MOTHER: A Novel, Page 6

  Jane ignored her comment. She was worried that Emma was losing too much weight. Why hadn’t she noticed earlier? Not that Emma had given her much of a chance since she was seldom around. Still, Jane felt guilt-ridden and panicked as she imagined the worst.

  “Have you been eating?” she asked bluntly.

  “Of course I’ve been eating. Just because I don’t eat with you doesn’t mean that I don’t eat,” Emma said, lying again. She had been skipping meals for months. Even when she sat down to eat, she merely picked at her food. Blue jeans that were once tight on her hung loosely on her narrow hips. She seemed lost in her clothing. She had spent her money buying a few pairs of size 1 jeans and a couple of smaller tee shirts. She had “borrowed” some outfits from her friend’s younger sister, without their knowledge or consent. She grew nasty and defensive when she wore it to school a few days later and her friend questioned her about it. She told her friend to go screw herself and that she was no longer invited to her party.

  Other friends had asked her why she was losing so much weight. Her close friend, Megan, asked her if she was sick.

  “Of course not,” she insisted, but she often felt weak and had herself come close to passing out a few times.

  Megan seemed to sense that something was wrong, but every

  time she brought up the subject, Emma exploded violently, telling her to back off, that she wasn’t her mother. She finally told her that if she couldn’t mind her business, she couldn’t attend her party.

  Megan stopped asking questions and stopped worrying.

  Emma seemed to daze off right before Jane’s eyes. Jane repeated her question loudly.

  “I said are you sure you’ve been eating?”

  Emma snapped out of her trance with a startled look on her face.

  “What? Yes, I said yes already,” she barked.

  Jane hoped that Emma was being honest. She planned to watch her closely from that point on, just to make sure. For now, Jane thought it was best to change the subject. She finally had Emma in the same room, maybe they could carry on a simple conversation.

  “Did you try on the dress?” Jane asked, hoping the topic would please Emma and she would chat willingly with her.

  “Yeah, and they did a bad job. The dress is too loose on me,” she said, surprisingly calm.

  “I can take it back to get altered,” Jane offered.

  “There’s no time now, the party is Saturday,” Emma replied and then tried to change the subject quickly. She did not want her mother to know when or where her party was. She did not want her mother there to embarrass her.

  “What are you making for dinner,” she quickly added, hoping that talk of food would make her forget the party.

  “I don’t know yet,” Jane said indifferently, “the party is this Saturday?” She looked at Emma, her eyebrows arched as she waited for a response. Emma sighed.

  “Yeessss,” she said reluctantly.

  “And you weren’t going to tell me about it?”

  “You don’t want to go to a sweet sixteen party,” Emma said, as if to convince Jane of the veracity of her comment.

  “Of course I want to attend your party,” Jane said. Emma rolled her eyes.

  “I knew this would happen,” she shouted. “I’ve already sent all the invitations out.”

  Jane was puzzled by Emma’s outburst. She went from having an almost normal conversation to a shouting match in under a minute.

  “Are you saying that I’m not invited to your party?” she asked.

  “You don’t need to be there,” Emma said, growing increasingly

  more hostile.

  “But I want to be there,” Jane said soothingly, hoping to calm Emma down.

  “Well it’s too late now,” Emma said coldly.

  “Where is the party?” Jane asked. She had been curious about the party details.

  Emma thought about lying, she didn’t want her to crash the party. Yet, if she wanted to, she could easily find out where it was. She just had to make her miserable enough so that she didn’t want to go.

  “It’s at Sierra Gardens,” she said yelled, “but you still can’t come.”

  “Sierra Gardens? That’s pretty pricey. How can you afford that?” she asked, wondering if Emma had used her debit card. She made a mental note to check her card for unauthorized purchases.

  “Dad is paying for it,” she said, with a smug look on her face.

  Jane was taken aback. She had no idea that Emma kept in touch with Gregory or vice-versa. It explained Emma’s disrespectful behavior. It all seemed to make sense to Jane. Gregory was alienating her—he was trying to destroy their relationship—and he was succeeding.

  “So this was your father’s idea, huh?” she asked angrily.

  “No, Jane, it was all my idea, he just paid for everything.”

  “I’m Mom, not Jane,” she yelled at the top of her lungs and Emma took a step back.

  “Whatever,” Emma said disrespectfully, “you still can’t come.”

  “I guess your father doesn’t want me there,” she yelled.

  “No, I don’t want you there,” Emma shouted. “You’re fat and dumpy, you’re a big embarrassment and I don’t want anyone to know that you’re such an obese loser.” She fought feelings of dizziness and nausea as she left the house.

  Jane watched her walk up the road until she could no longer see her. Was it true? Was it Emma’s choice or was she protecting Gregory? Jane had to find out. She hoped and prayed that Gregory had orchestrated the whole thing. At least then it wouldn’t mean that Emma truly and deeply resented her.

  She went to the phone and started to dial Gregory’s office number, but it had been so long since she called him, she did not remember the number. She had to look it up. She dialed it nervously and waited as it rang. Three rings, no answer. Four rings,

  five, six. Jane was just about to hang up when she heard him answer.

  “Hello?” he said, sounding out of breath.

  “It’s Jane,” she said coldly.

  Gregory was shocked. It had been years since he spoke to her—not since he had left their home. It had to be bad, he thought.

  “How are you, Jane?” he asked dryly.

  “Fine. I’m not calling about me. Did you plan Emma’s party?” she asked bluntly.

  “Emma’s party? No, she made the arrangements, I just gave her my credit card information,” he replied, wondering if he had done the wrong thing by doing so. “Is there a problem?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” Jane answered, not knowing what to think. “I didn’t know you two were so close,” she added sarcastically.

  “She just called me a couple of months ago, surprised the hell out of me. She said you weren’t planning a party for her. I felt bad for her. I know I probably should have consulted with you first, but I figured she would tell you about it,” he said truthfully.

  “Are you going?” she asked.

  “Emma wants me to go, but I have to attend a conference in Dallas. Hey, did you ever tell her about Sue?”

  Jane hung up. She had heard enough. She had all of the answers she needed.

  “Hello? Jane?” Gregory spoke into the void. He hung up the phone, wondering why Jane was so surprised about the party. He would ask Emma about it when he returned from his trip. For now, he had more important things to do. He turned to the half-naked young blonde girl waiting for his attention. The blonde girl he had spent most of his evenings with; the blonde girl who was not Sue.

  ~6~

  The following morning, Jane knocked on Emma’s door to ask her if she needed a ride to school. Emma just said “no” without even opening the door.

  Jane prepared breakfast and left a dish of food on the table for Emma before leaving for work. Jane felt miserable at work. She had a sick, nervous feeling in her stomach all day. At least it was better than the intense pain she had felt the day before. She could not focus on her tasks and lost her patience talking to customers on the phone. She even snappe
d at Zachary when he asked where she was last night.

  “I said I would try to make it, I didn’t make any promises,” she replied sharply, without apologizing for her demeanor.

  Her response surprised Zachary. She had never before addressed him so harshly. Even after Gregory had left, as upset as she was, she was never abrasive toward him or anyone else.

  “Fine, it was just a friendly invitation,” Zachary said, dejectedly, and walked away. He decided to give her some time to cool off. If he knew her as well as he thought, she’d be in his office apologizing to him before lunchtime.

  At the end of the day, Zachary approached Jane’s desk. He found her with her head buried in her hands. She looked up when she heard him. She seemed annoyed by his presence. Zachary didn’t know whether he should try to talk to her or just return to his office. He chose to try talking—the worst she could do was tell him to get lost.

  “Are you going to finally tell me what’s going on?” he inquired.

  “Nothing, I’ve just been tired. I’ll go over for dinner soon,” she said softly.

  “I’m not here about dinner. Something’s really got you down. Talk to me,” he begged.

  Jane searched for a good enough excuse to satisfy Zachary’s curiosity. She didn’t want to open up about Emma. She didn’t feel

  like besmirching her. Zachary could see her struggling to find something to say.

  “I know there’s something seriously wrong, Janey. Tell me, I’m your friend,” he pleaded again, and sat down next to her.

  It was true, Jane thought. Not only was he her friend, but he was probably her last remaining friend. Over the past couple of years, she had slowly parted ways with her closest friends. The only reason they managed to stay close was because they worked together. He waited patiently for her to respond. Jane just shook her head slowly. She didn’t know what to say or how, how much she should tell him, or whether she should say anything at all. Zachary looked in her eyes. She looked like she had just suffered a great loss. She looked like she lacked the will to go on much longer and Zachary was truly frightened for her. He held her hands in his as he faced her.

  “Go on, Janey, I’m here for you.”

  Jane took a deep breath.

  “It’s Emma,” she said sadly.

  “Is she okay? Is she sick?” Zachary asked, fearing the worse. It had to be really dreadful to cause Jane such distress. Maybe Emma’s pregnant, he thought.

  “She’s fine...I think. I don’t even know,” she exclaimed nervously.

  “What’s going on? Yesterday you told me you didn’t know about her party, now you’re telling me you don’t even know about her. Did she run away from home? Is she with Gregory?” Zachary was confused.

  “I told you that she blames me for Greg leaving,” Jane said, and Zachary nodded. “She thinks Greg left because I got too fat. She’s been resenting me more and more each day since he left home. She hates me, Zach,” Jane choked on her words as a single tear fell from her eye.

  “She doesn’t hate you, Janey. She’s a teenager. It’s a difficult time. Have you two been arguing a lot?”

  Jane nodded, almost amused by that understatement.

  “I love her, Zach, but she has no respect for me. She treats me like I’m the child and she’s in charge. She criticizes me and insults me all the time. She calls me Jane—I can’t even remember the last time she called me Mom,” Jane said sadly.

  “I know it must be horrible now, but I’m sure it’s just a phase,” Zachary replied, trying to offer some hope.

  “She slapped me...she called me a bitch and she slapped me across the face!”

  Zachary’s jaw dropped. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

  “What did you do to her?” he asked.

  “To cause her to slap me?”

  “No, after she slapped you, how did you discipline her?”

  “I didn’t do anything. I was numb. I went to my room and cried like a baby.”

  “What happened? What made her so angry?”

  “A few months ago she started talking about her birthday. She wanted one of those fancy sweet sixteen parties. I told her I couldn’t afford it and she got all upset. Then I decided to borrow against my pension and plan a big party for her. I spent over thirteen thousand dollars on a great party, keeping it a secret from her. I wanted to surprise her.”

  Zachary made a face, but continued listening intently as Jane continued.

  “Last Friday—when I took off from work—I had it all planned out. I was going to tell her about the party when she came home from school. She didn’t get home until almost seven. I cooked her favorite dinner—which ended up wasting. She walked right past me. When she didn’t return downstairs, I went up to her room and found her in a fancy dress. At first I thought she had found out about the party somehow, but when I questioned her, she told me that she had planned her own party. I told her about the party I had planned for her and she didn’t even care. She told me it was too late and that I had to cancel it. I was so upset, I reached for her as she began to just walk away from me and I ripped her new dress. She was furious. She yelled that she hated me, then slapped me, just like that.”

  Jane became distraught as she relived that horrific evening. Zachary tightened his grip on her hands.

  “I suppose she had every right to be so upset—I ripped her new dress,” she sobbed.

  “Are you kidding? She was totally out of line. She had no right putting her hands on you.”

  He released her hand so that she could grab a tissue and blow her

  nose.

  “Anyhow,” Jane continued, “I cancelled the party and just found out yesterday that Emma’s party is tomorrow. She doesn’t want me there because I’m just an obese loser who would only embarrass her.”

  Zachary shook his head ruefully. He was disgusted by what he had just heard.

  “And get this,” she said loudly, “Gregory financed the whole thing!” She looked at Zachary in amazement.

  “I didn’t know he was still part of her life,” Zachary exclaimed in surprise.

  “He really isn’t—she called him a few months back and asked him for help. I can only imagine the awful things she said about me,” Jane said. She had stopped crying and was feeling a bit better now that she had shared her misery with someone else.

  “And he didn’t call you?”

  “Nope, he assumed Emma would tell me, which of course she didn’t.”

  “Are you going to the party?” he asked.

  “No way, Emma doesn’t want me there.”

  “You should go. You have every right to be there.”

  “Why ruin Emma’s big day?” she said with a thin, forced smile.

  “She doesn’t deserve a party. I can’t believe how cruel she’s been,” Zachary said. “I wish you would have shared this with me sooner. No wonder you’ve been so upset lately.”

  “It does feel good to talk about it,” Jane said and smiled warmly at Zachary. “Thanks for listening.”

  “Of course,” he replied as he reached over to hug her.

  “I’m so sorry I’ve been so rude and miserable to you,” she apologized.

  “Don’t worry about it, I knew there was something going on,” he said.

  “I’m dreading tomorrow. I know it may be selfish, but I really wanted to be a part of it all,” Jane said sadly.

  “I still think you should go.”

  “Emma would probably slap me again,” she said half-jokingly. She’d probably slap me just for thinking of going, she thought.

  “If she even lays a finger on you again, you’d better hit her back.

  Don’t let her think she can just beat on you,” Zachary said

  vehemently.

  “I know. I was just in shock last time.”

  “I have an idea. Why don’t you come over to our house tomorrow night? We’ll take your mind off everything,” Zachary suggested.

  “Maybe,” Jane said. She was still hoping that Emma would
change her mind and invite her to the party. She’d even thought about what she would wear in case she was able to go.

  “Don’t just sit at home alone, you’d drive yourself crazy.”

  “I’m not sure what I’ll do yet, but thanks for the offer. I’ll call you if I can make it,” she promised.

  They spoke for a little while more before Zachary walked back to his office. She felt much better than she had felt all day, all week even. Her abdominal pains had greatly subsided. As she drove home, however, they began to return as her anxiety level quickly increased.

  Once again, she entered an empty house. To her surprise, she felt relieved about that. Her pains subsided again as she pondered what she should make for dinner. She noticed that Emma hadn’t even touched her breakfast. She emptied the contents of the plate into the garbage can and sighed. Why should she even bother preparing dinner, Emma would only waste it.

  On a Friday night, Emma would probably not even arrive home until nearly midnight. Her curfew was supposed to be ten o’clock but lately Emma had taken it upon herself to extend it to eleven and beyond, to Jane’s dismay. When it had first happened, Jane had chided her, to no avail.

  “I’m old enough to stay out later. All my friends have later curfew. What do you care anyway?” Emma had argued as she rolled her eyes.

  “I don’t really care how late your friends stay out, I want you home by ten,” Jane demanded.

  “Well I want to meet Justin Bieber, I guess we’re both out of luck,” she said sarcastically and walked away.

  Jane had thought about going after her and insisting that she stick to her curfew, but she knew there was no point. Yet again, Emma was doing as she pleased and Jane would have to deal with it.

  Jane didn’t even have an appetite and decided to skip dinner altogether. She walked upstairs to soak in a nice bubble bath. She

  had been incredibly tense lately. She figured a nice bath would help her to relax and unwind for the night. As she ran the warm water, she heard the front door of the house slam shut. She turned the water off and walked downstairs to make sure it was Emma.