Torn, Page 21

  “And the only reason we won this last fight was because they did it on our turf, and left their strongest players at home,” Tove said. “If we meet them at their house, they have the advantage. They would crush us the way they have every other time. We need to learn from our mistakes.”

  “Fine!” The Chancellor threw up his hands, exasperated. “Do what you want! But the blood will be on your hands, not mine.”

  The Chancellor stalked off, defeated. I smiled up at Tove.

  “Thanks for backing me up,” I said.

  “It’s what I do,” Tove shrugged.

  23. Proposal

  After Sara and Loki left, I went up to report to Elora how I’d done. Garrett was sitting with her in the drawing room, and Elora was lying down. Her skin color had brightened, but she was still out of it.

  I kept my explanation brief, but they both seemed proud of me. It had been my first official duty as a Princess, and I’d passed. Elora actually said I did well. When I left her drawing room, I felt surprisingly good.

  I met Tove on my way back from the room. He came from the kitchen, and he had a handful of grapes. He offered me one, but I didn’t feel much like eating, so I shook my head.

  “Do you feel like a real Princess yet?” Tove asked me as he munched on a grape.

  “I don’t know.” I pulled off the heavy diamond necklace I’d worn to look the part. “But I don’t know if I ever will. I think I’ll always feel like an imposter.”

  “Well, you definitely look like a real Princess.”

  “Thanks.” I turned to him and smiled. “And you did really well today. You were focused and very regal.”

  “Thanks.” He tossed a grape in his mouth and grinned. “I spent a lot of time rearranging my furniture before the meeting started. It seemed to help.”

  “It did,” I nodded.

  We walked in silence for a bit, him eating his grapes and me fiddling with the necklace. The silence between us didn’t feel awkward, though, and I thought about how nice it was. Being able to be with someone without it feeling forced or weird or agonizingly restrained.

  I also understood more of what Elora and Finn meant. Tove was strong and intelligent and kind, but his abilities made him too frazzled to be a leader. He did an amazing job of backing me up and supporting me, and I knew that no matter what, he’d be at my side.

  “So.” Tove swallowed the last grape and stopped. He stared down at the ground and tucked his tangled hair behind his ears. “I’m sure that the Queen has told you of the arrangement that she and my mother came to.” He paused. “You know, about us getting married.”

  “Yeah,” I nodded, feeling strangely nervous to hear him bringing it up.

  “I don’t agree with them sneaking around and plotting things, like we’re pawns in a game and not people.” Tove chewed the inside of his cheek and looked down the hallway. “It’s not right, and I told Aurora that. She needs to stop treating me like a… I don’t know. A pawn.”

  “Yeah,” I agreed, and I kept nodding.

  “She thinks she can control me all the time, and I know your mother tries to do the same stuff with you.” He sighed. “It’s like they had all these ideas of who we would be before we got here, and they refuse to adjust them even when they see we’re not what they expected.”

  “Yeah, that’s true,” I said.

  “I know about your past.” He glanced over at me, resting his eyes on me only for a second. “Aurora told me about your father and how you’re at risk of losing the crown because of him, because of your parents’ mistakes. That’s stupid because I know how powerful you are and how much you care about people.”

  “Thank you?” I said uncertainly.

  “You need to be Queen. Everyone who knows anything knows that, but most people don’t know anything, and that is a problem.” He scratched at the back of his head and shifted his weight. “I would never take that away from you. No matter what happens, I’d never take the crown from you, and I’d defend you against anybody who tried.”

  I didn’t say anything to that. I’d never heard Tove talk so much before, and I didn’t know what he was getting at.

  “I know that you’re in love with… well, not me,” he said carefully, and I think he’d purposefully left out Finn’s name. “And I’m not in love with you either. But I do respect you, and I like you.”

  “I respect and like you, too,” I said, and he gave me a small smile.

  “But it’s a number of things, and it’s none of them.” He let out a deep breath. “That didn’t make sense. I mean, it’s because you need somebody to help you keep the throne, and somebody on your side, and I can do that. But… it’s just because I think… I want to.”

  “What?” I asked, and he actually looked at me, letting his mossy eyes stare into mine.

  “Will you… I mean, do you want to get married?” Tove asked. “To me?”

  “I, um…” I didn’t know what to say.

  “If you don’t want to, nothing has to change between us,” Tove said hurriedly. “I asked because it sounds like a good idea to me.”

  “Yeah,” I said, and I didn’t know what I would say until it was coming out of mouth. “I mean, yes. I do. I will. I would… I’ll marry you.”

  “Yeah?” Tove smiled hopefully, and I nodded.

  “Yes.” I swallowed hard and tried to smile back.

  “Good.” He exhaled and looked back down the hall. “This is good, right?”

  “Yeah, I think so,” I said, and I did mean that.

  “Yeah,” he nodded. “I sorta feel like throwing up now, though.”

  “I think that’s normal.”

  “Good.” He nodded again and looked at me. “Well, I’ll let you go… do whatever you need to do. And I’ll go do what I do.”

  “Okay,” I nodded.

  “Alright.” He randomly patted me on the shoulder, then nodded again, and walked away.

  I had no idea what I’d just agreed to. I wasn’t in love with Tove, and I really didn’t think he was in love with me. But the guy I loved – if I did still love him – could never marry me and would never even be with me.

  Tove and I understood and respected each other, and that was something. But more importantly, it was what the kingdom needed. Elora was convinced that marrying Tove was the best thing for me and for the Trylle.

  I had to do what was best for our people, and if that meant marrying Tove, then so be it. There were a lot worse people I could end up married to.

  I changed out of my gown, and I took Duncan with me to the library. He helped me find some good history texts about the Trylle, and I began reading through them. Finn had me skim some things before my christening ceremony, but if I planned to rule these people, I needed to understand who they were.

  I spent the rest of the evening in the library, getting as much information as I could. Duncan ended up passed out and curled up in one of the chairs. It was late when I woke him up, and he walked me up to my room. I’m not sure how much protection groggy Duncan really offered, but I doubted I needed it anyway.

  The next morning, Tove and I went to the atrium to do some training, and I enjoyed getting back in a routine. Duncan went along, and if things seemed awkward between Tove and me, Duncan didn’t say anything. It did feel weird being newly engaged, but Tove did a good job of keeping me on task.

  I was getting a better mastery of my abilities, and they were getting stronger. I lifted the throne off the ground, with Duncan sitting in it, and it didn’t require as much concentration as it had before. Right behind my eyes pain throbbed dully, but I ignored it.

  When Tove moved a chair, levitating it in a circle to demonstrate what he wanted me to do, I couldn’t help but think of Elora. How weak and frail she looked from being drained by her powers.

  I knew that we needed to use them to keep from going crazy, and with Tove especially, draining his abilities was the only thing that kept him sane. But it made me nervous. I didn’t want him to end up like my mother, d
ying of old age before she was even forty.

  When we’d finished practicing, I felt tired, but in a pleasant way. I was becoming stronger and more self-reliant, and I liked that.

  Elora was still in her drawing room, recuperating, so I went down to see her. She’d gotten off the chaise, which was a good sign, but she’d taken to painting again.

  She sat on a stool facing the windows, an easel in front of her. A shawl wrapped around her slipped off one shoulder, but she didn’t seem to notice. Her long hair hung down her back, shimmering silver now more than black.

  “Are you sure you should be doing that?” I asked when I came into her room.

  “I’ve had a terrible migraine for days, and I need to get rid of it.” She made a sweeping stroke across the canvas.

  I walked up behind her so I could get a better look at it, but so far, it was only dark blue sky. Elora stopped painting and set her brush down on the easel.

  “Is there something you needed from me, Princess?” Elora swiveled to face me, and I was relieved to see that the milkyness had vanished from her eyes.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I wanted to see how you are doing.”

  “Better,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I will never be quite the same again, but I’m better.”

  “Better is something.”

  “Yes, I suppose it is.” She turned to the window and the overcast day.

  The sleet and wind had finally let up, but the skies remained gray and murky. The maples and elms had given up most of their leaves and stood dead and barren for winter. The evergreens that populated the bluff looked brittle after the beating they’d taken lately, and ice clung to their branches, weighing them down.

  “Tove asked me to marry him,” I told her, and she whipped her head to face me. “And I agreed.”

  “You’ve accepted the arrangement?” Elora raised her eyebrow, in wonder and approval.

  “Yes,” I nodded. “It’s… it’s what’s best for the kingdom, so that’s what I must do.” I nodded again, to convince myself. “And Tove is a good guy. He’ll make a good husband.”

  Immediately after I said that I realized that I had no idea what would make a good husband. I’d spent almost no time around married couples, and I’d never had a boyfriend. Finn and I had barely even been together.

  Elora was still watching me, so I gulped and forced a smile. Now wasn’t the time to worry about what I’d agreed to. I had time to learn what it meant to be a wife before we were wed.

  “Yes, I am certain he will,” Elora murmured and turned to her painting.

  “Are you really?” I asked.

  “Yes,” she said, with her back still to me. “I won’t do to you what was done to me. If I thought you needed to do something terrible, that it was in the best interest of the Trylle, I would still ask it of you. It would still be your duty, but I would tell you exactly what you were doing. I’d never let you go in blind.”

  “Thank you,” I said, and I meant it. “Do you regret marrying my father?”

  “I try not to have any regrets,” Elora said wearily and picked up her paintbrush. “It’s unbecoming of a Queen to have misgivings.”

  “How come you never married again?” I asked.

  “Who would I marry?”

  I nearly said Thomas, but that would only enrage her. She couldn’t have married him. He was a tracker, and he was already married. But that’s not where her anger would come from. I’m sure she’d be incensed that I learned of the affair.

  “Garrett?” I asked, and Elora made a noise that sounded like a laugh. “He loves you, and he’s a distinguished Markis. He’s eligible.”

  “He’s not that distinguished,” she said. “He is kind, yes, but marriage isn’t about that. I told you before, Princess, that love has nothing do with marriage. It’s an alignment between two parties, and I have not had any reason to align myself with anyone else.”

  “You don’t want to marry for the sake of doing it?” I asked. “Don’t you ever get lonely?”

  “A Queen is many things, but alone is never one of them.” She held the brush, poised right above the canvas as if she meant to paint, but she didn’t. “I don’t need love or a man to complete me, and someday, you’ll find that’s true for yourself. Suitors will come and go, but you will remain.”

  I stared out the window, unsure of what to say to that. There was something noble and dignified in that idea, but something about it felt a bit tragic. Believing that I would end up alone, that I would die alone, was never comforting.

  “Besides that, I didn’t want Willa in line for the crown,” Elora said and began painting again. “This is what would’ve happened if I’d married Garrett. She would’ve become a Princess, a viable option for the throne, and I could never have that.”

  “Willa wouldn’t be a bad Queen,” I said, and I was astonished to find that I actually meant that.

  Willa had really grown on me since I’d been here, and I think she’d grown up as well. She had kindness and insight I’d initially thought her incapable of.

  “Nevertheless, she won’t be Queen. You will.”

  “Not for a long time, hopefully,” I sighed.

  “You need to be ready, Princess.” She looked over her shoulder at me. “You must be prepared for it.”

  “I am trying,” I assured her. “I’ve been training and going to all the meetings. I’ve even been studying in the library. But I still don’t feel like I’ll be ready to be a real Queen for years.”

  “You don’t have years,” Elora told me.

  “What do you mean?” I asked. “When will I be Queen? How long do I have?”

  “Do you see that painting?” Elora gestured to a canvas I’d seen in her room before, resting against a shelf.

  A close-up of me looking much as I did now, except wearing a white gown. On my head, I had an ornate platinum crown, filled with diamonds. Elora had painted me as the Queen.

  “So?” I asked. “I’ll be Queen someday. We both know that.”

  “No, look at that picture.” She pointed at it with the handle of her brush. “Look at your face. How old are you?”

  “I’m…” I squinted and crouched in front of it. I couldn’t be sure exactly, but I didn’t look a day older than I did now. “I don’t know.” I stood up. “I could be twenty-five for all I know.”

  “Perhaps,” Elora allowed, “but that’s not the feeling I get.”

  “What is the feeling you get?” I asked. She turned her back to me, not giving anything away. “How do I become Queen anyway?”

  “You become Queen when the reigning monarchs are deceased,” Elora said matter-of-factly.

  “You mean I’ll be Queen after you die?” I asked, and my heart thudded in chest.

  “Yes.”

  “So you think…” I trailed off. “You’re dying soon.”

  “Yes.” She painted on, as if I’d just asked her about the weather instead of her impending death.

  “But….” I shook my head. “I’m not ready. You haven’t taught me everything I need to know!”

  “That is why I have been pushing you, Princess. I knew we didn’t have much time, and I needed to be hard on you. I had to be sure you could do this.”

  “And now you’re sure?” I asked.

  “Yes.” She faced me again. “Don’t panic, Princess. You must never panic, no matter what obstacle you face.”

  “I’m not panicking,” I lied. My heart wanted to race out of my chest, and I felt light-headed. I sat on the couch behind me.

  “I’m not dying tomorrow,” Elora said, sounding slightly annoyed. “You have more time to learn, but you need to focus on all your trainings. You need to listen carefully to everything I say, and do as you’re told.”

  “It’s not that.” I shook my head and stared up at her. “I only just met you, and we’ve finally started getting along, and now you’re dying?”

  “Don’t get sentimental, Princess,” Elora chastised me. “That we do not have time for.”<
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  “Aren’t you sad?” I asked, tears stinging my eyes. “Or scared?”

  “Princess, really.” She rolled her eyes and turned away from me. “I have painting to do. I suggest you go to your room and compose yourself. A Princess must never be seen crying.”

  I left her alone to finish her painting. The one consolation I had was that Elora said a Princess must never be seen crying, not that I must never cry. I wondered if that’s why she had me leave. Not so I could cry, but so she could.

  24. Tryllic

  Loki had already known about my arranged marriage, and it was only a matter of time before everybody knew. I thought it would be better if my friends found out about it from me, so I gathered them all together.

  Willa and Duncan would probably be excited, but I didn’t know how Matt or Rhys would take it. Probably not quite as well.

  We met in the upstairs living room, which had been Rhys’s old playroom. The ceiling had a cloud mural on it, and there were still old toys stacked up on shelves in the corner. Matt sat between Rhys and Willa on the sofa, and Duncan sat on the floor with his back against the couch.

  “I have something to tell you all.” I stood in front of them, twirling my thumb ring, and swallowed back my nerves.

  The suspicious look Matt gave me wasn’t helping matters. On top of that, Rhys grinned like an excited fool. He’d been so happy when I invited him here, since we’d hardly seen each other lately. He’d been busy doing stuff with Matt, and I’d heard that he’d started dating Rhiannon.

  “What is it?” Matt asked, his voice already hard.

  “It’s good news,” I insisted.

  “Spit it out then,” Willa said with a confused smile. “You’ve been killing me with suspense.” She’d tried getting it out of me before everybody had gotten here, but I wanted to tell them all at once.

  “I wanted you all to know that I, um…” I cleared my throat. “I’m getting married.”

  “What?” Matt growled.

  “Oh my gosh!” Willa gasped, her eyes glittering. “To who?”

  “So it’s true?” Duncan gaped at me, and apparently, he’d heard the rumor too.