But,ifyou'rehellbentonsigningyourowndeathwarrant,please,”I baited,sweepingmyarmsdramaticallytowardBeckett.“Bemyguest.”
ThenamelessbrothereyedmeinawayIwouldn'tsoonforget.It washowtheyallusedtolookatmebackinthebeginning―withutter hatredandresentment.Mystomachdidasickeningflip.Ihadonly startedtogainalittleacceptancewiththebrothers.Oncenewsofmy theatricsspread,Iknewthatwouldbeshottoshit.
“Asyouwish,”hesaidwithamockingbowbeforewalkingoutthe wayhehadcome.BeckettandIweresilentforamoment,makingsure thebrotherhadleft.
“Youriskedmuchtodothatforme,”hesaidsoftly.
“Well,IguessIcouldsaythesameforyouwithyourhandyman stuntdownstairs.IlostalittlecloutwithSean'sbrothers.Youalmost died.”Hesmiledlightlyatmebeforeleaningintokissmegentlyonthe cheek.“Speakingofalmostdying,mightIsuggestyougetyourass upstairsbeforeCoopergetshome?ImaybeabletokeepthePCfrom annihilatingyourass,butCooperisanotherstoryentirely.Afterour shenaniganstheothernight,Ithinkyouguysareonthinice.”
“Ibelieveyouarecorrect,Ruby.Ifyouareallset,I'llbeonmy way.”
Inoddedquickly,and,withoutaword,hewasoutthedoor.
Foramoment,Ihadtroublewrappingmyheadaroundwhathadjust happened.IknewthatSeanandCoopermeantbusinesswiththenew guys,buttoseethatbusinessinactionwassoberingtosaytheleast.Had InotbeenabletomaneuverthingsthewayIdid,Beckettwouldhave beendeadatmyfeetandthePCworkingtheirclean-upmagictoremove anytraceofhisexistence.Itmademewonderiftheotherswouldhave beenexecutedasaprecautionarymeasure.Luckily,thatwasn'tarealityI hadtoface,butIworriedthatitwasn'tfaroffinthefuture.Weneededto getahandleontheTobiassituationinahothurry.
Shakingofftheremnantsofthenearfatalclusterfuck,Iheadedfor thepaperworkpileofdoomonmydeskthatawaitedmyattention.Istill hadtimebeforetheshopopenedtoputasmalldentinit,andevenwitha growingheadachethatseemedtobeaffectingmyvisualacuity,Iplanned totakeadvantageofit.Tomysurprise,itwassmallerthanIexpectedit tobe.Peytatrulyhadbeenrunningatightshipinmyabsence.
IploppeddownandstartedsortingthroughthebillswhileIfiredup thecomputer.Ihadasolidhourbeforeitwastimetoopenthedoorsto thepublic,andIplannedtouseittomyadvantage.Fortunatelyforme,it onlytookafewminutestogetbackintotheswingofQuickbooks,and beforeIknewit,threequartersofthestackwasfiledaway.
Delightedwithmyself,Imademywayoutfronttoprepfor opening.Peytawalkedthroughthedoorsatthatverymoment,greeting mewithasmugsmile.
“Fancymeetingyouhereatthishour.Ithoughtyouleftopeningto yourminion.”
“Normally,yes,buttodayI'mfeelinggenerous.MerryChristmas,”I mockedwithacondescendingcurtsyfrombehindthecounter.
“Ifthat'smyChristmaspresent,itsucks,”shereplied,jabbingme playfullyinthesidewhileshewenttoputherthingsintheback.“Wow,”
shecalledfromtheworkroom,“youhavebeenbusy,younglady.”
“You'rewelcome.”
Shereappeared,anauraofsnarkinessaccompanyingher.
“Oh,yes... thankyoufordoingyourjob.”
Isweptmyarmswidebeforetakingafarmoredramaticbowto irritateherfurther.Sherolledhereyesasonlyteenagerscouldandmade herwaytothedisplaycases,wipingeverythingdowntoahighshine.
“So,”Istartedcautiously,“howarethingswithyourmom?”
Herarmfrozeinmid-swipe.
“Okay.”Hervoicewascoldanddistant―unaffected.
“Okayhow?”Iprobed,wantingtoknowmore,butIwasnervousto pushhertoohard.
“We'reworkingonit,”shesaid,asombernotetarnishinghertone.
“Momisabitpreoccupiedthesedays,butshealwaysmakestimeforme.
Itrytotalktoheraboutmytherapy,butIcanseethatit'shardforherto hear,soIkeepittobriefdescriptionsaboutmyprogress. ” Herwords werebiting;aflashofmemoryassaultedmewithpicturesofherbleeding inthebathroom.Knowingwhereherlifewaslikelyheaded,dramawas onlygoingtoincrease.Sheneededtolearnhowtocompartmentalizeher emotionsinawaythatdidn'tleadtoherslicingherselfforanoutlet.One daythosecutswouldruntoodeep.ThatwasaconsequenceIwas unwillingtoaccept.
“Well,that'sagreatstart,P,”Isaidencouragingly,hesitating slightlybeforecontinuing.“I'mproudofyou.”
Shefinallyturnedtofacemewithatightandmournfulsmile.
“SometimesI'mnotsurewhy.”
“Peyta,”Isaidcalmly,asifspeakingtoawoundedanimal,“please don'tbesohardonyourself.I'mnotexactlytheposterchildforhealthy reactionstothecurveballslifesendsmyway.”
AflashofelectricityshotthroughmybodywhenIallowedmyself tothinkofwhathadhappenedinUtah.Apparently,IjumpedwhenIdid.
“Whatareyougettingat,Ruby?”sheasked,herfacefullof concern.
“IsthisaboutwhathappenedtoyouwhenyoumetCooper?”
“Yes.”
“Thethingyousaidyoudidn'twanttoevertellmeabout?”
“Yes.”
“Ruby,I'veseenalotofwhatyou'vebeenthrough.Noneofitwas good.Howmuchworsecouldwhathappenedtherebe?”
“Beyondunimaginable,Peyta.”
Itwasplaintoseethatshewasdesperatetoknowwhathadhad occurredwhenIwasheldcaptive.Notbecauseshewasbeingnosy,butin anefforttotrulyunderstandbothmeandhowIcouldrelatetoher personaldemonsaswellasIclaimedto.Afteramomentofthought,I decidedtotellherbriefly.Ihadneversaidthewordoutloudtomyself, oranyoneelseforthatmatter.LabelingwhathadhappenedtomeinUtah alwaysseemedlikeitwouldgivethatterrorpoweroverme.Inretrospect, itdidexactlytheopposite.
“Iwasraped,Peyta.Notjustonce...”
Iwatchedashereyesslowlyfilledwithtearsthatspilledover freely.
“Ruby...”
“That'sthefirsttimeI'veeverreallyadmittedthat―using that word―toanyone.”
“Andhowdoesthatmakeyoufeel?”sheasked,uncertainastowhat todo.
Icouldn'thelpbutchuckleatherchoiceofresponse.The therapeuticprocessseemedtoberubbingoffonher;amini-psychologist inthemakingwasthedirectresult.Regardlessoftheoff-colorhumorI foundinherwords,Icontemplatedthemheavily.Howdiditfeelto declarethatIhadbeenavictimofunspeakablecrimes?Ihadalways talkedarounditbefore,aseriesofimplicationsthatwereneverfully explained.Thatday,Iputthetruthoutthereforbothherearsandmine.I wasimmediatelyassaultedbyemotionsthatIwasn'tfullyreadyto processordealwith,buttheonethatbubbleduptotheforefrontwasa strangesenseofempowerment.WasIstilltraumatized?Yes.Wasthere damagethatneededrepairingstill?Clearly.WasIgoingtochoosetolet thatdefinemeandcontrolmylife?No.No,Iwasn't.
Victimizationwasjustanothercage.
“Itfeelsgood,Peyta.Ithurts,butitfeelsright,youknow?”
“Ido,Ruby,”shereplied,comingovertohugme.“Ireallydo.”
Weheldeachothersilentlyforamoment,bothsheddingtearsfor variousreasons,drivenbyvariousmitigatingfactors.Butwhatmattered mostinthatmomentwasthatweknewwewerenotalone,thatwewere thereforoneanothernomatterwhat.Onlyfamilycouldknowyour darkestsecretsandstillloveyouregardless,andthatwasexactlywhatwe were.Family.
AsmuchasIenjoyedourmomenttogether,Iwasstartingtofeel slightlyoverwhelmedb
yitallthesame.Ineededtoputalidbackonmy emotions,ifonlytemporarily,whichwereescapingtheirsecuredand lockedlocation.Ididn'tneedtotryandmakeupforlosttimeasfaras healingwasconcerned.
Ilookedattheclockonthewall,whichindicateditwastimeto opentheshop.Withatinysqueeze,IreleasedPeyta,leavingaquickkiss atopherheadasIdid.Shesmiledinresponse,wipingthetearsfromher face.Ididthesame.
“Well,nowthatwe'reallsetwiththecaringandsharingportionof themorning,let'sgetthisshowontheroad,shallwe?”
Shelaughedandnodded,walkingtowardthecountertoputtheglass cleaneraway.
“Hey,speakingoftheroad,where'syourcar?Ididn'tseeitwhenI camein.You'renotactuallylettingCooperdriveit,areyou?Imean,he droveitwhileyouweregone,but...thatwasdifferent.”
“Ha!”Iscoffed.“Notexactly.Cooperapparentlygotintoan accidentlastnight,sotheTTisintheshop.I'mtryingtoignorethewhole thingandpretendshe'sonvacation.”
Shechucklednervously.
“Guesshe'sgladScarletisgone.Ithinkshelovedthatcarasmuch asyoudo.Shewouldhavebeatenhisass.”
Icouldonlylaughinresponse.Shewasspot-on,asusual.
“I'mgoingtogoworkontherestofthatpaperwork,ifyou'regood outhere,”Itoldherasacustomercamein.
Peytagreetedherwarmlybeforereplying.
“Yep,I'vegotthis.Godoyourthing.”
Itookmyleaveandheadedtomydesktocompletemymission.
Twentyminuteslater,Iwasvictorious;thedeskwasclean.Isatbackand admiredmyworkforamoment,allbutpattingmyselfonthebackformy efforts.AsImovedtogetup,Peytastuckherheadintotellmethatthere wassomeoneonthephoneforme.Intrigued,Imademywayoutfront.
“Hello?”
“Ruby...I'msorrytobotheryou,butI'minneedofyourapartment foramoment,”Jannersaidreluctantly.
“Okay,that'sfine.Justgoonin.”
“Itappearsthatyou'velockedit.”
“Oh,shit!Sorry.I'llhavetocomeupandletyouin.I'llberightup.”
“Thankyou.”Thelinewentdead.
IlookedatPeyta,whoseexpressionreadcuriosity.
“Ihavetogoupstairsforasec.I'llberightback.”
“Whowasthat?”
“HowmuchdidCoopertellyoutheothernightabouttheotherguys whowerethere?”
“Notmuch,”shesaidwiththefaintestofpouts.“Hejustsaidthat theyweren'tgoingtobearoundforlongandthatIneedtostayawayfrom them.Why?Whoarethey?”
“Guestsofsorts.They'reinfromoutoftown.Cooper'snotafan, buthe'srightaboutstayingawayfromthem,”Iexplained.“Jannerneeds somethingfrommyplace.I'mjustgoingtogolethimin.I'llbebackin five.”
“ShouldIbeconcernedifyoudon'treturnimmediately?”sheasked ashermentalwheelsspun.Shewasasmartkid.Shewasalreadyplanning forthe“whatif”scenarios.
“IfI'mnotbackinfive,Iwantyoutolockupandleave,doyou understandme?”
Shenoddedonce.
Beforeshecouldsayanythingelse,Ifledtheshopandunlockedthe adjacentexteriordoor.Runningupthestairs,Iheardthedooronthethird floorcreakasitslowlyopened.
“Youcancomedown,”Icalledout,stridingacrossthelandingto unlocktheapartmentdoor.
Withoutaword,Janner'slongframelithelyclimbeddownthestairs tomeetme,stoppingafewstepsshy.Helookedconflicted,asifhe wantedtosaysomethingbutthoughtbetterofit.Idon'tknowwhat Cooperhadsaidtothem,butjudgingbyhisseverelytenseenergy,it couldn'thavebeenespeciallywarmandfuzzy.
“Somethingwrong?”Iaskedsoftly,encouraginghimtosharehis concerns.
“Beckettwasnottryingtogetyouintoanytroubletoday,Ruby,”he repliedsoberly.“Norwerewetryingtotheothernight.Itwasjustsonice towatchalittlefootball.Itfeltso normal.Wemeantnoharmbyit, especiallynottoyou.”
“I'msorryaboutyesterdaytoo,”Isighed,feelingincrediblyguilty abouttheentireshowdown.“Cooperis,well,yousee,it'sjustthathe's...,”
Irambled,tryingtofindanacceptablewaytosaythathewasinsanely protectivebecauseofmyhumanstatusforthetimebeing.
“Heisyouralpha,”Jannersaidmatteroffactly.“Itishisjobto watchoutforyou.Thisisunderstandable.It'salsovery honorable―somethingwearenotaccustomedtoseeinginaleader.”His eyeswerefilledwithpainandsadness.Whatevertheyhadleftbehindin Londonwasnotafamily.“Itissurprisingthough,”hecontinued,daring toinchhiswayclosertome.“Heactsasthoughyouareincapableof protectingyourself.Ifindthissostrangegivenyourreputation.”
Isquirmedunderhisobservation.Hewasright.Cooper'soverly enthusiasticmethodsofkeepingmesafewereironicallymorelikelyto exposemethananythingelse.
“He'samanwiththevaluesofanerapast,”Isaidinjest,hopingto sellmyperformance.“Cooper'shadaroughgoofthings.WhenItook himin,Ithinkhefeltthathewasmyprotector.It'sbeenhimandmeever since.”Itriedtokeepallintensityoutofmyvoice,butitinevitably leakedinwithmylastsentiment.“Hewould neverletanythinghappento me,regardlessofmylegendarilylethalwerewolfreputation.”
Janner'sfacesoftenedslightlyashetookhisfinalsteptoclosethe distancebetweenus.
“Completelyunderstandable,”hesaidwithalightsmile.“After yourhospitalityandkindness,Iwouldn'twanttoseeanythinghappento youeither.”
Therewasanawkwardpause,whichIwasdesperatetobreak.
Lingeringsilencemademyskincrawlandmybodyitchtoescape.
Somethingabouthisenergywasonlyheighteningmyresponse.The guardednaturefromhisarrivalwasleakingbackintotheairaroundhim, andIjustcouldn'tfigureitout.Itwastooneutral, unreadable― mechanical.
“Okay,well,ifthat'sallyouneed,”Isaid,steppingtowardthe stairs.
“Yes,thankyou,”hereplied,pushingthedoorajar.“Oh,wait, Ruby.Thereisonemorething.Theboyshavebeenwonderingwhenwe mightbeabletogo out.”
“Wecangooutwhenever.Wheredoyouwanttogo?”
Helaughedtohimselfslightlybeforeclarifying.
“I'msorry.Ishouldhavebeenmoreclear,”heexplained.“They wanttoknowwhentheycangooutto Change.They'renotaccustomedto beingsopennedinallday.Theywanttorunfreeforawhile.Maybe hunt.”
“Andwhatexactlywouldtheyliketohunt?”Iaskedasmyconcern rose.
“Anythingreally.Deer.Rabbits.Coyotes.Whateverisavailable.”
Ibreathedanaudiblesighofrelief.
“Yeah,thatshouldn'tbeanissue.AskCooperaboutit.I'msurehe canarrangesomething.”
Janner'seyesnarrowedeversoslightlyatme.
“Willyoubejoiningus?WewouldlovetoseeaRougeetBlancin allherglory― hunting.Itmustbeamagnificentsighttobehold.”
Istarteddownthestairsinanot-so-subtleattempttofleemy growinganxietyandhidemylackofgameface.
“You'vealreadyseenmerunthroughthewoodsinmywere-human form.Idoubtbeingfurrywouldbeallthatdifferent,exceptforthefour-leggedpart.Besides,I'mreallynotthatimpressive,Janner,”Icalledover myshouldertohim.“Youshouldn'talwaysbelievethehype.”
Itriedunsuccessfullytoslowmyracingheart.Wewereflirting withdisaster,CooperandI.Weagreedthatitwasbestthattheboysnot knowaboutScarlet'sAWOLstatus,butatsomepoint,itwasboundto cometolight.Ididn'tknowhowmuchlongerwecouldkeepthatcatin thebag.
AsIreachedthebottom,IheardJanner'sphoneringandhimanswer itthroughtheopenapartmentdoor.Giventhetonehisvoiceheldandthe fewchoicewordsheused,somethingwasupanditwasn'tgood.Whoever hewastalkingtowasn
otanally.
Whenawaveoffearwashedthroughthestairwayandoverme,I knewwhoitwas. Alpha...
Sprintingbackupthestairs,IarrivedjustintimeforJannertogreet meattheapartmentdoor,hisfaceslackandexpressionless.Helooked likehehadseenaghost.
“It'shappening,”hewhispered,lookingthroughmeratherthanat me.
“Itwashim,wasn'tit?”Iasked,myfearrisingalongwithhis.
“I'msosorry,Ruby.Wedidnotmeantobringtroubleforyou.”He pushedpastmeandheadedupthestairs,callingtheothersashemadehis way.
“Whatdidhesay?What'scoming?”Inattered,tryingtokeepup withtheunendingsurgeofquestionsthatshotthroughmymind.
“Ihavetotelltheothers,”hecontinued,ignoringmyquestions entirely.
“Tellthemwhat,Janner?”
Heturnedhisblankfacetowardmeastheothersmetusinthe hallway.
“Death,Ruby,”heutteredwithcompletedetachmentfromhis ominouswords.“Deathiscomingforus.”
23
Thethreeofthemstartedtoarguebackandforthaboutthebestcourseof actionasthoughthey'dneveronceplannedwhattheywoulddoinsuchan event.Apparently,they'dputalltheireggsinonebasket― mybasket.
Theywereinforarudeawakeningofepicproportions.
“Waitaminute!”Iyelledoverthem.“Isthatwhathesaid?”
“Inasense,”Jannerreplied.
“No,thisisnottimeforparaphrasing.You'regoingtotellme exactlywhathesaid,”Iinformedhim,headingdownthestairs.“ButI'm goingtocallSeanfirst.You'regoingtotellusbothwhathesaidsowe canfigurethisclusterfuckout.”
Theyeyedmetightly,notseemingtoopleasedbymybossytone, buttheyweregoingtohavetolivewiththat.AsfarasIwasconcerned,I wasnextinlinebehindCooper,somywordwaslawinhisabsence.They maynothavelikedit,buttherewasn'ttimetobickeraboutwhowasin charge.Whentheuniversethrewyouacurveball,itwasn'tthetimeto discusswhetherornotyoushouldswingorstay.Itwastimetogetthe fuckoutoftheway,andthatwasexactlywhatSeanwasgoingtofigure out―howtododgethepitch.