did both of you
get enough to eat
MOSES yeah man we did
KITCH we almost did
Kitch takes the apple pie.
Mister does not notice.
MISTER was everything delicious
MOSES it was fine
MISTER good
that’s good
i’m just glad
it didn’t all go to waste
gosh
i’m so glad i met
you fellas
but now
i’ve got to be on my way
moses
kitch
(tipping his hat with a flourish) salutations and good evening
to you both
Mister exits, taking the picnic basket with him.
MOSES yo nigga
you good
KITCH yeah nigga damn
MOSES what da fuck
man damn
KITCH yo what
MOSES (mocking Kitch) what kinda hot food
KITCH you ate some too
MOSES only after
yo dumb ass
let him sit down
KITCH nigga
don’t act like
you ain’t glad we ate
MOSES you right
KITCH (re: the apple pie) nigga damn
you wanna eat again
MOSES nigga
KITCH yo
do you
MOSES man
better save dat shit
KITCH you right
Kitch hides the apple pie.
MOSES yo
who da fuck
you think dat
white dude wuz
KITCH yo
i’on know
MOSES he wudn’t dem
po-pos wuz he
KITCH he ain’t talk like
po-pos
MOSES naw nigga damn
ain’t act like po-pos neither
KITCH yo moses
he master
shit
MOSES nigga
KITCH yo
he sed dat
i was like
what da fuck
MOSES what da fuck
KITCH what da fuck
MOSES what da fuck
KITCH sed he ain’t
heard nuthin bout dem po-pos
shit
MOSES yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo
KITCH what nigga shit
MOSES dat white dude momma
nigga damn
i think i got a plan
KITCH yo what
MOSES dat white dude sed
his momma told him
dat n-word ain’t no good
KITCH man
fuck dat white dude moses
MOSES yeah i know
but po-po out here
killin niggas right
KITCH you right
MOSES specially them niggas
dat’s tryina pass ovuh
KITCH nigga
MOSES and you and me
we gittin up out
KITCH we iz
MOSES yeah nigga damn
we iz
KITCH mos def
MOSES but wit dem po-pos
comin round here
how da fuck we posteda do it
KITCH yo moses
i’on know
MOSES iss easy nigga damn
less give all dat shit up
KITCH all what shit nigga
MOSES dat n-word
nigga
KITCH nigga
MOSES white nigga
don’t say it
and po-po don’t be
killin his ass
in cold blood
KITCH yo nigga damn
you right
MOSES so maybe
maybe
we stop sayin dat shit
dem po-pos do come thru
nigga
they ain’t gon know iss us
KITCH niggggaaaaa
dat shit right there
so crazy
dat i think it jess might work
MOSES dem po-pos come round here
we gon be men
like they ain’t neva seen
KITCH i feel you nigga damn
but—
MOSES yo man
what da fuck
KITCH yo moses
i concur
but what we fixta
call ourselves now though
MOSES i’on know
nigga damn
KITCH moses
MOSES yo werd
Moses and Kitch think on it.
we fixta call ourselves
like dis
like
(tips his hat with a Mister-like flourish) salutations and good evening to you fellas
KITCH what
Again Moses tips his hat with a Mister-like flourish.
MOSES like dis like
salutations and good evening
to you fellas
Then Kitch tips his hat.
KITCH salutations and good evening
to you fellas
Then they both practice.
MOSES goodness no
KITCH oh goodness no
KITCH gosh golly gee
MOSES why
thank you
gosh
that’s awfully
KITCH no
thank you
MOSES thank you
KITCH thank you
MOSES thank you
KITCH and your name is
MOSES i’m master
KITCH what
MOSES well
i would never
KITCH gosh
this is so awkward
MOSES i have never
KITCH well
MOSES well salutations
KITCH yes
good evening
MOSES yes
good evening salutations
KITCH salutations
and good night
OSSIFER enters, wearing a policeman’s uniform and mirrored aviator sunglasses.
OSSIFER yes
good night
and salutations
to you both
Kitch flinches.
But Moses calms him, intent on sticking to the plan.
MOSES yes
yes
salutations
and good night
OSSIFER good night
KITCH good night
OSSIFER and if i may
a word of warning
dangerous fellas
on the loose around these parts
now
i’ll protect you both
for sure
but
all the same
just
watch yourselves
MOSES gosh
look at the time
we really should be going
OSSIFER yes good night
Moses and Kitch begin to get up off the block.
But then …
say
don’t i know you fellas
MOSES no
OSSIFER you sure
you look like fellas
i might know
MOSES you don’t know us
OSSIFER say
what’s your name
MOSES my name
OSSIFER your name fella
what’s your name
KITCH he master nigga
shit
A moment.
OSSIFER what the fuck
did you just say to me
boy
The jig is up.
Moses and Kitch both flinch.
both of you
hands behind your heads
Moses and Kitch both assume the position.
you boys must think
you’re slick
trying to trip me up
like that
Ossifer approaches Moses.
and you
must think of yourse
lf
as some kind of ringleader
some kind of alpha dog
(dog barks) roo
roo
roo
now
we’re going to do this
nice and gentle
just like we always do
who are you
MOSES stupid
lazy
violent
thug
OSSIFER good
that’s good
and where are you going
MOSES nowhere
Kitch clocks this.
OSSIFER what’s that nigger
MOSES nowhere
sir
OSSIFER alright boys
let’s keep it that way
Ossifer begins to exit, but then he stops and takes the apple pie.
Moses and Kitch do not notice.
Ossifer exits.
Moses and Kitch collapse to the ground.
The sun begins to rise.
MOSES man
fuck dem po-pos man
KITCH i know
MOSES talk shit
like they got power
ain’t got no power
cept dat gun
dat fuckin badge
man
fuck dem fuckin po-lice
KITCH fuckin donut chasers
MOSES fuckin pigs
KITCH yo moses
dat shit
don’t change nuthin nigga
MOSES yo
how you figure
KITCH cuz nigga damn man
we still here
sun comin up yeah
iss a new day
and we still on dis block
but damn nigga
it cud be worse
we cud be dead
we still here
mean we still livin
so tomorrow
tomorrow
we fixta—
MOSES nigga
KITCH yo moses man
say we fixta git off dis block
MOSES …. .
KITCH come on man
i ain’t playin
i need this
say we fixta—
we gon git up off dis block
so fast
iss gon be like
iss gon be like
KITCH speedy gonzalez
MOSES andale
andale
KITCH arriba
arriba
MOSES like dem chosen man
dem good book niggas
KITCH passOVuh!
MOSES passovUH!
KITCH passOVuh!
During the following Moses gives Kitch the hoodie and puts him to bed.
MOSES we gon git off dis here plantation
git up off dis block
then we gon walk
walk right up to dat river
iss gon be deep
iss gon be wide
and we gon stand there like
like chosen
like niggas dis world ain’t never seen
den dat river man
iss gon part
gon open up jess for us
ain’t gon need no swim trunks
ain’t gon need no boats
jess walk on thru
and life
dis life right here
ain’t gon be no jail no more
you hear me
ain’t gon be no ghetto
no plantation
gon be sweet
so sweet
my nigga
so pure
so sweet
KITCH like milk and honey
nigga damn
like milk and honey
It’s daytime now.
Kitch falls asleep.
Moses keeps watch.
ACT TWO
The following night, though later than Act One.
Moses, wearing the hoodie, sleeps as before.
Kitch keeps watch as before.
Then Moses wakes up.
MOSES yo kill me now
KITCH bang bang
MOSES nigga
KITCH what’s good
my nigga
MOSES man
you know
KITCH you know
i know
Moses gives Kitch a look that stops this game short.
MOSES man
what’chu fixta do today
man damn
KITCH man
i’on know man
what’chu fixta do
MOSES i’on know either
KITCH what
MOSES sed i’on know
nigga damn
KITCH man
quit playin
MOSES i’m not playin
shit
KITCH promised land
top ten
go
MOSES sed
i don’t wanna
play games now
kitch
KITCH a’ight then
count for me
i’ll go
MOSES nigga
KITCH oh
oh i’m sorry
can you not count
MOSES … . .
KITCH fuck you then
i’ll count for myself
MOSES please don’t
KITCH (sung in the style of the funky seventies Sesame Street pinball tune.)
ONE TWO THREE
FOUR FIVE
SIX SEVEN EIGHT
NINE TEN
ELEVEN TWELVE
(then, louder)
ONE TWO THREE
FOUR FIVE
SIX SEVEN EIGHT
NINE TEN
ELEVEN TWELVE
(then, even louder)
ONE TWO THREE
FOUR FIVE
SIX SEVEN EIGHT
NINE TEN—
MOSES a’ight nigga
stop
stop
KITCH who me
MOSES i play one round
then yo gon leave my ass alone
a’ight
KITCH … . .
MOSES nigga don’t play
KITCH a’ight man damn
ol funky ass nigga
count off
MOSES one
KITCH man
i ain’t sed nuthin yet
MOSES hurry up then
damn
Kitch takes his sweet precious time.
KITCH uuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmm
lemme see
what do i want
what do i want
what do i wa–
MOSES kitch
KITCH new air jordans
not thrift store new
new new
MOSES one
KITCH man
i ain’t finished
MOSES … . .
KITCH so when
rochelle see me
she gon be like—
MOSES (as Rochelle) uh nigga
i’m still gon pass
KITCH nigga
MOSES what nigga
you know i’m right
KITCH ain’t mean
you gotta ruin my list
Moses makes a gesture that says “you right.”
new air jordans
MOSES one
KITCH tickets
to da most expensive concert
dis summer
MOSES tw–
KITCH uh uh uh [not yet]
dat me and rochelle go to
on a really really wonderful
first date
MOSES (resisting the urge to talk shit) two
KITCH a fish tank
wit two sharks in it
a starfish
and a stingray
MOSES three
KITCH a house
to put my big ass fish tank
in
MOSES fo
KITCH a bright yellow ferrari
no
porsche
no
ferrari
yeah
a bright yellow ferrari f12berlinetta
in da driveway
MOSES nigga what
KITCH nigga
trust
MOSES a’ight then
five
KITCH like three
gold chains
MOSES six
KITCH me and you
seein dat sunrise
wit’out dem po-pos
messin our shit up first
MOSES seven
KITCH and then
and then
dem po-pos
dey don’t ever come back
cuz like
i don’t know
like
dey guns don’t work no more
like dey
(gasp) like dey get fucked up
by god and shit
MOSES nigga
KITCH cuz he send down
plagues and shit
like
fuck you egyptian po-pos
here’s some locusts
and some—
what’s da other plagues
MOSES like uh dragon
breathin fire
on dem po-pos
KITCH there’s a dragon
in da bible
MOSES yeah nigga
in habakkuk
KITCH yo
MOSES and wizards
in isaiah
KITCH maaaaaaan
MOSES or was it
talkin snakes
KITCH okay
i get it
MOSES yo
do you
KITCH … . .
MOSES ain’t sed yo list
wudn’t good or nuthin
jess ain’t real life
KITCH iss better
den sittin there
feelin sorry for yo’self
MOSES do what’chu can
what can you do
KITCH nigga
MOSES yo kitch
you mad
KITCH yeah man i’m mad
naw man i’m good
MOSES my nigga
KITCH yo ass a trip
MOSES yo
you iz too
KITCH yo moses man
you want some weed
MOSES man
here you go
KITCH yo
do you
MOSES why
you got some kitch
KITCH yeah nigga
i do
MOSES yo what
KITCH jess playin
but yo
we got dat pie
MOSES nigga
KITCH what nigga damn
we do
MOSES yo
how you figure
KITCH dat white dude
nigga
dat picnic
MOSES what picnic
KITCH yesterday
nigga damn
MOSES had uh picnic
yesterday
KITCH what’chu
sayin it wasn’t
MOSES sayin
i don’t really know
KITCH cuda sworn dat shit
was yesterday
MOSES cuda sworn
dat shit
was jess a dream
KITCH (imitating Mister) why salutations and good ev—
MOSES i’m good [stop]
KITCH you right
MOSES what kind is it
shit
KITCH yo what
MOSES dat pie
nigga damn
what kind
KITCH man
you got pie
MOSES naw nigga
my ass got weed
KITCH yo what
MOSES jess playin
KITCH nigga
MOSES we cud eat some
find out dat way
KITCH eat some what
MOSES dat pie
nigga damn