Cold

  "And then into your bed?" Marianna raised an eyebrow in question.

  "It's not how it looks."

  "Really?"

  Two identical sets of blue eyes bored into one another.

  "Jo?" Both women were startled by the voice that drifted from the bedroom. Jo was first to move, followed by her mother.

  Rocky was blinking up at the two women standing beside the bed. She thought she must have suffered a head wound at some time, seeing the double image in the dim light.

  "Jo?" She tried to sit up, and Jo helped her, putting the extra pillows from the bed behind her to cushion her back against the headboard.

  Jo stood at the head of the bed beside Rocky while her mother sat on the edge of the bed. "Hello, dear. I'm Joanna's mother."

  Rocky reached out with a shaky hand taking the one offered to her. "Hello."

  "Joanna tells me you had a mishap."

  Rocky looked up at her friend, who nodded slightly. "Um, yes. I had a fall."

  Marianna reached out and put a gentle hand beneath Rocky's hair, feeling her forehead. "Are you taking medication?"

  "I'm... um, taking some painkillers."

  Jo's mother nodded, and turned to her daughter. "She should be eating if she's taking any type of painkiller."

  "We've eaten," said Jo defensively. "We had an omelette."

  "Jo cooked it," said Rocky, looking up at her friend adoringly. "It was very nice."

  "My daughter doesn't cook, dear. No wonder you're not looking well." She turned slightly towards Jo. "Joanna, get me the phone please." Jo looked from her mother to her friend. "Run along, dear. This poor child requires food, and I doubt you have anything in your refrigerator that would produce the kind of meal I have in mind." Jo still made no attempt to leave. "Your friend is quite safe with me."

  Jo slowly left the room, and Marianna turned back to the girl in the bed. "Has my daughter been looking after you?" she asked. "It would appear that she has made you very comfortable." She patted the bed to emphasise what she was referring to.

  "She's been wonderful. I still have a hard time believing I'm here."

  "Oh yes, I understand you are homeless. Is that a temporary situation?"

  "Is everything alright in here?" asked Jo, as she reappeared a little out of breath and handed her mother the cordless phone.

  "Everything's fine, dear." Marianna took the phone from her daughter and dialled a number from memory. "Sandor, darling. I need a delivery... For three... No, at Joanna's. You have the address? I trust your judgement, darling... Sounds delightful... And a good wine? Fabulous. Bye." Marianna ended the call and turned to her daughter. "We have an hour and a half, which will be a little after one. Perhaps we can all go downstairs, and you two can tell me exactly what has been going on the last few days."

  It was a couple of hours later that Marianna watched in fascination as her daughter cut up some of the food on her friend's plate, as they sat at the small table in the kitchen. She took in the look of shy adoration on the blonde's face and the look of patient concern on her daughter's.

  "Rocky is an unusual name, dear." Mariana sat back, pushing her plate away and refilling her glass with the wine that had arrived with the meal.

  "It's a nickname." The blonde remembered the raised eyebrows when she had told Jo's mother what her name was. "It's the only name I've known for the past five years."

  "Is that how you prefer to be known here?" Marianna asked.

  Rocky regarded the food on her plate. "My name is Michelle." She looked up. "You may call me that if you want."

  "Michelle is a beautiful name," she said with a smile.

  Rocky blushed. "Thank you."

  She turned to her daughter. "So, Joanna." Her smile faded; so did her daughter's. "I'm assuming that you won't be travelling to Collingford for Christmas."

  "I won't, I'm sorry." Jo held her mother's gaze, hoping she wouldn't cause a scene in front of the blonde.

  "I can't say I'm not disappointed. This will be the first year the whole family has not been in attendance." Marianna stood, and extended her hand towards Rocky. "Michelle, it's been a pleasure to meet you."

  Rocky took the hand, shaking it gently. "Thank you for the meal."

  "It was rather enjoyable. Sandor never disappoints." She went from the kitchen to the hall, picking up her coat and shrugging into it. Jo had followed her out.

  "Thank you for understanding." Jo helped her mother into her coat, settling it on shoulders as broad as her own.

  Marianna turned back to face her. "I want you to bring her up to Collingford...." She held her hands up as Jo began to protest. "Not for Christmas. Bring her up in a couple of months; I'll arrange to be there. I have something I want you to see. It belonged to my great grandmother's sister. I've always kept it; my mother brought it with her when she married your grandfather. She gave it to me some years ago. I do believe you are ready to have it now."

  "I don't understand."

  "You will." She embraced her daughter. "Now, I must go. I have an interior decorator to meet."

  Jo shook her head. "You're redecorating the London home again?"

  Marianna laughed. "Of course, dear. It's been over a year."

  She walked her mother to the door, and watched as the chauffeur opened the door and allowed her to slide into the back.

  She gave a brief wave as the car pulled away and then was gone, leaving a bemused daughter looking at the empty courtyard, with large flakes of snow gently falling to cover the ground.

  When Jo went back upstairs she found Rocky piling the plates into the dishwasher. "Hey, let me do that." She eased the blonde back into the chair, and finished the job for her.

  "Your mother is nice," said Rocky simply.

  "Yeah, scary, isn't it?"

  "Why d'you say that?"

  Jo sat in one of the chairs again. "She's never accepted any excuse for not making it to Collingford for Christmas. I've driven up there through blizzards to make it before now." She chuckled. "Rather that than face the wrath of my mother."

  "So what was the difference this time?"

  Jo reached across and took Rocky's free hand. "You, I think. I don't really know why." Jo took a deep breath. "She wants us both to go up there after Christmas."

  Rocky gently pulled her hand from Jo's. "Jo, I can't, I...."

  "It'll be alright; you'll be with me."

  "I don't mean that. As soon as my arm is better, I'll be leaving."

  "But, I thought...." Jo looked down at the tabletop, her stomach clenching, her temples beginning to throb.

  "I can't live off you, Jo. And there's nothing I can do." She looked at the bowed head. "What you've done for me has been wonderful, but I can't stay."

  "I want you to," said Jo, her voice breaking. She looked up, tears pooling in her eyes. "Will you promise me something?"

  Rocky nodded.

  "Will you stay with me over Christmas?"

  "Of course. You've chosen me over your family." Rocky looked puzzled.

  "Good." Jo looked relieved. "That's good."

  "But then, in the New Year, I'm going back."

  Jo nodded tightly. No way, she decided, absolutely no way. And she had a couple of weeks to change the blonde's mind.

  They sat together on the sofa later that evening, watching the television and talking about past Christmases. Rocky seemed to enjoy telling her new friend about her past now. The memories she kept locked away now washed over her, and Jo smiled as she watched Rocky animatedly tell her of the yearly ritual of buying a Christmas tree.

  "And they always let me choose it. So, of course, I always chose the largest one I could."

  "D'you want to get a tree now?" Jo said suddenly.

  Rocky was taken aback. "Now? It's late."

  "It's only just after 7. We could get one somewhere I'm sure." Jo was up and making her way to the door. "Come on."

  "We can't go like this." Rocky spread her good arm and looked down at her baggy clothing. And then up at Jo, who w
as equally relaxed in sweats and a tee shirt.

  "I'll get you a jacket. It's going to be crazy out there this close to Christmas; no-one will take any notice."

  Jo reached a hand out, and Rocky felt the hair on the back of her head prickle as a feeling of déjà vu swept across her. She lost herself in the blue gaze and was suddenly enfolded in long arms, her head resting against Jo's chest.

  "You okay?"

  Rocky heard Jo's voice as it rumbled through her chest next to her ear. "Yeah, must be the painkillers."

  "Let's go then; maybe some fresh air will do you good."

  So half an hour later they found themselves trying to find a parking space in their local B&Q DIY store.

  The place was packed. And Jo was right; no one took any notice of the two bizarrely dressed women, especially the one in the huge army boots and oversize leather jacket.

  "Let's see what they have left," said Jo, and made her way through the throng towards the decorations. They still had plenty of everything, unlike years before when they would run out of decorations a couple of weeks before Christmas.

  Jo started grabbing handfuls of everything. She got a few large strands of each colour of tinsel, draping it around Rocky's shoulders. The she started grabbing boxes of coloured balls of different colours. She realised she couldn't carry everything and so went in search of a shopping trolley.

  Rocky waited patiently, covered in tinsel until Jo returned. She gave a sheepish smile to two small children who stared at her.

  At last Jo reappeared, pushing a trolley ahead of her which had a mind of its own. Her boxes of decorations were already inside it, and she unwrapped the blonde from the tinsel and placed that in as well. "We need ceiling decorations," said Jo, and disappeared again.

  Rocky wandered over to a set of shelves, and found some small decorations. There were table decorations and a garland to go on the front door.

  "Put them in the basket," Jo said, peering over her shoulder, and then was gone again.

  Rocky placed them in the basket and then wandered to the next set of shelves. There was a nativity scene there, all boxed up.

  Jo was at her shoulder again. "Do you want to get that?"

  Rocky turned to her. "We weren't a particularly religious family, but we always had one of these." She looked back at the box. "I used to set it up. It always sat on a small table."

  Jo reached past her and took the box, setting it in the basket. "And you will this year too," she said quietly. "Come on, let's go and find a tree"

  They had to go outside, to the garden centre, to find a tree, and then they were disappointed. The few sorry bushes that were left were in such a sad state that even the low prices couldn't persuade them to buy one. So they decided on a six-foot artificial tree, one of the more lifelike examples.

  It was two women with glowing faces that arrived back at Jo's house over an hour later, and unloaded their packages.

  "I can't believe this," said Rocky, looking at the decorations spread across the floor.

  "I've never done this here; don't really know why not." She sat cross-legged beside the blonde. "Never had anyone to share it with before, I suppose."

  Rocky raised a hand to her shoulder.

  "Is it hurting?" asked Jo, standing and going to the kitchen. She returned a moment later with the pain pills, handing the blonde a couple.

  "Just a nagging pain. I'll just take one, I think." She swallowed the juice. "Can we put this up now?"

  Jo chuckled. "Of course we can. I'll get a chair from the kitchen."

  With Rocky's expert guidance, and as much help as she could give one-handed, they had the decorations up in a couple of hours.

  "Turn the lights off," said Rocky as she sat on the sofa.

  Jo did so, leaving them in the glow from the tree lights and the fire.

  "It's beautiful," said Jo as she settled on the sofa next to the blonde. Then she turned to her companion. "But then, so are you." She put an arm around Rocky's shoulders and gently pulled the smaller woman against her.

  "I'm so happy," Rocky whispered.

  "Good. I want you to be happy." She bent and kissed the blonde head. "I want you always to be happy."

  Rocky was quiet for a moment. "I didn't think I'd ever be happy again, after my parents died."

  "I'm sorry."

  "No, please don't be." Rocky pulled away, looking up at the beautiful profile in the dim light. "You've done so much for me, and I still don't know why."

  "It makes me happy too. Maybe that's why. A picture in a gallery - that's all you were to me for a while. But now the reality is so much more than I could have dreamed of. Please, Rocky," she cupped soft cheeks in her hands, looking into misty green eyes. "Believe that there is something that drew me to you. I don't know why, or how. I'm just thankful that you're here." She leaned forward and brushed her lips against even softer ones. "Please don't leave me."

  "You want me to stay?"

  "More than anything."

  Rocky smiled, the most beautiful thing Jo had ever seen.

  "Then I'll stay."

  Rocky's smile was mirrored, and she found herself pulled into a loving embrace, sinking into a security she hadn't known for many years.

  And as she revelled in that security she knew it was time to unload the demons that still haunted her. It was time to tell Jo the rest of her story.

  Part 16

  It had been the most wonderful week for both of the young women. They had grown more confident in their blossoming friendship, falling into an easy routine together. Rocky had reluctantly agreed to Jo buying her some clothes. Although Jo didn't mind the blonde borrowing her things, the difference in the women's size made for a strange look for the shorter woman.

  As Rocky's shoulder healed and she became more independent, Jo asked her if she would prefer to sleep in the guestroom.

  "Do you want me to sleep in there?" Rocky asked.

  "I want you to sleep wherever you're comfortable."

  "I'm comfortable with you. If you're comfortable with me."

  "That's settled then," said Jo.

  "Looks like it."

  And that was that. Jo had immediately turned away from Rocky, so that the blonde couldn't see the look of relief that crossed her face.

  So it was a surprise when Jo woke in the early hours of the morning to find herself in an empty bed.

  She lay there in silence for a while, listening for any sound that might tell her where Rocky was. But heard nothing but the sound of the wind outside.

  So she slipped out of bed and went in search of the blonde. After checking the bathroom, she descended the stairs, seeing a pale light emanating from the lounge.

  She hadn't realised how shaken she was at Rocky's brief disappearance until she found her, sitting on the floor in front of the illuminated Christmas tree. The fire's artificial flames also added to the gentle glow reflecting off blonde hair.

  So deep in thought was the girl that she didn't see Jo come into the lounge and jumped slightly when the taller woman knelt on the floor next to her.

  "Hey there," Jo said quietly.

  Moist green eyes met her own. "Hi." She wiped away a tear and reached for Jo's hand. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

  Jo squeezed the small hand. "No problem." She watched the blonde head turn away from her, the Christmas tree lights reflecting off the tears escaping from green eyes.

  "What is it?" Jo felt a little helpless, but was relieved when Rocky snuggled up against her, and she made them both comfortable, sitting on the floor with their backs against the sofa.

  Rocky was quiet for a while, seeming to draw comfort from the nearness of her companion. "I had a nightmare," she said simply.

  "You haven't had one for a few days."

  Rocky nodded. "I know. I was stupid enough to think they were going to stop for good." Her voice was a little muffled, and Jo had to strain to hear her. "But I think I'm always going to be reminded."

  "Reminded of what?" She ducked her hea
d, wanting to see the blonde's face. But Rocky just burrowed deeper into Jo's embrace.

  "Jo?"

  "Yeah?"

  "I'm going to tell you something now, and I want you to promise me you won't interrupt." Rocky looked up, finding confused blue eyes looking back at her. Jo started to speak, but the blonde shook her head gently. "No. Please, Jo. I want you to hear this, but it's going to be hard, and if I stop I may not be able to find the words again."

  "Okay." Jo's voice broke on that single word, for she felt the small body in her arms trembling and knew the fear that Rocky had of the words she was about to speak.

  Rocky took a deep breath and began. Her voice was devoid of emotion; her breath hot through the thin tee shirt Jo was wearing.

  "A week after I had been admitted to the hospital, my Aunt Susan and Uncle Ron turned up. Susan is my mother's sister. They told me I was going home with them to Leicester. My parents had been buried the previous day; I wasn't taken to the funeral." Rocky felt a flinch from the woman holding her, but Jo kept her promise and kept her silence. "They took me to Leicester.

  "About a fortnight after I got there, Ron began coming to my room at night. At first he just touched me, and I pretended to be asleep. But then he started climbing into bed with me. He raped me on a Saturday night after he and Susan had been out to a dinner party. I remember smelling something on his breath, but I didn't know what it was. He hurt me, and when he had finished he walked out of the room without a word. I didn't cry. He would come to my room most nights after that. But I was numb then. So I'd let him do what he wanted to do.

  "They wanted to send me to school, but I was diagnosed as being depressed so they kept me at home. That just meant he had more opportunity to rape me. He would come home in the afternoon, and take me on the living room floor. I never fought him. I know I should have. He started to want to do things..." Her voice broke, but the arms around her tightened and she continued. She swallowed. "I had to get away. So I collected as much as I could carry, and left." She focused on the clenched fist of her friend as it rested on her thigh, fascinated by the whiteness of the knuckles. "I didn't try to stop him, Jo," she said as she smoothed her friend's rigid hand and opened it, finding Jo's nails had cut into the skin of her palm. "I'm sorry."