wander down this way
MOSES yo why you askin
MISTER no reason really
just
just making conversation
MOSES what’chu doin round here
man
MISTER well gosh
i’m not quite sure exactly
what i mean is
well
i started in a quite familiar place
but then
i got all turned around
and now
gosh golly gee
i think i might be lost
KITCH you got dat right
MOSES how bout’chu
head on back the way you came
MISTER i should do that
you’re right
i will i guess
it’s just
i did so want to get
where i was going
MOSES where dat is
MISTER what’s that
KITCH where you going
MISTER oh
well
to my mother’s house
of course
i like to bring her food sometimes
because
because she’s ill you see
she’s ill
and i’m her only son
yes
yes
i’m going to my mother’s house
or well
i was before i got so turned around
say
say would you mind if i sat down
KITCH yo what da fuck
MISTER it’s just that i’ve just been walking
all around
and gosh
my feet are tired
it’s because i’ve got weak arches
always have
but if i sat down for a moment
i’d feel good
not good exactly
better
if i sat down for a moment
i’d feel better
KITCH man
ain’tcho white ass
gotta couch
MISTER no
you’re right
of course
i should really be going
KITCH a’ight then nigga
be on yo—
Moses and Kitch flinch.
Mister flinches slightly off of their flinch.
A moment. Silence. Stillness.
Then, all clear.
MISTER is everything alright
MOSES yeah man
we good
MISTER well
are you sure
KITCH man
mind yo goddamn bizness
MISTER no
right
of course
it’s just
it seems like
something’s got you spooked
MOSES iss dem po-pos
nigga damn
MISTER those what
KITCH po-lice
white man
po-lice
MOSES they out here
doin jess what they do
killin niggas mostly
MISTER killing
what kind of killing
KITCH kind dat keep uh nigga
in line
MOSES what nigga damn
ain’tchu herd nuthin
MISTER no
i’m sorry
no i haven’t
MOSES (aside) dis nigga here
MISTER say
it isn’t safe out here
i mean
you fellas should do something
call the poli–
or
or i don’t know do something
MOSES same shit
my nigga
jess da day dat’s changed
MISTER but aren’t you scared
MOSES & KITCH …. .
MISTER if i were in your shoes
gosh
i’d be terrified
(then) say
you fellas aren’t hungry
are you
MOSES KITCH
why you askin yeeeeeessss
MISTER well gosh
it’s just so late
i can’t imagine
that i’ll get to mother’s now
and well
i’ve got this basket
full of food
good food
it’d be a shame
to let it go to waste
MOSES naw man we cool
KITCH we iz
MOSES yeah nigga
we iz
ain’t on no charity game
feel me
MISTER no
right
of course
i’m not implying that you—
gosh
i mean
i feel like
i’m the one
who needs your help
what with my aching arches
and this basket full of food
that i can’t finish
by myself
but no
the last thing
that i’d want to do
is be some kind of nuisance
gosh
the last thing
that i’d want to do
is be some kind of pain
if i troubled you
either of you
at all
i’m awfully
awfully—
gosh
i should go
yes
i’ll go this very instant
and
how about
i leave this food here anyway
yes
i’ll just leave it here
and what you do
or don’t do with it
gosh golly gee
that’s up to you
there’s cold stuff in there
hot stuff too
so
if you do eat some
don’t wait too long
KITCH what kinda hot food
MISTER what’s that now
MOSES nuthin man
we good
hope you find yur momma
bye
MISTER what about your friend
MOSES i sed
we good
MISTER (to Kitch) gosh
does he ever let you
speak for yourself
KITCH yo what
MISTER oh nothing
A moment.
Mister begins to go, but then …
KITCH (to Mister) man
yo feet really hurt
MISTER weak arches
it’s the pits
KITCH a’ight then
we fixta let’chu sit down okay
but first
lemme ask you dis
MISTER yes
of course
KITCH yo ass ain’t here
to smoke us
iz you
MOSES kill me now
KITCH bang bang
MISTER i’m sorry
i don’t understand
KITCH did you come out here
to kill
me and my friend
MISTER what a question
MOSES dat ain’t no kinda answer
MISTER no i didn’t
in fact
and please
don’t think that i’m not happy
that we met
i am
i think you’re both
delightful
but i told you
i was going to see my mother
if i hadn’t got turned around
i wouldn’t be out here at all
KITCH man iss cool
sit down
rest’cho feet and shit
MOSES yo kitch
KITCH what nigga
we don’t own deez streets
A moment.
Mister looks at Moses.
Moses communicates “I’ll allow it” with the smallest possible gesture.
MISTER why
thank you
thank you both
that’s awfully—
gosh
that’s awfully—
Mister opens the basket and removes a red and white checkered tablecloth which he spreads on the ground.
Then he sits, takes off his hat, and fans his face.
This should take a while.
that does feel good
to take the load off
i mean
gosh
my feet are tired
though
i do suppose
that’s what you get
when you intend
to get to mother’s house
but somehow find yourself
(he looks around) well here
i guess
you find yourself
right here
and yes
you’re right
she will be disappointed
mother will
she was so looking forward to—
i am her only son
you see
and i was headed to her house
i told her i would come
but well
the thing is
i got lost
you see
i got all turned around
but yes
she will be disappointed
all the sa–
KITCH yo man
good for you
so uh
about dat food
MOSES ain’t gotta beg
nigga damn
KITCH like you ain’t hungry
MISTER what’s that
KITCH food
nigga damn
what kind
MISTER oh yes
the food
well now
let me see
what do we have here
(taking out each dish) we have some cold cuts
mother does love her cold cuts
string beans
apple pie
ice cream
strawberries
blueberries
blackberries
goji berries
hm
i don’t know what those are
turkey legs
chicken legs
chicken à la king
oooh
pudding
beer and wine
water too
cuz mother doesn’t drink
hot dogs
hamburgers
fresh roasted peanuts
dim sum
why the hell not
and last but not least
collard greens and pinto beans
KITCH yo moses
dat’s yo favorite
MOSES …. .
MISTER what’s that now
your favorite
gosh golly gee
mine too
cook the collards down
in fatback
add a pinch of sugar
that’s how mother does it anyway
or was it
mother’s favorite hired woman
i can’t remember
well
no matter
KITCH so
MISTER so what
KITCH can we like
can we get some man
MISTER please
help yourselves
dig in
KITCH yo
dat’s wassup
Kitch sits down and digs in. Moses does not.
KITCH yooo nigga damn
dis shit right here
wooooo
dis hits da spot
(noticing that Moses hasn’t eaten) what da fuck nigga
chomp chomp
MOSES …. .
MISTER golly gee
where are my manners
Mister offers the plate of collard greens and pinto beans to Moses.
Moses smells the food.
MOSES shit
Mister offers Moses a fork.
MISTER go ahead
take a bite
A moment.
Then Moses accepts both food and fork.
MOSES give it here
man damn
Moses considers the food.
Moses takes a bite.
shit
dat’s so fuckin good
MISTER i’m glad you like it
KITCH nigga damn man
where you procure
all dis food
MISTER i grow it
KITCH yo like organic
das wassup
They eat.
And eat.
And eat.
It’s amazing.
MOSES yo mister
yo—
MISTER master
Moses and Kitch stop eating.
MOSES what
MISTER master
my name is master
KITCH what da fuck
MISTER what
KITCH what da fuck
MISTER why
what’s the proble—
oh
oh right
i see
gosh that’s—
gosh
i’ve never—
gosh
i’ve never heard it
quite like that before
how awkward
that’s so awkward
gosh
it’s just a name
a family name
so
you know
pass it down
and pass it down
i hope that you don’t think—
i’ve never—
i would never—
gosh
it’s just a name
it doesn’t mean a thing
MOSES means somethin to me
MISTER well okay
what’s your name
KITCH who me
MISTER yes
of course
KITCH oh
yeah
okay
my real name percy
but dat’s awful
so
so most folks call me kitch
MISTER kitch
KITCH yeah kitch
MISTER (to Moses) and you are
Moses puts the plate down.
MOSES nigga
MISTER your name is—
KITCH naw man naw
he moses
feel me moses
MISTER moses
golly gee
now there’s a name
(clearing his throat; singing) LET MY PEOPLE GOOOOOOOO
(then, fishing for a compliment) eh
eh
MOSES man
i thought’chu sed
you wudn’t religious
MISTER i’m not anymore
but as a child
well
as a child—
MOSES yeah man
whatever
Moses retreats.
MISTER kitch
have i done something wrong
KITCH naw man
you good
MISTER are you sure
moses seems upset
KITCH i mean
but damn man
dat’s jess life
MISTER yes well
as his brother
i guess you’d know
KITCH oh naw man
moses man
he ain’t my—
we ain’t brothas
MISTER you’re not
KITCH naw man
we’re not
MISTER hmm
could have fooled me
KITCH i mean
don’t get me wrong
he my nigga
you feel me
MISTER no
i’d rather not
KITCH yo what
MISTER because you
just said—
KITCH (getting the joke) niggaaaaaa
MISTER gosh
you really like that word
KITCH what word is that
MISTER the n-word
KITCH what n-word
MISTER that n-word
KITCH nigga
what n-word damn
MISTER the n-word you keep saying
KITCH damn man what da fuck
what n-word yo ass on about
narcotic
nitro
nincompoop
MISTER the n-word
that i’m on about is ni–
Moses shoots daggers at Mister.
nevermind
MOSES wish a nigga wud
KITCH oooooooohhhhhhh
that n-word
yeah iss a’ight
MISTER i mean
every sentence
my n-word this
my n-word that
KITCH maaaaaan
quit actin like
yo ass ain’t sed dat shit
MISTER what shit
KITCH dat n-word nigga
nigga
nigga
nigga
MOSES iss true nigga
all white niggas
say da n-word
MISTER what!
MOSES or if they don’t
bess believe
dey want to
MISTER first of all
first of all
i’m not sure
what all white ni—
people
all white people
even means
i’m
just
one
person
and second of all
second of all
i don’t say that word
MOSES but’chu want to
hunh
MISTER no moses
i don’t
MOSES (to Kitch) yeah he do
MISTER no i don’t
MOSES iss cool
you wanna say
dat n-word
MISTER no
MOSES me and kitch
cud prolly teach you
MISTER now look
you need to hear me on this
gosh golly
i would never
ever ever
say that word
i mean
my mother told me not to
KITCH what da fuck
man damn
yo momma
breastfeed yo ass too
MISTER well
no
but i do love mother
KITCH i luv my momma too
don’t mean my ass
can’t say da shit
i feel like sayin feel me
MISTER well
maybe it should
MOSES yo what
MISTER now look now
moses
kitch
now i’ve just met you fellas
and gosh
the last thing
that i’d want to do is—
MOSES great
but wuss yo point
MISTER well
well
it’s just that—
yes
yes feelings fine
but it’s so
i don’t know
distasteful for your—
well for people who—
gosh golly gee
it’s just that—
gosh
if i don’t get to say
the n-word
why do you
MOSES becuz
my nigga damn
iss not’chors
you feel me
bad or good man
iss not’chors
MISTER EVERYTHING’S MINE!
nope
no of course
you’re right
gosh
(checking his pocket watch) look at the time
i really should be going
moses
kitch