY

  A SATIRE ON DAYLIGHT SAVING

  STOOP AS YOU GO THROUGH LIFE

  HOPING TO RETURN TO BOSTON

  A NEW COMMISSION

  INVENTION OF DOUBLE SPECTACLES

  MR. MESMER AND ANIMAL MAGNETISM

  ELECTRIC EXPERIMENTS WITH A PARALYTIC PATIENT

  “AMERICANS WERE VERY HAPPY”

  PROPORTIONING PUNISHMENTS ACCORDING TO OFFENSES

  MORE THAN 700 PRIVATEERS COMMISSIONED

  THE DESIRE TO GO HOME TO MY FAMILY IN AMERICA WAS STRONG

  Chapter Ten - The Creation of a New Nation, 1785–87

  GOD BE PRAISED.... I ARRIVE IN DEAR PHILADELPHIA!

  I WROTE A TRUER STATE OF AFFAIRS IN OUR COUNTRY

  INSTEAD OF A FAST THEY PROCLAIMED A THANKSGIVING

  NO PART ARE SO WELL FED, WELL CLOTH’D, WELL LODG’D AND WELL PAID

  NO NATION ENJOYS A GREATER SHARE OF HUMAN FELICITY

  NO REVENUE IS SUFFICIENT WITHOUT ECONOMY

  THE E
XTRAVAGANT REJOICINGS EVERY 4 OF JULY

  “WHY DON’T THESE DAMNED AMERICANS PAY THEIR DEBTS?”

  TAXES AND THE NATIONAL DEBT

  THE INSTRUCTION OF YOUTH ESTEEM’D AMONG THE MOST HONOURABLE

  CHARITABLE INSTITUTIONS ARE OFTEN MISMANAG’D

  I APPLAUD HIS ZEAL FOR PRESERVING THE PURITY OF OUR LANGUAGE

  THAT IS WHY I LOVE LIFE!

  BUILDING IS AN AMUSEMENT IN OLD AGE

  THE INVENTION WAS OF SOME USE TO THE INVENTOR

  I SPENT THE TIME SO IDLY... I SHUFFLED THE CARDS AND BEGAN ANOTHER GAME

  EXERCISE SHOULD PRECEDE MEALS...

  CORRESPONDENCE WITH OLD FRIENDS IN EUROPE

  THE LAST TWELVE YEARS OF MY LIFE WERE EMPLOYED IN MATTERS OF THE GREATEST IMPORTANCE

  SHAYS’S REBELLION, THAT DANGEROUS INSURRECTION

  TOO MUCH PAPER MONEY IS MISCHIEVOUS

  A CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION IN PHILADELPHIA: ONLY A VIRTUOUS PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE ...

  TWO PASSIONS HAVE A VIOLENT EFFECT IN THE AFFAIRS OF MEN

  A CONSTANT WARFARE BETWEEN THE GOVERNING AND THE GOVERNED

  SINGLE VS. DUAL LEGISLATURE: THE FABLE OF THE SNAKE WITH TWO HEADS

  REPRESENTATION BY POPULATION OR BY STATE?

  GOD GOVERNS IN THE AFFAIRS OF MEN!

  I CONSENT TO THIS CONSTITUTION BECAUSE THIS SYSTEM APPROACHES SO NEAR TO PERFECTION

  MAY EACH DOUBT A LITTLE OF HIS OWN INFALLIBILITY

  IS THIS A RISING OR A SETTING SUN?

  Chapter Eleven - My Final Years, 1787...

  AMERICA IS TOO ENLIGHTENED TO BE ENSLAVED

  IN AMERICA, ANOTHER WAR WITH THE INDIANS . . .

  AND IN EUROPE, ANOTHER WITH . . .

  AN HONEST HERETIC

  HOW DIFFERENT WAS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!

  SETTLING MY ACCOUNTS WITH CONGRESS

  AS I GROW OLDER, I FIND WRITING MORE PAINFUL

  THE BOSTON MANNER, TURN OF PHRASE, AND ACCENT REVIVE ME

  I WISH I HAD BEEN BORN TWO OR THREE CENTURIES HENCE

  ABUSE OF THE LIBERTY OF THE PRESS

  PENNSYLVANIA IS A GOOD COUNTRY TO DIE IN, THO’ A VERY BAD ONE TO LIVE IN

  MY LOVE OF FRANCE

  THE REVOLUTION IN FRANCE GIVES ME A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN

  THE NEW CONSTITUTION IS APPROVED

  NOTHING IS CERTAIN EXCEPT DEATH AND TAXES

  I BEGIN TO FEEL MYSELF A FREE MAN

  CONSTANT AND GRIEVOUS PAIN

  THE RELIEF OF FREE NEGROES AND THE ABOLITION OF SLAVERY

  THE RELIGION OF JESUS: THE BEST THE WORLD EVER SAW

  I OPPOSED THE CLAUSE OF RELIGIOUS DECLARATION

  I MEAN REAL GOOD WORKS, NOT HOLIDAY-KEEPING AND MAKING LONG PRAYERS