Torn

  “I have not been mopey!” I had been a little depressed since I’d gotten back. Well, since before then really, but I didn’t think I’d been mopey.

  “No, you have,” he assured me with a smile. “There’s no way we’d leave you that way. You were an easy target. Finn would never let anything happen to you.” He’d turned to my stuff and picked up my iPod. “I mean, he can’t even leave you now, and you’re completely safe here.”

  “What?” My heart raced in my chest. “What are you talking about?”

  “What?” Duncan belatedly realized he’d said too much, and his skin paled. “Nothing.”

  “No, Duncan, what do you mean?” I sat up, knowing I should at least pretend not to care so much, but I couldn’t help it. “Finn’s here? You mean like here here?”

  “I shouldn’t say anything.” He shifted uneasily.

  “You have to tell me,” I insisted, scooting to the edge of the bed.

  “No, Finn would kill me if he knew I said anything.” Duncan stared down at his feet and fiddled with a broken belt loop. “I’m sorry.”

  “He told you not to tell me he’s here?” I asked, once again feeling a painful stab in my heart.

  “He’s not here, like in the palace.” He groaned and looked sheepishly at me. “If I get you mixed up in whatever sordid thing it is you have with him, I’ll never get a job again. Please, Princess. Don’t make me tell you.”

  It wasn’t until the words were out of his mouth that I realized I could make him tell me. While my persuasion might not be strong enough for the likes of Tove and Loki, I’d been practicing on Duncan. He was easily susceptible to my charms.

  “Where is he, Duncan?” I demanded, looking directly at him.

  I didn’t even have to chant it in my head. As soon as I’d said it, his jaw sagged and his eyes glassed over. His mind was awfully pliable, and I felt bad. Later on, I’d have to make this up to him somehow.

  “He’s in Förening, at his parents’ house,” Duncan said, blinking hard at me.

  “His parents?”

  “Yeah, they live down the road.” He pointed south. “Follow the main road towards the gate, then take the third left on a gravel road. Go down the side of the bluff a little ways, and they live in a cottage. It’s the one with goats.”

  “Goats?” I asked, wondering if Duncan was pulling my leg.

  “His mother raises a few angora goats. She makes sweaters and scarves from the mohair and sells them.” He shook his head. “I’ve said way too much. I’m gonna be in so much trouble.”

  “No, you’ll be fine,” I assured him as I jumped out of bed.

  I ran to the closet to change my clothes. I didn’t look bad, but if I was gonna see Finn, I had to look good. Duncan kept groaning about what an idiot he was for telling me anything. I tried to calm him, but my mind raced too much.

  I couldn’t believe how stupid I was. I’d imagined that as soon as he was unassigned from me, Finn had been sent to track someone else. He had to have some turnaround time before he could, and he had to stay somewhere. If he wasn’t living at the palace, his parents were the next logical choice. He’d spoken very little of them, and it never occurred to me that they might be neighbors.

  “Elora will find out. She knows everything,” Duncan muttered as I exited the closet.

  “I promise. I won’t tell anyone.” I looked at myself in the mirror. I was pale, scattered, and terrified. Finn liked my hair better when it was down, so I had left it that way, even though it was messy.

  “She’ll still find out,” Duncan insisted.

  “I’ll protect your job,” I said, but he was skeptical. “I’m the Princess. I have to have some pull around here.” He shrugged, but it seemed to alleviate some of his fears. “But I’ve gotta go. You can’t tell anyone where I am.”

  “They’ll freak out if they don’t know where you’re at.”

  “Well…” I looked around, thinking. “Stay here. If anyone comes looking for me, tell them I’m in the bath and can’t be disturbed. We’re each other’s alibis.”

  “You sure?” He raised an eyebrow.

  “Yes,” I lied. “I have to go. And thank you.”

  Duncan still didn’t seem convinced of the idea, but I’d left him with little choice. I raced out of the palace, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Elora had a few other trackers wandering around to keep watch on things, but I slid past them without any notice.

  When I pushed open the front doors, I realized I didn’t even know why I was in such a hurry to see Finn. What did I plan on doing once I saw him? Convince him to come with me? Did I even want that? After the way things had been left between us, what was I going after?

  I couldn’t answer that for sure. All I knew was that I had to see him. I hurried down the winding road, going south, and tried to remember Duncan’s directions.

  12. Kinfolk

  The gravel road wound down at a steep incline. I wouldn’t have known if I was going the right way until I heard the goats bleating.

  When I rounded the bend, I saw the small cottage nestled into the side of the bluffs. Vines and bushes covered it so much that I wouldn’t have thought it was a cottage if it weren’t for the smoke coming out of the chimney.

  The pasture for goats leveled out a bit more than the rest of the bluff, so it was sitting on a plateau. A wooden fence kept them enclosed. The long fur on the goats was dingy white.

  The overcast sky and the chill in the air didn’t help bring out the color, though. Even the leaves, which had turned golden and red, appeared faded as they littered the yard around Finn’s house.

  Now that I was here, I wasn’t sure what I should do. I wrapped my arms around myself and swallowed hard. Did I go knock on the door? What would I even have to say to him? He left. He made his choice, and I already knew that.

  I looked towards the palace, deciding it might be better if I went home without seeing Finn. A woman’s voice stopped me, though, and I turned to Finn’s house.

  “I’ve already fed you,” a woman was telling the goats.

  She walked through the pasture, coming from the small barn on the far side. Her worn dress dragged on the ground so the hem was filthy. A dark cloak hung over her shoulders, and her brown hair had been pulled up in two tight buns. The goats swarmed around her, begging for hand outs, and she’d been too busy gently pushing them back to notice me right away.

  When she saw me, her steps slowed so much, she nearly stopped. Her eyes were the same dark shade as Finn’s, and while she was very pretty, her face was more tired than anyone’s I had seen here. She couldn’t be more than forty, but her skin had the worn, tanned look that came with a lifetime of hard work.

  “Can I help you?” she asked, quickening her pace as she came towards me.

  “Um…” I hugged myself more tightly and glanced up the road. “I don’t think so.”

  She opened the gate, making a clicking sound at the goats to get them to back off, and she stepped outside of it. She stopped a few feet in front of me, eyeing me up in a way that I knew wasn’t approving, and she wiped her hands on her dress, cleaning them of dirt from the animals.

  Nodding once, she let out a deep breath.

  “It’s getting cold out here,” she said. “Why don’t you come inside?”

  “Thank you, but I-” I started to excuse myself, but she cut me off.

  “I think you should come inside.”

  She turned and walked towards the cottage. I stayed back for a minute, debating on whether or not I should escape, but she left the cottage door open, letting the warm air waft out. It smelled deliciously of vegetable stew, something warm and homemade and enticing in a way that food hardly ever smelled.

  When I stepped inside the cottage, she’d already hung up her cloak and gone over to the large potbelly stove in the corner. A black pot sat on top of it, bubbling with that wonderful smelling stew, and she stirred it with a wooden spoon.

  The cottage looked as quaint and humble as I’d
expect a troll’s cottage to look. It reminded me of the one where the seven dwarves lived with Snow White. The floors were dirt, packed down into a smooth black from wear.

  The table sitting in the center of the kitchen was thick and made of heavy wood. A broom sat propped in one corner, and a flower box sat below each of the small round windows. Like the flowers in the garden at home, these one bloomed bright purple and pink, even though it was way past the season for them.

  “Will you be staying for supper?” she asked, sprinkling something into the pot on the stove.

  “What?” I asked, surprised by her invitation.

  “I need to know.” She turned to face me, wiping her hands on her dress to clear them of spices. “I’ll have to make rolls if I’m feeding another mouth.”

  “Oh, no, I’m okay.” I shook my head, realizing it wasn’t an invitation. She was afraid that I would impose myself on her meal and her family, and my stomach twisted sourly. “Thank you, though.”

  “What is that you want then?” She put her hands on her hips, and her eyes were as dark and hard as Finn’s when he was upset.

  “What? You…” I floundered, surprised by the directness of her question. “You invited me in.”

  “You were lurking around. I know you want something.” She grabbed a rag from the metal basin that served as a sink, and she washed the table off, even though it didn’t appear dirty. “I’d rather you come out and be done with it.”

  “Do you know who I am?” I asked softly.

  I didn’t want to tout any superiority, but I didn’t understand why she was reacting this way. Even if she knew that I was the Princess, I didn’t know why she’d be so curt.

  “Of course I know who you are,” she said. “And I assume you know who I am.”

  “Who are you?” I asked, even though I thought I knew.

  “I’m Annali Holmes, lowly servant of the Queen.” She stopped wiping the table so she could glare at me. “I’m Finn’s mother. And if you came to see him, he isn’t here.”

  My heart would’ve dropped at that if I wasn’t so confused by her treatment of me. I felt like she was accusing me of something, and I didn’t even know what.

  “I-I didn’t,” I stuttered. “I went for a walk. I needed fresh air. I didn’t mean anything.”

  “You never do,” Annali said with a tight smile.

  “You’ve only just met me.”

  “Maybe so,” she nodded. “But I knew your mother, quite well.” She turned away, putting a hand on the back of one of the dining room chairs. “And I know my son.”

  I understood too late where her anger came from. Her husband and my mother had been involved in an affair years ago. I hadn’t thought that Annali knew about it.

  Now here I was, messing up her son’s life, after my mother had almost ruined her life. I swallowed hard and realized I shouldn’t have come here. I didn’t need to bother Finn or hurt his family any more than I already had.

  “Mom!” a girl called from another room, and Annali instantly composed herself, forcing a smile.

  A girl of about twelve came into the kitchen carrying a battered schoolbook. She wore layers consisting of a worn dress and wool sweater, looking tattered and cold despite the warmth of the house. Her hair was the same dark mess my hair had always been, and she had a smudge of dirt on her cheek.

  As soon as she saw me, her jaw dropped and her eyes widened.

  “It’s the Princess!” the girl gasped.

  “Yes, Ember, I know who it is,” Annali said as kindly as she could muster.

  “Sorry. I’ve forgotten my manners.” Ember tossed the textbook on the table and did a quick, low curtsey.

  “Ember, you don’t need to do that, not in our own home,” Annali chastised her tiredly.

  “She’s right. I feel silly when people do that,” I said.

  Annali shot me a look from the corner of her eye, and for some reason, I think agreeing with her made her hate me more. Like I was undercutting her parenting.

  “Oh, my gosh, Princess!” Ember squealed and ran around the table to greet me. “I can’t believe you’re in my house! What are you doing here? Is it about my brother? He’s out with my father, but he’ll be back soon. You should stay for supper. All my friends at school will be so jealous. Oh my gosh! You’re even prettier than Finn said you were!”

  “Ember!” Annali snapped when it appeared that Ember wouldn’t stop.

  I blushed and looked away, unsure of how to respond to her. I understood in theory why it might be exciting to meet a Princess, but I couldn’t see anything exciting about meeting me.

  “Sorry.” Ember apologized but that didn’t dampen her delight at all. “I’ve been begging Finn to let me meet you, and he-”

  “Ember, you need to do your schoolwork.” Annali wouldn’t look at either of us.

  “I came out because I didn’t understand it.” Ember pointed to her textbook.

  “Well, work on something else then,” Annali told her.

  “But Mom!” Ember whined.

  “Ember, now,” Annali said firmly, in a tone I recognized from years of Maggie and Matt scolding me.

  Ember sighed and picked up her textbook before trudging to her room. She muttered something about life not being fair, but Annali ignored it.

  “Your daughter is delightful,” I said once Ember had gone.

  “Don’t talk to me about my children,” Annali snapped.

  “I’m sorry.” I rubbed at my arms and didn’t know what to do. I didn’t even know what I was doing here. “Why did you invite me in if you don’t want me around?”

  “Like I have a choice.” She rolled her eyes and went over to the stove. “You came here for my son, and I know I can’t stop you.”

  “I didn’t…” I trailed off. “I wanted to talk to Finn, not take him away from you.” I sighed. “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

  “Are you going somewhere?” Annali asked, her back to me as she stirred the stew.

  “No. No, I can’t go anywhere, even if I had somewhere else I wanted to be.” I pulled at the sleeves of my shirt and stared down at the floor. “I really didn’t mean to upset you. I don’t even know why I came here. I knew I shouldn’t.”

  “You really didn’t come here to take him away?” Annali turned around to face me, narrowing her eyes.

  “He left,” I said. “I can’t force him… I wouldn’t want to force him, even if I could.” I shook my head. “I’m sorry I bothered you.”

  “You really aren’t anything like your mother.” Annali sounded almost surprised by that, and I looked up at her. “Finn said you weren’t, but I didn’t believe him.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “I mean… I don’t want to be like her.”

  I heard men’s voices coming up the road. The cottage walls were startlingly thin, and I looked out the small window next to the door. The glass was warped and blurred, but I could see two dark figures walking towards the house.

  “They’re home,” Annali sighed.

  My heart hammered in my chest, and I had to squeeze my hands together to keep from the trembling. I had no idea what I was doing here, and with Finn rapidly approaching the door, I wish I hadn’t come at all. I couldn’t think of anything to say to him. At least not anything I actually wanted to say.

  The door to the cottage pushed open, bringing along a cold wind, and I wanted to escape into it. But a man blocked my path, looking about as shocked and sick as I felt. He stopped right in the doorway, so Finn couldn’t get past him on the other side, and for a minute, he stared at me.

  His eyes were lighter than Finn’s and his skin tanner, but I saw enough of Finn in him to know that he was his father. There was something almost prettier about him, his skin was softer and cheeks higher. Finn was far more rugged and strong, and I preferred that.

  “Princess,” he said at length.

  “Yes, Thomas,” Annali said without even trying to hide the irritation in her voice. “It’s the Princess, now step inside before
you let all the warm air out.”

  “My apologies.” Thomas bowed before me, then stepped aside so Finn could come in.

  Finn didn’t bow, and he didn’t say anything. His expression stayed blank, and his eyes were too dark to read. He folded his arms across his chest, and he wouldn’t take his eyes off me, so I looked away. The air seemed too thick to breathe, and I did not want to be here.

  “To what do we owe the pleasure?” Thomas asked when nobody said anything. He’d gone over to Annali, looping his arm around his wife’s shoulders. She rolled her eyes when he did it, but she didn’t push his arm away.

  “Getting fresh air,” I mumbled. My mouth felt numb, and I had to force myself to speak.

  “Shouldn’t you be getting back?” Annali suggested.

  “Yes,” I nodded quickly, grateful for an escape from this.

  “I’ll walk you,” Finn said, speaking for the first time.

  “Finn, I don’t think that’s necessary,” Annali said.

  “I have to be sure she gets home,” Finn said. He opened the door, letting in the frosty air that seemed like a wonderful reprieve from the stifling kitchen. “Are you ready, Princess?”

  “Yes,” I nodded and stepped towards the door. I waved vaguely at Annali and Thomas, unwilling to actually look at them. “It was lovely meeting you. Tell Ember I said goodbye.”

  “You’re welcome here anytime, Princess,” Thomas said, and I could actually hear Annali hitting him in the arm as I walked out of the cottage.

  I took a deep breath and walked up the gravel road. The stones dug into my bare feet, but I liked it better that way. It distracted me from the awkward tension hanging between Finn and me.

  “You don’t have to walk with me,” I said quietly as we reached the top of the gravel road. From there, the road turned into smooth tar leading back to the palace.

  “Yes, I do,” Finn replied coolly. “It’s my duty.”

  “Not anymore.”

  “It’s still my duty to carry out the Queen’s wishes, and keeping the Princess safe is her highest wish,” he said in a way that was almost taunting.

  “I’m perfectly safe without you.” I walked faster.