Accepting dishonesty and unfaithfulness from partners because it’s what one is used to
Being drawn to men or women similar to the betraying parent
Stifling one’s emotions; not expressing them
Glomming onto anyone who shows one affection
Choosing partners who are needy and dependent
Talking to someone trustworthy about what happened
Determining to always be honest with one’s children and to keep one’s word
Working hard to never become like the offending parent
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Alert, bold, cautious, cooperative, curious, diplomatic, honest, honorable, idealistic, just, loyal, mature, merciful, obedient, observant, proper, responsible, talented
Flaws: Abrasive, controlling, dishonest, disloyal, humorless, insecure, irrational, jealous, manipulative, needy, nervous, nosy, obsessive, paranoid, perfectionist, possessive, rebellious
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Wanting to talk about what happened but being shut down by other family members
Coming in second (in a contest or game, or being picked last for a team)
Being rejected in favor of someone who is better in some way (being turned down for a promotion, a potential lover choosing to be with someone else, etc.)
Discovering the person one is dating is also dating someone else
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
After reliving this betrayal with a partner, one resolves to date more carefully, since one deserves better
Experiencing unconditional love with a partner and realizing that the betraying parent’s choice to seek a family elsewhere speaks to their shortcomings, not one’s own
Despite achieving a difficult life-long dream, one is unable to grasp contentment and realizes that only through accepting oneself (weaknesses and all) can true happiness be found
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
LEARNING THAT ONE’S PARENT WAS A MONSTER
EXAMPLES: Learning that one’s mother or father…
Was a pedophile
Has committed murder
Was a serial killer
Abused children (physically, emotionally, or both)
Liked to cause animals pain or kill them for fun
Poisoned people to make them sick
Kidnapped people and enslaved them in a hidden basement or at another property
Was a human trafficker
Exploited vulnerable people for personal gain
Practiced sacrifices and taboo blood rituals
Was a cannibal
Liked to torture others
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging, esteem and recognition, self-actualization
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
How did I not see the signs? My judgment can’t be trusted.
Everything I know is a lie.
My mom (or dad) isn’t human, so maybe I’m not either.
People will judge me no matter what I do because of this, so why try to fit in?
My parent never loved me—how could they, and do what they did?
I need to stay away from people for their own protection.
I can never accomplish anything worthy or great with this hanging over me.
People will only see me as the child of a pedophile (or serial killer, madman, etc.) so I have to keep this a secret from everyone.
People will target me now, so I can never let down my guard.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Themselves and what they might be capable of because they have the same genes
People discovering who their parent is
Being universally hated
Reporters, the media, and other information-gathering sources
Being thrust into the public eye
Trusting the wrong person with the truth
Becoming a mother or father and passing along defective genes
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Changing one’s identity (adopting a new name, creating a false history, etc.)
Struggling with one’s identity and having low self-worth
Having mixed emotions regarding the parent
Moving when one feels threatened (even if it is just in one’s own mind)
Keeping secrets
Avoiding relationships (friendships and romantic ones)
Keeping to oneself; not engaging with neighbors or one’s community
Avoiding family members and friends from one’s past
Avoiding social media
Frequently searching one’s name on social media to see if anything comes up
Avoiding places and situations that serve as a reminder of what one’s parent did
Beating oneself up for normal urges and thoughts, believing they’re indications of something sinister
Refusing to read books or watch movies with situations that hit close to home
Obsessively reading books or watching movies close to one’s situation to gain insight and answers
Deciding not to have children
Striving for independence so one never has to rely on anyone again
Choosing a job that has little opportunity for human interaction
Going off the grid in an effort to keep one’s parentage a secret
Constantly re-examining old clues to see if one should have known what was going on
Blaming oneself for the victim’s pain because one didn’t see what was happening
Surreptitiously keeping track of the victims or their families to see how they’re doing
Throwing oneself into social awareness associated with the parent’s crime
Anonymously doing something for a victim’s family as a way of making restitution (paying off medical bills, asking a therapist friend to reach out, arranging for a paid vacation, etc.)
Refusing to let the parent’s crime keep one from succeeding in life
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Appreciative, calm, centered, courageous, disciplined, focused, generous, gentle, honorable, independent, industrious, introverted, just, kind, loyal, merciful, nurturing, patient, pensive, protective, socially aware, wise
Flaws: Addictive, antisocial, compulsive, confrontational, cynical, defensive, dishonest, evasive, fanatical, humorless, impulsive, inhibited, insecure, jealous, martyr, morbid, needy, paranoid, pessimistic, rebellious, resentful, self-destructive, temperamental, timid, uncommunicative, uncooperative, withdrawn, worrywart
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Being approached by a police officer (if this is how one learned the truth about one’s parent)
Media coverage of a similar crime, such as captives being discovered in an underground dungeon
Sensory stimuli associated with the parent (their accent, having one’s hair ruffled, etc.)
Seeing people who match the victim’s type (redheads, new mothers, prostitutes, etc.)
Being questioned in a related case because of one’s association with the guilty parent
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Being asked to testify but knowing that doing so will make one’s parentage public
Being confronted by one of the victims
Having one’s new identity cracked by an investigative journalist or private detective
A victim offering forgiveness despite one being unable to forgive oneself
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
LOSING A LOVED ONE DUE TO A PROFESSIONAL’S NEGLIGENCE
EXAMPLES: Experiencing the death of a loved one…
At the hands of an inexperienced or impaired medical practitioner
From being given the wrong medication
In a mass transit crash (bus, taxi, plane, train, etc.) where the operator was under the influence
From illegal chemicals or toxins used in the construction of their home
From food poisoning contracted at a restaurant or through improperly managed grocery items
When a negligent chef serves food the loved one is deathly allergic to
At the public pool while the lifeguard wasn’t paying attention
In the care of an inattentive babysitter
From a misdiagnosis
When poorly constructed scaffolding collapses on a busy sidewalk
In a hostage standoff being overseen by an incompetent negotiator
Due to excessive or unnecessary police force
In a freak skydiving or bungee jumping accident with an inept instructor or defective equipment
In a car accident due to an automotive defect caused by either the manufacturer or a mechanic
On a poorly maintained amusement park ride
When a therapist doesn’t notice or act upon signs of suicide
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Safety and security, love and belonging
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
My instincts don’t work; I was a fool for trusting the doctor (or the system, the police, etc.).
It’s my fault for putting my trust in the wrong person (or company, institution, etc.).
I can’t keep my loved ones safe.
I wasn’t thorough enough in my research.
I am powerless. Something like this could happen again and I can’t do a thing about it.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Places associated with the loved one’s death, such as a hospital, ski hill, or jail cell
Sensory triggers (the smell of diesel, the sound of helicopter rotors, the taste of soy sauce, etc.)
Losing another loved one unexpectedly
The practitioner going unpunished and someone else dying as a result
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Being unable to forgive the guilty party
Taking personal vengeance on the one to blame
Adopting an attitude of apathy and despair
Becoming overly protective of remaining loved ones
Becoming safety conscious to the degree that it impacts relationships and impairs happiness
Looking for the dangers, faults, and flaws in everything
Struggling with enjoying life and relaxing in the moment
Feeling helpless and disillusioned about how the world works
Blaming God for the random senselessness of it all
Losing one’s faith or growing stronger in it
Needing someone to blame for every little thing that happens
Lacking closure; always wondering why it happened and how one could have avoided it
Avoiding places similar to the location where the death happened
Pulling away from loved ones out of the fear of getting too close and losing them too
Isolating oneself
Self-medicating
Difficulty choosing new practitioners (and making choices in general) that could have repercussions
Focusing so much on the lost loved one that others are neglected
Suing the responsible person or company
Striking out at the guilty party through social media attacks, poor reviews, and billboard notices
Going on a quest to find answers for closure
Working to ensure nothing like this happens to anyone else
Vetting new companies; not accepting their trustworthiness without proof
Forgiving oneself for, and letting go of, perceived guilt
Starting a charity to honor the loved one’s memory
Cherishing every moment with remaining loved ones; not taking anything for granted
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Affectionate, appreciative, bold, disciplined, empathetic, focused, idealistic, just, passionate, pensive, persistent, persuasive, protective, sentimental, spiritual
Flaws: Abrasive, addictive, apathetic, callous, confrontational, controlling, humorless, inattentive, morbid, nagging, obsessive, pessimistic, possessive, resentful, self-destructive, suspicious, ungrateful
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Having to visit the same kind of establishment and trust those employed there
Needing to find a new doctor or professional and being paralyzed with fear and indecision
Hearing about a professional’s negligence that results in someone’s death
Seeing TV lawsuit ads for no-fault injuries and malpractice suits
Discovering that the practitioner is back at work
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
An emergency situation where one must make a decision regarding the welfare of a loved one
Upon learning that the professional has opened his doors in another town, one must fight to permanently put him out of business, reliving the wounding event in the process
A situation where one realizes that one can’t be responsible everything—including taking the blame for the death that occurred
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS
MISPLACED LOYALTY
EXAMPLES
Learning that one was a pawn for someone else
Being used by a love interest to get to one’s best friend
Discovering that a friend used the relationship to gain access to a popular group, club, or organization
Defending a friend and discovering that he or she was guilty of the accusation
Being thrown under the bus by a family member
Trusting a mentor with a secret only to have him or her tell someone else
Overhearing a close friend’s hurtful gossip
Being excluded from one’s group based on unfair criteria like race, sexual orientation, immaturity, personal values, etc.
Having a family member choose someone else over oneself
Standing by someone who doesn’t return the favor when the chips are down
Being physically intimate with someone and learning the person wasn’t interested in a relationship
Being let down by a trusted organization or social system
Telling the police the truth but not being believed
Having one’s ideas or work stolen by a relative
BASIC NEEDS OFTEN COMPROMISED BY THIS WOUND: Love and belonging, esteem and recognition
FALSE BELIEFS THAT COULD BE EMBRACED
I can’t trust my own instincts.
I’m so gullible; I believe anything anyone says to me.
No one can be trusted.
People are only looking out for number one.
People aren’t worthy of loyalty. If you believe that, you’re a fool.
I need to look out for myself.
THE CHARACTER MAY FEAR…
Intimacy with others
Making themselves vulnerable to others
Sharing personal information with anyone
Professions of loyalty from others and being obliged to take responsibility for them
Being betrayed by a loved one
New people seeking friendship
Misreading other people’s motives and being duped
POSSIBLE RESPONSES AND RESULTS
Blaming oneself for being gullible
Negative self-talk
Withdrawing from others
Not opening up to others
Clinging to the friends and family members one knows are trustworthy
Obsessively going over the betrayal in one’s mind, trying to figure out what one did wrong
Laughing it off; acting as if the betrayal was no big deal
Claiming that one knew what was happening all along
A reluctance to rely on anyone else
Difficulty asking others for help
Becoming cynical; refusing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt
Convincing oneself that
one doesn’t need more friends
Pushing existing friends away so they can’t cause the same hurt
Keeping busy so one doesn’t feel lonely
Avoiding places where one might run into the betraying person
Assuming that everyone has an agenda
Becoming disloyal
Making promises carefully and thoughtfully so one can never be accused of betrayal
Truly appreciating the trustworthy people in one’s life
Never breaking another person’s trust
Recognizing the signs of misplaced loyalty in others and warning them ahead of time
Studying people so one can learn to read them better and avoid being misled in the future
PERSONALITY TRAITS THAT MAY FORM
Attributes: Analytical, appreciative, bold, cautious, centered, decisive, diplomatic, discreet, honorable, independent, loyal, meticulous, observant, pensive, private, proactive, proper, responsible
Flaws: Apathetic, antisocial, callous, catty, confrontational, cynical, defensive, disloyal, flaky, gullible, humorless, insecure, know-it-all, needy, obsessive, oversensitive, subservient, suspicious, timid
TRIGGERS THAT MIGHT AGGRAVATE THIS WOUND
Suspecting that one is being used again by someone else
Not knowing if a friend can be trusted or not
Seeing a loved one be taken advantage of in a similar way
Catching a friend in a lie
Making time for someone only to be blown off or dismissed again
OPPORTUNITIES TO FACE OR OVERCOME THIS WOUND
Finding that one is guilty of betraying the trust of someone else
Being given the chance to join a group instead of living on the fringes of community and having to decide whether or not to do it
Accusing a friend of disloyalty, then realizing the person was devoted after all
Seeing a friend in need, which gives one the choice between continuing to live in isolation or making oneself vulnerable again by offering them support
RETURN TO THE TABLE OF CONTENTS